Conklin's Blueprints

by Brooke Page

  Tyler glanced at me and flexed his jaw, he nonchalantly said, “No, I didn’t.”

  I sucked in air, he was ashamed of me. It all made sense now. How quickly he pulled away from me when he heard the hotel door open in the middle of our kiss, how he checked the hall before he took my hand and walked me to my hotel room. He didn’t want anyone to see us together because I wasn’t good enough for him.

  Nathan looked at him skeptically then back to me. I couldn’t finish my food. I felt so awful. I wanted to crawl under the table. He said no so easily. He just stared at the paper, as though he didn’t just crush me. I got up quickly and deposited my plate with the others. “I left something in my room, I will be right back.” I had to get out of there before I let tears fall from my eyes.

  I ran into the bathroom. I hadn’t forgotten anything; I just needed to get as far away from Tyler as I could. I took a few deep breaths and patted my eyes with Kleenex, hoping my mascara wouldn’t run. Once I felt composed, I came out of the bathroom and went back into the lobby. Everyone was standing there except Tyler and Cooper. They must have already left.

  “Hey, Becca! Tyler took your bag and put it in his car. He and Cooper already left for Enterprise Yachts. I told him it could fit in our car but he insisted he take it for you.” Will said, walking up to me.

  Why would he do that? He clearly didn’t want Nathan to know what had happened between us. I shook my head, “Yeah that’s fine, are we ready to go?” I didn’t need to dwell on Tyler’s behavior. We weren’t dating, and he was my boss. I needed to focus on impressing this company with my architectural skills.

  ~

  Will, Corey, and I spent the day drawing potential sketches to show the owner, Edna, of Enterprise Yachts. Edna Enterprise seemed impressed and was very intrigued with our green ideas. Corey specialized in marine buildings, so he did most of the talking while Will and I sketched. Nathan seemed very pleased with us. Tyler and Cooper were in another part of the building, talking about finances and what other services we could offer as a company along with the initial building. I was happy I wouldn’t have to look at him.

  It was finally time to go home. Nathan seemed very satisfied with how the client had reacted towards our plans. We all chatted in the parking lot, and I had almost forgotten about Tyler’s lie to his brother until he walked up next to me. He didn’t say anything at first, but stood in the circle listening to everyone else. I stopped engaging in the conversation. I couldn’t focus with him standing so close to me. I could even smell his cologne.

  Everyone started to walk to their cars to head home. “Are you ready to go?” he said tentatively to me. I looked over at him and his eyes went to the ground. Good. He should be nervous to look at me after what he said.

  “I’m sure I can ride in Nathan’s car if you would be more comfortable,” I choked. It hurt so badly that he was ashamed of me.

  “Becca, please, ride with me,” he said in a low tone. His voice sounded almost needy. I sighed and started to walk to his car. Cooper noticed I was heading that way, and quickly took off towards Nathan’s car. Great, I was hoping more than just Tyler and I would be in the car. Nathan glanced at his brother, and Tyler gave him a nod as he opened his car door.

  The words couldn’t come off Tyler’s lips fast enough once we got in the car. “Why are you ignoring my texts?” He was angry. I stared at him in disbelief. Why was he mad at me? Shouldn’t I be mad at him? He sighed, “Have you even looked at your phone since last night?” His voice became more nervous.

  “Yes, I looked at my phone this morning. I haven’t since then, I have obviously been very busy.” I said quietly with a trace of irritation.

  He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. “Why don’t you look at them now?” he whispered, not taking his eyes off the road.

  I cautiously took out my phone. I had several text messages, most of them from Tyler, and a few missed calls, some from Ashlynn and one from Jamie. The majority of the texts said he was sorry for what he said to Nathan, but no explanation.

  “Well?” Tyler finally croaked.

  What did he want me to say? That it was okay that he was ashamed of me? It wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to.

  I stared out the window at the sky becoming dark, “I get it Tyler, and don’t worry about it.”

  His eyes slowly studied me, taking turns between the road and my reaction. “I just didn’t know what to say to Nathan, I’m sorry.”

  I sighed; did he have to drag this on? “I get it, I’m not your type, and you don’t have to keep pointing it out,” I peeped, feeling a burn in my throat.

  His eyes widened, “Is that what you think?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my feet. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m no super model, I don’t have amazing hair or a perfect body, and I’m barely average. You are…” closing my eyes, I couldn’t finish my sentence.

  Tyler pulled off to the side of the road. It was raining now. “Your appearance has nothing to do with me being afraid to be seen with you; I am doing it for your own good.” I could feel his eyes burning into me. I didn’t have the courage to look into them or the courage to say anything.

  He sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Becca, it’s hard to explain. I… I can’t have a relationship.”

  Why did he keep making excuses? I told him it was okay, that I understood. He still didn’t say he was attracted to me. Was he not who he said he was? He took his hand from his head and put it in his lap, his eyes pleading with me, “Becca, please look at me.”

  I slowly looked up at him, my eyes fighting the tears that burned them. I tried to keep my expression blank. I couldn’t show him how much his rejection hurt me.

  “You have no idea how much last night meant to me.” His eyes were raw. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. Maybe he had just never been with anyone. His actions were a bit middle school, but his kiss was very well practiced.

  “Please, say something. I can’t stand this silence,” he begged.

  I worked up the strength to open my mouth. “What do you want me to say? You just said you were afraid to be seen with me.”

  He turned so his body was facing me. The rain was really starting to come down now. “It has nothing to do with you, it’s my family. Not so much Nathan, I just...I can’t take certain chances… it will just end badly.”

  I was starting to get mad. So now I was not only not good enough for him, but I wasn’t good enough because his family wouldn’t accept me? “Well don’t worry, I won’t ever touch you again,” I snapped. He sat back, shocked at my words. I instantly felt bad for my tone. Looking at the ceiling, I said, “Tyler, getting shut down is nothing new to me. I know I’m not… I’m not pretty. I get it if you are afraid to bring me home to your family.”

  “Damn it, Becca, I told you it has nothing to do with your appearance!” He hit his steering wheel. I flinched at his outburst. “Isn’t it obvious how unbelievably attracted I am to you?”

  I jerked my head back, he was attracted to me? “You are?” I croaked.

  He slowly nodded his head and leaned into me. “You distract me. I keep picturing you in my mind. I can’t think straight! All I want to do is talk to you and spend time with you. Even more so since last night.” His words were breathy while his eyes were smoldering.

  A tear escaped from my eye. I quickly rubbed it away from my cheek.

  “Please don’t, I hate that I’m making you feel this way.” He fidgeted next to me. Keeping his eyes on me he said, “I just don’t know how I can make this work.”

  “The more you talk, the more I don’t want it to,” I spat out, letting out a raspy breath. I was going to start crying. I was at the very end and I couldn’t stop it from happening.

  He tilted his head, his eyes getting sad.

  “Can you just take me home,” I said more sternly, finally looking at him.

  He frowned and turned to face the front. Starting the car again, he pulled back onto the road. My p
hone rang as we got onto the highway. Wanting to be rid of the awkward silence, I answered my phone without looking at who it was.

  “Becca! I have been trying to call you!” Ashlynn’s perky voice was loud and clear over the phone.

  Shit, she was the last person I wanted to talk to now. I closed my eyes. “Yeah, sorry. I have been working all day. I am on my way home from Ludington right now.”

  “Oh that’s right. Well, I was going to ask for your work email so I could send you my ideas for Connor’s and my house,” she said, overly sweet. She even emphasized Connor’s name. I rolled my eyes. Tyler noticed and lifted an eyebrow.

  “Yeah, I will text it to you, but try to do it soon, so I will have time to work on it before next Friday,” I sighed.

  “Thanks, Bec, you are the best! We should grab dinner, you know, you, me, and Connor.” Another tear escaped my eye at the thought.

  “I’ve been pretty busy. But I need to go, it’s raining and I have to focus on driving,” I lied.

  “Okay, I will talk to you later. Love you!” She was way too peppy.

  “Bye,” I whispered, hanging up the phone.

  Tyler was glancing at me. I could tell he was waiting for me to talk. I wasn’t in the mood.

  “I’m guessing that was the brat who your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with?”

  “Yeah,” I huffed.

  “And, what exactly are you working on for her and… Connor?” he questioned.

  Why did he care about this? We obviously weren’t going to be anything from his own confession. “It’s nothing.”

  “Well whatever it is, it has you upset.” His voice was stern, like he was annoyed at me. Why the hell was he annoyed with me?

  “Why the hell do you care?” I shouted at him. His eyes narrowed and he was about to say something, until my phone cut him off.

  “Jesus can’t people just leave me alone!” I exclaimed. “What?” I exasperated into my phone.

  “Well, hi Becca, it’s so nice to hear from you too, best friend.” It was Jamie. I instantly felt bad for answering the phone the way I did.

  “Hey Jay Rae, I’m sorry, it’s been… an interesting few days,” I said, glaring at Tyler. He scowled back at me.

  “Well, I just wanted to ask you,” her tone was sweet at first, then turned icy, “why the FUCK are you doing house plans for that bitch Ashlynn and that shit head Connor?!”

  I looked out the window, trying to control my emotions. She was right; there is no reason for me to do the plans for them. Ashlynn was taking it too far. “I don’t know,” I confessed.

  “Oh my God, Becca, get a backbone and tell her to fuck off!”

  “I know,” I could barely speak. “How did you know, anyway?”

  She sighed, “She called me looking for you and left a message with her devilish plan. Do you want me to tell her to leave you alone?”

  I shook my head as though she could see me, “After this, I will be done with them. I will change my phone number.”

  “Bec, what else is wrong? You sound so, emotional.” She sounded confused.

  “Jamie I have to go, I will be home in an hour, okay?”

  She snorted. “Fine, but you better open up when you get home.”

  I said goodbye and closed my eyes, crossing my arms. I could feel Tyler’s eyes scanning my body. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head. “My life is one big cluster fuck, that’s all there is to say.”

  A slow smile crept across his face. “Maybe we are perfect for each other,” he said under his breath. I rolled my eyes. I was about to explode at him.

  “I doubt I’m perfect for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be afraid to be seen with me,” I said with irritation.

  “What are you talking about? We are riding together.” He was trying to make light of the situation. “We are friends Becca. You can tell me all about your cluster fucked life.”

  So now he was being playful? You have got to be kidding me.

  “Pretty sure your best friend since childhood isn’t engaged to your ex. And I’m pretty sure they aren’t asking you to make blueprints for their future house,” I choked. I was becoming emotional again.

  He pulled off the highway and stopped the car. He turned to look at me again. “I’m sorry you have to go through all of that, but you don’t have to draw blueprints for them. Do you want me to do it?” He was being sincere.

  If Tyler did the blueprints, Ashlynn would be all over him and right in front of Connor. I wouldn’t want him to see that, and I especially didn’t want Ashlynn anywhere near Tyler, no matter what our status was.

  “Becca, please stop looking so sad. I can’t take it.”

  Tears started to flow down my cheeks. “You can’t say those types of things to me.”

  Tentatively, he reached over for my hand. His skin felt so good on mine. I wanted him to hold me, to tell me everything was going to disappear, and I could forget about at least a quarter of my past. He flexed his hand under mine, trying to get me to grasp his. I gave in and gave him a little squeeze. He breathed deeply and slowly and brought the back of his hand to my face. Still holding my hand, he said, “I can’t help it, I care about you, and I want you to know that someone cares about you.”

  I leaned into our hands. “Tyler, I can’t have any more people in my life who are ashamed of me.”

  “I could never be ashamed of you,” he murmured. His sincerity made my eyes water even more. “I’m too afraid I could lose you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He sighed, contemplating something in his head. Suddenly his face went blank. He lowered our hands from my face and turned in his seat to start the car. Quickly taking his hand away from mine to start the car, he pulled back onto the highway. He reached for my hand again, but I pulled it away.

  “Can’t I hold your hand?”

  “No.”

  Chapter 7

  The rest of the car ride was silent. Surprisingly my phone didn’t go off again. With my luck, my mother would have called. Tyler dropped me off at my condo, taking my bag from the trunk of his car and walked me to the elevator. I couldn’t even look at him.

  “I can take it from here. Thanks for the ride,” I grumbled.

  “Of course,” he said quickly. “Have a good weekend.”

  “Yeah, you too,” I muttered.

  The second I walked in the door Jamie greeted me with a glass of wine. I took it gratefully and dropped my bag on the floor.

  “I don’t know about you, but Florida is looking more and more tempting to run back to,” Jamie said, taking a swig of her wine.

  I laughed for the first time all day. “Yeah, I might have to agree with you. Working, successful men are way more complicated than club man whores.”

  “So I take it the lovely Tyler came along on your trip?”

  “Yep.” I gulped my wine.

  “And…?”

  “And… he is a bigger basket case then I am. God Jamie, he is so confusing. One minute he seems all into me then the next he is distant. He told me we wouldn’t work out, but then wanted to hold my hand the whole way home,” I said into my wine.

  “Hold your hand? What is he 14?” She squinted.

  “Yeah, he may want to hold hands a lot, but he is one hell of a kisser,” it escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

  “Wait, you kissed him?!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch, urging me to continue on.

  I took another large swig of my wine. Boy did it taste good. “Yeah, we walked on the beach to the pier last night. We sat out under the moon and talked then I reached for his hand and he freaked out at first. But then he jumped up and grabbed my hand, quite tightly.” I drank more wine. “It was like he was holding onto me for dear life, like someone was going to push him off the pier or something. Anyway, we got back to the hotel, he kissed me hardcore, but didn’t touch me. He just held my hands. It was kind of hot actually.”

  “What is so difficult about this?” Jamie a
sked with a puzzled face.

  “He freaked out when he saw someone come out of the hotel. He is clearly ashamed to be seen with me.”

  Jamie rolled her eyes at me. “Well, he is your boss. That could look really bad.” I hadn’t even thought of that. But he never said anything about work, just about his family.

  “Well then he lied to his brother about even being with me last night. He said it right in front of me!” I was pissed now. The wine was helping me to release my real emotions.

  “Again, he works with his brother right? Maybe you should just give him some time… you know get used to the fact of seeing someone from his office.”

  Was she really taking his side? “Jamie, it’s not going to work. I should just stop thinking about it.” But I couldn’t; he was constantly running through my mind.

  “Well, then I will temporarily change the subject. We are going out tomorrow night, like old times!” She perked up. I gave her a glare. We weren’t going to be who we were in Florida.

  “Not exactly like old times, but I want to go out. Remember a guy from my work invited us to go to The B.O.B tomorrow night? He said it is the best bar.”

  I rolled my eyes. My father owned that bar. “I don’t know Jay Rae…”

  “Oh come on Bec, don’t make me go by myself! We could have an awesome time! Let’s just go dance. We both know that was the best part of going out. And, I have not gotten a really good buzz in a long time. Besides, you already said you would go,” she whined.

  I raised my glass. “What’s wrong with tonight?”

  She giggled. “Why not both nights?”

  I giggled with her. “Oh what the hell, why not? Let’s have some fun tomorrow.”

  “That’s the spirit! I’m glad I made reservations at the spa for tomorrow morning!” she said, rubbing her hands between the stem of her wine glass.

  I smirked. The wine was getting to me, and I was more than happy to get lost in it.

  ~

  I woke with a startle to Jamie sprawled out next to me. She had jumped on my bed. “Time to get up and get sexy!” she teased.