“Yeah?”
“Do you miss your old life?” Abbey turns towards Lucy, who is staring at her pensively.
“A little, there are certain things I miss… certain people… but I’m happy enough…”
“It must be strange, having to start all over again…”
“It was… but things have definitely got better lately…”
“Because you met three totally awesome people…?!” Lucy laughs.
Although she is only joking, Abbey can’t help but answer her seriously. It is after all, the truth.
“Yeah actually… that’s pretty much the reason…” She feels as though she wants to elaborate further but the look on Lucy’s face tells her she doesn’t need to. Instead they simply smile at each other in acknowledgement. They have become friends, very good friends; and the feeling is clearly mutual on both sides. It doesn’t need to be discussed.
“You are such a bad loser…” Abbey and Lucy turn at the sound of Liam’s voice and see both him and Nathan striding across the grass towards them.
“You fucking cheated…” Nathan shouts, shoving Liam playfully.
“Bollocks, you’re just shit… It’s not my fault…”
“You were covering the goal thing with your hands!”
“Now, now boys…” Lucy moves so that Nathan can sit in front of her and he leans back in her lap as Liam reaches down and takes a bottle of beer out of his bag, opening it with his teeth.
“If you can’t play together nicely…” Abbey adds, mockingly.
“Tell him, he’s the one that’s sulking…!” Liam exclaims, lighting a cigarette.
“I’m not sulking… I’m just stating the fact that you only won because you cheated!”
“Whatever! I had you beaten from the word go! It was all over before it even started…”
“Oh, I know that feeling…” Lucy smirks mischievously and Liam bursts out laughing, nearly choking on his beer as Nathan half turns towards her, “Just kidding…!” She adds, sweetly.
“You little…” Nathan spins around and pins Lucy to the ground, and she thrashes about, half laughing, half screaming as he tickles her manically.
“Say sorry and I’ll stop…” Nathan grins.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” She shrieks.
“Now say ‘My boyfriend’s the best and he’s amazing in bed’…!”
“Don’t make her into a fucking liar mate” Liam laughs.
“I’M SORRY… I didn’t mean it, I was joking… I’m sorry!!!” Lucy can hardly breathe from laughing as Nathan finally lets her go, pulling her upright and onto his lap.
“Am I forgiven?!” She asks, still giggling.
“I suppose so…!” Nathan kisses Lucy gently, tickling her once more as she wriggles in protest. Their laughter subsides and Liam and Nathan’s bickering continues on a quieter level, as the sound of the radio creeps back into the foreground. Abbey instantly recognizes the song that is playing and she feels a sickening jolt of pain at the sound of the lyrics and the quiet strum of the acoustic guitar. ‘Wonderwall’ by Oasis.
She couldn’t hear it at first over Lucy’s laughter but she can hear it clearly now and her face drops as she struggles to keep her composure. She always hated how a piece of music can instantly bring up memories that you would rather keep buried. Music can provoke emotion like nothing else and this song effects Abbey in a way she can’t control. Without thinking, she instinctively rocks forward and flicks the radio onto another station, causing all three of them to turn and look at her.
“Abbey are you OK?” She had hoped they wouldn’t notice, but Lucy looks concerned.
“Yeah. Fine…” Is all she can manage.
“You don’t look so good, Abs…” Nathan sits upright and Lucy climbs off his knee, as Liam reaches across and gently puts his hand on Abbey’s shoulder.
“What’s up?” He asks.
There is no hiding the truth anymore. She will have to tell them the reason for her strange behaviour and explain why she has suddenly gone from laughing and joking to looking drip white and stone faced.
“I just don’t really like that song…” She says quietly. “It reminds me of… it was played at my brother’s funeral…” The three of them stare at Abbey in silence for what seems like forever.
“But I thought you said you moved here with your brother?” Lucy asks, almost reluctantly, unsure whether she should push Abbey on the subject considering her suddenly fragile state.
“That’s my older brother, Peter. I have… I had… another brother, Ryan. He was my twin brother actually…” Abbey takes a long, deep breath; it always requires a lot of strength to say these words out loud, “He killed himself last year. A few weeks before our 17th birthday…” Silence again.
“God, I am so sorry Abbey…” Lucy whispers, sadly. It is the reaction that Abbey usually struggles with, the shock and the pity that people show towards her when they find out about Ryan; it is hard for her to bear and it normally makes her feel incredibly self-conscious, causing her to shut herself off… but this time feels different.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now… I just… it was nice, to not have to think about it all the time, you know? To pretend for a while…” Abbey speaks fast while looking down at the floor, almost embarrassed at causing such an awkward atmosphere, “But that’s why my parents split up, and the real reason, well, the main reason why we moved to Leeds, to start over…”
“That’s really awful mate, I’m sorry…” Liam states.
“So it’s nothing personal against the Gallagher’s…” She jokes, “It’s just pretty hard to listen to that song, you know…?”Another moment passes and the three of them smile at Abbey sympathetically. No body speaks, almost as if they are taking a minute to digest the information she has shared with them, and when it becomes apparent that Abbey has nothing else to say, Nathan is the one to break the tension.
“I think they’re overrated anyway to be honest…” Lucy turns to face him in an overly dramatic fashion before he has even finished his statement.
“Are you kidding me?!” She asks, incensed, “They’re one of the best bands the UK has ever produced…!”
“I’m entitled to my opinion…” He laughs, “no matter how misinformed you think it is…” He sticks his tongue out at Lucy and she shakes her head in mock disbelief.
“Ah now this…” Liam points at the radio excitedly as another song kicks in with an electric guitar blasting out a heavy, rock riff. “THIS is a tune…!”
Abbey doesn’t recognize the song, but she is grateful for the change in topic. It hadn’t escaped her attention that it was Nathan who lightened the mood and she catches his eye, smiling appreciatively. He nods and smiles back, before joining in the lively debate that has suddenly erupted between Lucy and Liam. Abbey voices her opinion and watches in amusement as Lucy excitedly agrees with her, pointing out to the boys that they clearly have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to the Oasis back catalogue.
She sits quietly, listening to their animated discussion as relief floods through her. They know the truth. Her secret is out. And instead of being met with a barrage of awkward and uncomfortable questions, they simply listened. Abbey is so used to people shying away from her because they don’t know how to act or what to say, but they had just let her talk - and had made sure that she was alright without prying or asking for any of the morbid details. It is something she has never experienced before. Even her oldest friends back home had changed around her after it happened, but not Lucy, or Nathan or Liam. It’s as if they understand her better than anyone, and she suddenly feels like a huge weight has been lifted. For the first time in a long time… she feels happy.
CHAPTER THREE
THE PARTY
Abbey’s life at home and her life away from it couldn’t be more different. They are complete polar opposites. Two totally separate worlds occupied by the same person. Her relationship with her family has br
oken down even more than she ever thought possible and there is hardly any interaction at all with her mum. She is far too immersed in the new house and making a good impression with the neighbours, concentrating on her new job, and proving to everyone that she is ‘fine’ after her minor relapse a month ago. Needless to say there has been no more wine kept in the house after that episode. Janet may ask Abbey how her day has been and how school is going, but she never really listens to the answer-far too busy focusing on more important things than her teenage daughter. At least that’s how it seems. Peter is the same, so wrapped up in his own life that he shows minimal interest in Abbey or how she is, and Anna and Dom are only slightly better. The fact they live on the other side of the city means they don’t visit all that often and even when they do Janet monopolises their time, bombarding them with never ending questions about her future grandchild, who she can’t wait to meet. It is getting increasingly claustrophobic, living in that house, with the endless small talk and constant silences… and Abbey hates it. She feels completely cut off, almost as if she is ceasing to exist.
She is well aware that she should probably care more, but even Abbey is surprised at how little she feels towards her less than perfect situation. She isn’t overly upset or worried about the deteriorating relationship with her family; in fact it barely affects her at all, because when she is with Lucy, Nathan and Liam, she can escape that world. She can find a release and forget about everything else. Being with them is like a breath of fresh air and all the doubt and hurt that she is so used to just don’t touch her anymore. She may feel as though she is disappearing at home but with her friends she feels completely herself and more content than she ever has before. It’s like a paradox, both lives running alongside one another at the same time; the good and the bad.
It is a Thursday afternoon when Abbey’s two worlds eventually collide. It is strange to see Lucy in her kitchen; she has never been over before and Abbey is so used to their friendship being totally separate from the misery of her home life. It feels odd to have her at the house, but here she is, perched on the breakfast counter swinging her legs, as she chats away in her usual excitable tone. Nathan and Liam had stayed behind at school to play football with friends and the weather was far too cold and overcast to make them want to stay and watch. The arcade was quiet - and a little boring without the boys - so before she knew it and without properly thinking it through, Abbey had extended her invitation. Janet is still at work and Peter is rarely home through the day, so Lucy probably won’t even get to meet them, yet the possibility makes Abbey feel nervous and on edge despite not being entirely sure why?
The afternoon passes quickly as it always does in Lucy’s company. It amazes Abbey how she never seems to run out of things to say… there are never any awkward silences or breaks in conversation. Her carefree attitude always puts Abbey in a good mood and Lucy makes her laugh with all the random things she brings up and talks about. It had been nice, just the two of them for a change… but as Lucy is getting ready to leave, the front door slams and Abbey turns to look at the clock. It is only 5:00pm. Her mum isn’t normally home this early.
“Abbey?!” Janet calls out - her voice stern and slightly panicked. She rushes into the kitchen and takes a sharp breath as if she is about to speak, but stops when she sees Lucy, eyeing her suspiciously.
“Mum, this is Lucy; she’s a friend from school…”
“Nice to meet you Mrs Miller…” Lucy smiles politely but gets no response. Janet simply nods once and turns abruptly back to Abbey.
“I need to talk to you… now please…”
“Mum!”
“That’s OK… I should get going anyway…” Lucy throws her bag over her shoulder and Abbey flushes with embarrassment as she follows her to the door.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with her…”
“Don’t worry about it… I’ll see you tomorrow!”
As Lucy leaves, Abbey’s irritation quickly boils over into full blown anger. It is the first time her mum has met any of her new friends and she behaves in such a rude, obnoxious way. It is totally uncalled for. She turns furiously, ready to storm back into the kitchen to confront Janet, but she is already in the hallway, standing with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised. The look on her face irritates Abbey even more.
“What the hell is your problem?!” She yells.
“My problem?!” Janet shouts back, “My problem is I got a call from your school today. They told me that you’ve been missing your lessons! Now do you want to tell to me what the hell is going on or do I need to ring them back for some sort of explanation?!” She scowls, her face red with anger, “WELL?!”
Abbey quickly weighs up her options and runs through various excuses in her mind. There aren’t any. It is obvious that Janet knows everything and there is no point even trying to convince her that the school have got it wrong.
“What do you want me to say?” She asks, still annoyed “I hate it… I never wanted to move there in the first place, I told you that, repeatedly…”
“So you just decided not to go?!” Janet cries with exasperation.
“It’s not like I could talk to you about it… you don’t care, you wouldn’t have even noticed anything was wrong if they hadn’t called…” Janet’s angered expression falters for a moment and it suddenly becomes obvious to Abbey that she knows exactly how she is behaving; shutting her own daughter out, keeping her at arm’s length. In that split second it is written all over her face.
“Well thank god they did…” Her voice is calmer, but just as firm, “This stops now. You’re grounded. You are not to see your new friends, not until you get your school work back on track….”
“WHAT?” Abbey is astounded. She has never been grounded before in her life and the thought of being stuck in this house unable to see her friends is horrifying. She shakes her head at Janet, infuriated, “You just don’t get it do you?!”
“You are not in a position to argue young lady that is final! Now go to your room…!” Abbey storms past her mum and races up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door so hard the force of it shakes the house. Janet holds her head in her hands and sighs wearily. She knew things weren’t great, but she never expected this. The call she received earlier from Abbey’s headmaster had truly shocked her. Maybe it is her fault? Maybe she should have paid more attention? She will be watching much more closely from now on, that’s for sure. She isn’t about to let Abbey throw away her whole future no matter how much she is struggling and she is determined to try harder, because if one thing is clear, things seriously need to improve.
Abbey may be grounded, but through the week between the hours of 8:30am and 3pm, her mum has no control over who she spends her time with. The following day at school she lacks the usual ‘Friday feeling’ due to her impending house arrest, but is grateful that she gets to see Lucy and explain to her exactly what happened after she left. Abbey is obviously less than thrilled about the situation and the fact she has been caught, but at least it explains Janet’s rude behaviour and partly excuses her attitude from the previous night. Not that Lucy seems to care. It has been so long since she has had to deal with her own parents, other peoples certainly don’t faze her.
Abbey goes straight home that afternoon despite how much she wants to stay out. She knows it would be stupid to push Janet to her limit so soon after their argument. She will be at work until after 5:30pm, but Abbey’s gut instinct tells her not to take the risk and she is right to be wary. She has hardly made it through the front door when the phone starts ringing. Janet is short and to the point, she didn’t call for a lengthy conversation… just to make sure that Abbey is following the rules of her curfew. This weekend is going to be difficult.
Although it pains her to admit it, Abbey has fallen behind in some of her lessons. Saturday is slow, but she ploughs through the mountain of homework and revision that has stacked up due to the days she was ‘inexplicably’ absent. She stays in her room for the best
part, only occasionally venturing downstairs for food or to make herself another drink. Being grounded is her worst nightmare and she is miserable. It doesn’t help that it has come at a time when Abbey wants to be out of the house as much as humanly possible. She already feels trapped by all the grief and pain that lingers from the recent past. Now with the added anger and disappointment that practically radiates off her mum in waves, the atmosphere is horribly oppressive and it makes her feel restless.
Luckily, Janet hasn’t gone as far as to confiscate her phone, so Abbey spends the day texting Lucy and Liam, staving off the boredom with light hearted conversation, asking them what they are up to and what their plans are for the weekend… although she immediately regrets asking, knowing that she can’t be a part of what ever fun they have in mind. Talking to them does make her feel better though and helps her boring day pass a little easier.
It is early evening when Abbey’s phone beeps again. A couple of hours have gone by since Lucy’s last text and she wasn’t expecting to receive another. She opens her phone and reads the message with an overwhelming sense of disappointment and frustration.
‘Any chance at all you can break out tonight? x’. She so badly wants to say yes, but deep down she knows it isn’t realistic. Even if she could get out of the house without her mum noticing, how would she get back in? And if she was caught, well, the repercussions aren’t even worth thinking about. The temptation is there, but Abbey isn’t about to go and make life any harder for herself.
‘Afraid not… have fun tonight. x’ Is all she replies. Abbey knows that they have plans to go to a party later as Liam had mentioned it in passing when they had been texting earlier. They will most likely be out with the rest of their friends who Abbey has yet to meet. She had been looking forward to the prospect of expanding her social life and getting to know the group that Lucy, Nathan and Liam talk about constantly. Although the four of them have become incredibly close, there are still times when Abbey doesn’t quite feel included. She is still the new girl and they have known each other for years, plus she doesn’t move in the same circles outside of school as they do. She tries her best to ignore it, whenever she feels left out, but it bothers her. Abbey had hoped that would all change once she finally got to meet the group of friends they speak so highly of. How typical that the opportunity should finally arise when she is locked up against her will.
Even Angels Fall Page 5