The Walls of Westernfort

by Jane Fletcher

  Dani closed her eyes. The smoldering anger had gone, replaced by guilt. She had no right to be angry at Shelly; rather, it went the other way around. She had used Shelly. Deep inside, she had known it all along. Up until the end, Shelly had been a willing tool, but that did not make it right.

  The sound of someone entering the shop interrupted her brooding. Dani turned and saw Lynn standing in the open doorway.

  “Can I come in?”

  Dani gestured vaguely in the direction of the bench, dithered back and forth, and then dropped onto her stool by the wheel.

  “How are you?” Lynn’s tone made the question more than a simple greeting.

  “Fine.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Of course. Why shouldn’t I be?”

  Lynn sat and considered her for a while before continuing. “I thought you might like to know that Natasha is now able to see visitors.”

  “That’s nice for her,” Dani said listlessly.

  “You wouldn’t consider calling on her yourself?”

  “I don’t pay get-well visits to Guards.”

  “Ex-Guard.”

  Dani shrugged as though the point were not worth contending, but she could not meet Lynn’s gaze.

  Lynn continued, “I was talking to Ash this morning about the conversation you had with her the evening Natasha went missing. She told me you were upset. You regretted arguing with Natasha.”

  “I didn’t want her death on my conscience.”

  “I remember hearing you say you’d happily kill any Guard, by any method whatsoever.”

  “So?”

  “Either you’ve softened your attitude, or you don’t see Natasha as a Guard. And either way, you could consider dropping by to visit her.”

  “I know where you’re heading, and I’d have thought you had more sense.” Dani tried to put passion into her voice, but even she could hear the weakness. “After what happened to my family...how could anyone imagine I could ever—” She broke off. “I loved my sister, I loved my mothers, and Natasha is just...” Again, she could not complete her sentence. “I don’t want anything to do with her. I don’t want to be in the same room as her. I just wish she was...somewhere else.”

  “You don’t have to pretend to hate her just to prove you loved your family.”

  “What makes you think I’m pretending?”

  “The way you reacted when Natasha was stabbed.”

  Dani opened her mouth but could not speak. The image of Natasha, lying on the floor, in the dark spreading pool, was the one she had fought to keep out of her head. Now it claimed her. She could see Natasha’s fingers jerking spasmodically as her lifeblood seeped away.

  Lynn spoke again. “I had another reason for coming to talk to you. I wanted to thank you.”

  “For what?” Dani’s head jerked up.

  “For that night, in our house, when I killed Cal. You were there. You saw the state I was in. I completely lost my grip, and Natasha was lying wounded, needing my help. She’d just saved Kim’s life...mine as well. She’d taken Cal out of the fight temporarily and held off Rohanna long enough for you to pass Kim her sword. If she’d died because of her actions, that would have been bad enough, but if she’d died because I couldn’t pull my head together in time, I’d never have forgiven myself. Without you, I’d have stood there wailing like a pathetic idiot until it was too late. I was off in a flap. The only thing that got through to me was the emotion in your voice.” Lynn looked directly at Dani. “And that emotion wasn’t hatred.”

  Dani swallowed and stared at the ruined pot on the wheel. After a few seconds of silence, Lynn got to her feet. She patted Dani once on the shoulder and walked to the door. Dani did not move, but at the sound of Lynn’s hand on the latch, she said, “With Natasha, I...I’ve not been very pleasant to her. Do you think she’d want to see me?”

  “I wouldn’t like to answer for her. But I know an easy way of finding out.”

  *

  Shelly sat beside Natasha’s bed, chatting happily. “Now that we know news about Ginasberg won’t be getting to the Chief Consultant, building work will be going at full speed. A party is setting out from here in three days’ time, and I’m going to be in it. Lieutenant O’Neil said my advice and help would be really useful, since I’m a veteran from the fighting five years ago.”

  Natasha had been helped into a sitting position, supported by a large pillow on either side. She smiled at the enthusiasm. “Hopefully, Lynn will let me up in the near future. Look for me as soon as I’m fit to travel.”

  “You shouldn’t give up on Dani. You know what I said.”

  “Yes, but last time I tried talking to her, it didn’t go too well. Ginasberg sounds safer.”

  “You’re being too hasty.”

  Natasha grinned. “You’re right. Kim hasn’t yet confirmed that I won’t be sent back to Landfall, or hanged.”

  “Oh, of course you won’t.” Irony was lost on Shelly. “Nobody is going to accuse you of breaking parole. All the girls back in the barracks are saying that you ought to get an award, except we’ve never gone in for things like that here. And Abby made us laugh when she said that any Westernfort Ranger could take out a Guard with one hand tied behind her back, but you’d outdone us...like, because you had both hands tied.”

  “But I lost.” Natasha pointed out.

  “Not really, ’cause you’re still alive, and Cal and Rohanna aren’t.”

  Natasha bit her lip. Explaining her conflicting emotions to Shelly would be impossible, but she had to say something. “Their deaths were a loss as well. There was a lot about them to admire. They were ready to give their lives for what they thought was right. It’s just that what they thought was right, wasn’t. I hope the Goddess looks on them kindly.”

  “I bet they wouldn’t have said the same about you.”

  “Maybe not Cal. But I’m sure Rohanna would have felt a few twinges of regret. We’d spent six months living together as a family.” Natasha stopped and frowned. “It’s just occurred to me that I’ll never know what either of their real names were.”

  Shelly looked startled. “Weren’t they Rohanna and Calinda?”

  “No more than mine was Jess.”

  “Then it’s a good thing they were buried in the common grave with the other Guards. Otherwise, the wrong names would have been put on the grave markers.”

  Natasha could not help herself from smiling. “You have a wonderful talent for focusing on the practical side of things.”

  “Yes. That’s what I’ve been told before.” Shelly looked pleased. “And what you said about admiring Cal...she was practical as well. Do you know how they managed to avoid us and get back into the valley? Two Rangers came in yesterday who’d been on their trail. Cal made a raft and floated downriver; then they swept around to the west. And she didn’t need a map or anything. Actually, the two Rangers were angry at you. They thought you’d deliberately lied about your comrades racing back to the Homelands. But don’t worry. We set them straight.”

  “I’m pretty angry at myself. I was so sure they’d do anything to get the news about Ginasberg back to the Sisters that I forgot the Chief Consultant herself had said killing Lynn was our most important priority.”

  Shelly looked doubtful. “I’m not sure if I’d forget hearing someone say something like that.”

  The earnest lack of humor in the young Ranger’s voice threatened to destroy Natasha’s composure, and she had already discovered that laughing was a painful strain on her stomach. With effort, she controlled herself, and the conversation turned to other subjects. After a while, Shelly made her goodbyes and went, promising to visit again each day until she left for Ginasberg.

  *

  Natasha settled back. The window was slightly ajar, letting in both a gentle draft of warm afternoon air and the sounds of activity in the town: hammering from a carpenter’s workshop and the softer clack of a weaver’s loom. Traders called their wares. Friends walked by, chatting. And children’s
voices chanted a skipping rhyme that she remembered from her own childhood in the streets of Landfall.

  This is my home now. The thought was disconcerting. Not that she regretted it, but the change in her life was irrevocable now. I’ll never see my mother again or stand sentry outside the temple. She would not want to do either, even if the chance were offered, but they defined so much of how she had seen herself. And what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

  She could continue working with Lynn and her animals, but that would put her far too close to Dani for the comfort of either of them. I wonder if Ash wants someone to stand sentry outside the gates of Ginasberg? The thought put a smile on her lips. Listening to the unhurried rhythms of Westernfort, Natasha drifted away in a light doze.

  The sound of the door woke her some time later. Natasha opened her eyes.

  “I see you’re alone,” Lynn said.

  “Oh...yes. Shelly went a while back.”

  “Are you up to the excitement of another visitor?”

  “Just so long as they’re not as funny as Shelly.”

  Lynn grinned at her. “Okay, but remember, you aren’t better yet. Don’t get carried away. I don’t want you to do anything silly and undo all the effort I’ve put into healing you.”

  Natasha matched the grin, although she did not know what sort of unwise activity Lynn had in mind. Sitting up and talking was all she felt capable of. Lynn slipped out, holding the door open for the person outside. Natasha waited expectantly. This visitor was clearly not as impatient as Ash.

  Then, after a lengthy delay, Dani edged in and stood, looking nervous. They stared at each other. Natasha felt her stomach flip.

  “I’ll go away if you want.”

  “No...please. Come in.”

  Dani shuffled to the stool. Her movements were so clumsy that she almost knocked it over before managing to sit down. She swallowed visibly. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I just wanted to...see how you are. Lynn said you were…um...”

  After her initial flare of joy, anger kicked in. Natasha clenched her teeth. Dani’s eyes were fixed on the side of the bed. She was showing no sign of wanting to be there. Obviously, Lynn had bullied her into paying a visit.

  “You don’t have to stay. You’ve seen that I’m okay. You can go now.”

  Dani’s head jerked up. “That’s what you want?”

  “It’s obviously what you want.”

  “No. No, I don’t. At least not until I’ve said...I wanted to...” Dani drew a deep breath. “Not before I’ve said that I’m sorry for what I said, up at the kiln. I didn’t mean it.”

  Astonishment literally rocked Natasha back in the bed. The jolt caused her wound to give a momentary stab of pain, which was, in its way, reassuring. She knew that she was not dreaming. Her thoughts vanished in chaos. She could not have put together a coherent response even if she could have controlled her jaw enough to deliver it.

  Dani went on. “I was lying to myself. I was hoping if I just kept on saying things loudly enough, I could make myself feel what I thought I ought to feel. And I never stopped to think whether it was what I wanted to feel. I’ve been a complete bitch. And now you probably hate me. That’s all I deserve, but I...” Dani’s voice choked off.

  Natasha grabbed her hand. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.”

  “I’ve given you every reason to.”

  “Not as much as I gave you.”

  For the first time, Dani’s eyes met hers. “You mean I haven’t blown it?”

  “No. And I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”

  Dani’s gaze dropped to Natasha’s hand. She turned it over and examined it as if she held something strange and valuable. Then she lifted it and pressed the knuckles against her lips. Her eyes returned to Natasha’s. “You already have. It’s my turn.”

  “I...I…er...it...” Natasha could not speak. Her insides had melted, and she had forgotten how to breathe.

  Dani continued. “Coming here to see you, what I most wanted to say...I mean...I know I’ve missed a couple of opportunities in the past when you’ve said it, but what I really want to say is...I love you too.”

  About the Author

  Jane Fletcher was born in Greenwich, London in 1956. She now lives alone in the south-west of England after the sudden, untimely death of her partner.

  Her love of fantasy began at the age of seven when she encountered Greek mythology. This was compounded by a childhood spent clambering over every example of ancient masonry she could find (medieval castles, megalithic monuments, Roman villas). It was her resolute ambition to become an archaeologist when she grew up, so it was something of a surprise when she became a software engineer instead.

  Jane started writing when her partner refused to listen to yet another lengthy account of ‘a really good idea for a story’ and insisted that she write it down. After many years of revision, the result, Lorimal’s Chalice, was published. This book was short-listed for the Gaylactic Spectrum award in 2003.

  Lorimal’s Chalice will be re-released as Book One and Book Two of The Lyremouth Chronicles in the coming year (Book One: The Exile and The Sorcerer, Book Two: The Traitor and The Chalice) along with the all new Book Three in the series: The Empress and The Acolyte.

  Jane is also the author of The Celaeno Series. All three books in this series will be available from Bold Strokes Books in 2005 (The Walls of Westernfort, Rangers at Roadsend, and The Temple at Landfall).

  Jane can be contacted at js.fletcher@btinternet.com