“Yeah.” He pulled cash out. “She loves princesses.”
“What little girl doesn’t? Who’s her favorite?”
He smiled, and his entire face lit up with happiness. “Elsa. Of course. She makes me sing her ‘Let It Go’ every night.”
“Wow.” A small laugh escaped her. She couldn’t help it. “I had no idea you had a kid.”
“Most people don’t.” He shrugged. “It’s not really something I talk about a lot.”
He had been set up on a blind date with her, so obviously he wasn’t still married. But she was curious. “And your wife…?”
“Is dead.” The smile left his face. And what was left behind pulled at her heartstrings. “It’s just the two of us now.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry for your loss.” She folded the bag over and handed it to him. “You can just have it. She sounds delightful.”
He shook his head and threw down two dollars. “I’ll pay. Thanks, Lauren. And, hey, I hope you’re doing okay.”
Great. So even he knew about the big fight.
“Yeah.” She smiled. “I’m fine.”
“Life’s too short to pretend to be fine when you’re not.” He picked up the bag and backed up toward the door. “If it makes you feel any better, he looks worse.”
With that, he winked at her and left.
The door closed behind him, and she shook her head. It was an hour till closing, but she was done. She needed to go home, and be alone. The bell rang again, and she forced a smile. “Can I help—? Oh, hey.”
Daisy smiled back at her. “I was walking by and smelled apple pie. Did you just make some?”
Lauren laughed, walked to the door, flipped the sign to say closed, and locked the door. “I did, and lucky for you, I was just about to close early. Want to share a piece?”
“Heck yeah,” Daisy said, dusting her hands off and coming around the counter. She was petite and redheaded and too gorgeous for words. And single for the same reason as Mark. They would be adorable together.
Maybe it was the fact that her own life was a freaking wreck, but seeing the two of them happy…maybe together…would make her feel a lot better. “I met someone.”
“Already?” Daisy asked, clearly taken aback. “You and Steven just—”
Lauren held a hand up. “God, not for me. For you.”
“Not even talking about it.” She shook her head. “Not yet. Maybe another day.”
“Too soon?” Lauren asked sympathetically. Daisy had lost her boyfriend to a car wreck a year ago. They had been in love, and happy, but that’s why she and Mark made sense. They’d both loved and lost and would understand what the other went through. “It’s been a year…”
“Way too soon.” She crossed her arms. “Let’s talk about something else. Anything else besides boys. Please.”
Lauren cut into the pie, and nodded. “How’s work?”
“Long. Boring.” Daisy was a cop. She might look small and helpless, but she was kick-ass. “No one’s robbing anyone or causing trouble. It’s been quiet.”
“Poor you.” Laughing, Lauren slid a plate over. “You’re ridiculous.”
Daisy laughed, too. “Whatever.”
The rest of their conversation focused on work, and life. Anything but love, and broken hearts, and it was great. By the time Lauren left the bakery, she’d made tentative dinner plans for the next day with Daisy, and she felt a little more alive. A little more whole, too.
She’d survive this. Whatever didn’t kill you made you stronger.
Even Kelly Clarkson agreed.
She trudged down the sidewalk, hugging her purse to her chest, and tried not to think about him. Tried not to ruin her happy little buzz. So when she pushed her door open, she froze in shock. Either her mind was playing tricks on her and she had gone completely crazy…
Or Steven had just come out of her bedroom.
She gripped the doorknob. “Uh…”
He froze midstride.
Mark was right. He looked awful. His cheekbones were gaunt and his skin was an ashen green. He had huge dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept since he walked out of her life without looking back. He also appeared to be hungover.
Neither of them spoke.
After a while, he tugged on his hair and cleared his throat. “I was getting my stuff out of your place and trying to come up with a good speech for when you got home. I thought you wouldn’t be home for another hour or so.”
“I left early,” she replied, keeping her voice as flat and even as his.
“Yeah, I guessed as much,” he answered, hugging his balled up clothes to his chest. His gaze dipped down her body, leaving a blazing trail of heat in its wake, and her heart sped up. “You look…good.”
“You don’t.”
He laughed. “I haven’t been drinking, if that’s what you’re thinking. Haven’t had a drop since the night we got together.”
Relief fluttered through her chest. He might be done with her and able to walk away without a second thought, but she still cared about him very much—and if she’d managed to get him to see straight in the process of losing him…at least she had that. “Good.”
“I just can’t sleep,” he admitted.
They fell silent again.
She stared at him.
For the second time, he broke the silence. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.” He rocked back on his heels and let out a small laugh. “Have you seen my blue shirt? I couldn’t find it.”
She set her bag down and walked past him. Walking over to the bed, she yanked the covers back and pulled out his blue T-shirt. Though she would never admit it to him, she’d slept with it for the past three nights.
Walking back into the living room, she tossed it at him. “Here.”
“Oh.” He caught it easily enough, even though his arms were already full of clothes. That annoyed her. Everything about him annoyed her, at this point in time. “Thanks.”
She didn’t reply. This whole thing was ridiculous, and painful, and it just needed to be over. He was treating her like she was a stranger, and she was letting him.
“I guess that’s everything.”
“Great,” she said, sugar sweetly. In her head, she gouged his eyes out. “Bye.”
He flinched. “Look, I—”
“Screw off,” she snapped. “And get out.”
“Why are you mad at me?” His nostrils flared and he stepped closer, gripping his bundle even tighter. At least he didn’t look dead anymore. “I’m not the one who lied.”
“Get over it,” she snapped, shoving him backward. “And while you’re at it, get out, too.”
“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.” He squared his jaw. “I’ve been trying to think of what to say to you all damn day, and that wasn’t it.”
“Then say nothing at all. Just go.”
He hesitated. “Lauren, I—”
“No. I don’t want to hear it. You’re mad I lied? Well, fine. Be mad. See if I care. But I lied because I loved you, and you took that and turned it into some horrible, monstrous thing. And that makes you the bad person, not me.” She poked him in the chest. “You left me.” She poked him again. “You walked away.” Again. “And you’re the one who decided to be done with us.” Backing off, she shook her head. “You’re the one who’s okay. I’m not.”
“Okay?” He laughed and dropped his clothes to the floor. He advanced on her, and she stumbled back a step before she forced herself to stand still. “What part of this makes you think I’m okay?”
“You left me. Told me you were done with me.” She lifted her chin. “And you’re obviously okay with that.”
He flexed his jaw and took a step toward her. “I wasn’t kidding earlier. I can’t sleep.”
“Me either.”
Another step. One more, and he’d be holding her in his arms, and she couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t fall back into his arms. “I can’t breathe without you there. I mean, I can, but it’s not
the same. So, yeah, I can’t fucking breathe.”
“Me either.”
He closed the distance between them. They were toe to toe, and it would be so easy to give in. To let him kiss her and make her feel better. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. So much.” She held her hand up, placing it on his chest, to keep him from coming any closer. “And you see, that’s what makes this whole thing so much harder. I loved you, and I let you in. I really, truly, loved you. And you didn’t see that, or care, and you left…just like everyone else.”
Something inside of him seemed to break. He covered her hand with his, his face ravaged. “Shit. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to truly express how much I regret walking away that night. I was upset. I was an idiot. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that to you.”
“Well, you did. You asked me to ignore all my fears and let you in, and swore you wouldn’t hurt me, or leave me. You promised me.” She swallowed hard and tears trailed down her cheeks. So much for her vow to stop crying over him. “And then you did both of those things in one night. You ruined everything, and you ruined me. I hate you for that. I love you, but God, I hate you, too. So much.”
He shook his head, his hands in tight fists at his sides. “No. You can’t hate me.”
“Yeah, I can.”
He stared at her, not speaking.
“Go on. Walk away again.” She stepped away from him and hugged herself. “It’s what you’re good at, right? Show me one last time.”
“Lauren—I fucked up.” He shoved a hand through his hair and locked eyes with her. What was hidden there—desperation and pain—echoed within her soul. “When I found out you lied, I just—”
She swallowed. “Ran. You ran.”
“Yeah.” He dropped his hand back to his side and curled his fingers into a ball. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
She held on to her elbows tightly. It was the only way she’d be able to stop herself from reaching out and grabbing him—and never letting go. But after he hurt her, left her, ruined her…she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t fall fast, and hard, like she had last time.
Never again.
All those years, she’d been right to hold her heart close.
“Good-bye, Steven.”
“I’m sorry, Lauren,” he rasped, his eyes threatening to pull her into their stormy hazel depths. “So damn sorry.”
Closing her lids, closing him out, she shook her head. He was a rabbit hole, and she was Alice, but she wouldn’t fall down again. “You need to go.”
He didn’t move.
Neither did she.
Finally, she sensed him bend down and pick up his stuff. He walked toward the door, but stopped in front of her. He ran his thumb over her jaw and bent down, kissing her forehead. “I’ll go, but I’m going to fix this.”
Her heart twisted and turned, and it took all her control not to open her eyes. Not to lean in and wait for another kiss. “There’s nothing left to fix.”
“Oh, cupcake.” His fingers tightened on her. “You’re so damn wrong.”
And then he left.
She collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily, and still didn’t look. She didn’t want to see the absence of him, because God, she could already feel it. His missing clothes, and shoes, and the book he’d left on her coffee table the other night. That would be gone, too. It would all be missing. She was empty.
Everything was empty.
Chapter Eighteen
The next afternoon, Steven closed his computer and scratched his head, staring at the clock. In one minute, it would be five o’clock. That meant in that little amount of time, he could go to Lauren’s bakery. Ever since she’d asked him to leave yesterday, he’d been brainstorming ways to show her he wouldn’t walk out on her…again.
Leaving had been the stupidest thing he ever did.
And in his life, he had done a lot of fucked up shit.
His door opened, and he glanced up. His boss, Cooper, stood there, wearing a dark gray suit and an even darker frown. “Have you seen the Yarros file?”
Steven’s latest assignment. It had been a damn snoozefest of a case. All the old man did was play golf, drink coffee, and watch Wheel of Fortune.
Thank God the gig was over.
“Yeah, I have it.” He picked up the tan folder and walked it over to Cooper. “Here you go. All signed off and closed. He’s on a plane back to Europe.”
His brown-haired, green-eyed boss took it, smiling. “Great, thanks.”
“No problem.”
Cooper rifled through it, and slammed it shut. “Your next assignment will be in conjunction with Mark. The new guy.”
Shit. The dude was nice. A good worker, even. But the fact that Lydia had set Lauren up with him, and Lauren had seemed to like him, made Steven not like him.
And there was no changing that.
“Great.”
Cooper tilted his head. “You have a problem with him?”
“No, of course not. He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah, he is.” Cooper frowned. “More than you know. Be nice to him.”
“I’m always nice.”
Cooper smirked. “Unless it’s something to do with Lauren. I heard you fucked that up pretty bad. Want some advice?”
Well, shit. The last thing he needed was someone else telling him how much of an idiot he was. He’d told himself that enough. “The Shillings love doctor strikes again? Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t need any help.”
The man might be his boss, but more than that, he was a friend. A friend who had no right sticking his nose in Steven’s business. Cooper had a reputation of trying to help his employees when they, inevitably, messed things up with their woman.
But that didn’t mean the help was welcome.
It wasn’t.
Cooper shrugged. “If you guys would stop fucking up all the time, I wouldn’t have to play the part.”
“I’m working on fixing that,” he growled. “On my own.”
Cooper nodded. “Good. Then you don’t need my help.”
“Nope.”
“All right.” He opened the door before giving it anyway. “Just remember. Grand gestures, and professions of love, never fail. Women forgive us, if the heart is there.”
Yeah. He wasn’t so sure Lauren would forgive him, but he would find a way to make it happen, or he would spend the rest of his life trying. “Thanks, boss.”
Cooper nodded and left.
Steven followed him, walking past Holt’s office. The door was cracked open, and Lydia sat in the chair in front of his desk, grinning. Holt looked happy as a pig in shit. He held a small square piece of paper. “I can’t fucking believe it. This is her?”
Lydia laughed. “Or him.”
Unable to resist, Steven knocked on the half-opened door.
Lydia jumped to her feet, the smile fading. “Steven—”
“I’m—” Holt started, shoving the paper out of view.
“Don’t. I just popped in to tell you I forgive you for the lie. Your heart was in the right place, and so was Lauren’s. If I didn’t trash everything completely, I’ll do everything I can to get her to come back to me. I’m going to fix it.”
Lydia pressed a hand to her stomach. “Do you need help?”
“Go get her,” Holt said at the same time, grinning.
“I am. And, no, Lyd. This is something I’ve gotta do on my own, but thanks. Also, by the way, you two aren’t fooling me.” He pointed at the paper Holt had hastily hidden under his laptop. “Congratulations. Can’t wait to meet her—or him.”
Lydia’s jaw dropped.
Holt pushed his glasses into place and smiled.
Steven grinned and left them to their moment. It was time to chase after his. He waited impatiently for the elevator, scowling at the closed doors that kept him from his girl. The bakery was walking distance from his work, so he decided to go by foot. The whole way there, he went over the speech he had in his head. He
had it all planned out.
And it fucking rocked.
But she was gone. The lights were out, and he was alone on her sidewalk. She closed early. Again. She never did that. Never left work. It soothed her. Gave her a purpose. And he fucked that up for her. All of it. But he would fix it.
Some way, somehow, he would.
He stalked toward her apartment, each stride longer than the last. When he got to her doorstep, he lifted his hand and knocked. After a few minutes, it became apparent she wasn’t home. So he sat. And he waited. And waited.
And waited some more.
Her elderly neighbor came, and went, and came again, her arms full with grocery bags. She must’ve taken pity on him. “She went out with a friend for dinner. She might be home soon.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Seechler.”
She smiled gently, her soft gray hair in a bun. “You’re welcome, Steven. Would you like to come in and wait? I can make tea, and I just bought some fresh baked cookies.”
“That’s very kind of you,” he said gently, forcing a smile. “But I’ll wait here. I don’t want to risk missing her.”
Plus, he deserved to sit on the hard concrete stairs.
He’d known, deep down, when she lied to him about the break-in, that she had done it out of love. There was no doubt in his mind. But his knee-jerk reaction had been to leave. To punish her for hurting him, and in a way, it was an excuse to escape the overwhelming happiness she made him feel. The love she made him feel. Yeah, that’s right. He fucking loved her. And it scared the shit outta him.
Guys like him didn’t deserve happiness.
So it was only right he lose it, like the rest of his men had.
But his decision to deprive himself of his one chance at a happy ending wasn’t fair, and he’d made a mistake in leaving her standing alone, outside her bakery. It wasn’t a mistake he would make again.
He could be fucking happy, too.
And he’d spend the rest of his life showing her how.
“If you’re sure…” she said.
“I am. But let me help you carry those in.”
He set his flowers down and took the bags from her. By the time he left her apartment, he’d declined tea and cookies at least three times. Walking out into the dark night, he sat back down, stretched his legs out…
Say You're Mine Page 15