Luckily she is able to keep it together until the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. She collects her books together and heads back towards her form room, rushing slightly so that she isn’t late for the hundredth time today. As she charges around the corner - unsure whether she is even heading in the right direction – she is far too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice the small group of people that have suddenly appeared in front of her. Before she has time to react and to her absolute horror, Abbey collides with someone, and everything from that point on seems to happen in slow motion.
The breath is knocked out of her, there is a loud clatter as her books fall to the floor and she staggers back, unable to keep her balance. As Abbey hits the ground she can already feel the heat rising to her face in sheer, mortified embarrassment and she wishes more than anything that a cold, dark rock would appear in front of her so she could crawl under it and never come out. She can hear laughter erupting from the people around her, but when Abbey looks up at the girl she has just charged into at full speed, she sees no amusement on her face, only anger.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” She barks.
“I’m really sorry, I didn’t see you…” As Abbey stands and regains her balance, she suddenly feels a sharp, piercing pain in the back of her head. After a moment of initial shock, she realises that she has been slammed violently into the lockers behind her and the girls hands are clenched tightly around the collar of her shirt.
“Wh… what are you…?” Abbey can barely get the words out - and her head and heart are pounding as the girl slams her into the lockers again.
“You don’t barge into me bitch…”
“I said I was sorry… ” Abbey can feel a lump beginning to form in her throat as tears build behind her eyes, but she is determined not to cry. A crowd of people gather to watch the confrontation unfold - staring in anticipation as they wait to see what will happen - and the girl eventually let’s go of Abbey’s shirt, laughing menacingly.
“Just stay out of my way freak…” She threatens, smiling at her friends as they saunter away.
Abbey quickly straightens her uniform and reaches down to gather her things from the floor, her breathing fast and her hands shaking. The sound of casual chatter once again fills the hallway and the scene instantly returns to normal, almost as if nothing has happened at all. Abbey can still feel the heat in her face and she hides behind her hair, not daring to look up in case she is still being started at, or worse, pitied by the people who have just witnessed her violent and very public humiliation. ‘What the hell is that girl’s problem?’ Abbey thinks to herself. ‘It was an accident’. A strong feeling of anger and resentment starts to build in Abbey as the hatred for her new school intensifies. It wasn’t even her choice to be here yet she is the one suffering. Completely alone, totally alienated and now apparently she has made a brand new enemy… oh and no friends. All in all an incredibly successful first day. Honestly, of all the people she could have bumped into it had to be the crazy psychopath… typical! ‘I knew I would hate this place’.
Abbey’s furious, internal rant is interrupted as a hand appears in front of her, holding out one of her books. She looks up from behind her hair and sees a girl, crouching on one knee, smiling kindly.
“You missed this one…”
“Thanks…” Abbey takes the book and stands quickly, trying to act as casual as possible. The overwhelming urge to cry returns but she manages to control it.
“Are you OK?”
“I’m fine, thank you…” She always was a dreadful liar.
“Listen, don’t worry about her, she’s got a major problem with pretty much everyone…”
“Well, at least it’s not just me, that’s something I guess…” Abbey tries her best to laugh it off but she can feel her hands and voice still shaking and the girl smiles again. She is very pretty - small, petite, with wavy blonde hair and brown eyes. She is dressed in quite an eccentric way which is surprising to Abbey, seen as Principal Grant had drilled into her on their first meeting how much he values smart uniform at all times. ‘Self-presentation is everything’ were the exact words he had used. But this girl seems to openly flout that rule. She is wearing a skirt but it is short, her black boots are studded and her shirt is un-tucked. Her tie hangs loose around her neck and Abbey can see that she has a lot of jewellery on, at least 4 or 5 different chains and a ring on every finger. She is wearing the standard blue blazer but it is adorned with badges that have the names of numerous rock bands printed on them, and she has a scruffy looking green bag thrown over her shoulder.
“You’re new here right?”
“Yeah, it’s my first day…” Abbey sighs, regretfully, “I’m Abbey… Abbey Miller…”
“Nice to meet you Abbey Miller, I’m Lucy…” She chimes, sweetly, “Bit of friendly advice? Maybe try and watch where you’re walking, especially when you’re around dickheads like her…!”
“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way!” Abbey laughs, before their brief exchange is interrupted when Lucy’s name is called from the other end of the corridor. Liam and Nathan are standing by the fire exit that leads outside into the courtyard and down to the back entrance of the school. As Liam raises his arms up, asking a silent question, Nathan checks back and forth, making sure that they haven’t been seen.
“Sorry Abbey, I have to go… but I’ll see you around…” With a friendly smile and a quick wave, Lucy races off to join the two boys and Abbey stands, watching curiously as the three of them disappear out of view. She lingers in the empty hallway, running over the last 15 minutes in her mind, trying to make sense of it all, when the bell rings, breaking the silence and causing her to almost jump out of her skin.
‘OH SHIT!’ Late again for the hundredth time today.
The rest of the week follows more or less the same pattern for Abbey, although her time keeping improves considerably. She keeps her head down in lesson and spends most of her lunch hour hiding herself away in whatever empty classroom she can find; a welcome break in the middle of the day where she can escape her new surroundings and the strange faces that aren’t getting any familiar. She knows that she isn’t helping herself and she should probably make more of an effort, but she just doesn’t care enough to try. Everyday Janet asks her how school has gone and ‘fine’ is the only response she gives. There isn’t an awful lot of point in telling Janet the truth. She wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway and even if she could, she has always known Abbey’s feelings about moving school. If she didn’t listen to her before, why on earth would she now? The fact is, as much as Abbey may hate it, this is her reality.
On the plus side though, she has thankfully managed to avoid another run in with the crazed psychopath who she has since discovered to be a Miss Natalie Alder. She is, unsurprisingly, the resident bully. Abbey is constantly alert in between classes and especially at break times, forever looking over her shoulder and checking that she is nowhere in sight. Ridiculous that she should be made to feel this way by one girl, but the memory of Natalie slamming her into the lockers is still fresh in her mind and she certainly doesn’t want anything like a repeat performance. Finally, after what seems like the longest, most nightmarish week of her life, Abbey makes it to Friday afternoon, relatively unscathed and still in one piece.
CHAPTER TWO
FRIENDSHIP
Abbey rubs her tired eyes and blinks hard as little patches of coloured light dance in her vision. She shuts the book she is reading and stretches out on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. ‘Why do weekends always go so fast?’ She wonders.
Abbey had never been so happy to see a Saturday before, and despite the weather being quite nice for this time of year she had spent most of the weekend locked away in her room. It still doesn’t feel like hers yet, but she is working on it - hanging pictures and posters on the walls and arranging then re-arranging the furniture until she is relatively happy with how it looks. She has plenty of f
ramed photos - most of which are of her friends back home - but she hasn’t put them out yet. Although they will no doubt make the room feel much more personal, looking at them only brings on a feeling of deep depression, so for now they remain hidden away in a box in her wardrobe.
She had spent the majority of her Sunday tackling the mountain of homework she was given in her first week. Her entire class had been told about the amount of work they would be expected to produce in their final A-Level year, but it is still a shock to the system. What they should have been warned about was the fact they would have to kiss goodbye to their social life, as in between the studying, coursework and almost constant revision, there is hardly any ‘down time’ left at all. Not that it matters to Abbey now of course. She doesn’t have anything that even remotely resembles a social life at the moment.
The alarm clock next to her bed beeps once, marking the hour. It is 8pm on a Sunday night, easily the worst time of the week. Abbey lets out a groan; that hollow feeling of dread has already started to creep up on her. Soon it will be Monday morning and the start of another fun filled week.
The house is quiet and has been for most of the day. Peter is out running various work related errands and Janet has spent the afternoon fighting her way through the remaining boxes that were stacked up in the garage. Almost everything is unpacked now apart from those few, and Abbey has to admit that it is starting to look and feel a lot more like home… but not enough for her to feel completely comfortable. She still can’t shake the notion that this is all just a temporary solution. It hasn’t really sunk in yet.
Abbey makes her way downstairs and shuffles into the kitchen wearily. She isn’t exactly tired, but the thought of what might be in store for her at school tomorrow is enough to drain her energy and make her feel completely deflated. As she stares out of the window, absentmindedly making a drink, a familiar voice catches her attention and snaps her out of her daydream. She strains to hear, not sure whether she had simply imagined the sound that is all too recognizable to her. A moment passes and there is nothing but silence. Concluding that it must have been her mind playing tricks, she turns off the kitchen light, but as she is about to retreat back up to her bedroom Abbey hears the sound again. It is clearer this time, and it makes her stomach lurch and her heart drop in her chest… the careless laughter that she has missed so much and not heard in so long. Ryan.
It is then that she notices the dim glow from under the living room door, and Abbey knows exactly what she will find behind it. She has seen it so many times in the last year that she has lost count. It is extremely difficult to get through to her mum when she is like this, but what is she supposed to do? A big part of her wants to go back upstairs and pretend that she hasn’t seen or heard anything, but that wouldn’t exactly be fair. Despite how distant and cut off she feels from her family, particularly her Mum, she isn’t cruel enough to walk away and ignore her when she is in pain and she is obviously having a difficult night.
Abbey places her drink on the side and carefully pushes the door ajar. Janet is sitting on the floor leaning against the arm of the sofa, with a large glass of wine in her hand. There is half a bottle on the table in front of her and she reaches forward, topping up her drink before resting her head back and wiping the sleeve of her cardigan across her tear stained face.
“Mum?” Janet looks up in surprise and opens her mouth as if to say something, but stops herself, “Are you OK?”
“Abbey…” Her voice is breathless when she finally speaks. “I thought you were in bed…”
“It’s only 8pm. I was just getting a drink…”
“Oh.”
Abbey waits patiently for Janet to speak again, but she simply stares at the glass in her hand before taking another large, comforting sip.
“Are you…?”
“I’m fine…” Janet sighs, cutting Abbey off mid-sentence while forcing a fake smile, “I’ve just had a bit too much to drink… you know how I get…”
“It’s alright to miss him Mum.” Abbey states, softly.
Although Janet has behaved this way before, it has been a while since she turned to alcohol to help her cope. She is getting much better at dealing with her grief, but she has never truly opened up to Abbey. Never spoken to her about what happened or how it affected her. She has never even asked Abbey how she is, at least not in so many words, as it is a topic that is more or less avoided altogether, and deep down, Abbey knows exactly the reason why.
“I know it’s OK to miss him. It’s just hard to miss him…” Janet finally responds.
“So talk to me…” Abbey pleads. She moves further into the room, and Janet flinches. Although only a slight movement, it doesn’t escape Abbey’s attention and she stops.
“Not now… I’m tired….” Janet whispers, resting her head on the arm of the sofa and closing her eyes. It is a typical reaction, one that Abbey was expecting, but it still hurts. Janet sighs again deeply, as she looks back at the TV screen and at the old family movie that is playing, “There’s still so much I don’t understand. He was fine. When he was little, growing up… he was your average, sweet, happy little boy. How could I have known? There were no warning signs, nothing, so how could I have known?” Her voice breaks and she lifts her hand to her mouth, forcing back her tears.
“You couldn’t have known, none of us did…”
“No, well, he made his choice…” Janet’s face crumples in pain, “I just wish I could have done something…” She begins to cry; thick, heavy sobs and Abbey moves quickly but cautiously to her side. She takes the wine from her hand, placing it on the coffee table before turning back and circling her arm around Janet in an attempt to comfort her. Again she flinches, pushing Abbey away as she climbs up off the floor and perches on the edge of the sofa, resting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
“Hello? Anyone home?” The front door slams and Anna’s cheerful voice sounds completely out of place as she calls from the hallway, “I had a late night ante-natal class so thought I’d swing by…. Hello?”
“We’re in here Anna…” Abbey calls, flatly.
“Oh there you are, I was just…” Anna comes to a sudden halt in the doorway and her face drops as she asses the scene she has walked in on, “What’s the matter?”
“Mum needs you…” Abbey shows no emotion as she steps aside and let’s Anna pass, her face completely blank. She is well aware that she must seem uncaring and cold, but she can’t help it. It is her best way of coping. Block it all out, don’t react, just walk away. If Abbey ever sat and allowed herself to think for too long about how her own mother treats her, she would most likely have an emotional breakdown. Instead she has chosen to take an objective view, almost as if she is on the outside looking in at somebody else’s life. It is scary how good she is these days at exercising complete emotional detachment. But maybe that’s just what happens when the people you love the most push you away and shut you out? You become detached.
Abbey watches silently as Anna sits down on the sofa next to Janet and places her arms around her. Janet doesn’t flinch or back away, instead she rests her head on Anna’s shoulder and holds her hand. Eventually, her crying begins to slow and her breathing returns to normal as she regains control of her emotions.
“You know you shouldn’t drink, Mum. What on earth made you put these videos on?”
“I found them when I was going through the last of the boxes. I thought I could handle it… stupid I know…”
“It’s not stupid. You’ve been doing so well lately, but you can’t rush it. It’s not going to get better overnight, it will take time, but you will get there Mum, I promise…” Anna has a special gift of making people feel like everything is going to be OK, even when it isn’t. She has been that way ever since she was little. She is the oldest of four so it is perhaps only natural for her to mother her younger siblings. She always looked out for Peter and Ryan, but she completely doted on Abbey. They were incredibly close despite the 9 year age gap and
Abbey grew up idolising her sister in every way. When Anna left home to go to University, Abbey was devastated. She was only 10 years old at the time and she cried for weeks after. Anna came home often though, and their relationship if anything became stronger due to the distance. She would always visit as much as she could no matter how much she had going on in her life. Anna has always been a real family person, kind, caring, and a lot of fun to be around. Beautiful on the outside as well, with soft features and a heart shaped face, framed by her long, light brown hair. She is going to make an incredible mum.
Yet despite their closeness in the past, Abbey still can’t help sensing a change in their relationship. The alienation she feels towards Anna might be nothing compared to what she feels towards the rest of her family, but it is still there, that slight difference. ‘It shouldn’t be surprising really’, Abbey muses to herself, ‘nothing’s the same anymore’, and with a lingering sadness, she turns and slips quietly out of the room, unable to watch the bond between Anna and her Mum any longer without feeling the crippling loneliness that she tries so hard to bury. She can’t resist one last glance at the TV screen as she leaves, but instantly regrets her decision as she sees a 16 year old Ryan waving and laughing at the camera. A few weeks after that footage was filmed, he was gone.
Abbey’s second and third week at school are much more successful than the first, and as the days pass her time at Eden Comprehensive seems to be gradually improving. After almost a month spent hiding away in empty classrooms during her lunch hour, she finally decides that enough is enough. She is being pathetic, deep down she knows it, and it is about time she gets over her constant sulking and starts trying to make the best of her current situation.
The sun is shining today and Abbey finds it strange how a change in the weather can make such a difference to her mood. Things are strained at home; in fact it’s the worst it has been since her family moved to Leeds. Abbey and Janet aren’t talking, mostly because Abbey is avoiding her. Peter is making minimal effort, which is usually the case, and Anna and Dom are busy transforming their spare room into a nursery as well as making various other preparations ready for the new addition. All of them are occupied with their own lives but Abbey isn’t overly bothered, these days she prefers being left alone to deal with things in her own way. It is, at the very least, a nice day, and despite her current problems at home, she finds herself humming along to her ipod on the bus as she makes her way to school.
Even Angels Fall Page 3