All the Wrong Choices

by C. A. Harms

  I climb in my car and toss my bag to the passenger seat, and just as I start the engine, my phone beeps with an incoming message.

  Unknown: I was considering picking up something for dinner and stopping by as a surprise, but then I thought maybe I should ask first.

  I stare at my screen, already knowing who it is but not yet responding. Did I want him to come over? Suddenly I'm trying to remember in what condition I left my apartment this morning when I rushed out ten minutes late for work.

  Unknown: This is me asking?

  I wait for the panic to rush over me. I waited for the doubt I thought I'd be feeling, but nothing came.

  Unknown: Your choice?

  I smile at his sweet attempt to convince me. Quickly my fingers are typing out a message and hitting send before I have the chance to stop myself.

  Me: Thai? I have the perfect wine to go with it.

  I save the unknown number on my phone, and when his name shows up on the screen with a new message, I feel a spike of adrenaline race through me.

  Jonah: Give me an hour.

  Giddiness engulfs me, which is surprising. But honestly, it feels amazing to have something to look forward to rather than going home to an empty apartment. I adore Addison, but lately, she's been preoccupied with Tony, so I see her less often. I am happy for her, Tony seems like a really great guy, but it makes my own life a little less entertaining.

  I knew my friends hovering and spoiling me could only last so long. They all have lives, and they have boyfriends or Toy-friends as Molly calls them. I don't expect them to keep me entertained on a daily basis; that isn't up to them.

  When I get home, I hurry upstairs, jump in the shower for a quick wash and then put on my most favorite lounging clothes: drawstring knit shorts and a matching off-the-shoulder shirt with a cropped tank underneath. And because my feet are always so cold, I slip on my cozy socks too. I want to be comfortable, not alluring. This is a friendly hangout, nothing more.

  I do a quick sweep of my apartment ensuring nothing embarrassing is lying around. I'm just finishing loading my dishwasher when there is a knock on my door. I pause, staring at the unopened door, my heart racing a little faster than before. Suddenly the idea of having Jonah here, in my home, in my space, makes everything so much more real.

  Wiping off my damp hands, I fold the towel laying it over the edge of the sink, and start walking toward the door.

  Another knock sounds, and just for good measure, I peek through the peephole. I feel an instant rush of excitement when I see him standing there in a pair of jogger pants and a t-shirt. He apparently had the same idea as me, comfort. But he is also rocking the sexy too. How can a man look so good in a pair of sweats?

  Attempting to slow my pulse down, I take in a few deep breaths, and then I open the door. I enjoy immensely, more than I should, the way his eyes scan over my body, and a smile tugs at his lips. "I was hoping I wasn't underdressed."

  "I was hoping the same thing, but it looks like we both had the same thought."

  "Yeah, eating so much you need elastic waistbands so they'll stretch."

  My smile widens, "Exactly."

  Things feel so easy with Jonah, and he doesn't make me feel like I have to maintain a certain image or that I can't gather my hair up on top of my head and have him look at me like I'm nothing more than a mess. For the first time in so long, I feel comfortable in my own skin, relaxed.

  Stepping aside, I let him enter and notice then he has multiple bags. "I forgot to ask you what you wanted, so I got a little bit of everything, hoping to get it right."

  "One thing you will learn very quickly about me is I'm not picky," honestly, I can eat just about anything.

  I stand to the side and watch as he begins to pull one container after another out of the bags and set them on the countertop. The yummy smells are filtrating through the air and making my stomach growl instantly. Jonah offers me a smile, and I laugh before spinning around and grabbing the plates out of the cabinet.

  Opening the lids, I zone in on the orange chicken, and without thinking, I grab a piece right out of the container and pop it into my mouth, and begin to happily chew. Then it hit me this isn't Addison and me sharing a meal where we simply dig in with no shame.

  Covering my mouth, I look over to find Jonah watching me. "I'm sorry," I mumble around, a mouth full. How disgusting I just stuck my finger in food that he is probably eating too. "I'm so used to Addison and me just using our fingers; I wasn't thinking."

  I lower my hand and start to chew; only he surprises me by reaching inside the container and doing the same thing I'd just done. Smiling around a mouth full, I'm again reminded this man is nothing like Matthew. I don't have to be proper and stone-like; I can relax.

  Side by side, we sit at the counter, using my barstools. I don't really have the space for a table which has always been all right for me. It also allows us to sit close, which isn't bad either. Jonah radiates that manly vibe I find I'm quite fond of being near. Broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and a strong, defined jaw.

  Yeah, he does things to my libido. It is pointless to pretend otherwise.

  "How is it working so close to family?"

  "Most days, I don't see my dad or sister unless I stop over there or vice versa. Most of our patients are separate, but there is the occasion where we consult. My sister looks for all the ways she can torment me, but mostly we stay pretty busy."

  "And your sister is older?"

  "Younger," Jonah turns his body to face mine more, his knees parted so that I am sitting between them. With one arm stretched out on the countertop, the other resting on his thigh, we carry on with one topic after the next. Honestly, the conversation with him is so easy. There aren't those awkward silent pauses where we are both scrambling to fill the void. We laugh and joke like we've been doing it a lot longer than a combination of several hours between all our interactions.

  I discover Tony and Jonah have been best friends since fourth grade when they got into a fistfight over a mutual crush named Natalie Rein, Natalie ended up not liking either of them and liking a boy named Hector instead.

  When Jonah laughs, it reaches his eyes and they wrinkle a little around the outer edges. Which only makes me enjoy his presence even more. He's so calm yet intense at the same time. But nothing is forced; it all seems so natural.

  "That was the start of a united front," he chuckles.

  "What the anti-girls front?"

  "No," he trails his finger over my knee, and immediately my skin breaks out with little goosebumps. "We both very much like girls, just not that girl."

  "So it was an anti-Natalie club?" I just need something else to focus on besides the way his fingers feel on my leg. Part of me, a big part, wants nothing more than to rub up on him and gain as much friction as possible. It has been a long time since I've been touched, and yes, I'm craving a little attention. Okay, maybe a lot of attention.

  "Thank you for dinner," I whisper, feeling myself growing a little weakened by the rush of need filling me. I look away from the place his hand rests on my knee and find him looking directly at me.

  "You're welcome," he holds my stare, a moment of heat passing between us. It really should be illegal for this man to be this handsome. "Thank you for agreeing to have dinner with me."

  Smiling because when looking at him, it's impossible not to, he slides his palm a little higher, coming to rest on my thigh. I find myself leaning in closer as if any reservations I may feel no longer matter. I know what it feels like to be kissed by him, and yes, I want to feel those things again. Even if it’s only a physical connection. Right now, it's all I have to offer, and my control is beginning to slip.

  Our lips touch in a slow tantalizing kiss. Nothing about it is rushed—a slow, easy kiss, a thrilling empowering moment that is racing through me like a tidal wave. A kiss I can feel in every fiber of my body. My nipples harden, my breath quickens, and I fight the urge to climb into his lap and grind against him.

  "This
isn't what I came over here for," his whispered words tickle my lips. "I just wanted to spend time with you."

  I have a decision to make, one that will decide my future. A turning point between what I'm willing to give and what I may never be able to offer. But I'm not the only one with a choice to make; he too needs to decide if this will be enough.

  "I can't give you more than this," I confess, pulling away just enough to be able to see his expression. I need to be able to see him and know this is okay. "Right now, I don't have it in me to give my all to someone, and to be honest; I'm not sure I'll ever reach a time when I can. Something changed inside of me on that day, Jonah. I'm not capable of anything more than casual. So I'd understand if you want more, I won't blame you if this isn't what—"

  He crushes his lips to mine, and for a moment, I'm completely lost in the kiss. Forgetting the words I spoke, losing track of the thoughts I have rolling around in my head. The only thing I can manage right now is how I'm thoroughly being kissed and how my head is growing fuzzy from it.

  The movement of his tongue against mine, the way his hand has now gripped my hip as he stands and moves his own body closer toward my own. He cups the back of my neck with his other hand as he holds me in place.

  It's a consuming kiss.

  "I told you once already, Dani, I'll give you anything you want."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jonah

  I know I'm setting myself up for disaster. I'm saying a physical relationship will be enough, but I know I will want more. How can I not? Danielle intrigues me in every sense of the word. She is beautiful and strong; only she can't see that.

  I want to know everything about her. I want to protect her and show her what it feels like to be someone’s all, but telling her those things will only make her run. So instead, for now, I’ll settle for what she has to offer me.

  I don’t want to face the idea that in the end I may have nothing at all. So, for now, I'll give her what she wants or what she feels she needs. For now, I'll be satisfied with having only her body.

  Bending down just enough to wrap my arms around her, I cup her ass and I begin to lift her off the stool. Immediately Dani wraps her legs around my waist, and I carry her to the couch. Sitting down, I position her in my lap, her legs straddling me. I continued to kiss her, my entire body reacting to the way her mouth moves with mine.

  Jesus, the way she sucks on the tip of my tongue shoots through me like an electric current, settling in my lower stomach.

  I'm already growing hard beneath her, and I know she feels it too when she begins to shift her hips, grinding against me.

  "Should we slow down?" I ask, giving her one last chance to back out of this, she shakes her head, still holding her lips to mine.

  "No," her words are muffled by our kiss, "we should speed it up."

  I chuckle, loving her demanding tone.

  When she reaches between us and breaks the barrier of my waistband, my stomach tenses. Feeling her needy hand curl around my erection and begin moving up and down, I know there isn't any chance of going back. So instead, I allow Danielle to have whatever she needs.

  Every whimper that falls from her lips drives me further. Every shift of her hips has my heart racing with anticipation of her next move. She's heaven; I know I'll never be the same once I fully have her. She already has me thinking of things she said she wasn't willing to give, but I'm holding on to the hope she'll change her mind.

  Dani begins to move off my lap, and I hold her hips, wanting her to stay. The friction between us feels amazing, and I don't want it to end. But when she is finally able to stand, I'm awestruck as I watch her slowly begin to lower her shorts. My breath leaves me in a rush when she stands before me with nothing more than a t-shirt and those fuzzy socks on her feet. I take the opportunity to slowly look over her, memorizing her body, every curve, every freckle.

  As if that isn't enough to cripple me, she grips the bottom of her shirt and begins to lift it over her head. In that very second, I am completely lost. She is perfection, curvy hips, an hourglass figure, and her erect nipples begging for my mouth to explore them.

  When she shifts her gaze down toward my lap, I take it as my invitation to remove the only barriers left between us. Before I do, I reach around and pull my wallet out of my pocket, removing a condom from the inner pocket.

  I find her with her lower lip pinned seductively between her teeth, and I want to bite the lip myself. Danielle has the softest, most seductive lips.

  Holding out the condom, she takes it from me, I reach over the back of my head and remove my shirt slowly, watching her eyes trace the outline of my torso. Hungry for more of her gaze I grab the waistband of my pants and begin lowering them. My cock springs free, and I notice her eyes sparkle as they take me in completely. She's pleased with what she sees, her lips tilting upward in a smile.

  "I'm all yours," I hold out my hands to my sides and challenge her to take from me whatever she needs. She pauses but not for long before lowering herself to her knees and wrapping her hand around the base of my cock, slowly moving her soft warm hand up and down. My thighs tense, my eyes close but only for a moment as I take in the way it feels to have her touching me.

  What surprises me the most is when she leans in and traces the head of my cock with the tip of her tongue. Without being able to control it, I lift my hips, and she takes me completely into her mouth. Applying just the right amount of suction with her warm wet mouth, I'm so close to losing my shit. I'm in awe of her, watching her work me in and out of her mouth slowly; looking up at me through her long dark lashes makes my entire body weak.

  Lifting my hand to her face, I push back the hair that is obstructing my view and fuck, if watching her doesn't almost push me over the edge.

  It's the most incredible moment, watching her work me over, kneeling before me completely naked and willing.

  "You're killing me," I confess, not caring if she knows I'm at her mercy.

  She moves her mouth off me and locks her mischievous eyes on mine. "I don’t know, you look pretty alert and alive to me." She is most definitely pleased with herself, and she should be. Hell, at this moment, I'm prepared to bow at her feet; she is a fucking goddess.

  I continue to watch her as she carefully places the condom on me before standing once again. Slowly she crawls over me, hovering above, with her gorgeous tits in line with my mouth. I take the opportunity to suck on one and then the other, hearing her moan in delight.

  Without warning, she seeks me out, and in one quick move, she takes me fully inside of her. Gripping her hips with force, I'm in need of a moment to gain some control. I can tell she really wants to move, with the slight shift of her hips fighting against my hold, but I need a damn minute. The last thing I want is the embarrassment of shooting off like a virginal teenage boy and have this ending before it even really gets started.

  Needing a distraction from the way she is gripping my cock so tight, I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her lips to mine. I get lost in our steamy kiss and eventually release my hold on her hips just before she begins to slide up and down my length. Slowly at first then her movements speed up, and we are both practically growling with the pleasure it creates. Looking down between us, I'm hypnotized by how she takes me inside her body only to rise once more, repeating her movements with purpose.

  With her head thrown back, her cheeks reddening from her exertion, she is incredibly beautiful.

  "So close," her words are a pant as her movements increase in speed and precision. I’m fascinated with her, completely and totally hooked on this woman. "Oh my God!" Her words coming out as a growl, she tightens around me and her intense grip on my shoulders bites into my flesh. Without being able to hold out another second, my stomach tightens, and I lift my hips up, driving into her deeper. The base of my spine starts to tingle as my own release makes my entire body tense with my release. Her pussy pulsing around my cock as she orgasms, and I grow weak as I sag back on the couch.
<
br />   Laying over me, our bodies slick with a sheen of sweat, we simply breathe, trying to come back down from the extraordinary high we just experienced.

  I left Dani's apartment last night feeling slightly discouraged. After our passionate and life-changing sex on her couch, she instantly shut down. She spent several minutes avoiding eye contact, and then when she was fully dressed and busying herself in the kitchen with cleaning things up, I knew she'd gone into defense mode.

  Even if she'd felt anything, she wouldn't have admitted it.

  She's been scorned, and the man who made what, in my opinion, is the worst mistake of his life, is a complete ass and now I'm left to suffer for it. I want more; I want dinners, and movies, then curling up on the couch and falling asleep with her warm body pressing to mine. But I know I'll only get the sex. It's all she can give. I just have to hope she can open up and see me as a man worth trusting. I'm the fucking girl in this situation, it seems, and let me just say, being the girl sucks. It makes me have a whole new respect for them.

  When I left her place, it was done with an awkward kiss on her cheek and she had a forced smile on her lips. No promises of seeing me soon or I enjoyed tonight, just a drive safe with a click of the door as I stepped back out of the way.

  I’m in my office, pacing the floor near the windows and holding my phone to my ear. After the third ring, Tony picks up. "Yo," his signature greeting whenever I call. "What's up?"

  I take in a deep breath and just go for it, knowing I'll pay for it later. "I spent an unbelievable night with Dani last night, well, not even the night only a few hours before she practically shoved me out the door. Now I don't know where we stand. Should I call her? Should I just chalk it up as an incredible, mind-blowing sexual experience on the couch? Dude, I hate being the fucking girl."