Without a Compass

by Helen Juliet

  Kai snorted. “You’re going to destroy me.” He sounded rather pleased at the prospect.

  Before Riley realised what was happening, Kai was wading them both into the freezing cold lake, and he started shrieking for real. “No, no! Kai put me down – no don’t!

  Bia was running around on the shore, barking her head off, and Riley thought if anyone was going to come find them, it would probably be now. Mercifully though, they remained alone as Kai lowered him into the lake and Riley wailed.

  “Why!” he cried hysterically.

  Kai was grinning through chattering teeth and began to speedily rub the water all over his body. “Come on,” he said. “We’re not going back to your family stinking of sex! The quicker you rinse, the quicker we can get back out.”

  Riley was only waist deep but that was enough that his sensitive cock was very unimpressed and his balls tried to shrivel back inside his body. But Kai had a point. So he allowed himself to gasp and whimper as much as he needed to as he sloshed the remarkably clear water all over himself. He even ran some through his hair. Then he dashed back to the shore with Kai not far behind him.

  He flopped back on the grass, his loose limbs flailed out in all directions, the sun already warming his chilled skin. Bia came to lick his face, just to make sure he wasn’t dead. Riley laughed and pushed her away, then rubbed her head affectionately. “I love you, darling, but no kisses while I’m naked, okay?”

  Bia considered this, then trotted off to go drink from the lake water. Its waves were more turbulent than usual having had two grown men come thrashing out of it.

  Speaking of which, Kai dropped beside him, linking their fingers and smiling over at him. “Better?”

  “Yeah, alright,” Riley begrudgingly conceded.

  For a moment they just smiled at each other. But then, of course, a troublesome thought crept into Riley’s head. “Hey, um,” he said, squeezing Kai’s fingers between his own. “Have you thought…that is…how do you want to play this when we do get back to camp?”

  Kai had been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours. As much as Riley wanted to shout it from the hilltops, he completely appreciated how hard it was to come out. He’d respect whatever Kai wanted to do.

  “Oh yeah,” said Kai, frowning. Then he jerked Riley’s hand over to him and pressed it against his chest. “It’s not a gay thing.”

  Riley laughed. “Of course it is, that’s perfectly natural,” he added. “We can take it slow.”

  “No,” said Kai firmly. “I don’t give a flying fuck about that. I don’t!” he insisted at Riley’s incredulous look. “Seriously, I’m big enough that people can try and start shit with me, but they’ll lose. And God help anyone if they even look sideways at you. I’m not afraid to Hulk out if somebody tries to start that nonsense in this day and age.”

  Riley didn’t approve of physical violence, not at all. But there was something undeniably heart-melting in hearing someone be so unabashedly protective over you. Riley smiled warmly, then reached over to touch Kai’s lips gently with his thumb.

  “Then what?”

  He kissed the tip of his thumb, and Riley let his hand fall on his clavicle. “You’re Brendon’s little brother.” Kai shuddered and stared into the blue and white sky. “I have absolutely zero clue how I’m going to start that conversation.”

  Riley barked out a laugh. “Okay, yes. Fair point, well taken. But that’s sort of what I meant – do you want to play it cool until we have time to talk to them? Or,” he said, swallowing the lump it brought to his throat. “We can keep it private until we get home. What if we go on a few dates and it doesn’t work out. You’ll have outed yourself for nothing.”

  Kai rolled over to face him. “Two things,” he said, holding up his fingers. “One: This is who I am, so coming out won’t be for nothing. I know how I feel. I’m not straight.”

  He smiled to himself, his happiness at this knowledge deeply gratifying to Riley. Before he could comment though, Kai held up his second finger.

  “Two: I’m pretty certain this isn’t going to fizzle out. I want your family to know that I’m yours. I’m proud.”

  Riley’s throat was too thick for a moment to speak. “Oh,” he said. “Well…well that’s good then. Okay. Um, so we tell them one by one, then we…” What? Be a couple? Be boyfriends? That all seemed too much, too fast.

  “Be ourselves,” Kai supplied. “If I want to hold your hand, I’ll do it. The only one who can tell me not to is you. Everyone else can jog on.”

  Riley picked up his hand and began kissing the joints on each finger. “I’ll let you hold my hand,” he said with a naughty smirk. Kai responded by batting their hands away and kissing his mouth instead.

  Riley hadn’t had much experience of kissing for its own sake. He was used to it being the prelude to something hot and frantic, the accompaniment to the main event. But lying on the grass, slowly drying in the warm sunshine, he enjoyed the more pure pleasure of trading chaste kisses and hands lightly trailing up and down his tingling skin without the pressure of it leading anywhere at all.

  That wasn’t true though, not really. It was leading somewhere, just not immediately. It held promises of things to come in the future, making Riley’s heart swell.

  This; this he now knew was what it felt like to have a boyfriend. He hoped, if he played his cards right, it wouldn’t be too long before they could make that official.

  32

  Riley

  Kai took his time fussing over the treatment of Riley’s feet. He made sure all the lake water was thoroughly rinsed off and he insisted that Riley sit still while the antiseptic cream he applied soaked in. Only then did he attach two large gel plasters over his heels, covering the raw flesh entirely. Then he applied several cut-up plasters to the blisters around his toes.

  The Compeeds had some sort of cooling property to them. Riley’s feet felt even better again with them applied. That was before he dared try and put the boots back on too, but they slipped on much easier now.

  “Thank you,” he breathed out, giddy with relief. There was actually a chance he‘d be able to make it back to camp now.

  Bia was delighted when they put their clothes back on and she was no longer ostracised. Riley apologised by feeding her several duck-flavoured treats and a nice long cuddle. “Aren’t you a good girl,” he cooed.

  It still scared him how easily she could have gotten lost forever. But that hadn’t happened; she was safe with them now for the walk back, so Riley needed to let it go. He’d run through so many worst-case scenarios first thing that morning, both over her and Kai, as well as his feet, and it turned out none of those situations had come to pass. In fact, he was currently living the very best-case scenario he could possibly think of.

  He and Kai strolled slowly back along the path they had travelled the day before. They walked hand in hand with Bia bumbling along beside them. She had to sniff everything she deemed interesting, even though Riley was certain she’d investigated all the same spots mere hours ago.

  His feet were feeling okay. There was still a dull ache in his heels, and he suspected a new blister might have been forming between two of his toes. But on the whole it was a hundred times better than when he’d ventured out to find Bia first thing that morning.

  There were more people passing them on their way up the fell as the morning wore on. Kai made a point of saying hello to everyone, but Riley was too shy to do more than nod, and only then when the other person or people had smiled.

  As he feared, some people narrowed their eyes or looked embarrassed at the two of them holding hands. However, a good number didn’t react at all, treating them like any other couple. That pleased Riley greatly. There was a pair of older ladies with fat, black Labradors who made a huge fuss, telling them they were ‘so sweet’ and ‘too cute’ and ‘very brave’. As they waved goodbye, they wished him and Kai ‘good luck’, making his hackles rise, but Kai soon calmed him down.

  “They’re not trying to u
pset you,” Kai said. He gave him several kisses along his jaw, making him squirm and smile. “They probably remember when being gay was illegal. They’re just excited for us.”

  Riley regarded him. “Do you always look on the bright side of things?”

  He was pretty sure he already knew the answer to that though. He wondered if, in time, some of that optimism might rub off on him. It might not be a bad thing.

  Even though they’d probably forfeited by now, they still took the time to finish their scavenger hunt as well. Bia helped them to find some really clear animal tracks which turned out to be red deer according to Kai. Riley was disappointed not to have seen any of the animals themselves. But apparently they were notoriously difficult to spot this close to the touristy paths. The fact that they’d found tracks at all had made Kai gibber.

  “You’re such a dork,” Riley told him fondly, kissing his cheek.

  They only needed one feather but they picked up three different kinds. Kai identified them as Peregrine, Puffin and Ring Ouzel. Riley stored them carefully in his bag along with their fern samples and a tuft of lamb’s wool they'd gotten yesterday.

  Riley was able to use his portable charger to juice up his phone again. It gave him enough to snap a few photos of their last couple of tasks at least. Kai laughed when he told him what had drained it before.

  “You were using a compass on your phone?” he demanded through the chuckles. Riley told him to sod off.

  Kai got his bunch of keys out. It was more keyrings than it was actual keys, and he let go of Riley’s hand to pry one of them off as they walked. “Here,” he said, handing the small fob over to Riley. “So next time you won’t get lost.”

  Riley turned the little compass over between his fingers. It was black and practical looking, with lots of numbers around the edge and a red needle pointing their way. But Riley thought it was beautiful. “I don’t know about ‘next time’,” he said gruffly. “I think I’ve had my fill of camping.”

  “I think I could convince you otherwise,” Kai countered, taking his hand again.

  Riley grinned to himself. He didn’t have his set of keys with him as they hadn’t seemed necessary when he’d set off the day before. So, for now, he clipped the compass keyring to the belt loop on his shorts. He’d never had a present from a boy before. The best he’d got was a pint at the bar, but that was generally so he’d loosen up enough to go to bed with the buyer. This filled Riley’s chest with warm tingles.

  “Thank you,” he said, rubbing his thumb across the back of Kai’s large hand.

  They walked for a while in companionable silence. For once, Riley didn’t feel his throat tightening in panic over something to say. Whenever he caught Kai’s eye, he always smiled at him or leant in for a quick kiss. There was no pressure to be entertaining.

  Riley felt light. It was unnerving that one person could have such an effect on another. But having Kai’s hand fit so perfectly around his and talking about seeing each other once they were back down south did create a bubble of happiness for him that he could quite happily float away on.

  He knew all too well what lust and attraction felt like. So maybe…and he was almost too scared to think about it…but maybe this might be something like love?

  That was far too big a word to start throwing around just yet. But it didn’t stop Riley grinning to himself.

  In the quietness, he thought he might have heard a buzzing drifting through the air. He swatted by his face in case it was a bug venturing too close to his hair, but there didn’t seem to be anything close by. No matter how proficient he got at camping, he'd probably always have nightmares about many-legged things.

  He shrugged and forgot all about it as he started throwing sticks for Bia. She wasn’t a retriever, so bringing them back wasn’t her speciality. She enjoyed racing after them though, and attacking them once they landed.

  It was amazing how much quicker the walk back seemed, especially on his aching feet. But Riley only had to look beside him to guess the reason for his high spirits. He was sure he’d get back to being cynical eventually. However, he wasn’t sure how long it would take for the novelty of Kai being his to wear off, if it ever did.

  They weren’t far from the camp now, but Riley was grateful when Kai had insisted they stop then rather than push on to reach their destination. They had just enough sandwiches and bits left between them to sit and have a decent meal, even if they were a bit dry. Bia was happy with more of her treats and a big bowl of water. So they made a little picnic on top of one of the smaller hills and took half an hour to watch the world go by.

  Despite all his assurances, Riley was still nervous about facing his family. It wasn’t that he thought they’d be angry, but he’d never brought home a guy before, let alone one he hoped would be his boyfriend. And the fact it was Kai, and he’d practically grown up around them…well, would they think it was weird?

  Kai was pulling at his crusts, throwing the little shreds to a sparrow that had dared to hop close enough. Bia kept her eye on the small bird. There was a time where she would have chased it the moment it touched the ground. Now she simply followed wherever it moved with sleepy eyes.

  Kai made sure to lean over and fuss her too. He was good at caring for others.

  “Are you okay?” Riley asked.

  He looked over and offered Riley a small smile. “Yeah, fine,” he said. He gave his back a rub, but he was obviously a bit anxious too.

  “Look,” said Riley. “I mean it. We don’t have to say anything today, not until you’re ready. Whenever that is.”

  Kai bit his lip and frowned. “It’s not that I’m ashamed of you,” he said firmly.

  Riley scooched over and rested his head on his shoulder, their hands entwined. “I know, I promise. It’s just…once you come out, that’s it. No matter what, some people will treat you differently. I hope that doesn’t put you off,” he added with a chuckle.

  Kai squeezed his hand. “As long as Bev and Phil don’t think I’m a cradle snatcher, it’s fine.”

  That made Riley giggle. “Yeah, I know. But twenty-one and twenty-five – I think that’s fine. If I was still seventeen, there might be more of an issue.”

  “Oh I was a proper twat at twenty-one,” Kai said ruefully. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to date me. I think we timed it right.”

  Riley snuggled in a bit closer. “We did.”

  There wasn’t anything more to delay them after that. They packed up their bags, careful not to leave any rubbish. Once they had another layer of sunscreen on, they began on the final leg home.

  Conversation was sparse between them. Riley understood it came from mutual apprehension, so didn’t push trying to say anything. They both had a lot on their minds, and it wouldn’t hurt if they needed to mull that over privately.

  For his part, he just hoped that whatever came next didn’t put Kai off. Riley was so close to a happy ending he never dreamed might actually come to fruition, and he wasn’t ashamed to say he’d fight tooth and nail to keep it. That being said, he’d much rather things were just easier for Kai than they’d been for him. There wasn’t much more he could do as they walked the last few miles but put positive vibes out into the universe, and hope.

  The same buzzing as before caught his attention, but it wasn’t close enough to be an insect, he was certain. As he looked around, he remembered he’d heard a similar noise the day before. “Do you hear that?” he asked.

  Kai shook his head, rousing himself from the reverie he’d been lost in. “What’s that, babe?” he asked.

  Riley was exceedingly pleased at the ease with which Kai called him ‘babe’, but tried not to let it show on his face. “That buzzing,” he said instead. Even with his sunglasses and hat on, he still needed to use his hand to shield his gaze from the sun’s glare as he looked around the horizon. “I swear I heard it earlier.”

  As Kai frowned and concentrated on listening, Bia came running back up them, her tail wagging. She was probably wondering why
they’d stopped walking.

  “Oh, yeah,” Kai agreed, nodding. “I can hear something. Where…” He trailed off, searching the sky. “Is it that?” He pointed over to their left and Riley could just make out a black blot against the blue sky.

  “Is that a plane?” Riley speculated. He couldn’t get a grasp on the perspective.

  Kai shook his head. “I think it might be a drone.”

  For a second, Riley thought he was referring to a military plane or a robot from a sci-fi movie. But then he remembered what he meant. “Those flying spider-like things with cameras on?”

  They carried on staring at it for a minute. “Yeah,” said Kai. “I think so. Why would anyone have one of those out here, where’s the pilot?”

  Riley almost pulled his hand out of Kai’s, purely on a knee-jerk reaction. But that was stupid. They were perfectly visible to anyone that walked by, why should a drone camera be any different? Regardless, he wasn’t keen on the idea of being spied on.

  “You don’t think…” he said, trailing off. “Was it flying around before?”

  It took a second for Kai to catch his meaning. He bent over and kissed the side of his head. “No, I don’t think it was anywhere near us,” he said firmly. “Besides, they can only fly over a certain range, and it’s illegal to use them for unsolicited surveillance. I have a friend who got his license recently, he’s talked about it a fair bit.”

  Riley chewed on his lip, then nodded. That would be absolutely awful, if he thought anyone had been peeping on them.

  33

  Kai

  As they ambled back through Seathwait, Kai reluctantly let go of Riley’s hand. His emotions were warring with one another, but Riley was right. Holding hands was the easiest way to signal to the world at large that they were a couple, and until they had delivered that news to Brendon and the rest of Riley’s family, he didn’t want any old stranger knowing first.