Murder Well Done

by Constance Barker

  “Getting a new soda machine, I see,” Ruby said.

  I checked off the fruits and vegetables I needed and clicked the Send button on my produce supplier’s website. “Yeah. We really needed it.”

  “You better be careful or you’re going to have to change the name of your diner!” We laughed and then she looked out the window, “Uh-oh! It looks like you might be in trouble with the law. Here comes a tall, handsome officer with a gun.” Then she whispered to me as Brody walked in the door, “He’s really cute!”

  I whispered back, “He’s my cute officer, Ruby, so don’t get any ideas!”

  Brody pulled up a chair and sat down. “Hi, Mercy. Hi, Ruby.”

  I did a double take. “You two know each other?”

  Ruby nodded. “I had to stop by the Sheriff’s office to finish up my background check for the school.”

  “Yeah, she had some pretty suspicious activity on her rap sheet.”

  “Very, funny, Sheriff. I had one outstanding parking ticket that I didn’t even know I had. I parked in front of a restaurant downtown in Louisville, and...”

  “...and she thought the guy standing by the curb was a valet...”

  “...so, I parked...”

  “...in a tow away zone...”

  “...and gave him my keys. Apparently, I got a parking ticket before the guy stole my car. Well, they never found my car, and I didn’t know anything about the ticket until it showed up on my background check, so they sent me to see the Sheriff.”

  “Haha! That is so funny, Ruby! So, I guess you helped her clean up her record, Brody?”

  “Well, I corroborated that her car was reported stolen on the same day she got the unpaid ticket. Then she wrote a check, and I rubber stamped her form from the school.”

  “Mmhm. And...um...what else did you guys talk about?” I had to ask. I mean, there must have been some flirting going on, right?

  Ruby rolled her eyes. “We barely talked at all! Sheriff Hayes was too busy talking on his cell phone with some mystery woman, trying to get her to go to dinner at the Hideaway.”

  “And, did she agree to go with you, Brody?” I asked with a smile.

  “No! She was too busy running her diner...I mean, her nail and hair salon. Liz was busy that night.”

  I punched him. Liz ran the salon on the east end of town. She was a couple years younger than Brody, and he didn’t like her at all, mostly because of her constant gossiping. “That’s not funny, Brody.”

  “Good morning, folks. I’m Troy Stargill. Your soda machine and icemaker is all set.”

  He was tall and dark with captivating deep-set brown eyes. He was still young, maybe 25 or 30, with a chiseled superhero chin and a sparkling white smile.

  Ruby stood up and extended her hand. “It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Stargill.” She smiled brightly, and I thought she was going to drool on her chin.

  “Well, you must be Mercy Howard, I guess.”

  “Nope,” I said. “That would be me.” I took his clipboard and signed the papers. “That’s Ruby. She’s new in town and just anxious to meet new people.”

  She shot me a disapproving look and then moved her gaze back to Troy Stargill. “I...was just being polite,” she said. “And I don’t know many people my age around here.” She sat.

  What am I? A dinosaur?

  “Well, we’ll have to fix that, Ruby. I work all the small towns around here in my business, and I’d say the best place to get to know people is at Bangers in Ballers Ferry.”

  “Bangers?” Ruby looked a little concerned – or maybe excited. I couldn’t tell for sure.

  “Oh, it’s not as wild as it sounds. Live music and four-dollar Margaritas.”

  That piqued her interest. “Strawberry?”

  Troy nodded. “Strawberry Margaritas too, Ruby. I’m going there tonight. Would you care to join me?”

  “Sounds like fun!”

  Wow. Dating must be easy for this girl. One handshake and a dozen words, and she’s got a date with Mr. Handsome.

  “I get into Paint Creek every week or so,” Troy told Ruby. “I own and manage the coin-operated laundry machines at the Coin-o-mat downtown and in the new apartments out by the bourbon distillery. As a matter of fact, I’ll be in town tomorrow to talk to Julia at the coffee shop about a new cappuccino machine. Maybe we can have lunch, Ruby.”

  “Well, let’s start with the club tonight, Troy, and see how it goes. But I’m free until school starts in September. I’m a teacher.”

  Troy looked satisfied with her response and then turned to me. “Say, Ms. Howard, ma’am...I overheard the gentlemen at the counter talking about a fire you had in your dumpster out back.”

  “Yeah, it was quite something.”

  “Well, I work with a lot of schools and big companies, and we carry a product that they use in janitorial rooms, which are susceptible to catching on fire because of all the oily rags and cleaners and solvents. It’ll smother a fire in a small enclosed space, and I’m sure it would work in a dumpster too, ma’am.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure this was a one-time thing, you know.”

  “Oh...I don’t know. I’ve heard there’s been quite a spate of them, so you never know. A box of three is just 20 bucks. Just stick one under the lid, and it’ll extinguish a small fire before it can get too big.”

  “I’ll take my chances. The arsonist will probably open the lid before he starts the fire anyway.”

  “I guess I hadn’t thought of that. We also carry a full line of security cameras so you can keep an eye on your business, inside and outside. We could just add it on to the contract.”

  “I never thought I’d need anything like that in Paint Creek,” I said, “but it would be great if we could just look at the tape and see who put the dead body in the dumpster and set it on fire.”

  Troy turned white as a sheet. “Body? There was a body in the dumpster?”

  He looked like he was getting weak in the knees, and I thought he might fall down. I quickly pulled a chair over from the nearby table and had him sit. Ruby ran to his side.

  “Are you all right, Troy?” she asked, putting her hand on his shoulder.

  “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I haven’t had lunch yet, so I guess I just got a little light-headed all of a sudden.”

  “Babs, we need a cheeseburger over here, stat!” Brody and Ruby gave me an odd look.

  We got Troy to sip on some water and he started looking better. “Well, think about that security system, ma’am. It’ll help you sleep at night.”

  “So, how come you call Ruby by her name and you call me ma’am, Troy?”

  He was a little taken aback by my question, and stammered through his response. “Well, ’cause, um...she’s...you know...um...a girl...ma’am.”

  Hmmphh! Glad I asked.

  Chapter Eight

  “I thought you boys had a construction job this afternoon,” Deloris said to Jake and Junior, who were still sitting at the counter.

  “Yeah, we do, but the supplies won’t be ready for us for another couple hours or so. I just checked with the lumber yard,” Jake replied.

  It was mid-afternoon. Red, Troy, and Ruby had just left after a nice lunch, and Brody and I joined Junior and Jake at the counter. Pete Jenkins came in and took a booth by the window.

  “Well, this has been a pretty long lunch for me, Mercy, and I have to get back to work.” Brody took a sip of his raspberry iced tea – a new flavor we were able to add with the new machine. “Good stuff. I might have to come around more often now that you have my favorite beverage...”

  Your favorite girl isn’t enough?

  “...Anyway, I told you I was coming in today to tell you how you could help me out with this investigation.”

  All heads turned toward Brody when he brought up the murder investigation.

  “Okay, folks...you’re all deputized and sworn to secrecy. If you leak any of this classified information, I’ll throw you in the hoosegow overnight – and I’m not kidding. Oka
y?”

  Everyone nodded, and Pete joined us at the counter. Brody walked behind the counter, and Deloris didn’t even bat an eye. It was “her” counter, and she didn’t like anyone else back there – including me.

  Brody leaned forward on both forearms and looked at us. “Okay, well...we know the murder happened sometime after the council meeting last night. And we know that Tom was trying to delay the vote on the new streets on the south side of town. He used some parliamentary procedure to stop the vote last night so he could set up a hearing where the townspeople could voice their opinion – which he was trying to sway in opposition to the project. He had pamphlets made up and everything.”

  “That’s right. Red said they set the meeting for this Saturday afternoon,” Deloris said.

  “Right. So, besides the council members and the mayor, there were only a handful of people at the meeting – Red, Pastor D’Arnaud, Hattie Harper and Sandy Skitter from the Ladies’ Aid group, Liz Farber from the salon, and Ronnie Towns from the hardware store.”

  “Well, you don’t think Red did it, do you, Sheriff?” Junior asked with a concerned look.

  Deloris shook her head. “Of course not. Red left the meeting early and took me to see a movie.”

  We all looked at her with stunned amazement. Red had a crush on Deloris for a long time, but she always spurned his advances.

  “What? I was wanting to see that Atomic Blonde, and Red offered to take me to Ballers Ferry to see it. I don’t like driving that far at night. Get your minds out of the gutter.”

  It was hard to tell for sure, but from the look on her face, the gutter might have been the right place for our minds. Brody continued:

  “I don’t really think any of them did it, but we’re still checking out their alibis.”

  “My money is on Liz,” Deloris said.

  “Deloris!” I couldn’t believe she was blaming our hairdresser for Tom’s murder. “She’s our friend, and she does your hair twice a month.”

  “Yep...and I’ve never heard her say a good word about anyone, unless they were standing right in front of her. And I told ya, that dumpster smelled like Tom just had his toenails done when we first looked at the body.”

  Everybody started talking at once until Brody whistled and waved his arms.

  “I don’t have time to discuss everybody’s theories right now,” Brody said, taking back control of the conversation. “Most of the people who came to see the meeting live in the new part of town on the hill and are opposed to the project, like Tom, anyway. We’ll check the alibis of everyone who attended, including Liz. But the council members all had an interest in getting it approved. So, they may have had a motive.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Jake said, shaking his head.

  “Well, I have to start somewhere. Today I want to start with those on the council who have a clear motive – in particular, the Mayor and Joan Pianowski. Bud lives in that part of town and owns a lot of empty lots there, and Joan runs the Realty House and has a bunch of rental houses there – so they both want the street upgrade to go through so their property values will go up and they will be more attractive to renters and buyers.”

  There were a lot of concerned eyes at the counter.

  “Look, I know these people are your friends, and you grew up with them,” Brody said, “but somebody choked Tom Hopkins to death...”

  “Choked him!” Jake and Junior said in unison.

  “Oops...well, that’s not supposed to be public information. Don’t forget – you’re sworn to secrecy.”

  “We’re strong supporters of law enforcement, Sheriff. We’re not going to tell anyone,” Pete Jenkins told him.

  “Yeah,” Junior agreed, “unless we accidentally blurt it out like you just did.”

  Brody sighed and was only partially successful in holding back an eye roll. He took a breath and opened his mouth to say something to Junior, but then shook it off. “Okay, well, we still have more of these dumpster fires going on. If we find who’s starting the fires, we’ll find the killer. The fires mostly moved out of Paint Creek to the surrounding towns yesterday afternoon and evening, but there was one behind Towns’ End Hardware at 10 o’clock this morning.”

  “Wow, in broad daylight,” I said. “I guess our fire here was in the morning yesterday, but that takes a lot of nerve. So...what can I do to help?”

  “Eyes and ears. I need you to do a stakeout.”

  “A stakeout?” I wasn’t thrilled with the idea. “You mean like sitting in a second-story room with binoculars and a camera?”

  “No!” Junior said excitedly. “We’ll need a spy truck! You know...one of those big vans with listening equipment for the bugs we plant in the big party room with big marble staircases on both sides, during a big charity fund-raising event for the arts. All the big mobsters will be there. You’ll go inside in an alluring gown, with your hair in curls and cherry bomb red lipstick, wearing X-ray eyeglasses with a camera and heat vision, and you’ll have a pistol in you garter just above the knee. And I’ll be in the van watching it all on 10 big monitors and talking to you in your earpiece. And then you’ll engage the prince in a little flirty chatter and...”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Junior!” Brody was flabbergasted at Junior’s imagination. “This isn’t Mission Impossible or James Bond. This is about dumpster fires and a murder in Paint Creek, Kentucky. I’m talking about a stakeout, sitting in your car with binoculars and a camera, keeping track of Ms. Pianowski and the Mayor’s wife, Elena. Her brother-in-law has submitted a bid for the work, and one of the council members told me in confidence that Elena asked the mayor to show her the competing bids so he can have the inside track.”

  “Hmm,” I said, “I like Junior’s idea better. There’s a gown in the Calhoun Mall that I’d love to bill to my McLean County expense account.”

  Brody was getting a little impatient, so I decided to behave. “A stakeout sounds fine, Brody. When? Where?”

  “Maybe from like 6:00 to 9:00 or 10:00 today and tomorrow, for starters. But I don’t want you out there alone. Maybe Pete can go with you. What do you think, Pete?”

  “As long as we’re done by 10:00...”

  “I’ll do it.” Junior volunteered.

  Yikes. Please, no, no, no... “But you and your dad have that construction project coming up later today...”

  “That’s not a problem, Mercy,” his dad said. “It’s just a garage door. I’ll get Zack to help me. You need Junior with you because of all the investigating we’ve already done on the case.”

  “But, Jake, I think Zack might have football practice this afternoon...”

  “Summer practice doesn’t begin for two more weeks...uh...” Brody immediately realized his mistake when he saw the darts flying out of my eyes. “I mean, yeah, maybe he has practice.”

  “Zack!” Jake hollered into the kitchen. “You wanna make twenty bucks for helping me for about an hour or so around supper time today?”

  “Twenty bucks! Yeah...sure! It takes me three hours to make that much around this place.”

  “It’s settled then, Mercy. You need the best man for the job, and you got him. Junior, you go ahead and share everything we’ve found out with Mercy when you’re out there.”

  Oh, joy. “Yay! I can hardly wait, Junior.” I felt sick to my stomach. I like Junior, but I don’t know if I can spend three or four hours alone with him without pulling my hair out.

  “We’ll take your little roadster, Mercy. It looks more like a spy car than my Rav. I’m going to go home and get cleaned up and ready. See you soon!”

  Chapter Nine

  I felt as conspicuous as a woman in a men’s room as I pulled into the big corner parking lot across the street from the Realty House in beautiful downtown Paint Creek. My classic 1957 silver blue Mercedes roadster convertible always attracted attention, so it was difficult to try to be incognito. It was a few minutes before 6:00, and the sun wouldn’t set until 9:00.

  I had a good view of the com
ings and goings at Joan Pianowski’s office, and I could also see the little children’s dance studio upstairs of the barbershop next to it. At night they had spinning classes, yoga, and Pilates up there, and tonight Bud and Elena Finster were expected to be there for their weekly ballroom dance class. It was becoming very popular with the seniors in town.

  I put the top up on my convertible to have a little more privacy and looked at my watch. I told Junior to meet me here at 6:00, and I saw his Toyota Rav4 coming down Main Street, right on time.

  I held back feelings of dread and nausea that tried to overtake me. You owe me big time, Brody Hayes.

  Junior waved at me and parked his car on the street right in front of my position in the lot, blocking my view of everything. Good start. He got out of the car, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. He was in a black suit, black fedora, and dark aviator sunglasses, looking more like the chubby Blues Brother than a Man in Black. He was carrying a white box and had a serious look on his face as he opened the passenger door and got in.

  “Good evening, Agent Howard. Did Sheriff Hayes give you the binoculars and camera?”

  “Got ’em, 007. What’s in the box?”

  He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe I didn’t know, and opened the cover on the box.

  “Well, this is a stakeout, so I brought the donuts. I’m pretty sure they’re required.” He pulled one out that was covered in powdered sugar and took a bite. The white cloud he created slowly settled onto his black suit. “I got some girly ones with strawberry frosting and sprinkles for you, Mercy.”

  “How thoughtful of you, Junior. But I think I’ll wait a while.” I wanted to feel indignant about the “girly” remark, but I really did love strawberry frosting with sprinkles. My waistline mocked me as I looked longingly inside the donut box.

  The more he brushed the powdered sugar off his suit, the worse it looked, but he didn’t seem to mind. “Why did you park here, Mercy? We can’t see across the street?”

  I gave him a sarcastic look and then turned my head toward his car.

  “Oh! Maybe I should move my car.”