CHASING LIFE

by Steve Jovanoski

  ‘California,’ confessed Erin.

  ‘Really? An Orange County princess?’

  ‘I’m a Valley girl,’ she parodied in a bimbo tone, twirling her hair.

  ‘Do you know Paris Hilton?’

  ‘Of course. We shared a prison cell.’

  ‘You were a jailbird with Paris?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m a bad girl. I like stealing expensive handbags.’

  ‘She didn’t make any private videos in there, did she?’

  ‘If you want that sort of information, it will cost you,’ Erin said. Dave felt warmth run through him. The girl had a sense of humour. Her voice was sweet and she kept turning away from his gaze, but he wasn’t sure if she was losing interest or if she was just shy. It’s hard learning the single’s life again, he thought. No matter how simple and straightforward he wanted to make his bachelor life, there were always rules and games about it. The mannerisms, the gestures, the insinuations, the unspoken words, the spoken words, the first-time phone-call rules, the first kiss, the guessing games, the three month stage, the nine month stage, etcetera, etcetera. He was going to have to go through it all over again and he wondered whether it was worth the effort. But after looking over at Erin, it wasn’t hard to answer that question.

  ‘How old are you, Dave?’

  ‘I’m thirty five.’

  ‘Hmm. Holding up well for your age.’

  ‘Thanks. How about you?’

  ‘I’m twenty-seven,’ Erin replied and took another sip. The number resonated with Dave. It was the same age as Julia when she passed away.

  ‘I wouldn’t have said more than twenty one,’ he winked.

  ‘How do you like this place?’

  ‘It’s okay. I don’t go out much these days.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’m a classy girl,’ she said, flicking him another glimpse of her fascinating eyes before looking away again. ‘I don’t expose myself to this type of environment.’

  ‘And what type of environment is this?’

  ‘One that could lead to God knows what depravity.’ Erin’s voice was sweet. She clasped her hands and adjusted herself like a schoolgirl about to have her photograph taken.

  ‘You liar,’ Dave said. ‘You told me you were a bad girl.’

  ‘I am. That part is true.’ She winked and turned her head again.

  Dave was smitten. He felt as though he could say anything to her and they joked as if they were already friends. There was something he’d noticed while in the company of Sam and the two girls. His companions drew attention to him, from other girls to be more specific—and very good-looking ones, too. He wondered what they thought of this shabby stranger with messy hair, hanging around someone like Sam and his friends.

  ‘We’re just going for a short walk, Dave,’ Sam said. ‘Be back in a minute.’

  ‘Are you all right?’ Carla asked her friend, receiving a nod of affirmation in return.

  As the couple disappeared into the crowd, Dave and Erin faced away from each other, neither of them speaking. He racked his brain for something to say before the silence dragged on and she lost interest.

  ‘Crappy weather tonight,’ he began.

  ‘Don’t think too hard about what to say. Just say what you feel,’ she interrupted and kept looking straight ahead, sipping from her glass with a slight grin.

  Dave was taken by surprise by her brazen remark. ‘Okay. Well, I don’t know what I feel. I guess I’m …’

  ‘Nervous?’

  ‘A little.’

  ‘So am I. Does that make you feel more comfortable?’

  ‘You’re very direct, aren’t you?’ Dave said, trying hard to keep his admiration of her from his voice.

  ‘Maybe we should both relax now.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Why waste time on meaningless words?’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with meaningless chat, is there?’

  ‘Not if you’re the kind of person who says, “I hate Mondays” and “Thank God it’s Friday”. It’s irritating.’

  ‘So you don’t like light conversations. That excludes you from the majority of the population then.’

  ‘That’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m more than happy to just sit here and observe the masses.’

  ‘What’s your background? And I ask that because I feel like it,’ he said, which made her giggle. Each time Erin smiled her full cheeks pushed upwards and created cute arches underneath her eyes.

  ‘My father is American and my mother is South Korean.’

  ‘An interesting mix.’

  ‘Not really. Not back in the States, anyway. And you’re Australian with some kind of a European background?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘I can never tell you apart. You all look the same to me.’

  Dave laughed and she winked at him. ‘Erin,’ he blurted out, ‘you must dance with me later.’ His eye twitched when he realised what he’d said. Why the hell did he ask her to dance? He never danced! A panic alarm was sounding in his brain and he wondered what had gotten into him. Dave turned his chair to face her and she responded by turning hers halfway toward him. Had he been entirely sober he would never have spoken with that kind of confidence.

  ‘Okay, we’ll dance,’ Erin replied rather casually.

  Dave wasn’t expecting her to say yes and now it was too late. She’d agreed and he had to follow through.

  Just then, Sam and Carla returned to the table. ‘Hey Dave,’ Sam said, ‘we’re heading out of here and going to The Memento.’

  ‘Where’s that?’

  ‘Just outside and up the stairs.’

  ‘Let’s do it.’ He sculled his beer and they all took a walk. The Memento was a building literally next to Serene but a level up with an outdoor escalator. A similar crowd was gathered in the outside section, taking a break from the loud music. The girls walked right in and Sam did his magic with the bouncers at the front. He shook hands with them and had a brief talk before introducing Dave. One of them gave him an entry stamp on his wrist, visible only with an ultraviolet light scanner. They walked in and he immediately realised that the night had just been raised to a new level. The decor of neo-oriental art was mixed tastefully with contemporary furnishings and large lounge sofas surrounded the dance floor.

  The music was pumping dance tracks, adding a wild atmosphere to the dimly lit space. The two of them went straight for the bar, and the girls sat down. Sam insisted on getting the next round of drinks. He glanced across to Erin, trying to meet her gaze, but she seemed indifferent, her expression blasé.

  More of Sam’s and Carla’s friends arrived. One of them was a slim Indian guy with a cautious look about him. Sam showed him special attention. Dave felt like he’d been eyed out by this man from the moment he walked in.

  ‘This is my best friend, Dave,’ Sam said and gave the Indian guy hug.

  None of Sam’s friends engaged him in a conversation. Dave was an outsider. Drinks were being poured, and one was handed to him, a slippery-flipping shot that went down tastefully with a slight bite. He mingled and tried to fit in, but he felt like he was skimming the perimeter. Sam introduced him and did his best to include the newcomer to his inner circle, but he knew it was up to him now to make an impression.

  He had an idea. ‘Can you come with me to the bar? I want to buy drinks.’

  ‘What do you want to get?’ the Indian guy asked.

  ‘Whatever you guys are drinking.’

  ‘How many?’ They went in front of the bar and Sam’s friend was about to order for him.

  ‘For everyone, how many is that?’

  ‘Fifteen shots?’ he gave him a quizzical expression.

  ‘Yeah, for all the girls and guys here.’

  ‘Sure!’ He ordered the drinks for Dave and a tray was put out with a delicious and colourful-looking mixture of shots. It cost a lot of money—more than he’d ever spent on one round of drinks—but he didn’t care. Sam’s friend brought the shots to the middle of the circle
and everyone did a cheers. He’d heard Sam talking behind him to a friend, saying ‘I just met the guy tonight.’ Heads turned and he was noticed. Dave had proven he wasn’t just a freeloader tagging along and scamming drinks off them. The gesture was appreciated. From there on he had no problem conversing with any of them. Sam ran out of cigarettes, and Dave threw his pack on the table.

  ‘Help yourselves.’ He waved a casual hand. Whatever zone he had tapped into brought him to a level of great confidence. Everything that came out of his mouth was just right, as if a higher power was controlling him. He wasn’t just an observer, and it seemed he could do no wrong. He was in the zone.

  ‘Thanks, mate.’ Sam took a cigarette for himself and one for Carla.

  ‘Gorgeous people here,’ Dave commented and found his words slurred. ‘I didn’t expect to end up in this kind of a club.’

  ‘A lot of models come from Europe, both male and female. They can’t make it there, so they try their luck here. They look loaded and glamorous, but the sad reality is that most of them are broke. They have nothing between their ears.’ Sam gestured toward his head. ‘They’re fucking dumb. I sound harsh but it’s true. These kids grow up in a world of vanity, and they’re shocked when it disintegrates. Then everyone has their way with them. It’s all a show, my friend.’

  ‘No shit?’ he was surprised by Sam’s remark. It was as if he’d seen it too many times.

  ‘We’ll go in the other room in a minute.’

  ‘No worries.’ Sam was called by a newcomer and Dave turned to search for Erin among the group. She stood out from the other girls. There was an aura about her that set her apart. Erin was in a class above the rest, an individual among templates. Although she was still refusing to meet his eyes, he walked across and sat next to her on the lounge. He knew she was watching him, he could feel it.

  ‘Hi. Are we having fun yet?’ A nervous sensation mixed with excitement came over him just being next to her.

  ‘Yes, and you?’

  ‘I’m loving it. Don’t forget that dance I asked for.’

  ‘I haven’t,’ Erin replied, sitting elegantly cross-legged. She was showing no sign of any interest, but there was no disinterest either. She gave him just enough to keep him hooked. Meanwhile he noticed an attractive European brunette, one of Carla’s friends, scoping him out quite openly. On occasion, a smile came his way at the off chance they happened to look at each other. It was clear she was a sure thing, and he was being given the green light. But that created a dilemma. Stay with Erin and risk getting nothing but mixed signals, or go with this new chick that was pretty good looking? What to do? He got up to talk to one of Sam’s friends and to get a closer look at her.

  Something about Erin drew him, and he couldn’t ignore it. On the surface, she played it cool and conservative, slightly detached but responsive when prodded. In effect, she had him under her control—and it seemed to be just the way she liked it. She brushed other guys off, but he himself wasn’t chased when he tested her by distancing himself. She knew he would come back and he liked the idea. The game she was playing didn’t bother him. He felt somewhat exclusive to her and yet not assured she was his.

  For such a long time he’d been in a relationship and out of the meat market. Getting back into the singles arena was frightening. However, he was older now and his priorities had changed. He had expected to be a father by now, changing dirty nappies and doing kindergarten drop-offs. To get back to that point, if possible at all, would take a long time.

  The sexy brunette brushed past Dave, intentionally invading his personal space, her fragrant perfume lingering behind her. His attention turned in her direction, but it wasn’t enough—he didn’t bite. Erin was in his sights, sitting on a lounge by herself in a pick-up venue full of horny guys. She sat as if waiting for a bus; her hands were clasped on her knees—again, cross-legged—swinging a foot back and forth with an expression of indifference and aloofness. She could have been humming a tune while waiting for a bus. Dave thought he’d lingered around the perimeter for long enough, and slid beside her.

  ‘How about that dance?’ he asked.

  ‘Okay,’ Erin replied, getting easily to her feet. Dave immediately realised it wasn’t a good move, but once he said something he had to follow through. He was swinging his arms from side to side like a cripple, bobbing up and down and stomping his feet now and then. The more effort he put into it, the more ridiculous he felt and looked. Erin flowed with the rhythm and moved in harmony with the music as if the sound itself travelled on the surface of her skin and motioned her body to express itself. She would close her eyes and seemed to connect with the vibrations in the room that created a pulsating energy. In utter fascination, Dave watched her move, as if in slow motion,. From the wavy hair splashing over her face, down her breasts, to her flat stomach and finally her long elegant legs, Erin was immersed in a world of her own with one foot, and in his with the other.

  ‘Are you perving at me or dancing?’ she asked with a sardonic squint in her eye.

  ‘A little of both.’ Dave was caught out and embarrassed. Erin hovered within a breath away from his lips, grabbed his hips with both hands and inserted her knee between his thighs.

  ‘Move your hips slowly.’ She directed with her hands, his hips following her commands in awkward jerks. He felt her body heat and smelled her perfume, sparking excitement in him. The rubbing motion between his nether regions was accelerating the build-up of a bulge in his pants. It certainly didn’t need further encouragement. Dave was getting a hard-on, and she would feel it at any moment.

  He went red and panicked. ‘Let’s take a break. Shall we go outside for some fresh air?’ he spoke in her ear with urgency.

  ‘Okay.’ Erin laughed and followed him out. The bulge reached full strength, and it made walking uncomfortable, as he desperately tried to cover up his shame. He prayed no one noticed. In the undercover section outside, they found a private table away from the loud music. The air was still warm and humid, but the rain had subsided. Large indoor palm trees, burning bamboo sticks with lavender incense and a smiling Buddha statue gave a tropical feel to the velvet night. It was like a set from some Hollywood movie: tacky but just right to create the atmosphere.

  ‘It’s funny, you know,’ Dave ventured, his eyes wandering.

  ‘What is?’

  ‘I couldn’t feel more detached from the experience I’ve had tonight and I felt quite comfortable.’

  Erin placed her back against a wall, tilted her head to one side and tucked her hands behind her back. She looked at him with a satisfied smile on her face.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ Dave asked.

  ‘No more talking,’ she replied quietly. There wasn’t need for talking and they each had a knowing smile on their face. Both understood what was meant to happen next. Dave could stand there and look at her like a statue or actually do something. He closed in and kissed her gently on her warm lips, their bodies pressed against each other. With one arm around her waist, he pulled her closer to him and felt her breasts push into his chest. Erin gave out a long breath and moaned. She ran her fingers through his hair and caressed him down along his back.

  Dave didn’t rush. He enjoyed the moment and the feeling of her body wrapped around him, avoiding any moves that might put her off. It felt natural, and he realised she was guiding his caresses. After a while they stopped for a breather, had a sip of their drinks and sparked up a cigarette.

  ‘You’re a bad influence on me,’ she said teasingly.

  ‘I’m on a high,’ Dave replied. His eyes were half closed and he felt his mind let go for the first time in years. His chest had lost the anxiety he’d felt on a constant basis for the past three years, and a radiating feeling replaced it. It was bliss. He’d tasted the life he’d thought was long out of his reach—and he didn’t have to do anything. It somehow had found him. There was no judgment; no one was there to scrutinise him or to provide an opinion on his erratic decisions.

  Glancing
down at Erin’s slender arms, he noticed an inscription tattooed on the inside of her wrist. He’d seen that kind of writing before and cradled her wrist in his hand for a closer look.

  ‘What’s that?’ he asked.

  ‘My tat?’ She looked down and read the words in a language he didn’t understand. ‘It’s in Hebrew.’

  ‘Are you Jewish?’ Dave asked.

  ‘No. I’m a devout Christian actually.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ he mocked.

  ‘Yes, really. I’m actually a good girl,’ Erin winked, then feigned an innocent look.

  ‘Why does an Asian girl have a Jewish tattoo?’

  ‘They have been the most persecuted people in history and yet they have persevered. For me, it’s a statement of resilience, perseverance and survival.’

  ‘Is that what the translation is?’ he asked. Before she got a chance to respond, Sam and Carla came out and joined them. Carla practically threw herself at Erin, giving her friend a big hug. The attractive woman was thoroughly wasted and barely able to stand.

  ‘Hello! Are you okay, babe?’ Carla managed to drag out her words.

  ‘Yeah, how about you, babe? Having fun?’ Erin laughed and returned the hug with an equal enthusiasm.

  ‘Yes!’ Carla stumbled, trying to keep her balance, and smiled for no apparent reason.

  ‘We’re going back to The Base, Dave,’ Sam said. ‘This place is closing up. We’ll continue at my place.’ Sam had been drinking harder than anyone else, on account of everyone shouting him drinks. He was buying bottles of wine himself and yet, miraculously, the man was still in total control of his faculties.

  ‘Let’s do it!’ Dave shouted enthusiastically. He wasn’t up for ending the night and would happily go on partying. Although he’d been drinking all night, hadn’t eaten since his last meal on the plane, and his clothes were saturated by the rain, Dave couldn’t care one bit. The world was a good place right now. He had no idea where such energy came from. He’d tripped over some mysterious zone, and he would happily squeeze every last drop of energy left in him.

  The whole posse gathered, losing some while others joined in, but it was still a good size. While stumbling and carrying on along the footpath, they managed to keep the machinery going. Dave was part of the whole component, just like anyone else. If an outsider saw them, they would guess this was a band of old friends having a piss-up. It looked as simple as that and, for at that moment, that’s exactly what it was.