Matters of the Heart

by Rosemary Smith

  ‘Can I help you, miss?’ Cook asked, her rolling-pin suspended in mid-air.

  As she spoke, the young girl drew one arm across her forehead leaving a smudge of white flour down one side of her plain face.

  ‘Agnes, how many times have I told you not to do that? Now run off and wash your hands and face.’

  So saying, Cook gave her a little push with the rolling-pin and Agnes scuttled off.

  ‘Sorry, miss, this is what I have to put up with. Now, what can I do for you? A nice cup of tea, perhaps? I take it you are the mistress’ granddaughter, Miss Jane?’

  She paused for breath and I spoke quickly.

  ‘Yes, I am indeed Jane Merriock. I’m sorry to intrude but was wondering if you could tell me where I may find Mrs Dobbs, please.’

  Cook had gone back to rolling her pastry. She stopped long enough to indicate with her rolling-pin a door to her left. As I stepped into the large kitchen I took in the huge black range over which hung pots and pans of various shapes and sizes. The wooden table on which Cook was baking was immense and took up a third of the kitchen. Various dishes were scattered on the top of it and flour was everywhere. As I stood taking in my surroundings, Agnes returned looking much tidier and ready to immerse her arms once more into the large mixing bowl.

  ‘I’m Nelly, miss,’ Cook said, stopping her rolling-pin once more in mid-air. ‘It’s pleased we are to have you here. Your mother was very much loved by all. I won’t say more, miss, it’s not my place, except to say as how I don’t agree with what happened. Would’ve given me notice in but I loves the mistress and nothing will change that.’

  I was lost for words but as Nelly resumed her rolling I uttered, ‘Thank you, Nelly, I understand.’

  I walked to the door she had indicated, and stepped into a small corridor. I guessed it was the door opposite me which I needed for the one on the right was marked pantry. I knocked gently on the door and Mrs Dobbs’ voice called, ‘Who is it?’

  Opening the door a fraction, I saw Mrs Dobbs get up from her chair and smooth her skirts.

  ‘Oh, it’s you, miss, come in, please.’

  The room was small but comfortable and very warm. I felt quite stifled and was pleased when Mrs Dobbs asked if I would partake of a glass of lemonade. Seating myself on a high chair stood against the wall, I looked around me at the many ornaments placed on small tables scattered around the room. There was hardly a space left on the walls as they were covered in pictures, mainly of the sea and coastline. On a table beneath the window were small, stuffed animals which I found quite distasteful and looked quickly away at the small fire burning in the grate, listening to the rain as it splattered against the window pane.

  I gratefully accepted the glass Mrs Dobbs gave to me and sipping the cool drink slowly I asked her where I could find my grandmother. As I spoke, a bell tinkled above my head. Looking up I could see three rows of bells, thirty-six in all, which I hadn’t observed before.

  ‘That’s the mistress now, miss. She is still in bed as she suffered one of her bad heads today and has taken a powder. She will be wanting a cup of tea, so if you would like to come with me, miss.’

  ‘Will that be all right?’ I asked between gulps of lemonade.

  ‘Of course, my dear. The mistress will be pleased to see you.’

  I was glad to escape the stuffy atmosphere as I watched Mrs Dobbs place a guard in front of her small fire. In no time at all, Nelly had prepared a tray of tea for two and sandwiches and I found myself following Mrs Dobbs up the now-familiar staircase. Instead of turning right as I did to my room, we turned left and stopped outside the third door on the right. Mrs Dobbs tapped lightly on the door and entered, balancing the tray on one hand.

  ‘You have a visitor, madam.’

  I followed Mrs Dobbs into the room and could see my grandmother sat up amongst many pillows in a huge, carved, four-poster bed which dominated the room. She was dressed in a white cotton nightdress, a white lace bed jacket covered her shoulders and arms. Her grey wavy hair fell loose around her shoulders and it was covered in a white lace cap. It seemed strange not to see her in black, and propped up against the white pillows she looked almost ethereal.

  ‘Why, Jane, what a delightful surprise. Come and sit by me.’

  I moved across the carpet to sit on the chair at her bedside. Before seating myself I placed a kiss on her cheek.

  ‘I hope this isn’t an imposition, Grandmother, but I wish to talk with you.’

  ‘It is not an imposition and tell me, child, what is it you wish to talk about?’

  I glanced at Mrs Dobbs who was busy placing a tray in front of my grandmother.

  ‘Pay no heed to Daisy,’ Grandmother coaxed. ‘There is nothing that can’t be said in front of my housekeeper after forty years of loyal service. Come, Jane, what troubles you, for you do look troubled? Pour the tea, please, Daisy.’

  Grandmother was looking at me in anticipation of my words.

  ‘Well,’ I began, ‘I’d like to know more about Nora Blackstone.’

  Both women looked at each other and then at me. The cup and saucer Daisy Dobbs held was suspended in mid-air. There was a pregnant pause before my grandmother spoke at last.

  ‘I take it you have met Miss Blackstone,’ she said quietly, ‘and where was this, pray tell me?’

  ‘In the schoolroom, not an hour since.’

  ‘And what were you doing in the schoolroom, Jane?’

  I was afraid she was going to avoid the issue of Miss Blackstone.

  ‘I wanted to see where Mama spent her childhood and in view of the weather, I thought today a good time to explore the house. Miss Blackstone came upon me as I wrote on the blackboard. I smelled the lavender and was intrigued, as she had on occasions been in my room. The scent was the reason I knew it was her.’

  ‘And what did you make of our governess, Jane?’

  ‘Very strange in manner and very obviously living in the past.’

  At this point I wondered if I should mention the priest’s hole but decided against it for some reason.

  ‘You are right, Jane. Nora Blackstone is indeed odd.’

  Grandmother took a sip of her tea.

  ‘This is why we allowed her to stay here for she would never have gained another position and I felt sorry for her. I still do for she never steps outside these walls. What she finds to do with her days I cannot imagine. Laura visits her from time to time, I believe, but to gain any information from my daughter is like getting blood from a stone.’

  She paused and I noticed her cheeks had become very pink and her eyes bright. ‘Will that be all, madam?’

  Mrs Dobbs spoke as if to break a spell and my grandmother just waved her hand in dismissal. Mrs Dobbs looked at me and I was sure she was going to say something, but she opened the door and shut it almost silently behind her.

  ‘Are you all right, Grandmother?’ I asked anxiously as her whole manner had changed. ‘Please have a sandwich and sip your tea. I’m sorry if I have upset you in any way.’

  She laid her hand on mine.

  ‘Please do not distress yourself, dear. You haven’t upset me but, Jane, please don’t believe anything Miss Blackstone says. She is muddled in the head and has been since your mother left. For some reason, she cannot bring herself into the present. If you see her again, don’t take anything she says seriously. Now tell me, how are you getting on with Robert?’

  I got used to my grandmother changing the topic of conversation but this question brought Robert to my mind and I could feel the colour suffuse my cheeks and I felt transparent under my grandmother’s close scrutiny.

  To prove the fact she said, ‘Ah, Jane, I see you have succumbed to Robert’s charm. Not surprising, and to say I am pleased is barely sufficient. I must be honest and say I have high hopes of a match of my lovely granddaughter and Mr Thornton. He is a good match for you, Jane, and you for him as you have spirit, the Pendenna spirit.’

  I just sat and listened nonplussed at her words and when I l
eft her some time later I was walking on air to think my grandmother would give her blessing to a match between Robert and myself. My heart sang with joy.

  * * *

  Three weeks passed without incident since that eventful day when Robert kissed me and I had met Nora Blackstone. October turned to November, the trees laid bare, their branches and the sky and sea merged into one, a dull uninteresting grey. Gone was the sun sparkling on the blue sea and in place of small waves chasing each other to shore the sea now crashed on to the shingle.

  I’d seen Robert most days but never alone. I’d noticed that gone was the mocking smile and in its place had appeared an almost gentle, disarming one which melted my heart. It was Sunday and I awoke to the sound of Molly drawing back the curtains to reveal a watery sun and I realised that the incessant rain of the past weeks had at last stopped.

  ‘Good morning, miss,’ Molly said in her cheery voice. ‘Looks like being a nice day, sun and all.’

  As she spoke, she placed a lump or two of coal on the fire which was already burning in the grate. How cheerful it all looked. It was then I decided to accompany Grandmother to church. To Molly’s amazement I got quickly out of bed.

  ‘You haven’t had your breakfast, miss.’

  ‘Leave it on the table, please, Molly, and I shall sit by the fire to eat it. What is the time?’

  I glanced at the small, tortoiseshell clock on the mantle.

  ‘Nine o’clock! I shall have to be swift as I intend to go to church.’

  ‘Right, miss, I shall lay out your clothes if you tell me what you’d like to wear.’

  I got to my feet and looked through my wardrobe.

  ‘I think the royal blue skirt and jacket with the fur trim.’

  It was wool and I knew it would keep me warm. For prudence sake I would wear my black bonnet and gloves which were trimmed with blue to match my outfit.

  I sat back at the table and poured myself a cup of strong tea and buttered toast. It had always been a ritual for Molly to bring me breakfast on a Sunday unless Grandmother requested my presence in the dining-room.

  ‘Miss?’ Molly’s eager voice cut into my thoughts. ‘I’ve got something to tell you, miss, which is really important and I can contain myself no longer.’

  ‘Why, Molly,’ I began and turned to look at her smiling face. ‘Please, do tell me.’

  ‘It’s Jack, miss. He says he wants us to get wed and I am so happy to but won’t give him an answer until I have your blessing.’

  Molly looked at me expectantly and I stood and gathered her in my arms. I could sense the joy she felt and tried to feel how I would react if Robert asked me to marry him. I looked down at her as I released her, smiling at her obvious happiness.

  ‘Molly, did you doubt that you would have my blessing? I am overjoyed for you and Jack. You must give him your answer today.’

  Had I lost her, I wondered. Dear Molly, who had been the biggest part of my life since Mamma and Papa had died. As if in answer to my silent question Molly took my hand.

  ‘I won’t leave you, miss, but I cannot go back to London.’

  She looked at me now, anxiety on her pretty face.

  ‘I have grown to love it here, miss, and if Jack and I are blessed with children, the countryside is so much nicer than the city to bring them up.’

  ‘Don’t fret, Molly, I understand fully, and anyway I may stay at Pendenna myself. London does not hold much appeal for me anymore except, of course, for dear Amy. I just want you to be happy, Molly, and whatever happens we must not lose touch.’

  ‘Never, miss, I promise. Now I must help you, for it is nine-fifteen and I believe Mrs Pendenna usually leaves for church at ten, or so my Jack has told me.’

  It was a rush but at five minutes to ten, I was stood in the hall attired in my Sunday best, waiting for my grandmother. I knew she would be pleased, as on other occasions I declined to accompany her on a Sunday to Pendenna church, but she had never pressed me. To go on my own volition was good. Since Mamma’s and Papa’s funeral, I had not stepped through a church gate. As I stood with my thoughts Mrs Dobbs interrupted them.

  ‘There is a letter for you, Miss Jane. It is on the silver plate behind you.’

  I looked behind me and picked up the letter she’d mentioned. It was from Amy. I tucked it safely into my black beaded reticule, thanking Mrs Dobbs just as my grandmother reached the bottom of the staircase with Aunt Laura by her side.

  ‘My dear Jane, how lovely. I assume you are accompanying us?’

  As she spoke, she linked her arm through Aunt Laura’s just as Robert made an appearance.

  ‘Please take Jane’s arm, Robert. We must step into the carriage, for time is pressing.’

  So, as the huge doors of Pendenna Reach opened, admitting an icy blast of wind, I found myself being escorted by Robert into the carriage. Aunt Laura sat in silence as she watched Robert and me intently. I glanced at her from time to time, idly taking in the smoothness of her skin and the beige-coloured outfit she wore. On glancing now and then at my grandmother, dressed entirely in black, as usual, I could see her smiling indulgently at us and now and then, she made some observation of the countryside while I kept casting my mind back to Molly.

  Until today, I had only seen the church from a distance through the treetops. As we drew up to the lychgate and we stepped out of the carriage, Robert’s hand gently squeezing mine, I could see close up that the tower was tall and very obviously fifteenth-century, but the main body of the church was more recent. I had studied English churches and always felt it was such a pity that I never entered them anymore. Robert took my arm and we walked through the gate up the stone path, strewn with leaves. I listened to the monotonous sound of the bell ringing and tried hard not to look at the many dank grey gravestones which stood upright all around me.

  We seated ourselves in a cold pew at the side of the church, very obviously reserved for the Pendenna family. As I cast my eyes over the congregation, it was then I spotted Granny Merriock. She sat near the front of the church not far from me. As I watched her she suddenly glanced in my direction and gave me such a venomous look, I shook and quickly averted by gaze.

  The service over and back outside once more, shaking hands with a very tall vicar, I caught sight of Granny Merriock out of the corner of my eye as she walked to the gate.

  ‘Excuse me,’ I said to a startled vicar, interrupting him mid-sentence as I scurried off after her.

  As I reached the gate an arm suddenly caught mine.

  ‘Where are you going in such a hurry, Jane?’

  I looked back to see Aunt Laura almost towering over me. Until now I had not noticed how tall she was.

  ‘I just want a word with Granny Merriock, if you’ll excuse me.’

  So saying, I freed my arm from her grasp.

  ‘I’ll come with you, Jane, for this I must see.’

  She then hurried after me, past the carriage, in the direction of the village but it was to no avail. There was no sight of the old woman. I stood looking around me with exasperation, Aunt Laura at my side.

  ‘What a pity,’ she offered with obvious sarcasm in her voice.

  ‘I would have caught up with her if you had not detained me, and what did you mean when you said, this I must see? What sort of spectacle were you expecting?’

  As I spoke I hastened back to the carriage, Aunt Laura keeping up beside me.

  ‘I was curious to see what reception you would receive.’

  ‘By that, I assume you expect it to be unfavourable.’

  We had reached the carriage and I turned to face my aunt.

  ‘Why, yes, Jane, it is what I’d expect under the circumstances.’

  ‘And what do you mean by that?’ My voice was becoming louder but I could not help myself.

  ‘Why do you dislike me so much?’

  ‘Whatever gives you that idea, Jane?’

  ‘Because of your whole manner towards me. How could I have ever done anything to you for you to treat me with
such disdain?’

  ‘You are your mother’s daughter.’

  She almost spat the words at me and I was taken aback.

  ‘Ladies, ladies!’ Robert’s voice interrupted us as Grandmother spoke up.

  ‘Jane, Laura, please settle yourselves in the carriage. You are behaving like a couple of fishwives. I am most displeased and what Reverend Tomlinson thought of your rudeness, Jane, I can only imagine. What you have to quarrel about I don’t pretend to understand. Now let us get home and thank goodness only Robert and I had to witness such behaviour.’

  I felt quite humbled as Grandmother admonished us and caught the merest of smiles hovering on my aunt’s lips and wondered what secret thoughts she had to smile about. Robert’s face was expressionless and I prayed silently my behaviour had not spoiled our friendship.

  On arriving back at Pendenna, Grandmother said she wished to speak with me before luncheon in her room.

  Aunt Laura was to accompany her now. As I watched them climb the stairs, I wondered at my aunt’s animosity towards me. I had thought my mother and Aunt Laura to be close.

  ‘What was that all about, Janie?’

  Hearing Robert’s voice beside me, I realised that for once I had forgotten his presence.

  ‘It was to do with Granny Merriock. Laura seems to think I will not be received well by her but tomorrow I intend to find out as I will visit her cottage and get to the bottom of this.’

  ‘Then I will accompany you, Jane, and that is an order,’ saying which he placed a finger gently on my lips preventing a reply.

  Who was I to argue with this man? I felt sure his only desire was to protect me, but from what?

  9

  On reaching my room, I remembered Amy’s letter and retrieving it from my reticule, sat by the window to read it feeling quite homesick.

  My dear Jane, I read.

  How pleased I was to hear all your news at last. I had quite expected to hear from you earlier but guess you and Molly are quite settled in Cornwall even though it must be a completely different way of life to that which you experienced here. I am still never without company or some ball or theatre to attend. I still miss you greatly, dear Jane, and am very afraid now that you may not return to live with me at Grosvenor Square. I do not say this to distress you but I want you to know that I understand for it is wonderful you have at last met with family of your own. Think of me as a selfish woman who loves you but I am prepared to relinquish you, my dear, as long as you are happy.