Dork Diaries Book 10: Tales From a Not-So-Perfect Pet Sitter

by Rachel Renée Russell

  I could NOT believe Brianna was just going to throw me under the bus like that! This whole thing was HER idea! Miss Bri-Bri’s PAW SPA was a HOT MESS!!

  DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DING-DONG!

  JUST GREAT ! I could tell Mom and Dad were mad just by the way they were ringing the doorbell.

  Still covered in toilet water, manure, and peanut butter, I sadly trudged downstairs to answer the door. All I could really say to my parents was that I was truly sorry, I had learned my lesson, and I would NEVER, EVER lie to them or hide anything from them AGAIN!!

  I slowly opened the front door and was completely shocked to see . . .

  . . . BRANDON?!

  “BRANDON!! OMG! WHAT are you doing here?” I gasped.

  “Nikki, are you okay?” he asked, looking panicked. “I called your cell to see how things were going with the dogs. And, well . . . this really weird lady with a thick accent answered. She said you couldn’t come to the phone because you were really mad about the peanut butter and mud and you were crying in the bathroom! She said something about hands being in the toilet and you closing her pa’s spa! None of it made any sense! And then she just HUNG UP on me! It was so . . . BIZARRE!”

  “WHAT?!” I sputtered.

  I was SHOCKED! Brianna had actually answered MY cell phone and TALKED to Brandon?!!

  I could NOT believe that girl was putting ALL my personal business in the STREETS like that!

  Brandon continued. “I thought I had the wrong number, so I called back again. The same lady answered and told me not to call her again or she was contacting the cops. Anyway, since I was right in the neighborhood working on a project, I thought I’d just drop by to make sure everything was okay! You and the dogs ARE okay, right?! That lady really had me worried. And, um . . . what’s that SMELL?! PEW!!” he said, blinking his eyes really fast like the odor was stinging them or something.

  Sorry, but I was NOT about to tell Brandon the truth. That he had trusted me with the dogs and I was a COMPLETE and UTTER FAILURE as a pet sitter !

  So I decided to just LIE about how I’d read in Teen Thing magazine that washing dogs in peanut butter and manure compost killed all fleas (within ten miles!) and gave them really shiny coats.

  And yes! It had turned out to be a bit messier than I had anticipated.

  So I was in the process of cleaning (the dogs, my little sister, Hans the teddy bear, and half of the entire upstairs).

  Then I decided to change the subject.

  “So, Brandon, you said you were in the neighborhood?”

  “Yeah. I was actually right next door in the white house. My good friend Max Crumbly and I are working on our project for the science fair. It’s due tomorrow.”

  “That house?” I asked, surprised. “You were at Mrs. Wallabanger’s?!”

  “Yeah, Mrs. Wallabanger is Max’s grandmother! Our project is called Using Distillation to Turn Dirty Water into Clean Drinking Water.”

  “Wow, Brandon! Our bio teacher mentioned the science fair. Your project sounds really complicated.”

  “Actually, it’s not. It involves taking dirty water and turning it into clean drinking water. With enough research, one day this process could help provide clean water to Third World nations. Anyway, for our project to work, we need to use dirty water occurring naturally in the environment.”

  “That’s totally amazing!” I gushed.

  “We planned to use dirty runoff water from Mrs. Wallabanger’s compost pile. But we just discovered that it’s gone. So it looks like we might not be entering the science fair after all.”

  “Wow! What happened?” I asked, concerned.

  “I know it sounds hard to believe, but it looks like someone vandalized her backyard and stole her compost. They also took a few of her prized flowers. Max’s grandma insists her archfrenemy, Trixie Claire Jewel-Hollister, is behind it. They’ve been rivals since high school. Mrs. Wallabanger has been winning first place in all the local flower shows lately, and she says Trixie Hollister is a rich, spoiled, jealous SORE LOSER.”

  I was almost sure that Hollister lady was probably MacKenzie’s grandmother or grandaunt.

  I felt bad they were blaming her, but I didn’t want to throw Brianna under the bus either.

  “Well, I’m really sorry to hear you and Max might not be entering the science fair because— Wait a minute! I think I just might have some manure—I mean, COMPOST—lying around that I don’t need!”

  Brandon looked surprised. “You do?! Really?! Wow, that’s great news! Can we borrow some for our project?”

  “Actually, you can have ALL of it! I was planning to get rid of it anyway. But I’ll need a little help, if you guys don’t mind.”

  So I cleaned the FILTHY TOILET.

  Brandon cleaned the FILTHY BATHTUB (he really liked Miss Bri-Bri’s “SPA MUD”).

  And his friend Max cleaned the FILTHY DOGS in Mrs. Wallabanger’s backyard. . . .

  MAX, GIVING HOLLY AND THE PUPPIES A BATH!

  Brandon introduced me to his good friend Max Crumbly. He was nice, friendly, smart, and, ALMOST as CUTE as Brandon! SQUEEEE !!

  Brandon said Max is a really good artist (like ME!) and attends South Ridge public middle school just down the street.

  They both thanked me for helping them out with their science project and invited me to attend.

  Anyway, by the time my parents got home from the movie, everything and everyone was squeaky clean and fast asleep!

  Yes, I admit that the evening was a COMPLETE DISASTER!!

  WHY did I EVER think I could take care of EIGHT dogs when I could barely keep a PET ROCK alive?!

  But, in the end, everything worked out just fine!

  Maybe Miss Bri-Bri’s full-body peanut butter massage DID relax the dogs. They’ve been quiet as mice all night.

  I just hope tomorrow will be a lot less DRAMA!

  Mom and Dad are chaperoning an all-day field trip to the Westchester Zoo for Brianna’s class. So the three of them will already be gone by the time I get up.

  I’ll just let the dogs romp, play, and nap in my bedroom (with their pee-pee mat) until I get home from school.

  THEN, by the time my family is back from the field trip, Brandon will have picked up the dogs and taken them to Chloe’s house, and my pet sitting duties will be successfully completed!

  Which means I will have kept EIGHT dogs right under my parents’ noses for twenty-four hours without them EVER suspecting a thing!

  Am I NOT an EVIL GENIUS?!

  MWA-HA-HA-HA!

  Well, I’d better get some sleep!

  !!

  FRIDAY, MAY 2—7:00 A.M. AT HOME

  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

  (That was me screaming in TERROR!)

  At first I didn’t know if I was actually dreaming or awake. I was praying the very horrible THING I saw was just a really bad nightmare!

  I had awakened, showered, and gotten dressed. Then I’d taken care of Holly and her pups.

  They were in my room playing and romping around when I went downstairs to grab breakfast and head off to school.

  WARNING! This is the scary NIGHTMARE part!

  Just like the victims people in those horror movies, I was supposed to be home alone!

  So, I totally FREAKED when I walked into the kitchen and saw . . .

  ME, IN SHOCK MOM IS STILL HOME, WHEN SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GONE!

  I was like, “Um, good morning, Mom! So . . . WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!”

  Mom looked at me kind of strange. “Well, right now I’m making a cup of coffee.”

  “What I meant was, aren’t you and Dad supposed to be gone all day? You know, chaperoning Brianna’s class at the zoo?”

  “Actually, it was canceled due to a forecast of thundershowers. And since I’ve already taken the time off from work, I decided to just stay home and relax.”

  “WHAT?! You’re staying HOME?!! ALL DAY?! Are you SURE?!” I gasped.

  “Yes, I’m sure! Honey, are you feeling okay? You kind of look
like you just saw a GHOST or something!”

  “Actually, Mom, I felt just fine until I walked into this kitchen. Now I wanna throw up! Er, what I mean is . . . YES! I’m not sick at all. And I’m feeling very fine, actually,” I babbled.

  Okay, I had a HUMONGOUS problem!

  There was no way I could leave the dogs in my bedroom with Mom in the house all day.

  And even if I stashed them in the garage, she’d probably stumble upon them out there, too.

  I needed to get them out of the house, and FAST!!

  If one of the puppies even SNEEZED, there was a good chance Mom would hear it, all alone in the house with eight dogs !

  Unlike my SCHOOL, which was busy, crowded, and practically a ZOO!

  That place was usually so NOISY, I could BARELY hear my own THOUGHTS!

  As crazy as it sounded, I didn’t have a choice but to take the dogs to SCHOOL with me!!

  Or face the WRATH OF MOM !!

  I texted Chloe and Zoey and made them aware of the impending CATASTROPHE!

  They told me to remain calm and meet them at the side door near the school library ASAP.

  But I STILL had to resolve TWO very minor, yet important, questions.

  Since no one orders pizzas for breakfast at 7:00 a.m., Queasy Cheesy was still closed and their drivers were not available. So HOW was I supposed to convince my mom or dad to drive me and EIGHT dogs to school? Without them EVER discovering the, um, DOGS?

  That’s when I suddenly remembered that my BFFs and I were meeting near the LIBRARY. And it had lots and lots of BOOKS.

  So I grabbed a marker, paper, blanket, and wagon and created the perfect doggie disguise. . . .

  I had barely finished covering the dog cage with Brianna’s old baby blanket when I suddenly heard the garage door open.

  Brianna’s eyes got as big as saucers, and she looked like she was about to wet her pants.

  When I turned around, Dad was standing there with a mug of coffee, STARING right at the DOG CAGE.

  OMG! I was SO startled, I almost lost my biscuits-’n’-gravy breakfast.

  Dad looked at the dog cage and then at me and then back at the dog cage again. I thought for sure I was BUSTED!!

  Until he said, “So, Nikki, it looks like you’re going to need help getting those library books to school. I’ll go unlock the van and load you up.”

  I was speechless. And very happy !!

  My dad had volunteered to take me and the dogs “library books” to school!

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”

  “That’s a BIG load of books! Where did you find them, Nikki?” he asked, taking a swig of coffee.

  “Actually, someone left them all on a doorstep, and I’ve been taking care of them until I could find them a home. Well, A HOME in our school LIBRARY, of course!” I explained nervously.

  Dad unlocked the van door and went back into the house to let Mom know he was driving me to school.

  I quickly wheeled the “books” out to the van, and Brianna helped me load everything inside before he returned.

  As Dad pulled out of the driveway, I turned on the radio and blasted his favorite golden oldies music station so loud I thought my ears were going to bleed.

  Luckily, the loud music made it almost impossible for Dad to hear the dogs bark.

  BUT if he had glanced at the “library books” behind him, he would have been in for a really big surprise. . . .

  My heart was pounding in my chest like the bass to my favorite rap song as I adjusted the blanket to cover the curious puppies.

  WHAT WAS I THINKING ?!!

  I must have been suffering from TEMPORARY INSANITY when I came up with the RIDICULOUS idea to bring eight dogs to school.

  I was already DREADING my day at school!

  And it hadn’t even started yet.

  !!

  FRIDAY—7:55 A.M. AT SCHOOL

  As planned, Chloe and Zoey were waiting for me by the side door near the library.

  “Hi, guys!” I jumped out of the van, grabbed their arms, and led them to the back of the van so Dad couldn’t hear.

  “So, will you help me unload the, um . . . BOOKS?!”

  “Books?” Zoey asked. “What books?”

  I gave her and Chloe a wink.

  “Oh! THOSE books! Sure!” Zoey said.

  “Nikki, what happened to the DOGS?” Chloe blurted out. “Are they still in your bedroom?! I thought you were bringing them with you to school today and—

  Zoey gave Chloe a swift kick to shut her up.

  “OW! That hurt!” Chloe whined.

  “Need any help, girls?” Dad asked, standing right behind us.

  OMG! He nearly scared the Kibbles ’n Bits out of us! I really wished he’d STOP sneaking up on people like that.

  He opened the back door of the van and reached for the load of “library books.”

  “NO!” I said, grabbing his hand. “I mean, no thanks, Dad! We got this. Mrs. Peach would fire us from working at the library. You understand, right?”

  “Not really. But fine.” He shrugged. “You kids are more nervous than a wet cat! It’s like you’re trying to smuggle mice into a cheese factory or something!”

  Not quite! We were trying to smuggle eight dogs into a middle school.

  Chloe, Zoey, and I looked at each other and giggled nervously.

  Not because his joke was funny, but because Holly’s tail was hanging out from under the blanket. . . .

  After Chloe, Zoey, and I unloaded the dog cage and wagon, we waved good-bye to my dad, and wheeled the “books” into the library.

  “Keeping the cage in here might be risky!” I said, looking around. “What if Mrs. Peach sees the sign and thinks it’s actually library books?”

  “Maybe if we change the sign to ‘GARBAGE,’ she won’t look?” Chloe reasoned. “But then she might throw it out. I know! How about ‘SNAKES’? Then she wouldn’t go near it!”

  “No! We should hide the dogs in a safe, top secret place that only WE know about. Like, hmmm . . . ,” Zoey said, tapping her chin.

  Suddenly we all had the exact same idea. . . .

  “THE JANITOR’S CLOSET!” we yelled excitedly.

  We quickly wheeled the cage down the hall to the janitor’s closet. . . .

  We rolled the cage inside and closed the door.

  “I just hope the dogs aren’t too noisy,” Zoey said, pulling off the blanket and folding it up.

  “Well, we can listen to them with this,” I said, reaching inside my backpack and pulling out the baby monitor.

  Chloe turned it on and placed the receiver part on top of the cage and handed the speaker part to me.

  All the puppies were resting, and Holly quietly stared out at us, probably curious about her strange new surroundings.

  “Look!” Chloe said. “Her water bowl is empty. I’ll fill it back up so she won’t get thirsty!”

  “Okay, but just make sure you close the cage when you’re done so they can’t get out,” I said, turning the volume on the receiver to high.

  I wanted to make sure I could hear every little sound. Then I placed it inside my backpack.

  We said good-bye to the dogs, carefully closed the janitor’s closet door, and headed for our lockers.

  Today, students were reporting to their homerooms for first hour instead of our regular classes.

  This worked out for us since we were all in the same homeroom.

  “Whatever you do, act natural and stay cool,” I whispered to Chloe and Zoey as we took our seats.

  “And just think POSITIVE thoughts!” Zoey whispered.

  “Yeah, because if someone finds those dogs in the janitor’s closet, I’m POSITIVE we’ll be KICKED out of this school like a SOCCER BALL!” Chloe added in a whisper.

  I was like, thanks a lot, Chloe!

  After hearing her positive thought, I was more WORRIED than EVER!!

  !!

  FRIDAY—8:27 A.M. IN HOMEROOM CLASS

  The clas
sroom was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Then . . .

  BOOM! SPLASH! BARK! YIP-YIP! CRASH!

  The loud noises from my backpack startled me so badly I practically jumped out of my seat. OMG! It sounded like pure puppy pandemonium!

  I immediately regretted that I’d turned up the volume of the baby monitor so high.

  I ALSO immediately regretted that I hadn’t checked to make sure Chloe had CLOSED that CAGE DOOR after refilling Holly’s water bowl !!

  Every single person in the room heard it, including Chloe and Zoey. I totally panicked.

  My startled teacher stopped writing on the board, walked over to my desk, and gawked at me. . . .

  ME, DISRUPTING THE CLASS WITH MY VERY NOISY “STOMACH SOUNDS”

  “Nikki, are you okay?!” she asked, looking very concerned.

  “Uh . . . have you ever been so queasy that your stomach sounds like seven dogs fighting in a utility closet?! That’s totally me right now!” I grabbed my stomach and faked a very loud and painful moan.

  My teacher shuddered at the thought.

  “Actually, no, I haven’t. Thankfully!” she muttered.

  YIP-YIP! BANG! SQUEAL! BARK! CRASH!

  “Sorry! But this could get really ugly!” I said, and then moaned really long and loud like a moose with a bad toothache.

  Mostly I was trying my hardest to cover up the noise coming from my backpack.

  But I don’t think it was working.

  “I’m really worried about you, Nikki! Did you maybe eat something that didn’t agree with you?!” my teacher asked.

  “Probably! Remember that blue cheese macaroni casserole from lunch yesterday? Only it was actually more of a moldy green color and smelled like fermented skunk spit? I ate THREE large bowls of it! UGH!!”

  I watched as kids frantically scooted their desks out of my puking range.

  Come on! Even if I really had eaten that stuff, they wouldn’t need to move away like that.

  Hey! They’d need to SWIM out of the room!