by Lissa Kasey
Quick, long strokes had us writhing against each other. His strong grip ran around the both of us in pulsing circles. His heat pressed to mine. He felt like a candle burning against me. His thumb had a magic touch that teased over the head of me, using the leaking precum from us both to create more sliding friction.
The water beat on our backs from the multiple showerheads, but nothing could have gotten between us in that moment. For all the trouble I caused him, he still held me like I was his very last breath. I gripped him around the waist, pressing into him as though I could be him.
I thrust my hips against him hard enough that he had to release my hair and wrap his arm around my back to keep me up. He kissed me over and over, tasting and nipping at my lips while his hand worked, and our cocks ground together in a crazy fury.
“Close,” I whispered between kisses, loving the feel of him around me.
“Together,” he replied.
I surrendered to his hands, feeling my balls draw up and praying his did too. Another strong pull and we spurted out heat that we let wash away under the heavy spray of the shower.
I panted in his arms. My back ached a little from standing too long and arching against him. Another reminder of Brock, the bruising to my spinal cord was still fading.
Gabe scrubbed my back and held me tight while I cried. We both pretended the tears were just the water pouring down on us.
After the shower we lay in bed together, me in one of his T-shirts and my sleep pants, and him in just boxers and socks. I should have gotten up. Gone to work. Done something. But even after the day of dreaming of that alone time, I couldnt pry myself out of his arms. Gabe had called Mike to cover the bar. Jamie had left, mumbling something to us about going out.
I would have been lying if I said his growing distance didnt hurt.
My shrink notebook sat beside me. Id put down only those few things to change. Gabe had already read them. Six more to go. Finally he rose from the bed, kissed me on the forehead, and stepped up to the closet to dig out some clothes.
“Are you leaving?” I asked.
“Just for a while. Doing some vampire stuff.”
“The Trimega?” Did my voice sound a little higher pitched than usual?
He let out a heavy sigh. “Eventually it will be over, and they will leave us alone. Anyway, I told Jamie to take the night off. So you have some time to yourself. Call me if you need me, please.”
“Okay.” I watched him button up a green Gucci shirt that matched his eyes. “I dont deserve you.”
Gabe laughed, turning back to me. His amazing smile almost seemed to make his face glow. “Ive been telling myself the same thing about you for years. I feel like Ive caught a unicorn and should share it with the rest of the world. Only I dont want to.”
A jackass, more like it. “Heh.”
He leaned down to give me a quick peck on the cheek. “Make something sweet. Ill share a drink with you later and taste the dessert on your lips. Kay?”
“Okay.”
He left, and I lay in bed for a while, thinking about my list. I wrote down:
5. If I’d known my dad, I might not be so afraid to feel things. The thought of not knowing him had never bothered me before. I assumed my mother had taken whatever liberties were due her as a leader in the Dominion and forced my father to give her a child. Now the idea that he was such a mystery sort of drove me nuts. Sure, I could call Jamie and hed probably tell me, but he was mad at me. No need to give him another reason to feel he had to take care of me.
At almost twenty-three I was more than capable of survival, even when faced with some of the worst situations. Something that Id proven only a few weeks ago. I didnt need anyones reluctant babying.
Searching the Internet for my father pulled up very little information. Dorien Merth had died while I was still in my mothers womb. Everything else was classified in password protected Dominion files. That didnt bode well.
My phone rang. The number came up with a bunch of zeros, I flipped it open. “Hello?”
“You should die, you abnormal faggot freak. Youve got no right to be Pillar.” The phone clicked off before I could reply. I tried to dial back, but the number was blocked.
It rang again within seconds, and I glared at it until Kellys number popped up. I flipped it open, almost dreading what Id hear. “Hello?”
“Hey, Sei. You busy? Im headed to the Dominion Library at the U to look up some water stuff. Want to keep me company? All the girls can stare at both of us.”
At least Kelly experienced a lot of what I did. I wondered if he was getting hate e-mails and calls. At five seven, Kelly only had three inches on me and probably thirty pounds, since he was very athletic. But his blond shaggy surfer-cut hair made folks think of him as not all that bright. However, he was the top of his class. Graduated valedictorian of his high school and had a full scholarship to the U of M.
“Sure. Can you pick me up?” My night vision wasnt great since becoming Pillar. The power the earth cycled through me sometimes pulsed in waves that could make me swerve or stop for fear of crashing. It was like being hit with bouts of nausea, only it didnt really hurt.
“Yep. Be there soon.” We hung up the phone, and I waited for it to ring again, but it didnt. Just to be sure to settle my nerves, I drank another cup of tea.
Once the teacup was in the dishwasher and the counter clean again, I pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I lifted my hair back into a ponytail before stepping into my boots and swinging on my coat. The Dominion Library was probably a good place to look for stuff about my dad.
Chapter Two
KELLY talked, the whole drive, about the latest in boating, or something along that line. Anything sports made him happy. Hed asked me to join his fantasy football league and gave me a funny look when I asked if that was something to do with naked football players.
We stopped at a light and waited for it to change. I stared out at the darkening sky and wondered what else in my life could be different. Red turned green, and Kelly pulled his sedan into the intersection.
A truck swerved around all the others, headlights glaring in our direction. “Shit!” Kelly cursed, hitting the gas and jerking the car to the left. The truck missed us by inches, everyone honking and shouting out their windows. Kelly pulled into a nearby parking lot and sucked in several deep breaths.
My heart pounded, and the shake began in my hands. I gripped my sweats around my thighs, pulling the fabric tight enough to hurt. No way was I going to lose it here.
“You okay?” I asked Kelly when my voice felt steady again.
“Yeah. You?”
“Yeah. Lets go to the library.” I was the older of us. I had to take care of him. Kelly looked up to me. I had to be strong for him, even when I was afraid.
“Okay.” He huffed out a heavy breath. “Should we call the cops or something?”
“For what? We didnt get hit. It was just a really bad driver.” I hadnt even noticed much about the truck other than it had been big and dark. Winter was pretty notorious for bringing out the worst drivers. “Lets go.”
Kelly nodded and carefully pulled out of the lot and back onto the street. Thankfully, the library had only a handful of people in it. Since it was dinnertime, I hoped everyone took a long meal break.
“Im headed to the water collection. Are you going to earth?” Kelly asked.
“Nope. Microfilm.” What I wanted was in classified databases, but a lot of that info was still readily available on old microfilm. Itd be a bitch to find. But I had to start somewhere.
Kelly and I separated to our areas. I browsed the time frame in which my father had died, sometime in the early fall of my birth year. Starting in July and working my way up, it wasnt until I hit October that I found it. Odd since I was born in November and the article online had said Merth had died in September. The microfilm said on October twentythird a public execution had been held. Four male witches sentenced to burn at the stake for violating Dominion Code. Though t
he article didnt specify what theyd done, there was a picture of my dad with three other men.
Finding out he died at the hands of the Dominion didnt surprise me. Jamie had pretty much said so when Id gone in for my levels retest. He blamed my mother for my dads death. But she wasnt mentioned anywhere in this print.
I scrolled through to find the date of my birth. Nothing was mentioned. It figured, as only female children of the Dominion were usually announced. I exited the microfilm and headed to the open computers.
Emailing Dr. Tynsen the list I had and my answer to what I wanted to get out of our meetings, I asked her, “Can you help me have sex with my boyfriend again?”
What would she make of that? Wed spoken little of my relationship, mostly because I didnt want to talk about it. Shed never expressed any discomfort with my homosexuality. At least not yet.
I did a few other quick searches on myself and found endless articles bashing me, and a few websites apparently dedicated to my death. The Ascendance had their own website, and the most recently posted blog talked about how convenient it had been for Rose to die and Brock to try to kill me. Without both incidents I would not be Pillar, and they would not have their chance to force the Dominion to adopt equality.
They touted Brock as somewhat of a hero. He had been a member. Though in smaller text it said his use of murder was unlawful. Just unlawful? What about rape and kidnapping? Neither was mentioned.
My stomach rumbled so I logged off to go find the vending machines. Jamie would have a fit later when he found out I had eaten junk food. I stared at the selections for a few minutes, debating between the Kit Kat and a Twix, when someone shoved me heavily from behind. I stumbled into the machine, only barely catching myself to keep my face from smashing into the glass.
“What the fuck!” I said, heart pounding in my chest.
Looking back, a couple of large guys walked away as if nothing had happened. They were dressed in uniform. But it was off season for football, and they didnt much look like the library type.
It was like being back in first year. My luck, Id go home and find myself hexed again.
The tremble started in my hands. After typing in the number for the Kit Kat, I hurried back to the library and found Kelly nose deep in a book on water magic. He looked so happy I couldnt bring myself to bother him with my troubles.
Moving to a computer near him, I logged on again. I felt marginally safer with Kelly close. I could probably ask him to sit with me while I searched online. But he had his own reasons for being here, and I didnt want to be a burden to him any more than I was to anyone else. And it was my job to protect him, so I kept an eye out for the rogue football players.
Ten new messages sat in my e-mail box. Most were hate mail. But one was a reply from Dr. Tynsen. She wrote:
This is a good start. Keep working on your list. Also I may have a solution to your issues with sex. Take a look at the links below and give me a call tomorrow morning. If you want, I can set up an appointment for you.
Dr. Tynsen The link went to a website about hypnosis. Apparently it was something that people did to get through everything from smoking addictions to multiple personalities. Clicking to see certified practitioners, I was surprised to find Dr. Tynsen on the list. She had her own page that spoke of repressed memories and how simple reworking could make the brain “rewire” itself to overcome issues.
Like the medications, it sounded too good to be true. The testimonials pages went on and on about personal experiences. People who used hypnosis instead of drugs. One man talked about how hed been mugged and was too afraid to go outside. None of the anxiety pills helped, but after one session going under, hed found the strength to not only leave his house, but venture into a crowded mall.
Could something so simple cure me?
Gabe told me every day, sometimes several times a day, that he loved me. How long would that last if I continued to be this emotionally stunted? Words only went so far. I sighed and sent Dr. Tynsen back an e-mail. Can we do this tomorrow morning? I can be in early.
Her reply came back fairly quickly. Eight o’clock at my office. See you there.
I signed off. Going anywhere that early meant a cab or Jamie. The crowd in the library was growing. Murmurs and whispers expanding to a dull roar. Something that grated at me. It felt like they were all talking about me. I searched the crowd for the jocks who had abused me at the vending machine, fearing theyd followed me. But they didnt appear.
Kelly sat down beside me, hands free of books now. He looked cautious. “You ready to go?”
Had he seen the tension in my face? “Yes, please.”
We headed back to the car, and I texted Jamie about the morning ride. He answered back almost immediately that he would drive. I hoped he wasnt on a date. If he was, he certainly wasnt paying a lot of attention to her.
Kelly dropped me off at the front of the building. I was somewhat happy he didnt demand to walk me to the door. But then he was probably living in a similar fishbowl. He should have felt lucky he wasnt Pillar.
Then the real fun began.
One familiar face waited in the lobby, browsing a magazine. Detective Andrew Roman looked up from his seat, then slammed the magazine closed and got up. His dark hair and pretty blue eyes made him look so normal. But he was a vampire, a powerful witch, and didnt like me much.
Gabe told me Roman was air. Very different from my earth. Air was usually less powerful. But since he could use his ability to cloud the sky, he could travel during the day, even when the sun was still up. Though, since it was after dark, it was a little odd finding him in Gabes apartment building, as he didnt seem to want to be in the same room as my lover.
“Rou,” he said.
“Do you need something, Roman?” I asked. “Has another witch died that I can be blamed for?”
“I know youre bitter about that—”
Bitter? That was putting it mildly. “Brock tried to kill me. He was one of your faithful followers, wasnt he? I saw the crap you guys posted on the Ascendance site.”
“Maybe we can go inside and talk about this,” Roman said very quietly.
Like inside Gabes condo? “Not a chance. What do you want? Why do you keep bringing us up to the Trimega?”
Roman sighed but didnt look all that repentant. “Youre just a means to the end, Rou.”
“What end? Are you still trying to hurt Gabe? Wasnt it your wife that turned him into a vampire?” Gabe told me the story. Roman had been a general above Gabe, but Romans wife had a thing for Gabe. She had become a vampire in her quest for eternal beauty, and when she made Gabe a vampire instead of Roman, the General had tried to kill Gabe. Instead Gabe had run away from them both, getting himself transferred to another division, despite his new issues, which was where he met and fell in love with Titus. “She killed Titus, the man he loved.”
“And he slaughtered her for it,” Roman told me.
“Sounds like an eye for an eye to me.”
“Not for me,” he said it quietly, and I got that he felt like a lover seeking revenge for his wife. I just dont think he got that his wife obviously hadnt loved him else she would never have gone for Gabe to begin with.
Either way I was not letting him near Gabe. “If you hurt him, I will put an end to you and the Ascendance.”
“Stronger witches have tried.”
“Youve never met a stronger witch than me.” I glared at him.
Sure, I was a level-five earth witch and the Pillar of Earth, I had power. But I also knew more about the Dominion than most and had a couple of influential people who I could whisper to, like my mother, Tanaka Rou, and the woman who was to become the mother of my child, Hanna Browan. I figured a few of my professors would stand beside me as well.
“Jonathon?” I called to our doorman.
He immediately jumped to my side. He wasnt a large man but well recognized, and the lobby was full of people getting their mail or talking. “Yes, Mr. Rou?”
“Please see this g
entleman out. He is not a guest of ours.” That little phrase meant he would not be allowed back in unless he was with a tenant.
“Yes, sir.” Jonathon motioned to Roman. “This way, sir, please. I dont wish to call security.”
I turned to the elevator.
“Its not over, Rou. You may have killed Brock, but there are others out there who want you dead,” Roman told me.
My pulse sped up. The truth in his words stung. “Great. Sounds like youll have to get in line then. Because youll have to kill me to get to Gabe.” The crowd in the room all stared, and I didnt care. I just watched Jonathon escort Roman out.
I made my way downstairs, paranoia making me wait for three elevators to pass before I got an empty one. Once inside Gabes apartment, I went to work, putting together a lemon-strawberry tart that went perfectly with the wine I had in the fridge. When he returned, Id kiss him hello and serve dessert and maybe wed make love. I was hopeful, and hope was all I could really cling to.
Chapter Three
THE night passed just as every other had: disappointingly. Gabe came home and patiently watched me eat while sipping his wine. Id even sat on his lap, rubbing his cock through his jeans. He let me kiss him after Id swallowed each bite of the sweet tart.
I wondered if he actually tasted the sugar and sharp flavor of the dessert on my lips, or if it even mattered.
I ate two whole pieces in the building up of sexual tension between us. But once again, proceeding beyond a hand job had been impossible. The failure embarrassed and depressed me.
I begged him to just fuck me anyway, thinking maybe the feelings would override the fear. But he wouldnt. Instead he just hugged me tightly and held me until I slept.
In the morning I woke up just past four. Spent time in the library reading, ate breakfast, and tried to not think too much about last night. Gabe said nothing. He worked on business things on his computer and let me have my space. He really was too perfect for me.