The Cursed One

by Ronda Thompson

  She was stunned he would say that to her. She did not fall into step behind him. “Do you still think so little of me?” she demanded. “That I am so shallow? That I will ever forget what happened to me, to us?”

  He stopped ahead of her. For a moment he bowed his head, as if her questions shamed him. It was in that moment that Amelia realized that he did not trust her—that Gabriel Wulf had never trusted anyone. Perhaps not even himself.

  “You won’t hurt me,” she said, “while in your wolf form. You protected me last night from Mora.”

  “I don’t know that,” he bit out, his voice bitter. “I cannot remember my thoughts or what happens to me while the night and the moon take control of my life. I can’t know for certain that I would not hurt you. I could not live with myself if I did.”

  Her heart softened, and she knew then that she still loved him. She once thought she was too shallow to love, or too afraid, but now she knew that was not the case. She’d been given the greatest test of her love. Gabriel had been tested, too.

  “You must learn to trust, Gabriel,” she said. “If not in anyone else, at least in yourself. What you consider weaknesses are perhaps only human emotions.”

  His eyes bored into hers and he took a step toward her. “Do I disgust you now? Are you afraid of me? Are you wishing you had never given yourself to me?”

  She was not disgusted by him. Nor was she afraid of him. And no, she would not take back the love she shared with him. The love they made to each other. But would words convince a man so mistrustful of the world and seemingly everyone in it?

  Amelia closed the distance between them. Once she stood before him, she reached up, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him.

  Gabriel had expected excuses, perhaps lies to spare his feelings; he didn’t expect Amelia to kiss him. He breathed in her fresh scent, savored the feel of her soft lips pressed against his. Why didn’t he disgust her? Why wasn’t she afraid of him? Why hadn’t she reacted to him as he had thought she would were she to learn the truth? Was she pretending? Did she fear if she let her true feelings toward him be known, he might not help her reach Wulfglen safely? And how far would she go with her pretense?

  Gabriel cupped the back of her head and slanted his mouth against hers. She opened willingly to him and he tasted her, explored her for fear he would never be allowed the opportunity again. Her body melted against his, her ripe curves pressed against his hard muscles. He was on fire for her in a heartbeat. Perhaps the beast inside of him ruled him even when the sky was not dark, the moon was not full, or maybe it was just the man who couldn’t resist her. The man who loved her but could not offer her a future, even if she was willing to share his cursed life.

  With great effort, Gabriel ended the kiss, released her, and stepped away. “No need to whore yourself to me,” he said. “I will make certain you reach Wulfglen safely. The beast only rules me at night.”

  Amelia did something else that surprised him. She slapped him. Her face suffused with color. “I’m not so sure of that,” she snapped. “You’re acting like one right now.” She marched ahead of him. “Perhaps it has not occurred to you that I do not need your help to reach Wulfglen. Any idiot can figure out which way is east.”

  He stood staring after her, too stunned to respond for a moment; then he found himself laughing. She turned to him, placed her hands on her hips, and asked, “What do you find so funny?”

  “You,” he answered honestly. “You should be shaking in those god-awful boots you’re wearing; instead you kiss me, then you slap me and put me in my place. It’s no wonder I love you. There’s no one like you.”

  Gabriel realized what he had just admitted to her when her cross expression faded and her eyes welled with tears. He wanted to take the words back, and yet he was glad to finally speak them. To finally admit them, even to himself.

  She returned to him and reached up to touch his cheek softly. “Why is it so hard for you to say the words?” she asked. “Why do you consider your feelings for me to be a weakness?”

  “Love is the curse,” he answered without thought.

  She blinked up at him. “What?”

  He’d told her more than he intended. “Never mind; let’s go.”

  Amelia grabbed his arm when he thought to forge ahead. “What do you mean, ‘love is the curse’?”

  He knew by her set expression she wouldn’t budge without some type of explanation. And maybe she deserved the truth for once. “‘Love is the curse that binds you, but ’tis also the key.’ It’s a quote from the poem written by the first Wulf cursed.” He had never understood that particular phrase of the riddle. How could love be both a curse and a key? A key to what?

  “I am the reason you are now cursed by the moon. Is that what you’re telling me?”

  Gabriel didn’t want her to feel guilt. He certainly didn’t want her to feel beholden to him. Or, heaven forbid, pity. He could take nearly anything but that. Touching her cheek softly, as she had done to him, he said, “It is not your fault, Amelia.” He assured her, “It is my own fault. I knew the consequences, and still, I allowed myself to be weak. To give my heart when I knew I should not. I traded everything for a chance to be only a man in your eyes. Even if only for one night.”

  As a tear slipped down her cheek, he brushed it away with his thumb. “I don’t want you to cry,” he said, her tears washing him in more guilt. “I want you to be happy. I want you to leave all this behind you and—”

  “I told you once that I did not believe in love,” she interrupted, her voice emotional. “I thought it was just a gentler word for lust, or duty. What I feel for you is beyond lust. I have no duty toward you. That is when I knew I did believe in love, and that I loved you. I need to know that I am more than a consequence to you, Gabriel. You need to understand that loving takes a stronger person than someone who hides their heart from the world. You need to understand compassion is not the same as pity. When you do learn these things, come and find me.”

  With that, she stepped away from him, picked up the valise he had dropped, and walked away from him. Gabriel started to go after her. To stop her, pull her around into his arms, and kiss her until she could not think straight. But he couldn’t. She didn’t understand the whole of what she would be forced to endure if she stayed with him. A solitary life for Amelia Sinclair Collingsworth? He could not imagine it, and did not want to.

  There could be no children for them. He would have to take himself off when the curse visited him. He would have to leave her alone. In time, she might hate him. In time, she might leave him. Better to let her go now, although it tore at his insides to do so. He knew he would love her more with each day and the pain of losing her would be unbearable. Like the pain of losing his parents. The pain of realizing his life was cursed. The pain of letting all his hopes and dreams die on that night ten years ago when his father had turned into a wolf at the dinner table.

  But for her he could sacrifice. Couldn’t he? Gabriel watched her move ahead of him. He would not stop her. He would dog her heels all the way to Wulfglen to make certain she reached the estate safely; then he would stay in the woods until she was gone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Gabriel stared at the lights burning in the windows of his family home, Wulfglen. Amelia must be inside now, surrounded, he hoped, by his brothers, hearing the tale of how she’d come to be there. He longed to be there, too, beside her. He longed to be an ordinary man who’d just had an extraordinary adventure. But of course he was not ordinary, nor had he ever been.

  Even now, as darkness fell, he felt the wolf inside preparing to emerge. Gabriel would roam the woods of his home as a beast. For how long? How long until he could go home again?

  “Tell me your hopes and dreams.”

  Startled, he turned to see Amelia standing a short distance from him. “I thought you would have gone on to the house. What are you doing out here?”

  She shrugged, and for a moment she looked like a lost little girl with
her valise sitting beside her on the ground. “It’s odd, to travel for days, fearing for your life, only to find when your destination looms up before you, you cannot go.”

  Gabriel was confused and more than a little concerned that the beast would soon be upon him and Amelia had not taken herself to a safe haven. “Of course you can go,” he said. “It’s just there.” He nodded toward the house. “Someone is home or all the lights wouldn’t be burning. I haven’t seen the place lit up like that in years.”

  “Come with me,” she said softly.

  He longed to, but he could not. “You know I can’t,” he said. “Not now. Not when the night is nearly upon me. You shouldn’t be here. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you, Amelia.”

  “You already have,” she said. “But I do not fear you when you become the beast. I told you, you won’t hurt me. Besides, perhaps your brothers have found a way around the curse, since they are happily married.”

  “I do not know,” he said. “But I do know I am not willing to take a chance that I might not hurt you. And neither should you.”

  She took a step toward him. “That is how we differ. I am willing to take chances. I am willing to trust.”

  Her stubbornness was a trait he might find endearing under different circumstances. “I do not want you here,” he said more harshly than he wanted. He had to make her understand she should go. Even if a small part of him did not want her to go. Not ever.

  She bowed her head and he hated having to be harsh with her. Amelia Sinclair Collingsworth could wrap him around her little finger with a pout or a tear. He knew that and wished he could spend the rest of his life spoiling her. Loving her and making love to her.

  “I am afraid,” she whispered.

  Afraid? She shouldn’t be afraid of anything now, except him. Mora and Raef had kept their word. Robert’s death would be ruled an accident once Amelia reported him missing and his body was found in the fields. She would be a young widow, wealthy due to her own dowry, which Robert had not had time to spend. Collingsworth Manor would belong to her, since Robert had no living relatives and Amelia had been his wife, even if for only a night. Gabriel had made certain the consummation of her marriage could not be questioned. What did she have to fear?

  Although he wanted to keep distance between them, he was drawn to her, standing in the coming dark, looking like a lost child. He walked to where she stood, reached out, and lifted her chin.

  “What are you afraid of, Amelia?”

  Her eyes shimmered with tears when she looked up at him. “I don’t want to go back to my world without you. I would rather stay here in yours.”

  She couldn’t mean what she’d just said. How could she trade the glittering life she had known for one in the shadows? Why would she want to? He didn’t want her to; not even in his most selfish dreams could he deny her all that she deserved in life. That was when Gabriel realized he did have dreams, he did have hopes. Amelia had given them to him again.

  “Let me tell you my hopes and dreams,” he said. He reached out and gently took her shoulders between his hands, pulling her closer. “I hope that you will be happy. I hope that you will become the most shocking woman in London, because you will live your life as you choose, and not how others would have you live it. I hope you will savor each day, because now you know what it is like to fear that you have no tomorrows left. And no matter what happens to me, I will dream of you. I will dream of seeing you dancing in a London ballroom, or riding in men’s trousers and boots, and it will warm my heart. It will see me through whatever I must face.”

  She smiled softly at him. “And have you no dreams and hopes for yourself?”

  He thought about it for a moment. And he realized that he did. “To be as brave as you are. To be as strong as you are. To love as you love, and trust as you trust. To feel compassion and know there is no shame in it. To understand that my weaknesses are what make me human, and to therefore cling to them.”

  Her eyes were the softest blue in the coming dark. “Oh, Gabriel,” she whispered. “I do love you so.”

  He didn’t resist when she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him. And somewhere in his jaded heart, he began to believe that she did love him. That neither of them could have escaped this moment in time no matter what paths their lives had taken. He had known from the moment he saw her on the streets of London months ago that she was special.

  “I love you, too, Amelia,” he said against her lips. “And no curse will stop me from loving you.”

  She pulled back to look at him. “Let me stay with you. Out here in the darkness tonight; then come morning, together, we will go to the house.”

  Doubt immediately returned. Allow Amelia to stay with him? While the curse took him? While he became a beast to roam the night? Could he do what she had asked and trust in himself? How could he when he would soon not be himself? And yet, staring down into her eyes, Gabriel thought that for her, he could do anything.

  “Please,” she whispered. “Trust in me; trust in yourself. Trust in our love.”

  Did he dare? God, he wanted to so badly. To cast off the dark cloud that had hovered over his head for ten years. Walk in the sunshine with her by his side. Feel whole. Feel loved. Be happy despite all the odds stacked against him. Live each moment with her as if it were his last. Her eyes told him he could … that his hopes and dreams were in reach. Could he hold out his hand to them?

  “All right, Amelia,” he said. “I will trust in myself and in my love for you. And pray to God that doing so is not a mistake.”

  He thought to bend and kiss her again before the darkness came to claim him, but the pain in his stomach hit him so quickly that it made him gasp and stumble back from her. He went to his knees.

  “It’s happening, Amelia,” he said through clenched teeth.

  She bent beside him. “I am here with you,” she said. “I am not afraid.”

  He was. Not for himself, but for her. If Amelia could have courage in the face of the beast, so could he. It took all of his strength, all of his will, to trust as she asked him to do. He let the beast come. Challenged it to steal his dreams and hopes. Shouted out against the pain. Amelia was still there. He felt her cool hand against his forehead.

  His eyes had started to blur, but he focused upon her beautiful face. “I love you, Amelia,” he said.

  “And I love you,” she said in return.

  Something boiled up inside of him. He thought he would become ill and tried to turn onto his stomach to retch, but it was not bile that spilled from his throat. It was a blue light. Wider and wider his mouth opened until he thought his jaws would crack. Amelia stumbled away from him, but she did not run. He saw her through a haze, felt pinned to the ground, unable to do anything but open his mouth wider for the blue light. It seemed to last forever, seemed to pull his very insides out with it as it spilled forth into the air. And as he watched it float above him, the light took shape. The shape of a wolf.

  It now stood upon his chest and the pressure crushed him. It lowered its head and stared down into his eyes. Gabriel gasped for breath. Amelia appeared above him. Her face was pale.

  “Get off of him!” she shouted.

  The wolf raised its head and stared at her.

  “Begone, beast!”

  Helpless to do anything but lie there, for Gabriel felt as if he’d been beaten black-and-blue, he saw the beast flinch at her words; then it crawled off of him and slunk into the night. Gabriel’s breath came back to him in a gasp. Amelia was kneeling beside him again.

  “Gabriel!” Tears filled her eyes. “Gabriel, speak to me! Tell me you’re all right!”

  It took him a moment longer to catch his breath. A moment longer still to find the strength to reach up and pull her down to him. He held her pressed against him and felt her tears against his neck. And then the enormity of what had just happened struck him. The beast had left him. He felt its absence. In the coming dark, he had trouble making out the trees overhead. He couldn’t hear anything but normal night
sounds around him.

  “It’s gone,” he said.

  Amelia raised her head to look down at him. “What do you mean?”

  “The curse, Amelia. It’s broken.”

  Her eyes widened. “Are you certain?”

  He was. And for the first time in ten years, he felt free. Truly free. He pulled her down so that he could kiss her. “Love is the curse, but ’tis also the key.”

  As their lips met, he understood the riddle. He understood his enemy had lain within himself. His inability to trust. Amelia’s love had given him the strength to overcome his greatest enemy. And now, he was free to love her. Free to marry her. Free to have a life besides the solitary one he had chosen for himself. It was the greatest joy he had ever known, to dream again. To hope again.

  While their lips lingered against each other, Gabriel felt his strength returning. His ardor returned just as quickly and he wanted to take her there on the ground. To make sweet love to her and know he was not deceiving her. He would never deceive her again.

  “Don’t you think we should go home?” she asked between kisses. “I’d love a hot bath and a soft bed. And you in both with me.”

  He laughed. “You are shocking, Amelia Sinclair Collingsworth … soon to be Wulf.”

  She pulled back and smiled down at him; then she frowned. “Not very soon. I must honor my mourning period of one year.”

  The thought made him groan. “A year? I doubt that society will approve of me sleeping in your bed every night up until the nuptials. And I fully intend to.”

  Amelia laughed. “I will suddenly develop a great love for spending time at my friend Rosalind’s country estate. I cannot go back to Collingsworth Manor, Gabriel. Once we are wed, we will tear it down and use the land for the horses.”