My Pinup Girl

by Nicky Fox

  I wave my hand as he gets out of his truck. I stand up and give him a handshake, back pat. I offer him a beer, and he grabs the seat next to me on the porch. His beer pops open, and he takes a long sip.

  "Do you live in a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you." Beer spews out of my mouth, and I can't control my laughter. Carlos always knows how to make me laugh. He pats me on the back a couple of times and leans back in his chair like he just won a trophy.

  "Man, that was corny," I laugh. He chuckles at my pitiful jab. "I'm glad I can laugh again. For a while there I was sure I was going to lose everything." I glance at him, giving him a small smile.

  He nods and sips his beer. And then his look turns thoughtful. "I don't know about you, but if I lost the love of my life, I'd have lost everything." He doesn't look at me when he says this, just stares off into the fields.

  I shake my head. "I was talking about Grandad's farm, Carlos. I don't want to talk about Lenora." Thinking the subject is closed, I turn to head into the house. Carlos is close on my tail.

  "Do you think for one minute your grandfather would choose this dirt over your grandmother?"

  I stop in my tracks. "What did you just say?"

  Carlos stands in front of me with his arms crossed across his chest. "I said, what would your grandfather do?"

  It's like I've discovered the arc of the covenant and it's the simplest answer. It's the easiest question to answer.

  Holy shit. There's no way in hell my grandfather would choose anything over my grandmother. In fact, he never spoke about the land or fields. He only talked about her. It was like he was waiting to join her. He was just biding his time until they were together again. This whole time I thought his land was everything, his legacy. But in actuality his legacy is love. Pure and simple. He couldn't care less about this land. It was a means to make a living for himself. Grandpa loved his family above all else. He would gladly hand over this farm for my grandmother. I'm so stupid.

  I look over at Carlos, and he can see the gears clicking into place in my head. I slump to the floor. Leaning back against the wall, I bang my head a few times. "How could I be so stupid, Carlos? I thought this land was everything and it's nothing. I lost Lenora over it."

  Carlos sits on the floor next to me and pats my leg. "It's not nothing, it's a way of life and a home. There are memories of your grandfather in every space, but those memories will always be with you whether you are here or someplace else. This farm is not nothing. But on the other hand, love is everything. The way I saw you with her, I knew. You can always tell when it's real. I could see it on your face when you looked at her. Hell, I know when you think of her. Whether you realize it or not. Man, you need that girl like you need air. She's your life. What are you going to do about it?"

  I just shake my head at Carlos. "Somethin', man, somethin'."

  I drop my bags in the hallway of my house.

  "We're home," Evie says. She brushes past me. I stand in the entry way remembering a dozen kisses Hunter and I had here. I just came from the porch where we made out against the front door more times than I can count. I might have been able to lose him for a time while I was in Mexico, but arriving back floods my brain with memories. Now, I'm mad. Is he always going to be haunting me here? Am I going to have to move? Every time I look at Buttercup will I remember that day when we crossed paths?

  I make my way to the kitchen where Evie is sitting at the table.

  "I'm so tired of thinking about Hunter." She glances at me over her water bottle. Her eyes cast down. She nods solemnly.

  "I know, sweetie. We'll make new memories, and soon you'll forget all about his stupid truck and cowboy hat and that hot body." God, he has a beautiful body. I miss it. I wonder if he misses my body too? Probably not, since he has that realtor.

  "Fuck this!" I say, leaving the table. I come back a minute later with my camera. "Evie, I want you to take some pictures of me. I'm going to send him a little parting gift." Evie immediately stands up with exuberance.

  "Fuck yes! Although, are you sure you want to send your ex nudes, girl? I mean you have a slammin' body, but once you give it to someone, it's out there. It could come back and haunt you."

  I give her my Cheshire cat smile and shake my head. "It's not going to be nudes, and I'm not sending him a picture. I just need you to take some pictures for me, okay? After I tell Evie my plan, she's all gung ho about it. It takes us most of the evening to get the right picture. I'm able to fall into a deep sleep, but of course, I dream of Hunter and his body on top of my body. I wake the next morning in a heap of twisted sheets and sweat.

  I roll out of bed excited for the day for once. I have some work to do, and it's going to take a while. I head to the kitchen and make myself some hot tea. I call the horse kennel and schedule Buttercup to come back home. Evie shuffles into the kitchen and has a cup of tea with me. We talk about the trip, and the prospect of my art featured in that amazing gallery in Mexico.

  I get to work on my project for Hunter when I hear an email alert on my phone. Angelica has an upcoming show she thinks would be perfect for my art. We plan to have my paintings delivered before the show. The gallery will pay for me to fly down for the event. I'm amazed. I scream, and Evie comes rushing in.

  "What the hell, woman?" Evie shakes me by my shoulders. "I thought you were dying."

  "If by dying you mean died and gone to heaven, then yes!" I jump up and down and tell Evie all about the upcoming event. She congratulates me. Things seem to be falling into place for me in my career. Things are starting to look up.

  I eventually get back to work and soon it's evening. I can always paint for hours and not even realize. I decide to get a snack from the kitchen. When I enter the living room, there is a gorgeous arrangement of pink and fuchsia peonies. There's a card tucked into the bouquet. I read the front of the card, and it says, "Lenora." I open the envelope slowly. There's a small card tucked inside, and it only reads:

  I'm sorry.

  -Hunter

  I flip the card over, and it's blank. That's it? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm sorry I broke your heart? I'm sorry. Can we get back together? I'm sorry your dad died? I honestly don't know what to do with this. Do I text him and thank him for the flowers? No. He opened this can of worms, and I'm going to leave it to him to close. I've never had flowers delivered before.

  Maybe he broke up with that girl? Or maybe she broke up with him? He's probably just looking to get laid again. God, what does this mean? And men say we are confusing. I crush the card and throw it in the trash. What an ass. After months, he just sends this out of the blue?

  I look around for Evie, but she's out. I put the flowers in a vase on the kitchen table. I get back to work and finish the project for Hunter. I pack up my paintings to send to Angelica for the showing. Then, I take a long shower and get into my favorite pajamas. It's movie night. So, I settle in on the couch for a movie.

  Bang. Bang. Bang. I mute the TV and rise off the sofa. Evie had gone out on a date this evening. She must have forgotten her keys. I walk to the front door and open it. Standing there before me with his hands braced on the doorframe is Hunter. He's breathing heavily like he just ran over here from his house. His chest rises and falls quickly, and there's a drop of sweat running down the V-neck of his white T-shirt. Hunter moves fast as lightning. He comes toward me and grabs my face with both hands. I look at him in shock unable to say a word. I have no idea why he's here or what his plan is.

  His face comes down to mine and our lips crash. My mind is nowhere else, but in this kiss. The passion between us that has been dormant is a fiery blaze engulfing us both. We crash against my entry wall as my front door slams. Limbs and fingers are moving over both our bodies. I can't touch him enough. I need to feel his skin. We've kissed so many times in this spot. It's never been like this, crucial. Is this a dream? Did I fall asleep?

  My leg instinctively hitches over his hip, and his hand supports my ass. Then the grinding starts. He's so hard. Th
ere's no give. It's like rubbing on a steel pipe. He lifts my other leg, and I wrap them around his waist. Hunter begins to carry me to my bedroom. Then it all comes into focus. I can taste alcohol on him. Is he drunk? What the hell am I doing? He broke my heart, and I just let him bust in here and kiss me. NO. I shake my head and push away from his chest.

  "Lenora." He sounds desperate. Hunter leans his forehead against mine. We both try and catch our breath.

  I push my legs away from him and take a step back. He puts his hands in his pockets. I cross my arms needing my distance. "What are you doing here?" I look down at our feet, me in my socks and him in his boots. I hear him sigh above me.

  "I had to see you. I ran here. You don't know what you mean to me. You don't even realize…" I cut him off holding my hand up for him to stop.

  "You can't just barge in here and kiss me. It's not okay. I know exactly what I mean to you, nothing. I needed you. I needed you! You weren't there for me." My eyes start watering. I bite my lip and focus on the floor. I will not cry in front of him. "I need you to leave."

  His hand reaches out to me. "Lenora, please. I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am. I'll do anything."

  "No, you're just drunk and lonely. Please leave." Tears run down my face. I'm so mad he's done this. He comes here and expects to pick up where we left off. I'm pissed that I'm crying and even more upset he's witnessing it. "LEAVE," I cry.

  He turns and walks out, closing my door softly. That's when I break down and let the sadness overwhelm me. I'm gasping for cries face-deep on my rug on the floor. That's where Evie finds me an hour later. She helps me to bed and tucks me in, not asking any questions. She turns off my light, and I fall asleep silently crying on my pillow.

  "You look like shit." For a second, I think it's God. There's a bright as fuck light above me and a silhouette of a man. I'm lying on the floor in my drool. After I left Lenora's house, I got fucking drunk and passed out in my living room, where we made love that first time.

  "She doesn't even know," I mumble.

  "Come on, Casanova. Let's get you sobered up and feeling alive again." I finally recognize Jake's voice. My eyes start to adjust. It takes all my strength to get up off the floor. Jake helps me to the bathroom where I take a shower. By the time I'm out, he has a cup of coffee waiting for me. I sit next to him at the kitchen table and take a sip.

  "Well, now that you don't smell like death, can you please tell me why you called Carlos last night babbling about destiny and Lenora?" He laughs on his last few words. "He was worried enough to call me. He told me to check on you this morning, make sure you didn't park yourself out on her front lawn with a boom box. Did you use that florist that I told you about?"

  I don't remember calling Carlos at all. I must have been out of it more than I thought. Jake knew about Lenora. I told him the whole story after we had broken up. He kept asking why I was an ass. He understood then. He had a number dealt on him when he fell in love with his college sweetheart. It didn't last. She broke up with him on his birthday. That relationship left him closed off and cynical. Yet, he didn't give me a hard time about falling in love. He simply understood it.

  "She's my pin-up girl, Jake. Like The One. I've got to get her back."

  "I know you've had this obsession with finding your own 'pin-up girl' since Grandad told that story. but if you know she's The One, go after her. What's holding you back?"

  I bang my head on the kitchen table and leave it there. "I went to her last night, and she kicked me out."

  Jake bops me on the head. I look up, and he's smiling at me. "Tell me you didn't just send the flowers. If you break a girl's heart, you gotta do more than flowers and show up at her door, dumbass."

  I place my head in my hands and try to distract myself from this headache pounding its way through my teeth. "God, when I kissed her…every time I kiss her it's better than before. I don't even know how that's possible."

  "That!" He points at me. "That, right there is what you should write down or tell her. Chicks like that shit. Fuck, I almost kissed you over that line." Jake rubs his chin. "Maybe I'll use that next time." His eyebrows go up and down. He may be younger than me, but sometimes he has wisdom beyond his years. He's usually a dick. I don't know why he's being kind to me. I guess he understands this pain.

  "It's not a line, man. Fuck! What do I do? She won't even talk to me. The way she kissed me back, ugh it was everything. I'm not losing it."

  Jake's chair scrapes against the wood floor as he stands up. "Well, I'm glad you're alive. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I got nothing, man. Now, I got to go to work. Good luck."

  "It's Saturday, Jake. You need to stop working so much. I mean why does any CPA need to work over the weekend?" I shake my head at him.

  "Tax season, man. Death and taxes." He gives me a small smile and grabs his blazer. He's out the door just as quickly as he appeared.

  I sit there a good while racking my brain for any way to win back my love. I can hear my cell phone ringing in the living room. I jump up, thinking it might be Lenora. I run into the living room and lose my footing. I hit my head on the side of the fireplace, and everything goes black.

  Beep. Beep. Beep. My eyes are closed but I know I'm lying down in a bed. Someone's holding my hand. It's a warm delicate hand. I strain to open my eyes. There's a female figure sitting next to the bed. When my eyes focus, I see the prettiest face I've ever seen in my life.

  "Lenora," I croak.

  She squeezes my hand and gives me a little smile. "I found you. You were lying unconscious in your house, so I called for an ambulance. They've conducted a few tests to make sure there is no trauma. But the doctor thinks you will be discharged soon. Someone will need to monitor you for the next twenty-four hours for observation. They'll need to wake you every so often to make sure you can awaken normally."

  Her voice is void of any emotion, and she sounds more like a nurse. But I'm so happy to see her. What was she doing at my house? This gives me a sliver of hope. I wish I could just sit here and watch her. Her bright green eyes look over my face with concern, and I must admit, I'm milking it. "Hunter?" Her hand goes up to caress my face. I close my eyes to focus on her touch. It must worry her, because I hear her chair scrape against the floor. I feel Lenora hover over me. I like it. I wish I could reach out and grab her. "Hunter, sweetie, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

  I groan, and her face comes closer to mine. When I open my eyes, she's right there. I can't help myself, I grab her face and kiss her. It's not long before she pushes me away. "Hunter Westley, you can't just go around kissing people." She's so cute.

  "Not people, Lenora, just you. Only you." She huffs and sits back down in her chair.

  "That was a dirty trick, and you know it." She crosses her arms and avoids looking at me.

  "All is fair in love and war." I cross my arms behind my head feeling ten-feet-tall. She's going to be mine.

  "Love? I don't think so. You weren't there for me when I needed you most." She gathers her purse, getting ready to leave. At least she doesn't cry anymore when she says that. Maybe I'm wearing on her.

  "And yet, you're here for me now. Why?" I know she still cares about me otherwise she wouldn't be here. She might think she no longer does, but being right here right now proves it.

  "I couldn't in good conscience just leave you there." Lenora avoids eye contact.

  "What were you doing there in the first place?"

  "I came to drop off your paintings. Plus, you seemed pretty drunk last night. I wanted to make sure you weren't in a puddle of your own vomit." She stands up to leave.

  "I can handle my liquor. You were making sure I was okay. I know you still care for me, Lenora."

  "Stop it. Just…" Lee holds her hand up to silence me. "Has it even occurred to you how hard it was for me to come to the hospital with you? The last time I was in one…I watched my father die. You tricked me into a kiss, and now you're trying to make me say things I can't!"

  "I'm sorry. I
will regret that for the rest of my life. I'll spend my whole life making it up to you if you'll let me." I hope she can tell I'm sincere. She stares at me like she's memorizing my face. I know what she's going to do before she says the words.

  "That apology is a few months too late, Hunter. I have your paintings finished. So, they're ready whenever you want to pick them up. Goodbye." She walks out the door.

  It took everything I had in me to walk away from Hunter. I walked down the stairs so no one would see me upset. When I made it to my car, I finally broke down. I woke up this morning and decided to go over to Hunter's house to make sure he was okay and drop off his paintings. I also wanted to ask him a few questions, like why he came over last night. I don't know what he wants from me. For months, I hear nothing from him. I suddenly see him in a diner with another woman. A couple of weeks later he sends me flowers and shows up at my doorstep? None of it makes sense.

  His door was open with the screen door closed. He was lying unmoving in his living room. When I saw the blood on the fireplace, I called 911. I was afraid for him. I was beside myself. I had to follow the ambulance in my car. I don't even know how I got there. It was all a daze. I was in the waiting room for a long time imagining God knows what. I had flashbacks of when my father was sick. His body still and lifeless. I tried to remain calm, but a few tears escaped.

  When the doctor came and got me, he figured I was Hunter's fiancé. I didn't correct him. He escorted me to the room. When I saw him in the hospital bed with machines hooked up to him, I almost broke down. It was like my father all over again. The smell of the ammonia and that damn beeping. The doctor kept reassuring me that he was doing good and would probably be discharged later today after he woke up.

  I sat there next to him. I stared at his eyelashes, lips and the way his hair fell across his forehead. While he lay there unconscious, I was saying goodbye. I didn't think I would be able to go to the diner and not think of him. Or even drive down the road by my house. I could paint from anywhere. I needed to get away from all of the things that remind me of him. The show in Mexico couldn't come at a better time. I would be able to get away for a few days and sort out what to do. Get my life back on track and come home with a clear head. I would have a plan in place by then.