Sister's Forgiveness

by Anna Schmidt

  After the first dozen or so, they had stopped even opening the envelopes. The messages brought them little comfort, just reminded them repeatedly of what they had lost, especially the personal notes sharing memories of Tessa. Jeannie knew that she should write back, thanking these dear, kind people for their expressions of sympathy, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

  Bills that were mixed in with the cards were noted. “The electric bill came,” she would say to Geoff as they sat in front of the television eating their supper.

  “I saw it,” he might reply.

  But day after day, the stack of unopened mail continued to grow until one day after returning from her run, Jeannie was on her way through the front hall and brushed against the table, sending the whole pile scattering onto the tile floor.

  “Okay, God,” she muttered as she had so often done in the days before Tessa’s death, “I’ll do it now.”

  She sat cross-legged on the floor, the coolness of the tiles a relief after her run, and began sorting the mail into three piles—personal cards and notes, bills and other business, and throwaway mail.

  The throwaway pile was the largest, the cards came in a distant second, and the bills a close third to the cards. How long has Geoff let things slide? she thought and felt the annoyance and irritation with him that had become far more common than the feelings of love and respect she’d always held for him before. It wasn’t entirely his fault. She was the one who usually sorted through the daily mail and placed bills and such on his desk. Then he would attend to them at night when he did his schoolwork or worked on a new play for the team.

  She began opening the bills. The more recent ones were within due dates, but their failure to pay the preceding month added late fees. Their credit card bill was over a month old and by now would carry a hefty finance charge on top of the balance. What on earth had she bought?

  She ran down the list of charges, and in almost every case the charge brought a memory of Tessa. Tessa with her at the grocery store as she searched her purse for enough cash to pay and then pulled out her credit card. Tessa with her at the gas station, washing the windows while she pumped the gas, whatever conversation they had started in the car continuing. Tessa and Sadie and her at the discount store buying the supplies the girls would need for the start of the new school year.

  Tessa. Tessa. Tessa.

  She crumpled the bill then smoothed it and laid it with the other open bills before picking up the next envelope. The return address marked it as being from the billing department of the hospital. Jeannie breathed a sigh of relief. At least this one should be no more than a receipt showing that Geoff’s school insurance had paid the charges. She decided that she would put that one on the bottom of the pile. It would be as much a relief for Geoff to see that at least one bill had been paid as it had been to her.

  But as she scanned the page, shaking her head at the itemized list of charges, her heart beat a little faster and her brain shouted, No!

  The number in the balance-owed column was five figures. Impossible. She had to be reading this wrong. She studied the information. Here was the line that showed the total of the entire itemized list. Below that was the line showing what Geoff’s insurance company had paid. And below that was the ominous balance-owed line.

  Stuck to the inside of the envelope was a yellow sticky note that suggested they contact the finance department to set up a payment schedule as soon as possible.

  Jeannie fingered the stack of bills she’d already opened—with more to come—and mentally calculated the total. She included everything—the regular charge plus extra finance charges and late fees—and then she added the staggering sum to the bill from the hospital. For a moment she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. How were they ever going to come up with so much money?

  Geoff was already bringing in extra money from coaching just so they could meet their monthly bills and continue to live the way they did. On top of that, ever since the funeral, he had been so close to the edge. His anger and bitterness were eating him alive. This new burden would destroy him—destroy them. Somehow she had to find a solution to this. It was up to her. She got to her feet still clutching the stack of unpaid bills in one hand and the hospital bill in the other.

  She placed the other bills on Geoff’s desk, including the credit card bill that was sure to upset him all by itself. He would notice that the stack of mail was gone, and he would be furious if she tried to hide bills from him and the penalties continued to add up. But she took the hospital bill with her to the kitchen and picked up the phone. There was only one person she could trust to tell about this. Only one person who would know what to do.

  Her fingers faltered over the keypad. She and that one person were once again not on speaking terms thanks to the way things had been left that day at the bay. Emma would know what to do, but Emma blamed Jeannie for the fact that Sadie had even thought about driving that morning. And because deep down Jeannie could not allow herself to admit that there was a grain of truth in her sister’s accusation, she refused to turn to her.

  She had to handle this alone. Find her way through one crisis in her life for once without leaning on Emma. She replaced the portable phone in its cradle then got down on her knees, resting her elbows on the hard wooden seat of a kitchen chair, and closed her eyes. “God, I need help. Please, show me what to do. You know that Geoff won’t accept charity even if our church and the community are willing to…”

  It was the way of their faith to see each other through hard times. If someone’s house burned, it would be rebuilt—no charge. If someone lost a job and had bills to cover, the money would be raised. And Jeannie knew that it would be no different for them. But if she went to their pastor with the bill, Geoff would be upset. He was so very proud and so very stubborn.

  The phone rang, and she shut her eyes tightly, ignoring the shrill sound. At that moment, a memory of Tessa suddenly came back to her as vividly as if it had happened yesterday instead of years earlier. Tessa had been only five, and the three of them had been at supper, their hands joined as Geoff led them in prayer. The phone had rung, and Tessa had half turned to jump down and get it.

  “Not now,” Geoff had said softly. “We’re busy right now talking to God, honey.”

  Tessa had considered that for a second, and finally the phone had stopped ringing. Then she had looked at Jeannie and said, “But, Mommy, what if that was God wanting to talk to us?”

  Jeannie pushed herself to her feet and clicked the phone to see who had just called. “Rachel,” she murmured. “Not exactly God.”

  To her surprise, she heard Geoff’s car on the driveway. He was home early. Still holding the hospital bill, she went to the kitchen window. He was coming up the walk carrying his playbook and duffel bag. Then she remembered that he had a game tonight. Normally she went with him, sitting in the stands with Sadie and Tessa and Matt, but not lately.

  “I’m going for a shower,” he said, barely looking at her as they passed in the kitchen. After twenty minutes, she heard the water stop running, and a minute later she heard Geoff in their bedroom opening drawers as he dressed. Game night meant an early supper so he could be at the school early. She laid the hospital bill on the counter as she hurriedly searched the refrigerator for the makings of a cold supper. She cut up fresh fruit and put that out with potato chips and turkey and cheese sandwiches for him. She was just about to pour him a tall glass of lemonade when she remembered the bill.

  She reached for it just as he came into the kitchen carrying the stack of bills she’d left on his desk. She hadn’t heard him come downstairs, and his sudden presence startled her so much that she dropped the hospital bill and nearly dropped the pitcher of lemonade in the process.

  “Easy there,” he said as he bent to retrieve the bill. He glanced at the masthead as he pulled out his chair ready to sit down for his supper. “Another bill?”

  Jeannie held her breath as he opened it. It seemed as if it took him a long time to
read it—far longer than it had taken her to grasp the contents.

  “It’s high,” she said. “I had no idea that—”

  Geoff scraped back his chair and picked up the phone and punched in a number. “Roger? Yeah. Something’s come up. Can you handle the team tonight? Okay. Yeah. Appreciate that.”

  He hung up and without a word headed for the door, taking the car keys as he went.

  “Geoff?”

  He stopped but did not turn around. “Do not try to stop me, Jeannie,” he growled.

  “Where are you—?”

  “It’s pretty clear to me that at least this is one bill we don’t have to be responsible for. It clearly was sent to the wrong address,” he said waving the bill in the air. “I’m going to make sure it gets delivered to the person responsible.”

  “Geoff, no. Please wait.”

  He kept walking and got in the car. “Jeannie, you have to face facts and choose already. Me or your sister and her family. You can no longer have it both ways. I’ll be back later. In the meantime, you decide how it’s going to be.”

  “Geoff, wait!” Jeannie shouted the words this time as he backed down the driveway and drove away fast. Don’t you get it? I have chosen. I chose you.

  Next door she saw a curtain move and knew that she had attracted the attention—and no doubt curiosity—of their next-door neighbor. She smiled and waved as she went back inside. To what purpose? Did she really hope the neighbor would simply think that Geoff had forgotten something? Not likely. It seemed to be well known up and down the street that the Messners were having marital problems.

  Besides, she had more pressing matters that needed her attention. She ran inside, and for the second time that day, she picked up the telephone to call Emma. This time she was calling her sister to warn her.

  Chapter 38

  Lars

  Lars was in his workshop when Emma came rushing in holding the phone. “Jeannie called. Geoff is on his way over here,” she said breathlessly. She was still clutching the phone, and when the beeping told Lars she had forgotten to disconnect, he took it from her.

  “All right.” He lifted his white-blond eyebrows and waited for more information. Jeannie and Emma had not spoken for days, and the stress had begun to wear not only on Emma but on all of them. She walked through her days a lost soul, and he would have thought that a call from Jeannie would be something to lift her spirits.

  “They got an enormous bill from the hospital today. Jeannie was going to try to tell him about it after tonight’s game, but he found it, and now he’s coming here.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Jeannie thinks that he plans to present the bill to Sadie, Lars. To tell her that the charges are her responsibility. She’s just come back to us…”

  “Go back inside, Emma. I’ll see to this.” He had no idea what he would say. His brother-in-law was so different in both personality and temperament. The two men liked each other, but it had been clear for years that they walked along different paths when it came to what they believed and how best to put those beliefs into action.

  Emma hesitated and then did as he asked. A few minutes later, Geoff’s car pulled up in front of their house. He sat there a moment, staring straight ahead as if trying to remember why he’d come.

  “Geoff?” Lars approached the car. “It’s good to see you.”

  Geoff looked at him and blinked then got out of the car, pausing to pick up an envelope from the seat beside him. “I hear Sadie’s home,” he said ignoring Lars’s greeting. It was apparent that he was struggling to keep his tone conversational, casual.

  “Ja.” Lars positioned himself between Geoff and the house. He didn’t want to appear threatening, but at the same time, he had a duty to protect his family.

  “I’ve got something for her,” Geoff said, tapping the envelope against his thigh.

  Lars held out his hand. “I can make sure she gets it. She’s been spending most of her time in her room. The adjustment has been difficult.”

  “Really?” The word came as a sneer, but Geoff recovered. “No, I came to deliver this in person. I just need a minute of her time.”

  It was not in Lars’s makeup to play games, and he was uncomfortable with this one. “We heard about the hospital bill, Geoff. Is that it?” He nodded toward the envelope.

  Geoff’s face went red with fury. “So, she made her choice,” he muttered. “Did my wife call to warn you?” This time there was no attempt to disguise his contempt. Lars realized that it was directed not at him but at Jeannie.

  “Come on, Geoff. What’s to be gained by this? Sadie knows what she did. She’s going to have to live with her guilt over Tessa’s death for the rest of her days. Our hearts are with you and Jeannie, of course, but surely…”

  To his surprise, Geoff laughed and looked up at the sky. “Let me get this straight, Lars. Your kid runs my kid over, and you want me to have compassion for her?”

  Lars did not flinch. “That’s exactly what I’m asking. For her and for Matt as well.”

  “Let’s leave Matt out of this,” Geoff said, looking away. “I’ve made an effort there, and your son…”

  “We are family, Geoff, and we need to start acting like that again. Tessa’s death has—”

  “You and your family have no right to breathe my child’s name,” Geoff growled, his fist tightening around the envelope now, crumpling it.

  “We have every right, Geoff, and you know it,” Emma said coming forward to stand with Lars. “Tessa was like our own daughter. Sadie and Matt are as much your children as they are ours. If Sadie had been your daughter—if she and Tessa had both been your daughters—would you have turned your back on her? I don’t think so. She’s family, Geoff. Yours. Ours. It never mattered before, and it shouldn’t now.”

  Emma moved a step closer to Geoff as she continued to talk without giving their brother-in-law a chance to reply. It worked. Slowly but surely, Lars saw Geoff’s fingers relax slightly. “Won’t you come inside, Geoff,” Emma said, “so we can talk about this calmly? This bill has come as an added blow to you and Jeannie at a time when…”

  It was as if she had reminded him why he’d come. He thrust the envelope toward her. “I want you to give this to Sadie. It’s the least you can do for us—me. I want, need for her to see the dollars and cents cost of her actions, actions that cost a fortune and still ended up with Tessa dead.” His eyes filled with tears. “Do it,” he pleaded as he stumbled blindly back to his car.

  “Geoff, I’ll drive you,” Lars said, following him.

  “No,” he shouted and slammed the car door behind him.

  “Come on, Geoff,” Lars pleaded, trying the door and finding it locked.

  Geoff was pounding the steering wheel with his palms. After a moment, he stopped and his body sagged as if suddenly and finally all the fight had gone out of him. He opened the window a crack. “I’m okay, Lars,” he said, sounding utterly defeated. “Could you just please go on inside and give me a minute?”

  Lars did as he asked. Emma watched anxiously from the kitchen window and reported that Geoff was just sitting there, his forehead resting on the steering wheel. “I’m calling Jeannie,” she said. But just as she picked up the phone, Geoff started the car and drove away.

  “Was that Uncle Geoff?” Sadie asked coming into the kitchen and glancing out the window.

  Lars looked at Emma, and she nodded. “Ja,” Lars said and pulled out one of the kitchen chairs. “He brought something that he wants you to see.”

  He saw that Emma was about to protest, but Geoff was right. There was no point in shielding Sadie from the aftershocks of her actions. “Sit down, Sadie,” he said quietly even as he saw Emma signaling him not to do this.

  Sadie did as he instructed and accepted the envelope her father handed her. She unfolded the bill and glanced over the figures. Lars knew the exact moment that she realized that the bill was for Tessa’s care in the hospital. Her entire face seemed to simply melt. Her mouth
sagged as her eyes became little slits, and her hands began to shake until finally he reached over and gently took the bill from her.

  “There is a price to our actions, Sadie,” he told her. “An emotional and physical cost and often a financial cost as well.”

  “What have I done?” she said, staring up at him. “Oh Daddy, what have I done? I’ve hurt so many people and now this. How will Uncle Geoff ever be able to pay such a large amount?”

  “He’ll have help,” Emma told her as she pulled up a chair next to her and wrapped her arm around Sadie’s shoulders. “That’s what community is about.”

  “Sadie, this is the one thing we can fix,” Lars said, “After everything you’ve been through—the accident, detention, the court proceedings—paying this bill is not your worry. It’s not why I wanted you to see it.”

  “But, Dad, I have to find a way to help. Will the hospital give us time to pay it off? I could get a job after school and on weekends.” Her face went suddenly blank. “Unless…”

  “Unless?” Emma asked.

  “What if the judge sends me away? How can I possibly contribute anything if I’m locked up somewhere clear across the state?”

  Emma and Lars looked at each other. “How about we call Rachel Kaufmann?” Lars suggested.” She might have some ideas.”

  “Yes, let’s do that,” Sadie said, getting up to get the phone.

  “Sadie, wait, let’s talk about this some more,” Emma cautioned. “You’ve got so much on your shoulders right now. Maybe…”

  “Mom, this is like the first clear sign that God is hearing my prayers to show me some way that I can make this better for those I love—for you and Dad and Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Geoff. This is a way that I can own up to the fact that it was my thoughtless behavior that brought all of this on our family. That it’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself and really take a good hard look at how everyone around me is suffering.”