by Lissa Kasey
When Jamie showed up just after seven, I realized I hadnt told Gabe what I was doing. Mentioning to him that I was going to have someone hypnotize me into having sex with him again didnt sound like a very relationship-solid idea. But his questioning look as I threw on my coat meant I had to say something. Hed be headed to bed soon, but that didnt mean he wouldnt worry.
“I have a doctors appointment. Were working on that list,” I told him. Simple enough, and true in a loose sense.
“Okay.” He crossed the room and kissed me lightly. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I grumbled, following Jamie out the door.
Jamie said nothing. Didnt even look at me. I returned his silence with staring out the window at the growing winter. People moved around in a mad scurry of thick coats and scarves. Winter had come early this year. Record cold temperatures had been predicted for next week. A bad omen, some said. Mostly about my ascending to the role of Pillar.
We pulled up to the office building again. The morning already felt like déjà vu. “What time do you want me to pick you up?” was the first thing Jamie had said to me since hed arrived this morning at Gabes place.
How long did hypnosis take? I shrugged. “Can I text you? I dont know if she has a set time in mind.”
He was quiet for a few seconds. Then finally he said, “Okay. Just stay at the office, please.”
“Sure.” I got out and headed inside, somewhat surprised there was no receptionist in, and the waiting room was empty.
“Seiran, come on back.” Dr. Tynsen appeared from the left hallway and led me toward her room. This time she had the couch pulled out from the wall and the recliner sat next to it. “Make yourself comfortable on the couch.”
I hung my jacket on the coat rack beside the door and left my bag at the end of the couch. The shake had already taken pretty strong hold of my hands. After lying down on the couch, I readjusted the heavy leather pillow beneath my head and tried to force myself to stop shaking. My knees knocked together almost loud enough for anyone to hear.
“Dont be nervous, Seiran. Think of hypnosis as a dream. It cant hurt you. And you can wake up anytime you need to.”
“Youre sure this will help me be normal again? As normal as I can be.” I knew being like everyone else was impossible. But finding the guy Id been before Brock had taken me on a head trip would be nice.
“Everyone responds differently. But it cant hurt. Close your eyes. I want you to focus on my voice.”
I did as she instructed, listening to her voice as sometimes I could with Gabes. The tone was soft and soothing, coaxing me into a light sleep. A month ago I would have joked about there being no watch or lines like “You are getting very sleepy.” Now I just focused on finding that high place she spoke of. Where I could stare down at myself and see what would need to be fixed.
It felt good at first. Detached from the emotions. Memories swirled around me like movies waiting to be clicked to life. And with the movies came the feelings. Not all of them good.
“Tell me about Matthew.”
The image of Matthew rose up before me. He had green eyes, too, a lot like Gabes. But Matthew had been dark. His black hair cropped military short, face that sort of rugged handsome that soldiers often obtained, and skin dark tan. I remembered the first time wed met. My mother had dropped me off at military school. The sergeant immediately went to work to make a man out of me, buzzing my hair short and dressing me in fatigues. I was almost eleven. Hed yelled at me for having no muscle tone and not being able to do any pushups. Then hed dragged me down a long hallway filled with open doors to pound on the closed one at the end.
The door swung wide, and Matthew stood there. Hed smiled, introduced himself, and put a hand on my shoulder, telling me he was the head of the junior dorms and would take good care of me. The sergeant left me there.
“New meat, eh, Pierson?” another boy jeered as he passed us.
“Arent you supposed to be in PE, Juckert? Get moving,” Matthew said.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Matthew shrugged. “Dont let them bother you. This place is hell, but youll make good friends here.” He opened the door across from him and gestured to the empty unmade beds. “Take your pick. We probably wont have any more new recruits until spring.”
Hed left me there to unpack. Not that I had much. But the memory of our meeting had been strong.
“Were you attracted to him right away?” The question came from far away.
Had I? Hed been a good-looking boy. Older, maybe fifteen. At the time, I hadnt equated the tingling in my stomach with desire. In fact, I hadnt known at all what it meant until nearly two months later.
The teachers worked me hard. I remembered pouring myself into bed at night, in so much physical pain I thought Id die. That day Id come in last from the run. One mile had turned to two and then four because I dared to slow down enough to walk when my sides burned. Everyone else had finished ages ago. When I finally stumbled into the shower room, I never expected to see one of my older classmates bent over one of the benches, Matthew thrusting into his backside with heartfelt grunts.
Id never seen anything like it before. Matthews hand worked at the other boys cock, pulling it in fierce strokes. I stood frozen in the doorway, watching, feeling that tingle in my stomach awaken something in me Id never felt before. Matthew glanced up, meeting my eyes, not even pausing in his work. He grabbed the other boys hips and snapped harder into him, making them both grunt terribly erotic sounds, all while holding my gaze. He pulled out, rubbing himself fiercely and pulling off the plastic sheath I would later learn was a condom, and then released himself over the other boy in gooey white streams.
He smiled at me, then shoved his fingers into the boys ass until the other boy shouted and jetted his white come all over the bench. I turned and ran, feeling like the devil was on my heels. My body felt so odd, hot and achy. I made it all the way back to my room before touching myself to mimic the way Matthew had touched himself minutes ago.
Id been so afraid of the feeling that I nearly forbid myself from coming that day. But once the cycle was started I couldnt stop, and when I was finally spent, Id discovered something about myself that I thought so evil I began working my body in the gym as punishment. Running miles a day, swimming until my arms ached, and when Matthew came for me after class one day, I should have walked the other way.
The mix of pleasure and pain when he sucked me off and put his fingers in my ass for the first time was beyond anything Id experienced on my own. I welcomed the hurt the first time he sank into me. Cursed myself for being a monster and felt it shouldnt feel good. But when pleasure replaced the pain, and I begged him for more, I knew there was something twisted inside me.
I clung to him. Despite our age difference and that I knew he regularly did other boys, some not as willing as I, I needed him.
“Was it your first encounter with sex?”
“Other than what I saw on TV, yes.” One of my babysitters had brought magazines once, filled with naked girls. None of that had ever made me feel like I had that day in the academy locker room.
“Why did you feel it was evil? Did your mother speak ill of homosexuals?”
“I saw things on the news. Hate groups. The Dominion often preached on the benefits of women marrying other women, but men with other men was prohibited. Procreation probably. My mother and I didnt talk about sex at all,” I replied.
“How did your relationship with Matthew progress?” she prompted.
I wished it were all more of a blur. Months passed, and the two of us often met in my room, the locker room, a main hall closet, anywhere away from prying eyes, to fuck. Hed taught me all the dirty words and tricks, showed me how high my body could fly with the feeling. Then one night hed forced his way into my room, words a little slurred, another boy with him. This one tall and built like a house.
The other boy and Matthew kissed, right there in front of me. I remember blinking through my sleepiness when they bot
h crawled into my bed.
“Matt—” I began to protest, but his lips covered mine. The other boy pulled my pajama bottoms down, and his mouth devoured my cock. The feeling was amazing, but I didnt want anyone but Matthew. I pushed him away. “Stop.”
Matthew laughed. “You dont want me to get bored, do you, baby? Let Pete have some fun. I promise youll like it.” He dropped a box of condoms on the bed next to me and turned to Pete. “His ass is like heaven. Just wait til you hear the little sounds he makes when you fuck him.”
I felt heat color my face. “I dont want anyone else,” I tried to protest, but Pete was already rolling a condom down the long length of him. Matthew pressed a lubed finger into my ass. This time all I felt was the burn.
“Dont be silly, baby. Pete will nail you good, and I can fuck your mouth. You know how much you like to suck my cock. Just think of it as me doing you all at once. Filling you up.”
“That was the first time you were raped?” Again that distant voice.
“I wanted it,” I replied. “I always wanted Matthew.”
“But not Pete.”
“He was the first. Not the last.” Matthew had brought numerous guys to my bed, citing added sexual excitement each time he did. Eventually I stopped protesting, since he just told me that surely I didnt want him bored with me.
The night before he graduated hed brought several friends to my room, plied me with alcohol, and fucked me until I passed out. When I woke, he was gone. Left the academy forever, and apparently wasnt looking back.
I wrote letters to him, though they were all returned unopened. And my last few years before college were spent seducing as many of the “straight” boys as I could. All the while feeling used and useless.
“You met Gabe in that time,” the distant voice reminded me.
“He was different.”
“How?”
“His eyes and body said he wanted me. But he wouldnt give in.” That Halloween party had been a friends idea. Randy and I had left the academy early that weekend with the excuse of going home, though neither of us planned to go home to our parents.
He was a lycan, turned furry under the full moon. Id watched him do it a time or two. Used his change to help coax the first change I ever made on the new moon. And that party was on the third crest of the new moon. It was either change that night, or find someone to screw me until the energy faded.
I always hated Wisconsin. Youd drive and drive to finally arrive and there was nothing. A bonfire maybe, a handful of people, none of which I ever wanted to take me home. This party wasnt all that different. More people, and since the earth power rode me, I knew more than a fair share of them were shifters.
“You look like sex on a stick, Sei. Meow,” Randy teased.
Wed had our moment, and I never let anyone have me twice. Not since Matthew. No one was allowed the time to grow bored with me. And Randy had been pretty bad in bed.
“Go find someone else to tweak your dick tonight. Im on the prowl.”
Randy laughed as he parked the car. We both got out. He wore shorts and a ripped T-shirt. His hair combed and styled in crazy directions. I didnt know what his costume was supposed to be.
“Owwooh, baby! Lets party,” he fake howled.
“Dont call me baby.” I stripped out of my coat and put on the little headband that had my fake cat ears glued to it. The night would be cold, so I had been sure to cover up. But though the black leggings and fitted leotard clung like a second skin, it really wasnt all that warm. Id just have to find someone to heat me up.
An old barn had been converted to a dance hall. The bonfire that raged outside threw off a pretty good amount of heat and light. Several couples made out around it, and I caught the smell of sex more than once. No one was taking their time. I didnt plan to, either.
“I hope theres booze,” Randy was telling me as we found our way inside.
“I smell vodka,” I told him.
“That sniffer of yours is scary.” He winked and smiled at a tall blond man across the room before waving to one of his fellow shifters in the corner. “One of my packmates is here. Im going to go check in,” he said and headed off in the opposite direction.
The blond stared at me briefly before flashing a dazzling smile. I smiled back and turned toward the punch bowl. It smelled mostly like alcohol. But that always made it easier, anyway. The blond followed me around to the table. His eyes were a pretty green that reminded me vaguely of Matthew. Two years, and I still longed for the jerk.
“Are you even legal?” the blond asked, leaning over me.
I threw him my most come-hither look and poured myself a glass. “Does it matter?” Knocking it back in one long gulp, I watched his eyes follow me. “Maybe youre a dirty old man looking for someone young?” He looked midtwenties, and Id had a fair share of those. Often they liked the foreign look of me, the slant of my eyes, or even my youth. None of that would matter soon. Theyd just be another vague memory. Sadly, the alcohol hadnt numbed me enough yet, but it would soon, and Id go home with someone. At least this man was good looking and polite.
“Im old. But not aiming for a firepit.” The man poured himself a glass of the alcohol-flavored punch and sipped it.
“Ah,” I said, swallowing another glassful. “Vampire, eh? Looking for an evening meal?”
The blond shook his head. “A kitten like you cant be much more than an appetizer.”
Stepping up close to him, I rubbed my rising erection against his thigh. “Im a seven course meal with dessert.” He shivered as I ran my hand down his arm, pressing the power of the new moon into him. Vampires were creatures of the earth, born from the dirt and cycles of rebirth. Hed feel brand-new when we fucked, or at least thats what the last vamp who had graced my bed told me.
“Youre a witch?” he asked, sounding shocked.
“That a problem?”
“Earth witch?”
Now he was pissing me off. Did he have an issue with witches? “What kind of witch do you think can make you feel fresh from the grave?”
“Forgive me. Ive never had an earth witch before. And Ive never had a male one at all.” He motioned us to the door where people spilled out into the night. “Walk with me?”
He talked funny. Like some sort of old English gentleman, though the accent wasnt English. I followed him and let him lead me away from the party. Vampires brought an added rush of adrenaline, since they could kill you and take off with none the wiser. His blond curls glistened in the fading firelight.
“My name is Seiran,” I told him. We headed deeper into the woods that surrounded the barn. I felt the earth pulsing through me, telling me to get on with it. Would he protest if I yanked his pants down and sucked his cock?
“Im Gabe.”
“Have you eaten? I know vamps sometimes need blood in order to get it up. And Id like to suck you off before we screw.”
He laughed. “Do you say everything you think?”
“Mostly. Will you have sex with me? Do you need my blood first?”
He seemed to ponder my question. “Ive already had blood tonight, but I may imbibe later. Sex is a possible option. How old are you?”
“Old enough.”
“Which means youre not.” Gabe turned to head back inside, his fine ass retreating from me.
I grabbed his arm. “Please. Its the last night of the new moon. I promise a wild ride.”
“Nothing is wild enough to burn for.”
“Ill be seventeen in a few weeks. I can show you my school ID. Seventeen is legal age of consent.” Staring up into those pretty green eyes there was no one I wanted more at that moment.
“In Minnesota. Not Wisconsin. Eighteen is legal in Wisconsin.”
“Border is only a few miles away. Did you drive? Ill need a ride home anyway.” I smiled in a way I knew promised things. “I can ride you the whole way if youd like.”
“Still not biting, kid.” He continued back to the party.
Frustrated, I growled at him, “
Whatever,” and ran ahead, hoping he was staring at my ass, which hed given up already. “If you wont do me Im sure someone else will.”
“Little player,” I heard him mumble while I made my way back to the party.
“But you did go home with him that night,” the far-away voice prompted. It knew a lot about me.
“Randys packmate and I were making out by his car when Gabe interrupted.” Gabe had ripped Josiah off me and looked about ready to pop a vein. The lycan shook a fist at him. “Hes willing enough.”
“Im sure he is. But also very illegal, and its not even the full moon for you to use as an excuse for statutory rape.” They both looked ready to fight. My stomach flipped over uncomfortably. I wasnt worth fighting over.
Putting a hand on Gabes arm, I leaned in close. “Sorry, Jos, going home with this one, I think. Next time?”
Josiah shook a heavy paw at me. “Youre trouble, Rou. Go ahead and fuck him, Santini. Might as well pay him when youre done. Hes only one step from that.” He stomped away with those angry words and left us alone.
“You change your mind?” I asked Gabe.
He shook his head and dragged me toward a darkcolored sedan. “Where do you live?”
“The Twin Cities, obviously. Whats your deal?”
“No deal. Im just going to take you home. Do you need to tell Randy where youre going?”
“No. Hes off getting fucked somewhere. Just like Id like to be.”
“You have a potty mouth.” Gabe opened the door to the passenger side and shoved me in. I opened my mouth to protest again, but he leaned down and kissed me, sweeping his tongue inside to duel with mine. He tasted sweetly of copper pennies and kissed me like I was his very last breath. His large hand massaged the back of my head before finally pulling away to shut the door and get in the car on the drivers side.
Who kissed like that? Id never even enjoyed kissing before. “Kiss me again, and Ill go anywhere with you.”
His laughter bounced around the inside of the car, sounding sweet and deep all at once. “Something to look forward to, I suppose.”