Cockatoo

by Christopher Cummings

  Graham smiled when he saw her and at once came over to ask how she was. But he made no move to hug or kiss her and Tina noted that she was glad of that.

  ‘Maybe I don’t really like him at all?’ she thought. Then she blushed hot at the memory of his hand on her breast and she felt confused.

  For the next few minutes Graham talked about what had happened but he had plainly enjoyed the experience and gave the impression he did not really understand how terrified Tina had been. ‘Or how scared I am that the men will come back for revenge,’ she told herself. But at least he was contrite when she told him how much trouble she had been in when their kissing had been discovered.

  “Are you going to be chucked out of cadets?” he asked, looking worried.

  Tina shook her head. “No. But I might not get promoted this year,” she replied.

  “Sorry. I didn‘t mean you to get into any trouble,” he answered.

  It was on the tip of Tina’s tongue to ask if he had only kissed her to distract her from the cadets leaving the note but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. So the ugly suspicions remained. However nothing in his manner suggested he did not like her so she became even more confused.

  When the bell went for classes Graham walked with her, still chatting happily. Tina noted other students eyes on them and that made her feel uncomfortable. Partly it was certainty that the story of her letting Graham sneak in to kiss her was now common gossip and partly it was just doubts about her own attractiveness and worth. That bothered her as well because she sensed that she should be glad to be seen with a boy. ‘Maybe Graham isn’t the one?’ she decided. But was it Andrew?

  Then there was another worrying incident when they met Andrew outside her classroom. When Andrew saw them together he all but scowled and then he gave Graham quite a hostile look. Tina felt even more upset when she noted that the two boys were not even on speaking terms. Graham glanced at Andrew and merely nodded, then went on his way.

  ‘Oh, what have I done?’ Tina thought unhappily. She realized that because Graham had been in the patrol that rescued her it gave the appearance of strengthening his position as her boyfriend. But if Andrew was the one how could she counter these rumours and win his affections back? For a moment she met his eyes but he just gave her a hurt and slightly puzzled look in return.

  Tina found it a relief to be absorbed by the need to concentrate on exams. She had two that day, both lasting for two hours. First was English, supervised by Mrs Ramsey. That was easy and Tina was sure that she did well. The second, after lunch, was Commerce, supervised by Mrs Massey.

  During the lunch break Tina sat with Sarah and she had to describe the whole chase again. Then Carmen Collins joined them and the tale had to be related again. By then Tina was feeling drained out and upset. Having Carmen being nice to her did not help as she did not know how to act. Once again she found it a relief to go to class.

  After school Tina hoped to see Andrew (Or Graham!) but to her disappointment neither was around. So she went home feeling unhappy and unsure. Her dejection increased when she got home as she had to feed the birds and that meant going into the back yard. Once again her anxiety level shot up and a wave of fear almost made her not go. It took her an effort of willpower to go out through the back gate. The whole time she was in the back yard she felt anxious and she scuttled back inside as quickly as she could, thoroughly ashamed of her weakness.

  That night was no better. The news contained nothing about the smugglers being caught and after she had gone to bed Tina lay awake, trembling with nervous exhaustion and fear.

  This set the pattern for the remainder of the week. Tina became so ill and drained that she wondered if she would collapse. But she also made a big effort to hide her state from her family and friends so that they would not worry. Not once did she suggest staying home as she felt safer at school.

  The only person who seemed to notice was Capt Conkey. He supervised her exam on Maths A on Wednesday morning and asked her if she was alright. “You look pretty down,” he commented.

  “I’m alright sir,” Tina lied.

  “You don’t look it. We can arrange to have your exam postponed if you don’t feel up to it,” he added.

  That made Tina feel better but she insisted she was well enough to do the exam. So she did. It was only during the break after it that she finally broke down in tears. The main cause of this was Graham asking her if she would go out with him again.

  The request was so unexpected that Tina could only shake her head. But it also caused her feelings to crystallize. ‘No,’ she thought. ‘I don’t love Graham. I love Andrew.’ So she shook her head and said, “No Graham. Sorry.”

  “You are sure?” Graham asked.

  “Yes,” Tina replied. As she did she felt tears well up and not wanting him to see them she stood up and hurried away. She took herself into the girls’ toilet as the only place close where he could not follow. As she did several other girls gave her curious or sympathetic looks but she made no explanations and locked herself in a cubicle until the weeping dried up.

  After about ten minutes she wiped her eyes and nerved herself to come out again- only to find herself witness to a confrontation between Andrew and Graham. The two boys were standing glaring at each other, clenched fists on hips. ‘Oh no!’ Tina thought. ‘This is all my fault.’

  As she hurried towards the two boys she heard Andrew snarl, “What did you do to upset Tina?”

  “None of your business,” Graham retorted belligerently.

  “Leave her alone or I will smash you!” Andrew threatened.

  “You and what army?” Graham snapped. He sneered and raised his fists.

  By then Tina was close. ‘Andrew must still care about me,’ she thought. But she was also anxious to prevent a fight that might get both boys into trouble. So she pushed between them. “Stop it!” she cried. “It’s my fault. Don’t fight please.”

  Andrew glanced at her but then faced Graham again. He growled, “Don’t you hurt Tina.”

  “I’ll do whatever she wants!” Graham retorted.

  “Stop it!” Tina cried. “No fighting!”

  Andrew gave her a cold look and then glared once more at Graham before walking away. Tina stood and flapped her arms in distress. More tears misted her eyes and she felt utterly defeated and miserable. Graham grunted and looked resentfully at her then also turned and walked away.

  That look made Tina feel even worse. ‘I’ve lost with both of them!’ she thought. Once again the tears came but this time she was so upset she didn’t care who saw. All she could do was slump down on the seat and weep.

  Sarah came and put her arms around her shoulders and then a couple of the other girls joined in. That helped calm Tina but not as much as her pride when she heard the other girls asking each other what had happened and speculating on what the boys might have done to upset her so.

  With an effort Tina steadied her breathing and then sat up straight and dried her eyes. “I’m alright,” she said.

  “What did they do?” Sarah asked.

  “Nothing!” Tina cried.

  A Year 9 girl named Melissa snickered and said, “Nothing? Well, that isn’t any fun. It is a real disappointment when a boy doesn’t try his luck. You don’t want a cold fish for a boyfriend.”

  Another girl let out a chortle. “I thought you said your boyfriend was like a fish,” she said.

  “He is- a groper!” Melissa replied with a chuckle.

  Heated images of Graham’s hand on her breast caused Tina to blush and she said, “It’s not like that!”

  Sarah asked, “What did Graham do?”

  “Nothing,” Tina denied, sniffling again but blushing.

  “Nothing!” cried another girl. “I can’t imagine Graham Kirk not trying something, not from what I’ve heard.”

  A Year 10 girl named Caroline let out a theatrical sigh and added, “He can try his luck with me any time he likes!”

  Tina was both annoyed and amused. Angrily s
he snapped, “Well you can have him then!”

  That caused a wave of speculation and tittering, much of it salacious or malicious. Tina burned with embarrassment and could only end it by standing up and walking away to be on her own. For the rest of the break she wandered the far end of the oval and tried to calm her thoughts and feelings.

  But she could think of no plan to win Andrew back, other than telling him straight that she had made a mistake and she was too shy and proud to do that. So she went miserably back to the next exam with only half her thoughts on Chemistry.

  After school she went home and locked herself in her room and sobbed until her parents came home. Then she pretended she was normal and happy. But the effort hurt and she went out to feed the birds as a way of getting out of the house.

  Once again she was almost overwhelmed by fear but she also found the nagging worry that keeping caged birds might be cruel was becoming a torment. Of a sudden she came to a decision. ‘I will sell the budgies and I will let Beaky go free,’ she told herself.

  This was discussed at length with her parents. But the worry that freeing a bird used to captivity was tantamount to being a death sentence was also considered. They decided on a compromise. “After your cadet camps we will start leaving Beaky’s cage door open and allow his wings to grow,” her father said. “Then he can come and go and if he decides to fly away that is for him.”

  That seemed to be the best plan and Tina felt better. And the conversation got her thinking about the cadet exercises due to begin in two days time. ‘I will be with Andrew a lot of the time,’ she mused. ‘Maybe I can win his affection back somehow?’ The fact that the first week also involved being with the army cadets who would include Graham was a worry but she shrugged that off. ‘I’ve told Graham no,’ she thought, hoping that was the end of the affair. But she did briefly consider not going to the camps. But stubborn pride made her decide she would not run away like that. ‘I will go and just make the best of it,’ she told herself.

  Thursday was more exams: Maths B and Information Technology and Tina thought she did well at both. She stayed away from where the boys might be and hid herself in the library to study. The whole time her mind was in a ferment of worry: worry about the bird poachers, worry about Andrew; and worry about there being more unpleasantness between him and Graham on the cadet exercise. The anxiety drained her and left her feeling exhausted.

  Despite this she did not get much relief during the night. Fear of the men nagged at her while she was awake and bad dreams spoiled her sleep. Only her optimistic nature and a slight sense of growing interest and excitement in the exercise gave a counterweight to her dejection. She had never been on one of the ‘Senior’ exercises run by the Townsville army cadets but she had heard a number of stories. What she was sure of was that nobody except the officers running it knew where they were going or what was going to happen next. That sense of mystery began to intrigue her.

  ‘I hope I enjoy it,’ she thought.

  So Friday was a more interesting day and Tina found herself looking forward to the next week, event though she was also still gripped by nagging anxieties. During the day she discussed the exercise with Sarah but made a point of avoiding the boys. After school she hurried home and set to work packing and preparing.

  That evening she went out to feed Beaky and nerved herself to ignore her fears. She told herself that her real worry was how to win back Andrew. ‘I will come up with a plan,’ she told herself.

  So she went off to cadets full of a mixture of anxiety, hope and determination.

  CHAPTER 39

  SENIOR EXERCISE

  Tina had heard several stories about 130ACU’s ‘Senior’ field exercises and these were enough to give her some concern about whether she was good enough. She was also worried that she might not enjoy the experience. But she resolutely put these thoughts aside by telling herself that others were depending on her.

  ‘It will be good training for our D-of-E expedition and we can get that out of the way after the promotion course,’ she told herself. But then another worry surfaced: would she be allowed to do the promotion course after her ‘fraternization’ incident? So far the OC had not spoken to her again about her misbehaviour. Nor had she told her parents about it and that omission made her blush with shame at her cowardice.

  But she did not want to be a problem to others so she hid her concerns and chatted happily to her parents and little brother until she was dropped off at TS Endeavour at 1845 hrs that evening. By then the more personal worry about her relationship with Andrew had grown to dominate her emotions and much of her conscious mind. Even the worry about not being promoted was a long way second to that.

  Andrew was there but he was just distantly friendly and so fragile were Tina’s emotions that she was willing to accept that. Instead she tried hard to focus her thoughts on the preparation and training for the exercise. Also gnawing at her was the worry about whether she was going to be allowed to go on the promotion course the following week. She felt deeply ashamed of herself for not being brave enough to ask. There was also the nagging fear that her parents would find out. ‘If I am not allowed to go mum and dad will want to know why,’ she thought unhappily.

  Seeing Lt Cdr Hazard standing on his own watching the training Tina suddenly resolved to settle the issue. ‘I have to know,’ she told herself. So, sick with apprehension, she marched smartly across the hall, halted facing him and gave him a snappy salute.

  Lt Cdr Hazard returned the salute. “Yes Able Seaman Babcock?” he asked.

  Tina opened her mouth to speak but was anxious that she had to swallow and moisten her lips. “Er sir. Excuse me but am I still allowed to go on the promotion course?” she asked.

  Lt Cdr Hazard nodded and pointed to the nearby notice board. “Yes. Your name is on the list there.”

  Tina glanced at the notice board and felt very foolish for not having first checked. She blushed and saluted again. “Thank you sir,” she said, then about turned and marched away, her heart pounding with relief.

  After that it was a normal Friday night parade for the unit but those attending the Senior Exercise were given separate training after the first parade. This included sessions on knots and lashings, blocks and tackles and on flag and light signals. To Tina’s relief none of the other cadets seemed to be treating her any differently because of her letting down the unit the previous weekend. There were only some questions about her escape from the bird smugglers from cadets who did not go to her school.

  Curiosity about the exercise also led to many questions but the officers either would not, or could not, answer them. Lt Ryan, who was the senior rank attending, just kept shrugging and saying, “You will find out tomorrow. Even we don’t know where you are going or what the exercise story is about. All we know is that there will be some boat work to give us some special naval type opportunities.”

  AB Davidson, Andrew’s most serious rival, commented, “I’ve heard that each of these exercises is in a different place each year. Is that right sir?”

  Lt Ryan nodded. “That is what I have heard; that each exercise is in a different area and has a different story.”

  “Story?” Dimity Bates queried.

  Lt Ryan nodded. “That’s right. Each exercise has a story, a fictional scenario to set the scene and then to provide reasons for what happens,” he explained.

  Petty Officer O’Leary spoke next. “I heard they did a week long exercise in the Charters Towers area last year.”

  Cadet Midshipman George agreed. “They did, and the year before they did one in this area. They went up Smiths Track to Speewah and then back along Douglas’s Track to Kuranda and on north through the jungle. I helped on that one but only for two days.”

  It sounded interesting to Tina and she hoped she would be fit enough. But her real worry was about how she and Andrew would relate when they had to spend a week in close company. That was tested that night when they finished training. At supper she found Andrew standing be
side her and she was quite unable to think of anything to say to him.

  The cadets and staff who were attending the army cadet exercise stayed that night at the depot. That was something they quite often did and was no problem as there were separate male and female accommodation and Tina did not have to see Andrew until they did a ‘Check Parade’ for roll call the following morning.

  Breakfast was cooked for them in the galley and then the cadets packed up ready to travel. Cleaning duties and inspections took up the next hour and then Lt Ryan called the group together. There were four teams of four: two ‘Bronze’, one ‘Silver’ and one ‘Gold’. As well three of the adult staff were attending the camp: Lt Ryan, Sub Lt Mullion and Instructor Petty Officer Evans, the ‘Boats’ officer.

  When the depot was cleaned and ‘ship-shape’ to Lt Ryan’s satisfaction he sat the group in the classroom. “Ok troops, now I can tell you things I was not at liberty to tell you last night. Firstly, it has been confirmed that the Bronze D of E teams may get a chance to qualify for your Duke of Edinburgh Award on this exercise; so you may not have to do your own later.”

  That raised a cheer and Tina found herself grinning at Andrew. Andrew smiled back. “That’s good. Now we can just concentrate on the promotion course,” he said.

  Tina nodded and noted his smile, but also that it did not seem to each his eyes and that he looked anxious. She felt her emotions start to churn. ‘No good thinking about relationships now,’ she told herself. ‘Remember the rules: no fraternization at cadets!’ So she refocused on what Lt Ryan was saying.

  “We are not moving right away,” he explained. “We have to take various boats with us as part of this exercise. So we need to check them and get them loaded onto a truck or trailers.”

  “Boats on an army cadet exercise sir?” Andrew queried.

  “Search me,” Lt Ryan replied. “I don’t know the scenario for this exercise. We will find that out after lunch.”

  Intrigued and happy to be doing ‘nautical’ things instead of possibly crawling through wet grass or jungle Tina happily helped check and load 8 ‘Canadian’ canoes onto a canoe trailer, along with all the necessary PFDs (Personal Flotation Devices). Then they were told to check four of the unit’s small ‘Laser’ sailboats. While the cadets did this the adults did a thorough check of two power boats to be used as safety boats. Radios and other items were then checked and loaded.