“Okay. What can I...” The voice died. Natasha turned around and saw Dani standing frozen in the rear doorway.
Dani’s expressions shifted through a range of emotions, none of them welcoming. Natasha was the first to find her voice. “I need to buy a replacement for a broken pot.”
“What makes you think I’d sell anything to you?” Dani said with contempt.
“It’s your trade.”
“I can choose my customers.”
“But I can’t choose my potter. You’re the only one in town, though you...” Natasha bit back the rest. She did not want to sound surly. “If you insist, I can go back to the common room and explain that I tried to buy one, but you refused to sell it to me. I’m sure everyone will sympathize with your motives.”
Dani turned her head and glared at the shelf beside her. She took several deep breaths; then she swallowed and took a step forward, turning so that her back was to Natasha. She pointed to her wares, a hand movement more reminiscent of swatting flies. “What sort of pot do you want?” Her tone could have cut through glass.
“It was a large roasting dish...with a lid.”
“All roasting dishes have lids.” Dani spoke as though she were reprimanding an idiot. She stamped across to a corner of the shop, reached under a low shelf, and pulled out four examples of varying dimensions. She arranged them in a line on the floor and then stepped back.
Natasha moved into the space Dani had vacated and knelt to examine the pots. None was exactly the right size. She was trying to build up the courage to ask whether anything else was available when Dani spoke again. “Are you enjoying this?”
Natasha glanced up. Dani was standing with her back against a wall and her arms crossed defensively in front of her.
“No,” Natasha replied, truthfully.
“I thought it might be the sort of thing you found funny...like fucking someone who wouldn’t have gotten within spitting distance of you if she’d known what you really were.”
Natasha turned back to the pots, but her eyes refused to focus. “I’m sorry.” She could not force her voice above a whisper.
“For what?” Dani challenged.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I abused your trust. I’m sorry I slept with you. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You think you hurt me?”
“If you can tell me I didn’t, it would be a load off my conscience.”
“You’ve got a conscience?” Dani mimicked astonishment.
“I didn’t intend to...” Natasha’s voice failed her.
“It all happened by accident?”
Natasha could not answer. She picked up something and pretended to inspect it, turning it over in her hands, but she was too upset even to work out whether it was a base or a lid.
Dani watched her in silence for a while. “Why did you wait until the last night?”
“Please. There’s no point in—”
Dani cut her off, speaking with a forced, conversational tone. “Because I’ve come up with two theories, and I wondered if you could tell me which is right. One is that Rohanna and Cal were your superior officers, and you had to wait until they were out of the way before breaking your Guards’ vow of celibacy. The other option is that the thought of killing Lynn the next day made you feel turned on. Apparently, some murderers get off on that kind of thing.”
Something inside Natasha cracked open. Her chin shot up. “I did it because I was in love with you, and had been for months.” And still am, she added silently. “You were chasing after me, but I knew you wouldn’t have had anything to do with me if you’d known the truth, and I tried to respect that. It wasn’t easy. In the end, I’m afraid, I wasn’t strong enough. It wasn’t the thought of killing Lynn that got to me. It was the fact that I was planning on killing myself the next day. I’m sorry. It was selfish of me, but I wanted to take the memory of you with me.”
The flow of words dried up, and they stared at each other.
Natasha was the one to break eye contact. She grabbed the nearest pot and stood up. It was a little bigger than the one she had broken, but surely no one in the common room would mind.
Dani was still glaring at Natasha. Her expression was as venomous as her tone. “Kim shouldn’t have wasted time with parole for you. She ought to have hanged you straight off. It would have been fun to watch.”
“You’ve still got it to look forward to when they catch Rohanna and Cal. The weather is getting better. If it’s a nice day when they hang me, perhaps you could take a picnic along and make a party of it,” Natasha retorted. Then she held out the pot. “How much do I owe you for this?”
“I wouldn’t dirty my hands by touching your money.”
“But I—”
“You can have the pot.”
“I don’t want to take anything from you.”
“More than you already have?” Dani’s voice cracked. She averted her face. “Call it payment for the night’s work you put in at the kiln. Just get out of my house.”
Natasha drew a breath as though she were about to argue the point further, but then she turned and strode out of the shop.
The door swung closed behind her. Dani remained motionless, staring at the wooden slats. As her lower lip began to tremble, she caught it between her teeth and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. But she could do nothing to stop the tears that began to flow silently down her face. The first sob shook her body.
*
Chip Coppelli groaned and sank down in her chair. “Do you remember me saying once that if Natasha turned out to be on the level, I wanted her for the Rangers?” Her tone was rhetorical. “Well, I definitely want Cal Rowse. We can keep her tied up. I just want her to give lessons to the squadrons.”
“The patrol that came in today found no sign of them?” Mirle asked from the other side of the table. The other council members looked anxiously back to the Ranger captain, awaiting her answer.
“I’d have come running to tell you if they had.” Chip scowled in frustration. “There were the footprints leading away from the outpost. We tracked them as far as the river, and then they might have taken wings and flown, for all the trail they’ve left.”
“All things are possible with the grace of the Goddess,” Lynn joined in with heavy irony. She tilted her head to one side. “Have you considered that they might have fallen in the river and been drowned and swept away?”
“It would be lovely if they had,” Chip said in heartfelt tones. “And there’s also the possibility that they were caught by snow lions. The map they took went as far north as the pass over the Blackstone range. Renie’s patrol reported signs of a large pride around there. Late March would have been the dangerous time. If Rohanna and Cal went that way.”
“It’s the if part that’s the problem.” Kim spoke for the first time. “We’re going to have to make some hard decisions soon. We need to know for certain whether news of Ginasberg has gotten back to the Chief Consultant.”
“You’re thinking about Natasha?” Mirle asked.
Kim shook her head. “Not yet. There’s over a month left to go of her parole—”
“And she’s going to want to stay here anyway,” Lynn interrupted confidently. “Even if we told her she could go back to Landfall, I doubt she’d take us up on the offer.”
“It’s actually Ginasberg I’m concerned about,” Kim said, frowning. “I don’t want to commit a lot of effort to the defenses if we’re going to have to abandon it, and I don’t want to waste the summer if Rohanna and Cal’s bones are already littering the wilderness.” She turned to Chip. “I think it’s time to stop trying to catch them. If they’ve been traveling east for these last two months, they’ll be nearly back in the Homelands by now.
“Send a couple of women up to the Blackstones to see what they can find. The lions shouldn’t have chewed much off them and probably spat out most of it. And if the lions did eat them up completely, they’d have died of iron poisoning. So a heap of lion carcasses would be a
nother pointer. Also check out Lynn’s suggestion about the river. I know she wasn’t being totally serious, but it was a very dark night. The river isn’t deep there, but with the melting snow, it would have been cold enough to give nasty cramps to anyone trying to cross. We’re going to have to make a decision about Ginasberg before the end of May.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Chip said crisply.
Kim smiled at her friend and then looked down at the paper in front of her. “Okay. The next thing on the agenda.”
Mirle picked a sheet of paper. “I’ve just received a new report from Jules. Things got a bit hot in her area, and she had to make a run for it. But she got to a safe house near Watersmeet. She wants to know what plans we have for her.”
The meeting moved to a review of the Homelands agents.
*
From the hills above Westernfort, the town looked peaceful in the soft light of early evening. Natasha strolled down the pathway with two older shepherds, the dogs scampering back and forth before them. She had been uncertain whether the high pastures counted as farmlands. However, Kim had clearly been amused when she went to ask whether working up there would break the terms of her parole. There were still twenty days of the period left to go. Everyone seemed to take it for granted that when the time was up, she would ask to remain in Westernfort. Natasha suspected that they were right, but she was still not completely happy with the thought.
The path swung around a last belt of woodland and joined a larger road. Tipsy and another dog went bounding into the undergrowth and had to be called back. They came a little unwillingly at first—Tipsy clearly thought there was something worth investigating—but then they raced on ahead. The edge of the town was less than a kilometer away. Downhill from the road was a level riverside meadow where a group of young women played football, making the most of the warm May evening.
“Hey, Tash!” At the cry, Natasha looked over and spotted Tanya among the players. “We’re playing Rangers against the rest. We’ve got the numbers even, but we’re wiping the floor with them.” Her words raised some indignant retorts. Tanya went on, undeterred. “Why don’t you join their side and try to make a game of it?”
“I’ve got to take Tipsy back to the barn and give her some supper,” Natasha called back.
One of the shepherds spoke up. “Nah. You go and sort those Rangers out. We’ll take care of Tipsy for you.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. Go on.” The shepherd waved her away.
“Thanks.” Natasha jogged onto the meadow. Too late, she saw Shelly and Dani among the players. Neither looked pleased at her arrival, but they made no comment, and the game resumed.
Before long, Natasha had realized why the Rangers were having the best of it. Even in a friendly game, several were using blatantly intimidatory tactics, tackling the weaker opponents hard. Natasha smiled grimly. One did not survive long in the marketplace at Landfall without learning how to deal with things like that. The second time she had possession of the ball, she had a chance to put her experience into effect. One of the Rangers came charging toward her, clearly expecting Natasha to back off, but instead, it was the Ranger who ended up on the ground after being shouldered aside.
The next Ranger in her way was Shelly, who was easily outmaneuvered and left flat-footed. Natasha passed the ball on, grinning at the muttering from the women behind her.
After another ten minutes of play, her team was definitely seeing Natasha as an asset. The ball was coming her way more often, and the Rangers were treating her with respect. All four times she and Shelly had contended for the ball, Natasha had been the one left in possession. Natasha tried not to look smug, but she was starting to enjoy herself. Shelly’s expression could best be described as a thundercloud.
Play flowed up and down the meadow. Natasha intercepted the ball at midfield. She took it a few meters forward and then chipped it over the heads of some advancing Rangers to one of her teammates. Natasha raced up the field, keeping level with the ball as it was passed from woman to woman. It ended up with Dani, who sent a high, floating shot across the goal line. Natasha connected with the ball and pounded it in for a goal.
Dani’s and Natasha’s eyes met. Both women were exultant, both shouting in triumph. They held the contact for a second before Dani’s face blanked over and she turned away. Natasha was surrounded by the rest of her teammates, who were patting her back and congratulating her. Natasha’s heart was pounding. She did not know whether it was due to exertion, the thrill of scoring, or the fact that for the first time in months, Dani had looked at her with something other than hatred.
The game continued. The next time Natasha had the ball, she advanced a third of the way up the field and then passed it to someone who had found a good clear patch. Natasha slowed a little to catch her breath. Suddenly, her legs were kicked from under her. She hit the ground hard, driving the air from her lungs and leaving her curled on the grass, hugging her shins in agony. When her head finally cleared, she was aware of an argument going on above her.
“That wasn’t just a late tackle.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t see she’d passed the ball.”
“Even then, you can’t chop at people’s legs like that.”
“I said I was sorry.” The pain was fading. This time, Natasha recognized Shelly’s voice.
Tanya knelt by Natasha’s side. “Tash, are you all right?”
Natasha rolled onto her back. “I will be.” She opened her eyes. Tanya’s face was closest, looking concerned. Beyond her was a ring of others. Shelly looked sullenly defensive. A couple looked angry. Several looked embarrassed. They all knew that it had nothing to do with the game of football.
Natasha managed to sit up. Her shins were not too bad, but her left knee was throbbing. With help from Tanya and others, she got to her feet, but she could not put her full weight on the leg.
“You’d best get into town and have a healer look at it,” Tanya suggested.
“I think I’ll be okay.”
“Even so.”
There was not going to be any more play. The huddle around Natasha started to disperse. Dani was the first to leave the meadow, followed by Shelly. Most stayed to accompany Natasha and offer assistance as she hobbled along. Nothing was said to Natasha on the subject of the poorly disguised assault, but she caught a few remarks from the rear of the group directed against Shelly. Some included Dani in their criticism.
The thought occurred to Natasha that the heretics were siding with an ex-Guard against one of their own people. She clenched her teeth. It was a painful way to learn that she was accepted in Westernfort.
And that she thought of herself as an ex-Guard.
*
From the cover of the trees, two women watched the group of footballers depart.
“Treacherous little bitch.” Cal spat out the words.
“Well, it answers some questions,” Rohanna said in more measured tones.
“She’s broken her oath to the Goddess and joined the heretics.”
“I’m afraid you’re right. I had hoped...” Rohanna broke off and sighed. “I knew her faith was weakening and she’d failed in her assignment, but I’d hoped she had remained true.”
“She’ll answer to Celaeno.”
“As must we all, and I know I’m not blameless. I should have been the one to remain here and deal with the Imprinter.”
“And leave me with her?” Cal sounded incredulous. She put her hand on Rohanna’s arm. “I’d rather be in the shit with a comrade I trust than taking it easy with a lousy traitor. I know it’s Celaeno who’ll judge her, but I’d like to be the one who sends her to the Halls of Judgment.”
“Her soul will be forfeit,” Rohanna agreed sadly.
“You sound sorry.”
“I am. She could have been a worthy Guard. I was her leader, and it must be partly my fault she went astray. I failed her.”
Cal shook her head. “Don’t blame yourself. She’s the one who turned her back o
n the Goddess.”
The footballers were gone from sight. The two Guards retreated farther into the undergrowth and then began to climb the hillside, still keeping to dense cover. After a while, Cal said, “I’m amazed they trust her, after she betrayed us.”
“The heretics can be gullible, in their way. I suppose there must be a few doubts in the minds of some of them, yet it...” Rohanna’s voice dropped, and her face became thoughtful.
“You’ve thought of something?”
“Just an idea, but with the grace of the Goddess, it might work. It will mean waiting and keeping close to the town, which has its risks.”
Cal’s face became grim. “Well just make sure we keep away from dogs in the future. I thought we were done for when they came bounding over our way.”
“Have faith. The Goddess will protect us.”
“So what’s your plan?”
“You said you wanted to be the one to send her soul to Celaeno. You will get your wish.”
Chapter Twenty—Doubts
The carving of the sheep was starting to take shape. Natasha whittled away cheerfully, a small pile of wood chips forming by her feet. It was not going to be a work of art, but she was sure Becky would like it. Already, with a bit of imagination, one could see what the model was going to be, and the better part of a month was left before the child’s birthday, giving her plenty of time to finish it.
Natasha sat on a three-legged milking stool just inside the wide-open doors of the barn. Bright afternoon sunshine streamed in over her shoulder. She spared a quick glance around the interior. All the animals were out in the fields, and there was nothing for her to do until the cows were brought in for milking in half an hour. Natasha’s lips formed a broad grin, and she returned to her carving.
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