Loser's Town

by Unknown

  ‘The idea of a restraining order isn’t quite penetrating that pea-brain of yours, is it?’

  ‘We’re still married,’ he said. ‘You can’t keep me away from my kid.’

  ‘I’m trying to fix the married part of it,’ she said. ‘Now get out of my way.’

  She tried to open the car door but Lee grabbed her arm and threw her up against the car. She struggled to get free but he squeezed her arm hard enough to make her wince.

  ‘Excuse me,’ said Terry, ‘but do you have the time?’

  ‘What?’ said Lee.

  ‘The time,’ said Terry. ‘My watch has stopped.’

  ‘No,’ said Lee.

  ‘But you’re wearing a watch,’ said Terry.

  ‘Look,’ said Lee, ‘fuck you and the time. I’m busy here.’

  ‘Is that an Omega? Damned fine watch,’ said Terry. ‘That’s the James Bond watch, right? The Seamaster. Or is that the Rolex?’

  ‘Look, you fucking Irish dwarf,’ Lee said to him, ‘I don’t have the goddamn time and I’m not interested in talking about my frigging watch. Now beat it.’

  ‘Leprechaun,’ said Terry.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t think you meant dwarf, you probably meant leprechaun, didn’t you? Little fellows in cute hats. Like the Lucky Charms adverts, right? People often get them confused. Dwarves are in The Lord of the Rings. D-W-A-R-V-E-S. No F there.’

  Lee looked at Allison. ‘Is this a friend of yours?’

  ‘No,’ said Allison, and gave Terry a warning look.

  ‘Fuck off,’ Lee said to him, and turned back to Allison.

  ‘I couldn’t help noticing your size,’ said Terry. ‘Considerable upper-body development. Do you lift weights?’

  ‘What are you, some kind of homo?’

  ‘I was just thinking, because of your size, I imagine this young woman is frightened of you. Bloody hell, I’m frightened of you. I think we’re all frightened of you.’

  ‘Well, you better be frightened, you little Irish fart. Fuck off, I said.’

  ‘I hate to belabor a point, but, as I say, you’re frightening this young woman and this child. I believe you should desist.’

  ‘What?’ said Lee. ‘Desist?’

  He looked at Allison, who started laughing.

  ‘It means stop,’ she said to Lee. ‘He’s telling you to stop.’

  Lee stared at Terry. ‘Is this guy a boyfriend of yours?’ he asked Allison.

  ‘Look, I don’t know him, he’s just trying to help. Leave him alone.’ To Terry she said, ‘You should just go.’

  ‘Oh, of course. But he needs to let go of your arm first.’

  Lee let go of her arm.

  ‘There. See. The pissant asks me to let go and I let go. You want anything else?’

  ‘No. Thank you. Not for the moment.’

  ‘Not for the moment,’ Lee repeated. He said to Allison, ‘Is this what you want to leave me for? This fucking runt? Are you that fucking desperate?’

  She tried to get in the car but Lee grabbed her and slammed her hard against the car again. This time she started crying.

  ‘Back away from her,’ said Terry.

  ‘Fuck you.’

  ‘We can be gentlemen about this,’ Terry said.

  ‘I don’t want to hurt you in front of the boy.’

  ‘Hurt me? You?’

  ‘In ten seconds,’ said Terry, ‘I’m going to paralyze your right arm.’

  ‘You’re kidding, right?’

  ‘. . . Eight . . .’ said Terry.

  ‘Who is this guy?’ Lee asked Allison. He was fascinated now by Terry, who was looking down at the second hand of his own watch.

  ‘. . . Six . . .’

  ‘Lee, let go of me,’ Allison said, ‘I think he means it.’

  ‘Oh yeah, I’m scared.’

  ‘. . . Three . . . two . . .’

  Terry moved toward Lee, who turned Allison loose and spun to face him. Terry got in close but just out of Lee’s arm length, then stopped and moved back a few paces. Lee came after Terry and Terry moved him away from Allison so she couldn’t be hurt. Terry backed up a little more with Lee following then Terry stopped abruptly, moved low and forward again, underneath Lee’s swing. He grabbed Lee’s left wrist, twisting it and grinding one of his knuckles into the nerve junction behind Lee’s left elbow. Lee howled and Terry let him go and moved back a few paces. Lee stood slumped over, holding his dead arm.

  ‘I lied about which arm it was,’ Terry said.

  ‘You son of a bitch . . .’

  ‘What the hell did you do?’ Allison asked, shocked.

  ‘I compressed a nerve in his arm. It’ll go away in a few minutes. I think.’ He turned to Lee. ‘It hurts, but you’ll be okay. The point is, I can do this all day. There are spots like this all over your body, most of them hurt a hell of a lot more. What you want to do is back off now. You don’t want to look stupid in front of the boy, right? Right?’

  Lee nodded.

  ‘Good. We’re going to go now. Also, for future reference: beware of leprechauns. Lying little buggers. You’d know that if you were Irish.’

  Cody was crying. Allison had opened the car door and Cody had come out and climbed into her arms. Cody was looking at Terry and Terry felt like shit now and started to say something to the boy when Lee’s good right hand clouted Terry in the face. He staggered backwards, stunned, his nose bleeding.

  The blow had the dangerous effect of setting Terry’s instincts in motion. His mind cleared and he forgot about Allison or the boy and his entire being focused on Lee. He didn’t wait for Lee to move again but dropped to the ground and, spinning, swept Lee’s legs from under him. Lee fell backwards onto the tarmac striking his head. Terry, suddenly standing over him, brought his foot down hard inside Lee’s right elbow crippling the other arm. Then he sat down on Lee’s chest. He grabbed Lee’s hair and lifted his head and pinched his esophagus with his fingers and squeezed. Lee gagged and struck at him with his useless hands and Terry squeezed harder and smiled down into Lee’s panicked eyes. He stopped when he felt Allison pulling at him, hitting him on the shoulders. ‘You’re killing him for God’s sake let him breathe let him breathe . . .’

  Terry remembered where he was now and the familiar sick regret filled him once again. He got off Lee and backed away. Lee was clutching his neck and hoarsely trying to pull air through his bruised throat. Allison had put Cody in the car and was bent over Lee, who was breathing now and lying there more shocked than damaged. Terry watched her and again felt the revulsion at who and what he was. He expected her to turn on him now or to run from him but instead she said to him, ‘Quick, get in the car before he recovers,’ and Terry followed her into the car. Allison hastily shoved the VW into gear and drove out of the lot. Cody was in the back still crying.

  ‘Talk to him,’ Allison said as she drove. Terry didn’t know what she wanted. ‘Talk to him about what happened, goddamn you. Explain it to him.’

  Terry turned to face the boy. The boy’s eyes were red and full of tears and snot ran from his nose. Looking into Terry’s face set off a new bout of crying and Terry reached back and put his hand on the side of the boy’s face. The boy didn’t pull away and Terry said to him, ‘He’s okay, I didn’t hurt him, it just looks worse than it is. Okay? Look at me now, look at me.’ The boy looked into Terry’s eyes. ‘He’s okay. I didn’t hurt him.’ Terry left his hand there and could feel the pulse in the boy’s neck, throbbing rapidly. The boy sniffled and stopped crying.

  ‘Go on,’ said Allison. ‘You owe it to him.’

  ‘I was afraid he might hurt your mother,’ Terry said to him. ‘I’m sorry. I know he’s your father. I should have done something different but I didn’t know what else to do. That’s the way I was raised, you know. It’s not a good thing and I’m sorry for it. You want to forgive me?’ he asked the boy. ‘I’m asking you to forgive me and not be too mad at me. Can you do that?’ The boy said nothing but he wasn’t crying now. Terry sa
id, ‘Jaysus, look at that, a huge green slimy great godawful slug has climbed up your nose! Argh!’ Terry pretended to retch several times. The boy laughed. ‘Dear God, woman, pull the car over, me pancakes are coming up! Look at it! It’s climbing up to feast on his brain! Argh!’

  Allison looked in the mirror and frowned. She rummaged through her purse and handed a tissue to Terry, who took it and wiped Cody’s nose. Cody laughed and tried to blow more snot out onto his lip.

  ‘Enough of that,’ Allison said to the mirror. ‘You do that again and I’m the one who’s going to be sick.’ Cody kept huffing through his nose and soon they were all in on it, pretending to gag and Cody laughed all the harder.

  Allison drove to her house. They went inside and Allison washed Cody’s face then took him into the living room and put a cartoon video on for him and settled him on the sofa. She led Terry into the kitchen and closed the door and said, ‘You want to tell me what that shit was all about?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Terry. ‘Truly.’

  ‘I thought you were going to kill him. Jesus, I’ve never seen anybody do that before. I mean you see this crap on television, but I’ve never seen anybody do it in real life. What are you, some kind of martial arts instructor?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘I used to be a soldier. I mean, you learn this shit and it never quite goes away.’

  ‘Look, there was no chance you were going to hurt him, right? Not seriously.’

  ‘No,’ lied Terry. ‘Not seriously.’

  ‘You’ve got blood all over your shirt.’ And he had. Blood clotted in his nose and he wiped at it and could feel fresh blood spill warmly onto his fingers. ‘You’re still bleeding like a stuck pig.’

  Terry sat in a chair. Allison put ice cubes into a plastic bag and told Terry to hold it on the back of his neck and to lean forward and pinch his nose with the other hand. Terry did as instructed.

  ‘He got you pretty good,’ she said. ‘You must have a head like concrete because I’ve seen him cold-cock big guys with less. He used to box. He was lousy at the thinking part of it but he could still punch.’

  ‘Now you tell me,’ Terry said, sounding like Underdog.

  ‘You think your nose is broken? Not dizzy or anything? You don’t need to go to a hospital?’

  ‘No,’ Terry said, still making that ridiculous noise. ‘This will be fine.’

  ‘Yeah, that was some show you put on. I suppose I should thank you. Is that what you want? Me to thank you, you being the knight errant and all?’

  Terry let go of his nose. ‘Okay, it wasn’t any of my business.’

  ‘No, it wasn’t.’

  ‘It struck me that he’d done this sort of thing before.’

  ‘Often enough,’ she said. ‘He broke my jaw once.’

  ‘So you won’t mind if I save the hypocrisy and stop apologizing.’

  ‘It was still none of your business.’

  ‘I’m not clear on a couple of things,’ Terry said. ‘Are you thanking me or yelling at me?’

  ‘Both, I think. You’re right. He was liable to have hurt me. He was pissed off enough and he’s done it before.’

  ‘The other thing is, I’m not sure why I’m here.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I expected you to take off.’

  ‘Oh that,’ she said. ‘That was my initial reaction. But Lee hit you pretty hard and I was going to drive you to a hospital and leave you there. It was the least I could do. Also I was afraid the cops were going to show up and I didn’t want to deal with that.’

  ‘So why didn’t you just drop me at a hospital?’

  ‘Are you complaining, for chrissake?’

  ‘No, just curious. Nothing you did was what anybody else would have done. It was all out of character.’

  ‘So okay, you did a really stupid, but sort of nice, thing. Even if you did scare the shit out of all of us. And there was the other thing. When you started to fight him. I saw you lead him away from me. That’s what you did, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And if you’d really wanted to hurt him badly, you could have. I could see that. But you didn’t. Granted you got a little postal there for a second, but you could have killed him if you’d wanted, couldn’t you?’ Terry didn’t answer. ‘So that means you’re not a homicidal kung-fu maniac or whatever that stuff is you did. And you were good with Cody, in the car. The explanation was better coming from you. He knows his father is a shit but nobody likes to see their dad get his ass kicked.’

  ‘Have I made things worse?’

  ‘Between me and Lee? No, they were already as bad as they could possibly be. There’s a restraining order but Lee’s not great about listening to people. Anyway, I haven’t had anyone fight over me since the third grade. If I were a better human being I’d be ashamed, but I have to say I’m kind of flattered. You were trying to impress me, weren’t you?’

  ‘Did it work?’

  ‘I haven’t decided. At any rate it won’t happen again. Will it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You’re right about one thing, though,’ she said. ‘What?’

  ‘In the restaurant. I wouldn’t have spoken to you if you hadn’t been nice to my kid. You’re not the first guy who’s thought of that approach, by the way. Children and dogs. I think it’s in the Singles Handbook.’

  ‘Seen it all, have you?’

  ‘I’m not ugly and I have a pulse. And you’re a man.’

  ‘He was going to hit you,’ Terry said.

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right,’ she said. ‘And maybe I should be fluttering my eyelashes and thanking you and swooning a little over the testosterone of it all. The truth is that I do thank you, sort of, but I’m afraid there’s no reward for you at the end of it. I’m sick of men at the moment and you happen to fall into that category. When you’ve finished bleeding all over my kitchen I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’

  ‘My car’s at Denny’s.’

  ‘It’s three blocks, for God’s sake.’

  ‘Not even a cup of tea?’

  ‘Not even that. Sorry. And I might suggest less violent ways of picking up women.’

  ‘Usually I throw myself under a train, but this was the opportunity that presented itself.’

  ‘You’re really cute and all, but you’re wasting your time. You seem like a nice – if potentially lethal – kind of guy. But I’m not really into the whole dating thing right now. My life is too complicated.’

  ‘I’m the most uncomplicated guy you’ll ever meet. I’m Mister Simplicity himself.’

  ‘This would have to be a lie, I’m thinking.’

  ‘Do you like seafood?’

  ‘Yes, but I’m not going to go out with you. You just beat up my ex-husband. Although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’

  ‘I know this great little place in Ventura, near where I keep my boat. Do you like boats?’

  ‘Yeah, I like boats, but as I was saying—’

  ‘We don’t have to see the boat, unless you want to. It’s a thirty-two-foot mono-hull sailboat. Great for sitting on deck and having a drink while the sun goes down. You’ll be perfectly safe. You’ll love it. Kids love it too. It’s a great thing, sunshine, a picnic lunch. Get them out of the smog and some fresh air into their little lungs.’

  ‘Christ, you don’t miss a trick, do you?’

  ‘Just dinner. You can meet me there, if you want. If you begin to doubt my sanity, you can drive right home.’

  ‘I already doubt your sanity. What I’m not sure of is mine.’

  ‘It seems like a win–win situation to me.’

  ‘Okay, but on one condition. I don’t want you to come here again. I mean it. We go out one time, but that’s it, right? And I’ll be honest, the only reason I’m doing this is out of curiosity. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. Do not jump to the conclusion that this is a compliment.’

  ‘If that’s what you want.’

>   ‘This isn’t going to go anywhere. I want you to know that.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Terry.

  ‘I mean it,’ she said. ‘Ah God, this is going to be a huge mistake.’

  ‘That was a huge mistake,’ said Allison.

  She had climaxed for the third time, actually screaming at that last one and the world went dark for a little while. She was gripping Terry’s hair in her fist and couldn’t quite manage to let go. ‘Again?’ he said.

  ‘Oh God. Oh God no, please.’

  ‘It wasn’t good?’

  ‘I don’t know how you managed that but most men don’t even know that place exists. And if you do it again I’m not sure I could deal with it. I mean it.’ Allison lay on her back and Terry propped himself up on one elbow beside her. ‘This is awful,’ she said.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Look,’ she said, ‘do you mind if I don’t talk for a couple of minutes? I think I’m going to pass out.’

  She closed her eyes and smiled contentedly. Terry kissed her.

  ‘This is all wrong,’ she said. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen. I’d swear you drugged me but I know you didn’t. And I’m not even drunk. There was you talking about playing in the streets of Londonderry and there was that lobster and the next thing there was this.’

  They were on his boat. The water lapped at the hull a few inches from her head and the sex had been amazing even with that poster of Gandalf staring down at them. She truly liked this little Irish bastard but she knew she had to find some way of getting herself up and going home and never seeing him again.

  ‘I mean, I promised myself this wouldn’t happen. You don’t know how screwed up my life is right now.’

  ‘Maybe I can help unscrew it.’

  ‘You’re in way over your head, here. Look, we can’t do this again. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want you to come anywhere near me, okay?’

  ‘The sex was that bad?’

  ‘I’m serious. I like you, but I don’t want to see either one of us get hurt. Just trust me on this.’

  She started to leave.

  ‘Don’t go yet,’ he said. ‘Just a few minutes longer.’

  He took her in his arms. She lay close against him, her eyes closed, breathing softly. Not asleep but safe.