Rock Chick Renegade

by Ashley, Kristen

  Al of us silent or talking quietly, sipping coffee and eating donuts.

  Al of us waiting.

  Al the while Vance looked out the window while I held his hand.

  * * * * *

  Indy Dawn was breaking when the doctor walked in wearing clean scrubs and Crocs. He looked around the room, fil ed to capacity with people and Nick stood. I stood with him.

  “Juliet Lawler?” the doctor asked the room at large.

  Lee came up beside me but I moved close to Nick.

  “Me. Here. Me, I’m her uncle,” Nick said and he hadn’t spoken since we arrived so his voice was hoarse, croaky.

  He cleared his throat and I got closer.

  The doctor walked to Nick. I saw a movement behind him as Vance materialized and stood at his side. Roxie was not far away, Hank at her back. Eddie and Jet moved in beside Lee.

  The doctor stopped at Nick, his eyes scanning the crowd again, they settled on Nick and he said, “She’s pul ed through. Your niece is a fighter. She’s in ICU, critical. We’l watch her, but it looks good.”

  I took Nick’s hand as his shoulders drooped and I squeezed. He squeezed back.

  My eyes moved to Vance as Nick asked, “Can I see her?”

  Vance’s body was tense but I was relieved to see his eyes were alert. They were alive. He was back from whatever hideous place he’d been for the last several hours. I wanted to smile, hel , I wanted to scream but I kept my mouth shut.

  “A quick visit,” the doctor told Nick and started to move away.

  “Roam!” We heard shouted and everyone’s eyes swung to Sniff.

  The doctor turned back. “I’m sorry?” he said to Sniff.

  “My friend, Roam. The black kid. He was shot too. Is he okay too?”

  Everyone’s gaze swung to look at the doctor.

  “Does he have family here?” the doctor asked.

  Everyone looked at each other.

  “Information can’t be released to anyone but family,” the doctor said.

  Eddie and Hank both moved forward, information could be released to cops.

  “Sho ‘nuff, he has family. I’m his grandma,” Shirleen lied through her teeth and bustled up to the doctor, “tel me, how’s my baby?”

  The doctor stared at her a second then said, “I’l find out.”

  “You do that doctor,” Shirleen said and the doctor turned to Nick as Shirleen’s eyes slid to Sniff then she winked.

  Nick let go of my hand and fol owed the doctor but stopped, looked at the floor behind him as if expecting to see something there then he lifted his eyes.

  “Vance?” he cal ed.

  Everyone’s eyes swung to Vance but he was already moving towards the Nick.

  Then they were out the door.

  * * * * *

  Jules I opened my eyes and it seemed like I was lying in a bed but I felt absolutely nothing, like I had no body. I figured, since a little while ago I’d been in pretty significant pain and bleeding a lot and now I felt nothing, that I was dead and I decided kind of woozily that I was obviously an angel.

  I saw movement so I looked sideways and there was Vance staring down at me.

  His handsome face was tight, worried and maybe a little pissed off looking and my angel-self smiled at him because clearly I’d been given the chance to have a chat with Vance before I flew on my fancy, new, fluffy-white angel wings to heaven.

  “Hey,” I said and my voice sounded real y weak, raspy and quiet rather than sounding super sweet and melodic like an angel’s.

  “Hey,” he replied.

  “Do you see my angel wings?” I asked, my voice stil sounding raspy. “Are they pretty?”

  He stared at me a second then I was pretty certain his lips twitched.

  “Yeah, Princess. They’re gorgeous.”

  “Yay,” I whispered.

  “You’re gonna be okay,” he told me.

  “I know. I don’t feel my body.” I didn’t realize I wasn’t making any sense and wouldn’t have cared anyway. Angels probably didn’t have to make sense. They could fly around for eternity talking nonsense, who was to care?

  I was thinking about my angel outfit, wondering what angels wore and tried to look down at myself but I found I didn’t have a lot of energy so I stopped trying and my eyes slid sideways to look back at Vance.

  “This angel stuff is exhausting,” I informed him.

  “I bet.” His lips weren’t twitching anymore. He was grinning flat out.

  I real y loved his grin.

  That’s when I remembered.

  “Did you get it?” I asked, realizing suddenly that I needed to take an angel nap and soon.

  “Get what?”

  “Home,” I said.

  “Sorry, Princess, I can’t hear…”

  My eyes closed and I didn’t have the energy to open them so I didn’t bother. I figured angels could fly blind. They had to have angel-like sonar or something like that. Anyway I would only bump into clouds even if I couldn’t fly blind and I didn’t figure clouds would hurt.

  But before I took off to heaven, I had to know or more importantly, Vance had to know, so I said to Vance, my eyes stil closed, “I said earlier ‘home’, did you get it?” I felt him get close and I thought that was strange since I didn’t have a body anymore not real y anyway so I shouldn’t be feeling anything. But I was certain I felt his cheek pressed against mine, his stubble rough against my skin.

  “No, Jules,” he said into my ear. “I didn’t get it.” I sighed huge and felt the angel nap tugging at me.

  “Jules?” Vance cal ed and he sounded far away but it felt like his lips were at my ear.

  “Home…” I whispered and then slid closer to somewhere else, maybe heaven I didn’t know. There sure as hel weren’t any bright lights. Oh shit, they probably didn’t say “hel ” in heaven. Oh shit, they probably didn’t say “shit” in heaven either. I was already getting angel demerits and I hadn’t even been to angel orientation yet.

  I had to finish my thought. It might be my last chance.

  So I whispered in Vance’s ear because it seemed like it was real y close to my mouth (although I knew it couldn’t be because I didn’t real y have a mouth anymore as I didn’t have a body). “You’re home. See, Auntie Reba said home isn’t a place, home is anywhere just as long as the people you love are there.”

  Then I slid into heaven except weirdly, right before I drifted away, I felt some pain in my fingers like someone was holding my hand too tight.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  No Matter What

  I was an angel in heaven for two days or at least I thought I was.

  Real y I was whacked out on drugs and in ICU.

  During these two days, I saw Vance once and Nick three times. I had no idea they came by often to spend time with me while I was taking angel naps. When I saw them I regaled them with stories of what it was like being an angel (since, for two days, I thought I was an angel). I figured they could write a book about it and become mil ionaires. I even shared this idea with Vance.

  The nurses told me it was the only time they’d ever heard that much laughter in ICU.

  After two days when it became clear I was going to survive, they moved me to a normal room. I stayed in the hospital a long time but it wasn’t uneventful mainly because nothing in the World of Rock Chick was uneventful.

  * * * * *

  First, Vance decided he didn’t feel much like adhering to visitor’s hours. The staff kept tel ing him he couldn’t spend the night, sleeping in a chair next to my bed but he did it anyway and Vance seriously was not the kind of guy they wanted to argue with so they let him be.

  I also told him, considering his job meant he always needed to be rested and alert, that he should stay at my place. He didn’t pay one bit of attention to me and stil came to the hospital anyway.

  We bickered about it (because I didn’t worry about arguing with Vance).

  I lost.

  Real y, it wasn’t fair for him t
o bicker with me when I was in that condition.

  I informed him of this but he just grinned at me.

  * * * * *

  A couple of days after I was moved from ICU, in the middle of the night I heard weird noises. Considering hospitals weren’t the most restful places in the world, I suspected some doctor or nurse was there to check up on me. Instead I saw Vance and Hector in a death-lock at the door, torsos together, legs planted.

  Clearly Hector was trying to get in and just as clearly Vance didn’t feel like al owing that.

  “Vance,” I whispered and both men froze in death-lock position and looked at me, “let him in.”

  “Princess,” Vance said low.

  “Let him in.”

  Vance hesitated a moment then stepped out of the death-lock but he didn’t pretend to be happy about it and Hector approached the bed.

  “I didn’t know about Shard,” Hector told me the minute he hit my bedside and I noticed he also hadn’t gone to etiquette school to learn you should start a conversation with words like, “hi”, “hel o” or “glad to see you aren’t dead”.

  “I know,” I told him.

  “I thought Roam wouldn’t want one of Lee’s boys saving him from Cordova. Cordova was a moron, Roam would lose face. I thought he’d prefer you to take care of it.”

  “I know,” I repeated.

  “If I’d have known –”

  “I was cocky,” I broke in and my eyes slid to Vance who’d moved to the other side of my bed. I didn’t exactly want him to know this part since it might piss him off.

  However, I also didn’t want Hector to go on blaming himself for something that was my fault.

  I went on. “Earlier that night, I’d had too much to drink and I didn’t tel you that. I walked right in. I didn’t think. I saw Roam and just went in. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I didn’t think.”

  “I shouldn’t have –” Hector began.

  “You did the right thing, I didn’t. Please don’t worry about it. It was my fault.”

  He stared at me a beat and I stared back noticing, even though he stil was in undercover-disheveled-mode (and seriously needed a haircut but who was I to say al that thick, dark hair needed to be cut, mainly because, longish and messy, it looked hot), he was a seriously good-looking guy. He had Eddie’s edge, the one that made you wonder about him, made you think he could turn to the dark side in a nanosecond.

  Eddie had it under control. Hector did not.

  After we stared at each other awhile, he nodded and left without even a glance at Vance.

  When the door closed behind him, Vance said, “Jules.” My gaze slid to him, I took one look at his face and then I closed my eyes.

  “I need an angel nap,” I said and I wasn’t lying. I did need an angel nap. I also needed an excuse to avoid a Vance Lecture and that’s where angel naps came in handy.

  Before I slid into my angel nap, I heard, “Jesus, you’re a pain in the ass.”

  * * * * *

  Second, Roam was released before I was, for some reason to Shirleen who the hospital thought was his grandmother (a fact that Andy came from the Shelter to confirm, lying like a pig in mud). The bul et had hit Roam in his right side, luckily missing any vital organs. He was motionless on the floor because on his way down he smashed his head against Cordova’s coffee table and it knocked him out. So not only was he beaten bloody and shot, he also had a serious concussion.

  During a visit to me, Sniff explained that Roam didn’t feel much like letting Shirleen mother him during his convalescence at her house. This was mainly because Shirleen wasn’t a motherly-type person who cooed and spoiled and ran herself ragged making certain that Roam had every comfort. Instead, she told Roam what to do, like, a lot. Things like rest and study with Stu (who came over to work with Roam and Sniff) and not to fil his head with too much junk by watching television but instead she gave him books to read. I knew it freaked out Sniff but Roam put up with Shirleen, then again he was probably scared not to.

  Where Roam went, Sniff went, so Sniff was staying with Shirleen too.

  When Roam was fit enough to take to the streets again, Shirleen told both him and Sniff they were welcome to stay as long as they liked.

  They told me since Shirleen lived in “one phat crib” they decided to stay awhile even if staying with her had rules.

  It was a long time later that I realized that during al of Roam and Sniff’s visits they never cursed.

  Not once.

  * * * * *

  By the way, Roam and I never talked about it, him trying to save my life and me taking two bul ets to save his. However once, while I was stil in the hospital, I caught him looking at me funny. I grabbed his hand and mine went tight.

  So did his.

  For a second.

  Then he pul ed away.

  With a fifteen year old runaway that was al that needed to be said and it was the best he would al ow me to give him and it was the best I was going to get.

  I was happy with that.

  * * * * *

  Needless to say I wasn’t pregnant. I’d asked a nurse in a quiet moment and she told me there was bleeding, what kind of bleeding she couldn’t say.

  After I got out of the hospital, my periods resumed as normal and I went right on the pil .

  My body, the nurse told me, had been through too much trauma not to miscarry.

  Whether I had been or hadn’t been, I’d never know.

  * * * * *

  Third, about four days out of ICU, the girl gang showed up one afternoon with a juicy piece of gossip. Indy, Al y, Jet, Roxie and Daisy al waltzed in grinning like fools. They hung around my bed as Indy told me that Lee had fired Dawn.

  I didn’t gasp because that was a luxury I didn’t have at the time (it hurt like a bitch, so did laughing, moving and breathing). So I just widened my eyes and my mouth dropped open.

  “Apparently,” Indy said, loving every minute of this, “Mace and Monty were in the surveil ance room and for shits and giggles they flipped on the sound and visual to the reception area. Dawn was on some cal to a girlfriend and she was talking about you. I don’t know what she said but Mace and Monty went bal istic. They cal ed Lee and Lee was with Luke.”

  Daisy let out a tinkly laugh and rubbed her hands together and I knew that we were getting to a good part.

  “Lee and Luke went directly to the offices,” Indy continued, “Lee walked right in and told her to pack up her desk; she was fired.”

  “Luke escorted her out of the building,” Roxie threw in, her eyes alight.

  “They taped the whole thing,” Jet added.

  “Brody even cut it into a music video with some old footage of her scowling and glaring and making catty phone cal s. He gave it a soundtrack ‘The Bitch is Back’.

  It’s fuckin’ righteous! I can’t wait for you to see it,” Al y said, grinning like a loon.

  “Yeah, we al went down there and watched it a bil ion times. Dawn was total y pissed when Lee fired her. It was great!” Indy finished.

  Considering the fact that I’d had a near-death experience, I knew I should be a better person, live my life doing good deeds and not be bitchy, even when it was being bitchy about someone who was a bitch.

  Nevertheless, I couldn’t help being pleased that Dawn had been fired. Especial y since everyone seemed so happy about it.

  And of course the stupid bitch was talking about me.

  * * * * *

  Fourth, Luke came to visit me. I was getting a lot of visitors. The girl gang; Tex and Nancy; Tod and Stevie; Duke and Dolores; Shirleen; Heavy and Zip. May came by al the time, ful of stories from the Shelter (and carrying with her purloined pudding cups).

  Frank slunk in, talked to me for five minutes and slunk out, clearly uncomfortable with sunlight shining on him even through a window. A bunch of my kids came and the Nightingale Men came too, Mace, Ike, Bobby and Monty.

  Then, of course, there was Nick and Vance who spent the evenings with me mostly kic
ked back and boring me to death by watching endless footbal games, talking about who would win the Heisman Trophy and shit like that, luckily I was drugged out most of the time and slept a lot.

  It was awhile before Luke came.

  I was sleeping and when I woke up I saw him sitting in a chair pul ed up to the bed, his fingers linked and resting on the side of the bed, he was bent forward, his forehead resting on his hands.

  I was a little stunned at his posture. It was seriously un-Super-Dude-like.

  “Hey,” I said and his head snapped up and he looked at me.

  This stunned me too because Luke was not the kind of guy you could take by surprise and he was so lost in thought, I’d done that.

  “Hey,” he said, face serious, mouth tight. He sat back and put his forearms to his knees.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  He stared at me and said, “I’l be okay when I can close my eyes at night and not see you lyin’ on the floor among a mess of dead bodies and blood.”

  Yikes.

  Not, I feared, a visual that led to sweet dreams.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered and wished there was something better to say.

  There wasn’t.

  He kept staring at me but didn’t say anything. Then with a voice low and quiet, he said, “You kil ed a man.” I nodded.

  Shard was dead. I shot him in the head. The police waited until I was out of ICU and with Vance standing next to me holding my hand, I’d made my statement. Roam and Sniff had made theirs too. The police were not going to press charges as obviously I’d done it in self-defense.

  Shard had kil ed Cordova, shot me and Roam. They were more than happy to close the case on him.

  For my part, I was trying not to think about it.

  “You gonna be able to live with that?” Luke asked.

  I nodded again. “I don’t have much choice.” Luke kept staring at me so I kept talking.

  “It’s the difference between him being here and Roam and me being here. I picked Roam and me. I think that was the right decision.”