On A Run

by Livingston, Kimberly

  She turned back around and found Daniel, Christopher, Anastasia and Linda all staring at her, beaming.

  “Well?” Daniel asked with a confident grin on his face.

  “That was great! I think that is the most fun I have ever had! Can we do it again?” Hannah couldn’t contain her childish excitement.

  Linda laughed out loud, “Oh no! You have gotten the bug!”

  “We can do it again later; there are so many other things to see.” Daniel smiled a knowing smile. He led her away from the cars and the platform of people, following the rest of his family who were already making their way up the maze to the exit. They did not stop for any “tricks” on their way out. They were on to the next adventure already.

  There were so many other things to see. Daniel was right. From the Indiana ride they went to the Pirates of the Caribbean, a ride that was now based off of the famous movie, which had been based off this very ride. Hannah was entranced by a whole new theme, one of pirates and sunken ships. The details were amazing, down to the wiggling toes of a pirate sitting with one leg flopped over a bridge their boat was floating under.

  From the pirates they went to a haunted mansion, which Hannah was not sure she wanted to experience. If everything was as real in this large gloomy manor as they had been in the last two rides, she was truly afraid. But Christopher talked her into it this time.

  “It’s not scary at all! The ghosts are all nice and they sing a funny song,” he stated bravely.

  “Yea, except the first time you rode on this ride, mom held your ears the whole time and you covered your eyes and cried.” Anastasia ribbed him.

  “I was little then,” he defended, but did not pout for long. “Now I know better.” He nodded assuredly at Hannah, who, once again, found herself being led along by a very small person who seemed so much more confident than she was.

  As promised, Daniel did take her on the train ride around the entire park. It was wonderful, moving in and out of tunnels that showed the insides of rides as well as past parts of the park so that she could see where she had been from a different perspective.

  Late in the afternoon they paused to buy snacks, (“You have to have a churro!” Anastasia directed.) and they found a place on the curb to wait for the parade to come by. The parade was filled with different Disney characters and songs that Hannah recognized. But Hannah found that she most liked observing the crowd who was watching the parade. Kids, adults, grandparents, teenagers, all were smiling and being silly and being children at heart. Hannah glanced over at Daniel who was watching the parade while holding Anastasia on his lap. She swore he had tears in his eyes as the voice of Walt Disney himself was played over the music, welcoming all to this happy place.

  He caught her looking at him and smiled sheepishly. “I love this place.” He shrugged. “What can I say?”

  After the parade Linda took the kids to stand in line for some ride that they apparently loved but Daniel admitted that he didn’t. “You are welcome to go with them if you want, but the Star Tours ride makes me sick.”

  “No thanks, I will trust your guidance on this one.” They made plans to meet up for dinner and Hannah watched as the three skipped down the street, soon being swallowed up by the sea of people. The place seemed like it was getting busier by the minute and she mentioned it to Daniel.

  “It is. We estimated once that some 7,000 people come by here every hour, and it is definitely worse in the late afternoon and evening. The best time to come is as early as possible in the morning. It is like having the place to yourself. I like coming for the early entry days best of all, even if I only stay for a while.”

  “What is early entry?” Hannah was mystified by the knowledge Daniel had of this place.

  “The main resorts and some of the hotel packages have certain days that you are allowed to come in early before the park opens. It gives you a chance to ride on some of the kiddie rides which are great, but which you wouldn’t want to stand in the massive lines for. It is for early risers and fanatics, people rarely get up at five thirty in the morning while on vacation, but I think it is worth it.”

  “Well, I’m not on vacation” Hannah surprised herself by saying this so boldly, but she found she wanted all the time she could get with Daniel. Her plane left at three the next afternoon. Besides, she truly wanted to experience what the park might be like without all the people.

  Daniel laughed, not at Hannah for her boldness, but at the idea that he might have found someone who was his perfect match. “Really, you would get up early with me tomorrow?”

  “Sure, why not. What time does the park open?”

  “The gates open at seven, but if you want to be first in line we can meet at six fifteen.” The excitement in Daniel’s voice made Hannah’s heart flutter. He was like the sweetest boy she could imagine in a definite man’s body. It was this powerful combination that was so attractive to her.

  “I am guessing that being first at the gate would be fun. Six fifteen it is.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Linda and the kids met back up with Daniel and Hannah for dinner. Standing in a long line to get cafeteria style food didn’t seem like much fun to Hannah, but as they set their trays down in the atrium of the restaurant and sat around the table, eating larger than life portions of food, looking out on Main Street, Hannah relaxed and smiled.

  It had been a very long time since she had eaten with any company at all, and she found that she mostly looked from person to person as they excitedly talked about their favorite parts of the day. The four of them seemed like a close knit family, finishing each other’s sentences, yet listening with respect even to Christopher while he was explaining in great detail why the runaway train was a safe ride.

  “Is your food okay?” Daniel’s voice directed at Hannah startled her. She hadn’t realized how tired she was.

  Hannah looked down and saw that she hadn’t, in fact, eaten anything.

  “Oh I am sure it is. I must be tired and I… I guess I was just zoning a bit.”

  She was embarrassed and felt her chest tighten and her breath shorten – a feeling she realized she hadn’t felt since right when she entered the park.

  “Yea, not many people have the stamina for this park that Daniel has” Linda teased “He is like the Energizer Bunny when it comes to Disney – he just keeps going and going and going!”

  “I am sorry, I should have let you rest more. Are you okay to stay…?” Daniel’s words trailed off, he didn’t want Hannah to go, especially without sharing with her his favorite part.

  “I’m good, really, don’t worry about me. I will be fine after dinner.” Hannah realized it was a phrase she often used when she was in an uncomfortable situation. ‘Don’t worry about me’.

  But she felt like Daniel did worry about her, and it made her feel more secure than she had been in years. While Sheila took care of Hannah to a point, Hannah knew she was pretty much on her own. Today she didn’t feel this. She felt like she was being cared for.

  “Don’t worry, after dinner we pretty much stake out a place to watch the fireworks from so we won’t be walking around so much. They are very much worth the wait.”

  Relieved, Daniel went back to his dinner, the conversation began where it had left off, and Hannah took a bite of her fried chicken, which was amazingly good. She suddenly realized she was starving and ate along with the rest of her company.

  As they left the restaurant, dusk was beginning and the crowds were swelling. Daniel once again took Hannah’s hand, this time also holding onto Anastasia’s who held Christopher’s who held Linda’s who led them through the crowd to an obviously well-known destination for this family. The group of them parked themselves under a street light, just off of the busy sidewalk. The main street of Disneyland all around the front of the castle was already filled with people, most of who were sitting on blankets or park benches. Linda pulled a small blanket out of her bag and she and the children sat down. But Daniel stayed standing and, as the crowd fil
led in around their designated space, Hannah found herself being pushed closer beside him.

  She looked up into his eyes as he talked about how long his family had been coming here, and found herself mesmerized by the lull of his voice. Hannah could smell his cologne, wafting toward her on the light breeze. She noticed his lips as they moved, they were so soft looking that she felt the urge to reach up to touch them. Better than to lean up and kiss them, which is what she truly wanted to do. Hannah’s whole body ached to lean into this man and feel the protection of his arms curl around her body. She hadn’t been in a relationship in her adult life, not since her parents had died. She had hidden herself away for so long, rarely wanting to be with another human being, let alone a man, who generally scared her. But Daniel was different. Everything about him felt different. With him she felt safe. She wanted to express this to him, but realized that this would sound incredibly stupid. He probably had had tons of girlfriends. How weird was it that she hadn’t had boyfriends?

  Hannah realized that she was beginning to have this conversation to herself in her head. She was good at bashing herself, especially when she was feeling happy about something. “Stop it,” she said to herself. This was the happiest place she could remember being, she didn’t want to ruin it. And so she forced herself to focus on Daniel and not her own insecurities. Amazingly, she was able to.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, in just fifteen minutes the night skies above Disneyland will light up….,” the announcement for the fireworks came on and with it a bustle of movement as cast members began making the crowds get to their feet to watch the show.

  “Why do they do that?” Hannah wondered out loud.

  “So more people can watch” Daniel answered her question. “Invariably, when they used to let people watch sitting down, there would be some big doofus who would stand up and block everyone’s views anyway, so I guess they figure they might as well make everyone stand up. I feel sorry for the people in the wheelchairs though.”

  “Yea, and the little kids in strollers!” Anastasia chimed in.

  The entire time they had been standing waiting, Hannah had wondered why they had chosen this particular place to stand. She had seen other open areas that looked like they had a better view of the castle across the street. But now, as she gazed to where she thought was a good spot, she realized that where she would have stood, she would have been packed in like a sardine behind a group of large people and that she never would have seen anything. Where Daniel and his family had staked out, they were at the front of the space, and while there were people walking on the sidewalk a little ways away, they had nobody standing directly in front of them and truly had a perfect view of the sky.

  Suddenly the lights dimmed and music came on over the loudspeakers. Daniel pulled Hannah around in front of him and she stood for a moment breathless from the touch of his hands on her hips. The crowd, even in their little area, filled in every last space so that Daniel was standing directly against her back. She felt her face flush at the closeness of his being. She never wanted this moment to end. And just then the most amazing fireworks began.

  They were set off in time to music, not just in front of them and behind the castle, but from positions all around them at different locations in the park, so that Hannah found herself turning in all directions, delighted at the surprise of where they went off next. The theme of the music was wholly Disney. Its message was all about wishes being made and dreams coming true. Hannah recognized bits of music from what she had experienced that very day. Indiana Jones and the pirates and the Haunted Mansion and the train ride. There were parts she recognized from movies from her childhood.

  Hannah found that the entire crowd had disappeared to her and that it was just her and Daniel and the castle and the night sky, lit up with colors like a child’s paint box. It went on for what seemed like a delicious eternity, more extravagant than any Fourth of July show she had ever experienced. The only part signaling the finale was the music and narration summing up what all of Disney was about. Hannah found herself beginning to choke up. Tears stung her eyes. Hannah was used to crying, she had cried a lot since the accident. But this was different. These tears were for pure innocent joy. It was a surprising feeling, but not completely uncomfortable.

  The lights around the park began to turn back on, but Daniel and his family made no movement. They all just stood together, soaking in the last of the residual feelings that the firework display had left them all with. People around them slowly began to fade away as the crowds dispersed in different directions; some toward the rides, some towards the front exits. The crowds were still huge and Hannah could see the sense in staying put for a while.

  She glanced up at Daniel who was looking down at her, smiling with hazy eyes. He didn’t ask her what she thought, he didn’t need to. The look on her face matched his own.

  Eventually, the kids began to get restless about staying in one place, and Linda murmured something about probably needing to get them to bed. As a group, they began to shuffle toward the front gates. Hannah glanced back over her shoulder more than a few times, taking in the lit castle just one more time, trying to burn the image into her memory. She didn’t know if she would ever see this sight again, though she certainly hoped she would.

  They walked back with the crowds through downtown Disney toward the hotels, Daniel carrying a sleeping Christopher in his arms, Anastasia skipping ahead with her mother talking excitedly about the day despite the late hour. Hannah felt quiet inside and listened as Daniel hummed a variety of different theme songs as they popped into his head. When they got to her resort he paused to pass Christopher to his mother.

  “No, don’t…” Hannah quietly interrupted, “don’t disturb him, I can take myself up.”

  “Are you sure?” It was not what Daniel wanted. He was afraid to lose sight of her, afraid she might disappear forever.

  “Really, I will be fine. Look – it is right here.” Hannah smiled convincingly.

  “I will see you tomorrow though, right? Six fifteen. I will meet you right here.”

  “Six fifteen, I promise! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Hannah waved goodbye to Anastasia and Linda and squeezed Daniel’s hand and walked through the alcove to the resort halls. When she looked back Anastasia was already dragging him out of sight. Hannah picked up the humming to herself, smiling at the youthful feeling in her heart.

  As she got off the elevator on the sixth floor, she came up behind a family. A woman and obviously her mother had their arms linked, a grandfather behind holding a little boy’s hand and a man, assumedly the woman’s husband, carrying a young girl. The sight warmed Hannah for a moment, until she thought of her own parents, her father, her mother and the fact that she would never share a moment like this one with them again.

  Tears jumped to Hannah’s eyes, she choked them back with a melancholic smile, savoring the thought of them. But, as she closed the door to her room behind her, the feelings overtook her and she began to sob. Reaching for a chair to fall into, the tears racked Hannah’s body, her makeup pouring down her face from the salt of them. “I miss them” she began to say, thinking of her parents equally. “I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.” Hannah couldn’t stop the flood of emotions from coming forth. She slid off the chair and curled into a ball on the floor, her breath coming in a strider of sound as she sucked in what little oxygen she could between the force of the outlet of wails. “Oh God, I just want to see them again. Please, just for a day, couldn’t I just see them for a day?” but she realized, as always, that this could never happen. She couldn’t help herself; however, and, sobbing more, she continued to plead, “A minute then, if I could just see them for a minute. I just want to tell them I miss them. I just want to tell them….” What? That she was sorry for every moment she chose to be away from them. That she was sorry if she was ever mean to them. She could never tell them enough.

  Hannah’s head and heart pounded and the waves of grief
finally slowed in exhaustion. “It’s been over ten years,” Hannah thought, “when will I ever get over missing them?” As she cried softly and in defeat for a while longer, she realized she would never get over not getting to see them again.

  Hannah pulled herself up off the floor and found the Kleenex box on the table. She blew her nose, desperately trying to regain control of herself. She wiped her eyes, now red and bulging from the force of her outpouring, and walked to the bathroom to wash her face.

  “They will always be with you. They can hear you talking to them.” Hannah reassured herself, something she had said to herself many times before.

  She paused and looked in the mirror. A dreadful sight looked back at her; a woman who was completely bereft.

  “But I can’t hear them talk to me!”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  At ten minutes after six, Hannah let herself out through the doors heading for Downtown Disney and walked down the alcove. She had passed a couple of people in the hotel; however, at the moment there was no one in sight. No one, except a figure waiting at the other end of the alcove, at just the same place she had squeezed his hand the night before and said goodnight.

  Daniel was waiting for her, his back leaning against the wall. At the moment he wasn’t looking in her direction. He was looking up at something she couldn’t see, and whistling a quiet tune. Hannah paused, not wanting him to see her just yet, wanting to savor the moment. But when he turned and saw her, Hanna’s heart skipped a beat, and she felt her steps involuntarily quicken so that she could be by his side.

  “Good morning!” his voice was raspy from lack of use yet this morning, as well as probably misuse from the day before. “I hope you slept well.”

  “I have slept great here!” Hannah laughed to cover her self-consciousness. There were parts of her who felt she had known Daniel forever, and yet in truth, they had only just met.

  To Hannah’s disappointment, there was no need for him to take her hand to lead her this morning; they were the only two people in sight. So they sauntered side by side down the street toward the bag check area.