Learning to Love Again

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  But why? My heart shattered. The fear of rejection coursed through me, wondering if I’d hurt him to the point he didn’t want me anymore. I quickly turned on my side and scooted away from him, but not before he pulled me back against his full length. He kissed the side of my neck and nuzzled into it, breathing in my scent.

  “It’s not that I don’t want you. You have no idea how badly I want to tie you to this bed so I know you won’t run from me again, and take you with everything that I have.” He turned me so I could see his face. “I need you, but we’re on approach for the airport and will be landing in ten minutes. That’s not enough time to do everything I crave. We’ll have to wait until we get back to the penthouse and let everyone see that you’re okay first.”

  I realized what he was saying and started to get up and collect my shoes so I could return to my seat for landing. I was reaching for the door when I felt him press up against me and whisper, “Just wait until everyone leaves tonight, because then you’re mine!” he growled as he bit gently into my earlobe and thrust his manhood against my bottom. He always did know how to take my breath away.

  I was content to be returning to the penthouse until I reached the elevator. I knew I’d have to face the wrath of Grace and my brother, along with the concern of everyone else. I guess my nervousness showed, because Garrett grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed.

  “She’s pissed and was just about spitting fire earlier, especially when she realized you’re pregnant.”

  My eyes went wide in panic. I didn’t think we were going to tell anyone until we had my first doctor visits completed. I was upset that she knew. I didn’t want anyone worrying over me until we knew whether this pregnancy would truly be high risk or not. I wasn’t a stinking porcelain doll that everyone had to treat with extra care.

  “How could you, Garrett?!”

  He raised his arms in defeat. “I didn’t tell her. She was reading your note over my shoulder without me realizing it. You know Grace is a force to be reckoned with.”

  I stared down at the floor, wondering how many others knew my secret and for how long we could keep it one. They’d already been asking when we were getting married and pressing us for a date. Would I have to deal with, “Was this planned?” and “Did you try to get pregnant on purpose?” A whole list of comments ran through my head, all of which I’d rather not deal with.

  Garrett’s hand lifted my chin to where our eyes met. “She’s the only one who knows and I swore her to secrecy until we’re ready to tell everyone.” His hand smoothed down my cheek and cradled my face. “Let’s just get through greeting everyone, reassure them you’re okay, and then we can talk and have some alone time together. We’re both tired and need our rest because tomorrow will be a busy one for both of us.” He rested his forehead against mine, gently kissing my nose.

  “What’s going on tomorrow?” I wondered aloud. The last I knew I’d be going back to work and following up on the project we’d been working on.

  “Dr. Givens has you set up to see one of the top OB/GYNs and perinatologists in the state. You’ll be meeting with both of them, along with your diabetic consult, Dr. Chadler, tomorrow in their office. They’ll give us more information than what Dr. Givens is able to.”

  “But that should only take a couple of hours or less.” There was more that he wasn’t telling me.

  “We’ll also drop by the courthouse and apply for a marriage license, with the date to be determined. Plus, you need to shop for a dress and a day of pampering, because we have a benefit to attend tomorrow night regarding cancer research, at which I’ll be donating a check on behalf of Mr. Waters.”

  I was about to argue that both of us needed to get back to work, to check on the manufacturing status of my prosthetic wrist, along with any updates from the Williamston Technologies and how the changes to the prosthetic ankle were coming, when he continued.

  “I’ll have to bring some work along with me in the limo and deal with some things from home, but tomorrow, I’m not leaving your side no matter how much you complain. There’ll be no work for you, you need your rest. You scared the shit out of me today, running off without talking to me first. I’d promised not to let you out of my sight and the first time I do, you up and leave.” He grabbed hold of his chest, his face full of emotion. “I’m too young to be given a heart attack, Laurel. You have to earn back my trust to leave you alone again.”

  A few tears escaped my eyes as I realized just how much I’d alarmed him today. I just prayed the effects weren’t equally felt amongst my family and friends.

  Before I could think any further, the elevator door opened and Grace immediately latched onto me, nearly squeezing me in two. She pulled back, putting one hand on her hip while shaking the other in my face. “If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I’ll nail your shoes to the floor. You used me today, cuz,” tears began flowing freely from her face, “and I’ve never felt so hurt and so worried in my life.”

  I broke down in tears as I embraced her. “I’m sorry, Grace. I truly am. I never meant to use you or upset you in any way. I just needed…” I couldn’t complete the thought.

  She patted my back. “I know, Laurel, I know. You mean the world to me. You’re more like a sister than a cousin.”

  I wanted to talk more with Grace and whisper for her to keep our secret for a little while longer, but I felt strong arms pull me hard against their chest.

  “Don’t you ever freaking do that again, sis.” Donny’s whole body was shaking, obviously upset about what I’d put him through.

  Freddie came up behind us and squeezed me into a brother/friend sandwich. “I can’t live through him being so freaked out again, Laurel. You had us both climbing the walls wondering if you were going to be okay. When Dillon called to update us, we couldn’t believe how close you’d come to having Chase grab you again.”

  A few drops of water fell against my neck. Could they both be crying? Grown men don’t cry, do they?

  I tried wiggling my way free of their embrace, but that was futile until Garrett came to my rescue. I felt his arm wrap tenderly around my waist and pull me to him.

  “Enough manhandling my fiancé.” He smiled and growled, “Mine!” as laughter filled the room.

  I ended up being passed from one person to the next, getting a hug and heartfelt welcome back from everyone. It seemed as though they each of them had to make sure I was okay and really safe at home. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but Garrett’s mom and dad, his sister Sarah, his brother Jonathan, Grace, Donny, and Freddie were all present, along with Deidre, the housekeeper/cook, who had a few tears in her eyes, plus all the members of his security team. I never realized how much everyone cared. I could feel the love that I’d been too blind to see evident in the room.

  I just hoped I would feel the same love when my parents arrived in a few days because I really needed them now, more than ever, to get through all the changes facing my life. My parents, Donny, and I never stopped loving one another, but somewhere along the line, the communication dropped and the focus in life shifted from being a family to our parents focusing on their retirement and Donny and I on our own lives. We had enjoyed a few good talks on the phone recently and were finding our way back to happiness as a family, I just prayed it would stay that way once they found out I was pregnant and marrying Garrett as soon as we could manage a wedding.

  “The dinner table’s set and the food’s done when everyone’s ready to eat,” Deidre announced. “I made Laurel’s favorite dish and dessert tonight.”

  My mind instantly thought of chicken and dumplings and tropical fruit Jell-o, sending my stomach to growl in desperation.

  Garrett smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and steering me towards the dining room. “I guess that’s our cue to eat.”

  I stayed close to Laurel’s side the remainder of the evening. I don’t know if she realized just how much she scared me today. Chase’s ability to allude us and the police had my stress level sky high. I knew
if she gave him the chance, he’d be after her, and I was right. I couldn’t lose her like I’d lost my parents and my aunt Lydia. I loved her so powerfully, it would kill me. That’s why I needed to protect her at all costs.

  After three hours of our family and friends playing catch-up with Laurel and finding out the latest about Chase, I started dropping hints that we were tired from the long day and needed some sleep. Finally Jonathan and Grace caught on and helped push Donny and Freddie out of the penthouse, along with Sarah, who was spending more and more time talking with Freddie about work and their interests. I wonder if I need to be concerned about that. I know she’s a grown woman and Freddie is an honest and hardworking guy, but she’s still my sister…

  I thought I was going to have to be bold and just ask my parents to leave, but then my father asked what my team had dug up on Walt Peterson. I was a little curious as to why he’d pretended not to know anything in the past. He knew I held onto the guilt that I was somehow responsible for their death, even though he and Mom kept telling me I’d had no part in it, that it was just a freak accident. Why couldn’t he just tell me the truth?

  They seemed to be content with the information Thompson shared. He and Mom finally said their goodnights and gave us both warm embraces, promising to see us in a few days for Thanksgiving, since we’d planned on getting together at their house. They couldn’t wait to meet Laurel’s parents.

  My dad had leaned in, giving me his fatherly pat on the back while shaking my hand, and whispered, “Let’s talk in a day or so when things settle down a bit. I’m sure you have some questions. I’ve always thought you should know, but I didn’t want to break my promise to Lydia.”

  I nodded my understanding before replying, “I think I understand why, but I’d still like to hear your side of things.”

  The expression in my dad’s eyes, along with his willingness to discuss everything, made me breathe a little easier, knowing that I’d finally be able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Maybe he could shed some light on things that would help us know what we were dealing with when it came to Walt.

  The elevators closed, leaving Laurel and I to ourselves. Having seen Deidre, along with some of the security detail, retire for the evening while the rest monitored the security cameras for the night, I decided it was time for mine and Laurel’s little chat.

  I quickly grabbed her by the waist and walked her over to our special room. She looked at me quizzically when I pulled her close to me and opened the door with the key.

  “Tired or not, I can’t wait to get you inside where we can talk and I can slide my tongue all over that gorgeous body of yours,” I admitted. I had been trying to contain a semi all throughout the evening without anyone noticing.

  A little shiver ran through her as a small, seductive smile spread across her lips. The lights came on as we entered the room and locked the door behind us. I took the remote off the chest by the door and dimmed the lighting for a more seductive tone. I hit the power on the CD player and selected some romantic music, starting with John Legend’s “All of Me.”

  Laurel started cozying up to me, but it wasn’t going to be all flowers and candles tonight. I needed her to understand what all I went through today and I planned to start with something I promised I wouldn’t do—tie her up—so she wouldn’t run and would listen to everything I had to say.

  I took a dominant stance, settled my expression, and ordered, “Strip yourself bare for me and then go lie on the bed, face up.” She tried to reach out to the buttons on my dress shirt and I grabbed her hands, shaking my head. “No! Now strip!” I was still in the suit I’d worn to my meeting this morning, I had only lost the tie and jacket along the way.

  She jumped at my tone of voice, but complied, taking off the hoodie she’d borrowed from Grace, along with the undershirt, her flats, jeans, and undergarments until she was bare before me, a vision of heaven for my eyes only.

  I watched as she trembled a bit, breathing deeply before turning and lying on the bed as I had ordered. Her eyes followed me as I walked over to the armoire and pulled out a scarf. Her breathing hitched when she realized what was coming.

  I straddled her in the bed. “Hands above your head, Laurel.” She started to open her mouth to complain, but I stared deep into her eyes. “Now, darling! I promised you I wouldn’t hurt you and I will keep that promise.”

  Her hands went up as I wrapped her wrists together and then tied them to the bed. I felt myself relax knowing she couldn’t escape while we talked. I ran my hand along her cheek and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips as I scooted off the bed and proceeded to remove my own clothing. “I’m sorry about securing you. I said I’d never do this unless I had your permission, but you left me no choice when you chose to carelessly leave me today without trying to talk to me. You hurt me more than you can ever realize. You not only risked yourself getting caught and injured again by Chase, but you also risked the life of our unborn child!”

  My voice was raised as I threw the last of my clothes on the floor with purpose, trying to rein in my anger and my emotions, though allowing one tear to slip by. I could see her lip quivering and her eyes quickly filling with tears.

  “Do you have any idea how torn apart I would’ve been if I’d lost both of you?” I almost shouted.

  Tears were streaming down her face as she shook her head side to side. “I’m so sorry, Garrett. I had no idea. I don’t know what compelled me to run, I just knew I needed to take a break from things and think about everything that’s happened.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me. I’m just so overwhelmed by all that’s happened in the past six months, especially getting engaged and finding out I was pregnant all in one day. Do you have any idea what that can do to the psyche?”

  I did know, because my life was continually a rollercoaster of emotions that I avoided by throwing myself into work and building an empire. I countered, yelling at the top of my voice, “Then why didn’t you call Jocelyn and talk with her? Why didn’t you try talking with me?!”

  Laurel yelled back, the little minx. “I was scared and didn’t want to feel like I was under a microscope with you or Jocelyn! I needed a different opinion, a change in thought.” She started pulling against her restraints, showing me her need to run again. “I just needed some time to myself,” she huffed.

  I sat down beside her on the bed. “Don’t fight the scarf or it will only tighten and chafe your wrists. I’m not about to loosen it and have you take off again. If I could, I’d keep you tied to my bed all day, so I know where you’re at. As it is, you will go nowhere without myself or a member of security. The only exception will be the bathroom and only ones without windows to climb out of. You lost part of my trust in you today. I don’t feel hopeful that you’ll stick beside me no matter what life throws at us.” I was angry that she’d throw away our chance of happiness and sad that she didn’t care to fight for our love. I wanted her to see just how much she hurt me by lifting her chin to where our eyes met. “You were the one who taught me to stand up and fight for the future, our future, and here you are trying to throw it away. When all I want you to do is fight for us, damn it!” I grunted out in frustration.

  She shook her head, her voice determined, but calm. “No, Garrett, I don’t want to throw it away. I just needed to digest the fact that no matter what, I’m pregnant and will be a mother soon. I know that I love you, I’ve come to depend on you, and feel miserable without you. The moment I stepped on that bus and it started moving, I realized I made a mistake in not coming to you first. Had you not been there in Atlanta, I would’ve called you to come get me.”

  My mind felt so fucked by all that had happened. Did I just hear her correctly, that she’d made a mistake and would’ve come home today with or without me following her? “You were ready to come home?”

  “Yes!” she cried. “Now will you untie me? This is kind of freaking me out here.”

  I watched as Laurel pulled
on the scarf, still trying to loosen it. My hands skimmed up the inside of her legs, massaging in a circular motion. Her movements began to still. I let my fingers move higher, but stayed away from her folds, wanting to see the evidence of her desire for me without any assistance on my part. She was already dripping with need and the scent of her was driving me wild.

  She moaned in frustration as I jumped from her inner thighs to above her mound. I moved in circular motions to soothe her, to entice her, to drive her mad with desire. I could feel the softness of her stomach turning harder with the changes to her body. I leaned down and kissed where our child lay growing inside her.

  My lips, tongue, and hands started working higher towards her breasts, skimming the underside and watching her nipples tighten up to taught, beaded pearls of pleasure. The smallest touch seemed to electrify her skin, sending soft ripples of joy throughout her body. I teased one nipple with my mouth as one hand went to wrap around her breast, tweaking her other nipple. I bit softly into its peak, pulling and stretching. “You’re so responsive now,” I murmured. “I can’t wait until your breasts are full of milk and I can watch our child drink from them.”

  Laurel bucked at the sound of my voice and the feel of my hardened cock pressing against her moist heat. “Take me, please, Garrett.”

  “What do you want, love?”

  “I need you in me now!” She was at the breaking point, but I would not grant her request. I wanted her to suffer like I did today, to feel the denial I felt.

  “No. You can wait. You had me pacing the floor wondering where you were, why you had left, and if you’d be back.” I rocked against her, teasing her, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction she wanted, the need my cock was craving; not yet anyway.

  She moaned in frustration and tried to tilt up to entice me to slide into her, but I just moved further back. When I knew she had reached her breaking point and tears glistened in her eyes, I gently turned her over so her elbows and knees were on the bed, supporting her weight as her lovely ass was fully on display.