Without a Compass

by Helen Juliet

  “Spock!” shouted Riley.

  “Five seconds.”

  Riley clicked his fingers. Kai had put this one in the bowl, thinking of Riley. He urged him on, his eyes wide.

  “Leonard Nimoy – NO – ZACHARY QUINTO!”

  “TIME!”

  Kai dropped the name into the victory bowl and launched himself at Riley. He knew he was a bit drunk and giddy and he was at risk of kicking things, but he still picked up the smaller guy and lifted him off the grass.

  “How the fuck did you do that!” he gasped into his ear, aware they were being applauded.

  Riley just laughed, his fingers digging into Kai’s back as he spun him around. “You were fantastic,” he said, like Kai could take any credit for what had just happened.

  Once they sat back down again, Riley pulled a yapping Bia into his lap to calm her down. Brendon leant over to give them both high-fives, which Kai happily reciprocated. Then Kai leant on his hand so he could offer his palm to Slady who was sat further away. “Well done on the Ronaldo one,” he said.

  She did a little victory dance where she sat, then gave his hand a good slap. “Team work makes the dream work!”

  The Andersons and Kai quietened down after that, doing their best to be humble as Charlotte Grinter took to the centre.

  “Okay,” hollered Sheena. “Ready?”

  Not for the first time Kai looked around the grounds to see if their game was disturbing anyone trying to sleep. There were only a few other tents, and from what he could make out in the darkness no one seemed to be hanging out of them glaring. Therefore, he trusted they were far enough away from anyone else that their screeching and clapping weren’t being obnoxious.

  Charlotte had her first slip of paper ready in her hand. She stared at her family, then nodded once.

  “Go!” cried Sheena, starting the clock.

  “Nurse.”

  “Florence Nightingale,” shouted Cameron. Jake also shouted it out, obviously excited to know one of the answers, then clamped his hands over his mouth.

  “Whoops,” he said. Charlotte narrowed her eyes at him, but she was already onto her next name.

  She grimaced, went to drop it in the pass pile, then changed her mind. “Um.”

  “Just say anything!” Daryl yelled.

  “Gladiators.”

  “Russell Crowe!”

  Pamela tutted. “He wasn’t one of the names,” she chided her husband.

  Charlotte gave up and dove in for the next name.

  Riley leant into Kai, and he did likewise so they could whisper together. “Ulrika Jonsson,” he murmured. His breath and beard tickled against Kai’s ear making shivers run unbidden over his skin. “She presented that Gladiators TV show back in the 90s.”

  “Oh,” said Kai, smiling at him.

  It struck him that they were close enough to kiss, which was a thought that never should have crossed his mind. Had he really had that much to drink? Was he really that lonely being single?

  Or was it that Riley’s lips looked like they might be nice to kiss?

  “Urgh!” shrieked Charlotte, dragging Kai’s attention back to the game. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, like anyone might have been able to guess his thoughts just by looking at him.

  “You’re doing great, darling,” cried Pamela, saluting with her martini.

  Daryl scoffed and Charlotte scowled. “Independence,” she spat. “Independence – Independence!”

  “Repeating it isn’t helping,” said Daryl with a raised eyebrow.

  “Do the twin thing,” she hissed in irritation, gesturing between them.

  Daryl smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “Do better,” he shot back.

  “Time,” called Sheena, with more than a little smugness.

  Charlotte threw up her hands. “Will Smith,” she sneered at her family.

  “Oi!” Brendon protested as she stomped back to her seat. “Someone still has to guess that!”

  “Well, they better not use one of his most famous movies,” Charlotte sniped. She seized her plastic wine glass and took a hefty glug.

  In the end, Sheena and Pavan Patel won by a landslide, with a little help from the Sidcups. Jayne insisted she didn’t want her own brownies though, as she was actually coeliac and wheat intolerant. So she graciously gifted them to second place, which was Kai and the Andersons.

  The elder Grinters were very good sports, congratulating everyone and joking about a rematch later in the week. Charlotte and Daryl appeared to not be talking to each other or to anybody else.

  Kai was stunned at how much he’d enjoyed himself.

  He volunteered to do a beer run back to where their tents were pitched, grateful to take a break from the noise and just think by himself for a minute.

  The reason he had enjoyed himself so much was that Riley had taken care to make sure he was included, that they’d played together. And it didn’t hurt that he’d been borderline gifted at guessing the right answers. He’d been so much fun tonight. Who knew that shy teenager had it in him?

  It made sense to admire that skill. But if Daryl Grinter had been that good at the game, Kai got the feeling that he wouldn’t be wanting to spend more time with him like he was now with Riley. What did that mean?

  He wasn’t sure. Maybe he’d just have to put it to the test and hang out more. Then see what happened. Like a science experiment.

  Like chemistry, a voice whispered at the back of his mildly muddled brain.

  16

  Riley

  After a while, people started to drift away.

  Once they’d concluded Name in the Bowl, people had clumped together to chat and Slady had got out her guitar to play a bit for a quiet little sing-a-long. Much to Jake’s delight, she opened with ‘All the Small Things’ by Blink-182. If that had been on purpose or just a great coincidence, Riley wasn’t sure, but Jake was over the moon at hearing one of his favourite songs played.

  The Sidcups were the first to head off. At their age, Riley had to marvel at their willingness to sleep in tents and boil their tea in pans with long-life milk. He’d have thought they’d prefer to be on a nice cruise somewhere around the Caribbean. But they appeared in high spirits as they bid everyone goodnight.

  When Jake began yawning non-stop for ten minutes, Riley’s mum and dad ushered him back to their tents. They were both exhausted after taking turns driving, so decided they’d had enough fun for one night as well.

  Pavan and Cameron offered the same excuses within half an hour of each other and made to retire, although Cameron had to cajole Pamela Grinter to leave the youngsters to it. She grumbled, but eventually she was encouraged back towards the motor home that was glowing white under the moonlight with the promise of a nightcap.

  Riley was having an exceptionally good time, he had to say. The more people left, the more blankets those that stayed had to huddle under, so he was perfectly toasty. He was having a lovely catch-up with Brendon and Slady about how renovations to their new house were going, in particular chuckling over horror stories from their kitchen extension and how they either seemed to have no running water or so much it almost flooded into the rest of the downstairs.

  “The number of showers I’ve had to take outside with the hose,” Slady bemoaned, making all of them laugh in sympathy.

  The very best part of the night though was that Kai was still sat beside Riley. Their knees brushed through the blankets every now and again and Kai would bump his shoulder lightly against Riley’s when they were talking. It was wonderful, that was the only word Riley could attribute to it. He was filled with wonder that this gorgeous, thoughtful, clever guy was paying him any attention at all.

  He was undoubtedly the quietest of the group, but it was still lovely to watch the other three talk and see the obvious affection that they shared between them. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel like he was intruding on Brendon and Kai. He felt like he was their equal.

  “Alright, budge along.”

>   Riley looked up and felt his stomach drop.

  Of course Darlottie were back to shatter his tranquillity. They had a reluctant Sheena Patel in tow, who looked like she would much rather be left alone with the eReader in her hand than be dragged around by the Grinter twins. Nevertheless, the three of them made Riley and the others scooch around until the seven of them were back in a circle. No one was allowed to disturb Bia, sleeping peacefully in the centre. Riley made sure of it.

  Charlotte had a bottle of vodka, which she waggled in front of them all. “Okay, Truth or Dare time.”

  There was a groan that went around the group, but nobody actually protested, much to Riley’s dismay. His happy mood evaporated into the ether. He had little doubt that any good was going to come of this, especially if the twins were in charge.

  He looked around to see if he could get away with opting out and heading to bed, but then it would just look like he was scared in front of everyone. In front of Kai. He was scared of what Darlottie might try and do to him, but he wanted to keep Kai’s good opinion of him. So he stayed put.

  “Alright,” said Charlotte. She took a swig of vodka and grimaced.

  Riley hated neat spirits, but he felt his suggestion to mix it with Coke wouldn’t go down well right about now.

  Charlotte scrunched up her nose, then pointed the bottle at Sheena. “Youngest first. We’ll start easy. Truth or Dare?”

  Sheena sighed and finally turned off her book. “Truth.”

  “Last time you had a poo.”

  There were groans and tuts from the others. “Really?” Slady demanded.

  “She doesn’t have to answer,” said Charlotte wickedly, shaking the bottle. “She can drink instead.”

  Brendon leaned over to put himself between them. “You don’t have to drink that,” he said, giving Charlotte the side eye.

  Sheena narrowed her eyes at Charlotte, unfazed. “Last time I took a dump was this afternoon. In your tent.”

  That got a chorus of ‘oohs’ and Riley felt the tension in his chest lessen a fraction. Charlotte laughed as well, but Sheena didn’t. She held her gaze just long enough for Charlotte’s eyes to dart over towards her tent in concern before she cracked a grin.

  “Got you.” The group laughed even harder.

  “Nice one,” said Brendon.

  Daryl had been quiet so far. Either he was playing but still not talking to his sister, or he was happy to let her take the reins. Riley did his best not to look his way.

  Charlotte tutted and smoothed her short hair back. “No, you didn’t,” she said in reply to Sheena. “But anyway, Gemma; Truth or Dare?”

  Slady fidgeted and looked at Brendon who rubbed her arm. “Truth,” she said firmly.

  “Favourite sexual position.” Charlotte licked her lips and raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t have to be with Brendon.”

  Slady rolled her eyes, clearly uncomfortable. She then snatched the vodka away from Charlotte. “Well, he’s great at all of them, so I can’t pick.”

  That got an appreciative snort from Brendon and a kiss to the neck, while Kai applauded too. “Good answer girl,” he told her as she drank.

  “Well, it wasn’t an answer,” said Charlotte haughtily. She grabbed the bottle back. “But, she drank, so it’s fine.”

  Brendon chose dare and had to stuff a whole walnut brownie in his mouth, then recite the Scout promise before he could swallow. It seemed too tame to Riley, but that was probably because his turn was next and Charlotte was saving up all her unpleasantness for him.

  Sure enough, once Brendon had finished coughing, she took her time considering Riley. He sipped his beer to avoid looking back at her.

  “Truth,” he mumbled. He could always try and lie.

  “Do you fancy anyone sat in this circle right now?”

  Riley was extremely proud of himself that he didn’t shout ‘NO!’ right away. Instead, he huffed and shook his head. “No, Charlotte. Sorry.”

  She leant forwards and bit her thumb. “I don’t believe you,” she whispered.

  Riley swallowed, unable to hold her gaze. “Well, tough,” he muttered. “Next, moving on.”

  “Really,” she sneered. “There’s a lot of gorgeous people here. I mean, I know tits aren’t really your things, but I’ve got a great pair.”

  She cackled and bounced her small breasts. Somehow, Riley doubted they were meant for him to admire. “I’ve given you my answer, and it’s the truth, so just get on with it,” he said. He felt hot and prickly and was desperate for them all to stop looking at him. He should have known something like this would happen, it didn’t take long for straight people to start analysing the only gay.

  For a moment, he thought she might press the issue further, or make him drink the vodka. But Kai then leant forward, catching her attention. “My turn,” he said cheerily, waving in her face. “Dare.”

  That got Charlotte looking his way. “Oh goodie,” she cried, immediately distracted. Riley let out the breath he’d been holding. His brother patted his back; his uncomfortableness was probably clear on his face.

  This was stupid, why were they putting themselves through this? None of them wanted to play except Charlotte, it was like she was holding them hostage and the only thing keeping them from telling her to sod off was their pride and preposterous social constructs. Riley frowned and swirled his beer. It was sad how quickly his mood could come crashing down thanks to just one person.

  “Come on, I doubt there’s a dare that can scare me,” Kai goaded.

  He squeezed Riley’s knee, drawing him back into the conversation. The touch sent a burst of energy through his body, and Riley managed a smile. Bugger Charlotte Grinter, he decided. Everyone else here was great fun. Aside from her brother of course.

  “I dare you,” she said in a sing-song voice. She bobbed around and sloshed the vodka. “To kiss…”

  “Riley.”

  Riley felt like his heart stopped and ice replaced his veins.

  Charlotte snapped her head around to Daryl. “No, no,” she squeaked. “That’s not what I – I mean… He could kiss somebody else, you know?”

  Daryl was looking directly at Riley, who couldn’t seem to look away now. Like he was trapped in headlights. “Kai said there wasn’t a dare that scared him. I thought I’d test that.”

  Riley blinked back tears. His voice was lost somewhere in his throat.

  Kai scoffed. Loudly. “Oh please, you guys need to get a grip, you know that?”

  He threw his arm around Riley’s shoulder and hugged him to his side, finally breaking Daryl’s spell over him. Blinking, he looked up at Kai. He hoped his frown conveyed his confusion.

  Kai winked at him, dropped his arm then addressed the twins. “You think kissing a guy in this day and age is something to freak out over?” He sneered.

  Charlotte pointed and turned on her brother. “See. It’s not a real dare if it’s not difficult.”

  Daryl didn't look at her. He just shifted his gaze slowly between Kai and Riley. “Well?”

  “Oh, knock it off,” Brendon snapped. “Riley, Kai, it’s just a game, no one is making anyone do anything.”

  “Which is it?” Daryl asked smoothly. “A big deal, or not?”

  Riley was shaking; he desperately hoped no one could see in the darkness. It was possible he might be sick and there were certainly tears building up in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this humiliated.

  Just when he decided he didn’t care, that he was going to bolt and hide in the safety of his tent, he felt a hand rest gently on his arm. He looked up to see Kai lean into him, smiling fondly. “Hey,” he whispered.

  The circle was silent, but his words were hardly more than a murmur on his beer-sweet breath. Kai looked at him like they were the only two there. He cupped Riley’s face.

  “Let’s show them they’re idiots. We’re friends, right? This is fine.”

  He posed it as a question. Riley knew he should say no, that he didn’t want to be ridicu
led in this way.

  But when was he ever going to get the chance to kiss Kai Brandt again? Even if it was just a game.

  “Okay,” he whispered back just as inaudibly

  Kai nodded, showing he’d heard. Then he leant in.

  Riley had told himself it would just be a quick peck, that he’d get through it without showing his hand. But as soon as they touched mouths Kai moved his soft, plump lips and slipped his tongue out, encouraging Riley to meet him halfway. He almost moaned, but swallowed it just in time. Before he could stop himself, he deepened the kiss, letting his head be cradled by Kai’s big hand.

  Then reality struck and he pulled away, sucking in air and regarding Kai with wide eyes, no doubt conveying his fear. Kai grinned at him though, squeezed his knee as he picked up his beer and turned back to Darlottie.

  “Next time,” he said snarkily. “How about you take your homophobic bullshit elsewhere?”

  “Ha!” said Brendon. He clapped him on the back, then raised his eyebrows at Riley, checking he was alright.

  He put his best smile on his face. “No big deal,” he said quietly as Charlotte spluttered.

  “I’m not,” she said. “I, I mean, I didn’t even want them to kiss.”

  “Whatever,” said Sheena flatly. “Your turn, princess. If three x squared is the same as x squared over four, what’s x?”

  Charlotte looked at her and blinked. “I – I didn’t say Truth or Dare?”

  Sheena raised an eyebrow. “Tough, answer the equation or drink. Your choice.”

  As Charlotte huffed and got her phone out, Riley tried to steady his breathing. His heart felt like it was thumping in his throat and he didn’t know who to look at. So he just stared at his fingers instead.

  So he saw right away when Kai slipped his much bigger hand between Riley’s. “Are you okay?” he asked. Darlottie were arguing over math technique and no one seemed to be looking their way.

  “Um, yeah,” he said, willing his voice not to shake. “No big deal, right?”

  “Well, I’d hope it wasn’t terrible?” Kai asked. There was a cheeky tone to his voice and it helped Riley relax. “I hope it was fun, not, I don’t know, weird or anything.”