And waited some more.
By the time familiar footsteps rounded the corner, it was close to nine o’clock. He didn’t stand. Just sat there, waiting for her. With flowers.
Like the sorry fool he was.
When she came around the corner, she wasn’t alone. She had a friend with her, one he vaguely recognized as someone she hung out with from college. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember her name. But he was pretty sure it had something to do with a flower or a plant.
“That’s awful,” the girl whose name he couldn’t remember said. “And he just went home after that?”
“Yep.” Lauren dug in her purse. “And, hey, moving on…about that guy you might like.”
“Oh, God. Not again.”
“But this one’s good. His name is Mark, and he works at the Shillings Agency.”
Steven gripped the flowers tighter.
Fucking Mark.
“Stop right there.” Her friend shook her head. “Prior military?”
“Yeah, but—”
“No way. Those men are way too hesitant to let people in.” She glanced at Lauren and flinched. Steven did, too. She was right. “Oops. Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Lauren said, but her voice was tight. “But this guy’s different. He’s handsome and sweet and a single—” She broke off, stumbling back a step.
Fuck. He’d finally been spotted.
It was go time.
“Hi,” he said, forcing a smile. “You look beautiful, Lauren.”
And she did. Then again, he couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been absolutely breathtaking. Even back in elementary school, when he’d spotted her panicking because she didn’t have a number two pencil, she’d been stunning.
“Thanks,” Lauren muttered.
The other woman glanced up, and scowled. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting. With flowers.” He stood and smoothed his jacket nervously. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you wouldn’t be alone.”
“Have you been here since you left work?” Lauren asked.
“Well, I stopped by the bakery first, but yeah.”
Lauren held her keys tightly and hugged her purse to her chest. “That was four hours ago.”
“Yep. It was.” He swallowed. “I’d have waited four more, too.”
“I went to dinner with Daisy,” she said, not looking the slightest bit swayed by his statement. “We made plans yesterday.”
Ah, yes. Daisy Gallagher. “Nice to see you again, Daisy.”
Daisy stared back at him blankly, playing with her red side braid.
“Anyway, it’s late. And you’ve been out here all night, so I think I’m gonna crash.” Lauren forced a tight smile. “It was nice seeing you, though.”
He shifted on his feet. “We need to talk. I’ll wait out here till tomorrow morning, after you get a good night’s sleep, if I have to. It’s not like I’m actually getting any myself anyway.”
Lauren cleared her throat. “Did you need something?”
“Yes.” You. “I, uh, brought you flowers.”
Lauren gaped at Daisy.
Daisy glared back.
Finally, Lauren glanced back his way. “You don’t need to do this.”
“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry. I miss you. I’m sorry.”
Daisy nibbled on her lower lip, watching them with wide green eyes. “Uh…I’m going to go now.”
“Don’t,” Lauren said.
“It was nice seeing you,” Steven said at the same time.
Daisy gave him one last look. “I know where you live.”
“Duly noted,” Steven said drily.
After she walked away, Lauren crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “Stop doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Showing up at my place, trying to apologize. It won’t work.” She brushed past him, keys in hand, and ignored the flowers. He followed her closely—which she clearly didn’t miss. Her shoulders stiffened, and her hand trembled as she slid the key into the lock. “You said we were done, so we’re done. Accept it.”
He rested a hand on her doorjamb, directly over her head. “That easy?”
“It was for you, wasn’t it?”
“No. It wasn’t.” He gripped her hand. She still hadn’t gotten the key in the lock. Gently, he took them from her, slid it in, and turned it. “And it’s not that easy for you. If it were, you wouldn’t care that I keep showing up. You wouldn’t be scared of what I might make you feel.”
“I’m not scared of you,” she said automatically. “Someone once said only the things worth fighting for scare you.”
He flinched. “Turning my own words back on me?”
“If the shoe fits…” She lifted a shoulder and twisted the knob. When she turned and tried to shut it in his face, he inserted his shoe in between the door and the jamb. “Steven. Go away.”
“You’re not scared of me.” He rested his head on the wood, watching her from under lowered lids. “Or of what I make you feel?”
“No, of course not,” she said quickly, her cheeks flushed a fetching pink.
“Prove it. Let me in for one last game of truth or dare.” He held the flowers out, his heart racing. This hadn’t been his plan. This was impulsive, and out of his control, and not the ideal situation. But it just might work. “If, by the end of it, you still want me to leave, I’ll go. No questions asked.”
She hesitated. It was in her eyes, and her tight grip on the door, and in the way she watched him, like she was scared he might just prove her wrong. He was damn well planning on doing exactly that. “Why should I even bother, when I can simply refuse to let you in?”
“We’ve been friends for years. That’s a lot to just throw away.” He locked gazes with her and refused to let go. If she was going to send him away, and reject his attempts to make things right, she would look him in the eye and do it. “Please, Lauren.”
For a second, he thought she might kick his foot out of the way and slam the door in his face. She had every right to. But something he said must have changed her mind. She stepped back and opened the door. “Fine. Come in.”
Heartbeat pounding, he shut the door behind him. She headed toward her bedroom and kicked her heels off. She wore a tight red dress that made his mouth water, but he had to focus on the important shit tonight. He had to show her he could treat her right…
If she gave him the chance.
And he wouldn’t fuck it up again.
Chapter Nineteen
There was something in Steven’s eyes, and his voice, that no matter how hard she tried, Lauren couldn’t ignore. The simple words weren’t much, just him asking to play a silly game to prove something to her, but the emotion behind them punched her in the chest. Each word, each look, slowly melted away her anger and fear…
Until she found herself opening the door.
But now what was she supposed to do with him?
After she kicked her heels off, she tucked her hair out of her face and turned to him. He watched her with a fiery passion she couldn’t ignore. “Do you want a drink? Maybe ten?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I told you, I haven’t had any since the night we got together. That was the truth.”
“Funny, I saw you the night you left me,” she said, without really wanting to. It just slipped out. “Chatting it up with some girl, with booze in front of you. It was like I stepped through a time portal and nothing had even happened between us. Like those few days we shared were nothing.”
He rubbed his jaw and shook his head. “She sat next to me, not the other way around. And I didn’t go home with her, or kiss her, or fuck her. Or even flirt with her.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“You didn’t need to,” he answered, crossing his arms. “Don’t worry, I won’t count that as your question.”
She leaned on the wall. “Oh, the game started?”
“Didn’t it start the second you let me in?” he asked, his voice low.
<
br /> “No, but it did now.” She walked across the room to the couch and perched on the edge of it. “That was a bad first question, but to each his own, I guess.”
He grimaced. “Your turn.”
“Why are you here?”
He took a few steps closer. “I miss you, and I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. If I had it to do over again I would show you that you can trust me, and I won’t run. If you give me another chance, I’ll never run again. I promise.”
She swallowed hard and let out a laugh. She couldn’t help it. “Funny, you already broke one promise to me just a few days ago. But I’m supposed to think they mean something to you now?”
“They do. You do.” He stepped closer. “It does.”
She averted her face. He was looking at her as if he couldn’t live without her, and yet he’d been fine with telling her he was done with her the second she disappointed him. She wasn’t sure what to believe. His words or his actions. “Your turn.”
“What will it take to get you to forgive me?”
She bit down on her tongue and shook her head. “There’s nothing to forgive. You said you were done with me, so I’m letting you be. You said it’s over, so it is. I told you if you walked away, not to come back. And you still did it.”
“I don’t want it to be over.”
“The friendship?” she asked, tapping her fingers on her knees. “Or the sex?”
“Both. All of it. What we were only just discovering.” He took another step. Every time he answered her, he moved closer. She had three more questions before he would be right there, at her side, within touching distance. “I want it all. All of you. All of me. All of us. The good. The bad. The happiness. The tears. Everything.”
When he said things like that…
It made it a lot harder to remember why she shouldn’t trust him again.
And it was more difficult to remember the pain he caused when he walked away, and metaphorically brushed her off his hands. It made her aching heart want to trust him again, despite all that. But he needed to be all in. To be as head over heels about her as she was about him.
And that was one thing he hadn’t mentioned yet.
Love.
She’d told him she loved him. He’d walked away. And that was that. “Then you should have let me explain.”
“I know,” he said, his voice low. “Let me tell you about what happened over there. When I lost my men.”
She stiffened. “Why now?”
“It plays hand in hand with my reaction.” He took a deep breath, locking eyes with her. “The guys I lost? It was all because of a lie. My superior lied to me, and I knew it, and I didn’t question him. I let it slide. And men died.”
Swallowing, she stepped closer. “Tell me everything.”
“I will. This time, I won’t leave a damn thing out, either. He called me and told me I had to take my men on a routine raid. There were supposedly weapons left behind in an abandoned house, and we were supposed to retrieve them so the enemy couldn’t use them against us. Clear cut and easy.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “Go on.”
“There was something in his voice, in the way he spoke, that told me he was lying. I sensed it, and I didn’t call him on it because he was my superior officer, and it wasn’t my place to question orders.” He stared at the window, seeming like he was in another time or place. “We got there, and I knew something was off. It was too quiet. Not the empty kind of quiet—the kind that tells you everything is hiding for a reason. Before I could call out a warning, a shot rang out.”
She swallowed hard. She didn’t want to hear this…but at the same time, she needed to. “Was that when you got shot?”
“No. The first bullet hit my buddy Sam. Right through the throat. He choked on blood and died right next to me, and there was nothing I could do to save him. I tried to stop the blood with my hands.” He held out his hands, staring down at them. She had a feeling he didn’t see them as clean. In his eyes, they were probably drenched with blood. “Nothing worked. He bled out.”
She closed her eyes, forcing the tears to stay back. It was a losing battle and she knew it. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry, Steven.”
“One by one, I watched my men get shot, as they yelled out that it was an ambush. I called for backup that didn’t come fast enough. Roger got shot in the head, right under his helmet. He died fast a couple yards away from me. Tom took one to the thigh, on his artery, and he passed a lot slower. The rest of the men fell, but I don’t know exactly how. I was too busy trying to save them—and failing.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”
“Then I got shot in the shoulder, and thought I would die, too. All because of a lie I wasn’t brave enough to stand up to.” He seemed to shake himself off, and he was back with Lauren, in her living room. His eyes were still haunted, though. “And that’s when I swore to never forgive another lie. To never forget what those men lost that day, because I was too much of a pussy to call another guy out.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
“Me too.” He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “But none of that was your fault, so I shouldn’t have acted like you were as guilty as him. In a way, I think I pushed you away because I felt bad for being so happy, when the rest of my men are dead.”
She closed her eyes. So much of what he did—how he’d been since coming home—made sense now. “It’s not your fault those men died. Their deaths rest at the feet of that superior of yours.”
“I disagree.” He lifted a shoulder, not meeting her eyes. “My turn to ask a question, I think. Why did you lie to me? What did you hope to gain?”
“That’s two questions,” she pointed out, heart racing.
“You asked two, too.”
Crap. She had. “I didn’t want you to find out how worried we were. If you got mad, you’d walk away. And I wouldn’t be able to help you.” She gave him a pointed look. In the end, he did exactly that. He shuffled his feet. “And I didn’t hope to gain anything at all. I was just making sure you were okay. That’s it.”
“I am okay,” he said slowly. “Because of what you did. Instead of acting like you killed my puppy, I should’ve stayed and listened.”
She didn’t say anything to that. Really, what was there to say? “What would have happened if you had?”
“I don’t know.” He lowered his head. “Because I didn’t.”
“Your turn,” she said.
“Do you really hate me?”
Biting down on her lip, she nodded. “Yes, in some ways. But there’s been lots of times where I hated you. When you left for war. When you didn’t email me. When you kept sleeping with women you didn’t care about, while I was right there…”
He took another step. “I was an idiot. I didn’t see what was right in front of me. I’m like a Taylor Swift song, come to life.”
A small laugh escaped her. She couldn’t help it.
“Ah, that sound.” He closed his eyes and breathed deep. “I thought I’d never hear it again, and that scared me even more than my feelings for you do. Your laugh makes me think the future isn’t so bleak. It gives me hope for a better life. A better world. If you’re in it, it’s brighter. There’s just no escaping that.”
Tears blurred her vision, but she blinked them back. “Wow.”
“Your turn,” he said, his voice somehow deeper. Richer.
“Do you hate me for lying to you?”
He let out a laugh. Short. Brittle. “No. I could never hate you. Not in a million years.” He paused and took another step toward her. One more, and their legs would be touching. “I promise.”
She laughed again, but this one was forced. “You’re just throwing them out there, all over the place now, aren’t you?”
“For you? I’ll promise it all. The world. The moon. Happiness. Unlimited orgasms. Home cooked meals. Cuddles. A good-night kiss every night. Two kids. A dog. A fence.” He held his a
rms out. “Me. Anything you want, it’s yours. I’ll promise it to you and find a way to deliver.”
Her heart wrenched. He looked at her with so much honesty and emotion burning behind those hazel eyes of his, there was no doubt he was telling the truth.
If she let him in, he would give her the world. All those things she’d only ever dreamed about would be hers. All she had to do was let him in.
Could she?
“Your turn,” she breathed.
“You said you loved me. Like, really loved me.” He curled his hands into fists at his sides, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Do you still?”
Oh, no way she was answering that. She’d already told him she loved him, and he hadn’t said it back. There was no way she was going to say it again. Not like this. “Dare.”
“Fine.” His fingers uncurled, flexed, and fisted again. “Kiss me.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, her breath coming faster and her pulse racing.
“You heard me. Answer the question…” He stood directly next to her and held his hand out. “Or kiss me. Those are your choices.”
Sliding her hand into his, she tried to stand on her own two feet but wobbled. Just the sensation of his skin on hers was enough to send her reeling backward. She missed him. Loved him. Wanted him. But he had to love her, too. She wasn’t willing to risk it all on a whim, or a let’s-see-how-this-goes. It had to be all or nothing. “Steven…”
“I can handle it. If you don’t love me anymore, just say it. It won’t send me spiraling into a bottomless hole of despair and booze and women. I’m done with that shit. There’s only one woman I want, and she’s right in front of me,” he said, his voice edgy. “What’s it gonna be? A kiss, or the truth? Which one scares you more?”
“And if I choose neither?”
“Then you lose, and I win, and I’m going to kiss you anyway, because, damn it, Lauren, I need to.” He ran his hand up and down her back, under her hair, stopping right above her butt. It was gentle, yet somehow possessive, all at once. “I need your lips on mine. Your arms around my neck. Your legs around my waist. Your heart, and mine—”
She launched herself into his arms, refusing to think about it further. If he kept talking like that, she wasn’t sure how this whole thing would end. So she did the one thing she could think of to shut him up. She completed her dare. She kissed him. And the second their mouths touched, all of the doubt and worry faded away for the millionth time. That’s how it always worked, though. In his arms, with him holding her, she always believed in him. In this. In them.
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