Learning to Love Again

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  “Keep her talking and her mind off of what’s going on,” Dr. Kelly suggested.

  “You want to know the moment I knew that I first loved you?” I asked her.

  Her face turned to mine and her eyebrows furrowed. “It was when you realized you couldn’t live without me, right?”

  I shook my head. “I did know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my love for you was eternal at that point, but I’d actually fallen for you earlier.”

  She gripped my hand tightly, apparently feeling some form of pressure.

  “Team One stand by.”

  The next thing we knew, we heard the cry of our first child. Tears welled up in her eyes and mine as we realized one of our children was okay.

  “It’s a boy.” The nurse quickly showed us, holding him up high so we could see before she took him over to one of the little bassinet things.

  His wails pierced the whole operating room. He definitely had a set of lungs on him and didn’t like what he was going through.

  “Hang in there, little man,” I said loud enough for him to hear me and he quieted right down. A few heads turned my direction, looking questionable. I shrugged my shoulders. “What can I say? He likes my voice.”

  Laughter filled the air. Even Laurel was trying hard not to laugh.

  “So when was the first time you knew you loved me?” Her eyes were staring deep into mine.

  “The moment our eyes met. I knew you were the only one for me and I’d do anything within my power to prove that we belonged together.” I leaned down to kiss her forehead through the mask.

  “Her blood pressure is starting to come down. All other signs are normal,” the anesthesiologist called out.

  “Stand by, Team Two.”

  The other set of nurses and doctors moved forward. I watched as the baby was pulled from Laurel’s womb, but it wasn’t crying. I didn’t think it was breathing. The doctor suctioned its mouth and quickly handed the baby over to the other team, without showing us.

  Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The coloring of the baby looked fine, but something was wrong.

  “Congratulations! You have a little girl. We’re going to remove the placentas now, check for bleeding, and start to close you up, Laurel.”

  Her voice was tired and weak as she asked, “Is my daughter okay?”

  Both of our eyes were filled with tears as we held our breath, waiting to hear our little girl cry for the first time; a blood curdling cry pierced the room, making us all jump.

  “She should be fine,” the doctor answered. “She just needed a little extra help to breathe on her own. Her heartbeat was erratic in the womb, and she was in distress because the cord started wrapping around her neck.”

  I watched in amazement as it finally dawned on me that we had two babies, one of each. I was lost in thought when I heard the anesthesiologist moving about quickly. “Her sugar levels are dropping.”

  “Give her some extra glucose and start a bag of plasma,” the doctor shouted back. “Get a bag of B+ standing by, she’s losing a lot of blood and we may need to give her a transfusion.”

  My heart began to race, feeling a panic attack coming on. I watched in slow motion as Laurel’s eyes closed and I was wheeled out into the hallway.

  Oh, God, NO! Don’t take my love from me. I finally have my own family and now this.

  My father was running toward the door and instantly surrounded me with a hug. I guess one of the nurses was sent to get him. “She’s in distress, son. They’ll bring her back around. All that she went through today has taken its toll on her body. They just need to give her a little help to come back around. She’ll be all right.”

  I just kept shaking my head back and forth, not wanting to listen to anything anyone said. “I need to see her.”

  It seemed like an eternity passed by, but soon the operating doors opened and out walked the doctor. I wish she’d take off that damn mask so I could read her facial expression.

  “Mr. Waters?” She pulled down her mask as she said my name and was smiling, making me feel hope for the first time in what seemed like forever.

  “Congratulations!” She extended her hand. “You have a beautiful daughter and son. They both came in at a little over five pounds each. They’re on oxygen as a safety for the moment, but the neonatologists feel they can be removed from that within the hour. Their lungs seemed to be fully developed and functioning on their own.”

  “But, what about my wife?”

  “Laurel is in recovery for now. One of the placentas didn’t want to release and was causing extra bleeding, which made her blood sugar levels and her blood pressure drop drastically. She’s had to have a couple bags of blood because she lost a lot in there, but she should start waking up in the next couple of hours.”

  “Nurse, why hasn’t she opened her eyes yet? It’s been two hours now and she hasn’t even flinched.”

  “Mr. Waters, for the last time, her vitals are holding steady and she’ll wake up when her body is ready. She’s been through a traumatic experience today, followed by birthing twins. If you were in her shoes, you’d probably not wake up for a week.” The nurse smiled and turned to check on her other patients.

  A weak voice, barely audible managed to mumble, “Can you leave that poor nurse alone?”

  “Oh, thank God you’re coming around.” I pushed up from the wheelchair, balancing against the side of the bed as I started running my fingers through her hair and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

  “Are the babies okay?”

  “They’re both doing fine, love. They’re waiting for you to wake up so they can have their first feeding with their mother. The nurses have tried feeding them formula, but they’re both refusing it. They even tried to have me feed them and they won’t take it.”

  “I know we had a boy, but I can’t remember what the sex of our other baby, only that it had trouble breathing. Is the baby okay?”

  “We have a handsome little man and a gorgeous little girl. One of each, darling.” My heart felt full of love for the miracles in my life, Laurel included.

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re in recovery. There was a small problem during delivery and you needed some extra blood.”

  She looked up at the bag hanging from the IV pole, along with a glucose drip. “Eww.” Her nose cinched up and she turned the other direction.

  “It won’t be there for long, sweetie.” The nurse was back again, checking on Laurel’s vitals. “Do you feel thirsty or ready for some ice chips? As soon as you start coming around and can show us you can hold water and the doctor checks out your incisions, we can transfer you to your private room in the Maternity Ward and you can see those precious babies of yours.”

  “I’ll try some ice chips, please.” Laurel got a funny look on her face. “You’ve seen my babies?” she asked.

  The nurse came over and patted her hand. “Honey, the whole hospital is buzzing. Dr. Waters had it announced over the intercom that he was a grandpa to twins. Everyone had to see for themselves how beautiful billionaire babies look.”

  Her eyes became panicked. I held her hand as I explained, “The Maternity Ward is one of the highest and most secure perimeters in the hospital, Laurel. They have a lot of checks in place to make sure no one can get to our babies. Plus, you’d have to plow through Dillon and Thompson just to see them through the glass window.”

  She smiled and it looked like she relaxed a bit.

  “I don’t know of anyone who’s willing to try to go up against those two,” the nurse said. “If you just look at one of the babies wrong, they’re walking you to the nearest door.”

  Laurel looked over at me. “Seriously?”

  I nodded. “I didn’t even request it. It was their own doing. The whole security team got in a fight over who’d watch the kids first.”

  We both just laughed as the nurse returned with some ice chips and I began feeding Laurel.

  “Does the family know what we’ve had yet?”


  “Yes, but I didn’t tell them their names. I thought we’d do it together. Right now they’re all worried about you.”

  “Mmm. Those taste amazing. You sure there isn’t something in there other than water and ice?” She seemed to savor the coolness of the ice on her lips.

  I took a bite for myself, thinking it was just ice, when I realized, she’d been denied water, food and pretty much everything since earlier today.

  “What time is it, anyway?”

  “It’s one in the morning. We’ve had quite a day, haven’t we?”

  She took some more ice and nodded. “I know Walt is dead, but what happened to Chase?”

  “Chase has been taken into custody and is on suicide watch.” She flinched as I spoke. “They’re giving him time to calm down today. He’s just seen his dad killed and he had no clue that he’d slapped and kidnapped you or tried to hurt anyone else, for that matter. They’ll attempt to do a psychiatric evaluation tomorrow with a specialist who deals with hypnotic triggers.”

  “Did you tell the authorities what our theories are?” I could hear the empathy in her voice. That’s one thing I loved about Laurel; no matter how bad the person, she might be scared, but she still felt for the individual.

  “They seem to think his mind has been messed with. Most of the authorities were present and listening in to how nice he was treating you and defending you to his father. They saw how his personality changed instantly when the trigger was mentioned.” I laughed at the very idea that Walt had given my name as the trigger. “He will have to serve time for his crimes, but they’ll be lessened due to the fact that he didn’t know what he was doing. All we can do is hope his mind can be deprogrammed and he can one day return to society and live the life he was meant to live.”

  Laurel nodded her head in agreement but didn’t say anything else, just grabbed hold of the ice chips and began shoveling them in.

  The nurse came by to check on her. “You seem more awake and I’m assuming a bit hungry, based on the way you’re inhaling the ice chips.”

  “I’m starving!” Laurel exclaimed.

  “I’ll go get your doctor so she can check you out. If she approves, we can get you up to your room, give you a little something to eat, and have you meet your babies.”

  Laurel started to move in bed and instantly winced.

  “Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, dear. Your body is going to be quite sore for a while.” The nurse walked over to the phone and paged Dr. Kelly to come to recovery.

  “There’s one good thing about your family moving here and mine being so large,” I started to say.

  “What’s that?” she interrupted.

  “There’s going to be no shortage of sitters and caregivers until we’re back on our feet again.” I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it softly.

  “Good point,” she said. She looked surprised, suddenly realizing I was still in a wheelchair. “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe I’ve been sitting here so thoughtless not to even ask how your leg’s doing.”

  I held her hand tight. “I’m just thankful Walt is a lousy shot and I was wearing a bulletproof vest. He did manage to hit it, right where one of my lungs is, but the vest worked and I’m fine. My leg, on the other hand, was a clean shot, clear through the thigh. They stitched it up, put me on antibiotics, gave me some cream, and told me to go out and buy some crutches to use for a week.”

  She held onto my hand tightly, pulling it up to caress her face, kissing both the top and palm of my hand. Tears started running down her face. “I can’t believe how close I came to losing you today.”

  “Calm down, honey. We’re alive, we have two beautiful babies to take care of, and Walt is probably being kicked out of Hell as we speak.”

  At least I managed to get a little laugh out of her.

  Several hours passed and Laurel had been transferred up to her room. The doctor gave her a bland meal to make sure she could hold it down, which she gobbled up in no time. It was nearly four in the morning and we finally got to hold our little ones for the first time. The lactation nurse came in to show us how to feed our babies.

  “I normally don’t recommend trying to feed them both at once, but these two absolutely refuse to take anything else. We’ve offered them every formula known to man, even trying to offer some donated mother’s milk, and they flat out refused.” She laughed. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  She lifted our daughter, who was the crankiest, out of the bassinet and helped Laurel lower her hospital gown. “Just let her lay on your chest and root around for a bit and she’ll find her way to the food.”

  Laurel pressed her against her skin and sure enough, she started making a beeline towards her mother’s breast, latching on almost instantly.

  “Ouch!” Laurel cried out, which made me jump.

  The nurse put her hand on her shoulder. “It’ll hurt the first few times they feed, but it should get more comfortable with time.”

  I watched in amazement as our daughter nursed from her mother, my wife. It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

  “Come here, little man,” the nurse cooed as she lifted our son up and brought him over to Laurel’s other side, placing him against her skin.

  He latched on faster than our daughter. “Dang!” Laurel commented. “He’s definitely your son, honey.”

  I had to laugh and cheer him on. “That’s my boy.” I put my hand on his back and rubbed back and forth as he drank his food.

  “Is she done already?” Laurel asked, as our daughter’s lips began to slow down.

  The nurse nodded. “Newborns give out quickly and feed often. They’ll give you signs like this when they’re done. Most times you’ll want to feed only one baby at a time. But, with our help, we can make this one exception. We’ll show you how to do all this over the next few days. I can already see by your faces that you’re lost in all this. Don’t worry, we won’t send you home to fend for yourselves until we know you can handle things.” She picked up our daughter and brought her over to me. “Here you go, Daddy. While your wife finishes nursing your son, you can burp your daughter.”

  I know I had a look of panic written on my face. “But—”

  She grabbed a small blanket and threw it over my shoulder. “Lift her up, being sure to support her head and body, and lay her across your shoulder like this.”

  I was thankful she demonstrated the motion. “Now just give her little rubs and pats on the upper portion of her shoulders until you hear a gas bubble or burp come out. Babies tend to suck down a lot of air when they’re eating. If you don’t get the gas bubble out, they’ll be screaming and waking you up later.”

  I did as she instructed and before long, I heard a loud burp. For someone so tiny and not breathing right when she was born, she sure could belch.

  The nurse helped turn her around in my arms, letting me snuggle her close to my heart. She wasn’t even a day old and I was already wrapped around my little princess’s finger.

  I looked up to see Laurel burping our son, who seemed to be much quieter in the belch department. The nurse helped her straighten her gown and then placed our son back into her arms to nap for a while. “Don’t spoil them too much with holding them every time they cry or whimper. If you do that, they’ll come to expect it. But you two have had quite a day and deserve a little bonding time with your little ones.”

  I looked up at our babies and then at Laurel. No words could describe the kind of love I felt in my heart. With Laurel, I’d learned to trust, let go of my past, and focus on my future, learning to love again. Now that the babies were here, that love was magnified to infinity. I imagined this was the way my birth parents felt when they first held me. I was a little melancholy that they would never get a chance to know our children, but I’d be sure, with my parents’ help, to provide them with as much information about them as possible so they’d know all of their grandparents.

  “What are you thinking about?” Laurel asked. “You look deep in thoug
ht.”

  I smiled. “I was just thinking how wonderful life can be. We’ve gone through quite a few ups and downs this past year, but one thing I’d never change about it is you! My love for you, and now our children, is unending. I never knew how happy I could be.” I used my good leg to pull myself closer to Laurel’s bed so I could kiss her hand. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive.”

  She just smiled. “And you’ve made me the luckiest, most loved and cherished woman alive. You’ve helped me see what love truly is.”

  I was enjoying our private moment, but thought we might still have some impatient family members waiting to see our little ones, even though it wasn’t quite five in the morning. “Do you feel like introducing our children to our family?”

  The nurse gave us a cross look.

  “They’re still out there, right?” Garrett questioned.

  “We can’t get them to go home,” she confided in an exasperated tone. “We’ve tried. Visiting hours have been over for hours, but I’m guessing the only way we’ll get our waiting rooms back is to let them see the babies?”

  We both nodded, as Garrett replied. “They’re stubborn, just like us.”

  “Okay, but I can only let a few in at a time. The first sign of too much noise and they’re all out of here. We have other moms and babies trying to sleep.”

  “We promise we’ll keep them under control.” The only ones who might be a little out of control were our mothers.

  Both our moms and dads walked in first, bringing in flower arrangements and setting them to the side. Laurel’s mom walked up and hugged her gently, with two bunnies tucked under her arms. She glanced back and forth between the two children and said. “Looks like our Easter gifts came early this year with two special spring births.”

  “So who do we have the pleasure of meeting today?” My father spoke quietly.

  Laurel looked to me and smiled. “You do the honors, Dad.”

  “It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Lynda Alexandra Waters and Andrew Anthony Waters.” I looked at both my precious children and smiled. “We crossed my birth mother’s and aunt’s name to come up with Lynda, using Laurel’s and my middle names for theirs, while giving our son my original last name, minus the ‘s,’ just to remind him where he came from.”