Pretending in Paradise

by M. Ullrich

  Emma stood in the embrace and stared out at the dark horizon. “Come on,” she said quietly. “Let’s go back up to our room and order some room service.”

  They walked together in silence, and Emma didn’t let go of Caroline’s hand the whole way.

  Chapter Eleven

  Caroline cracked one eye open and then the other. She grabbed her phone from the floor beside the cot and tried to check the time but the charging cord wouldn’t reach, and it fell to the carpet.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Emma called out. She sounded like she was on the balcony.

  Her mouth felt gross and her stomach was uneasy. Caroline regretted all but her first drink from the night before. “What time is it?” Her deep voice came out as a mumble against her pillow.

  “A little after nine.” Emma’s voice started to come closer.

  “Let me guess. You’ve already been to the gym, ran six miles, ate a full breakfast, and showered.”

  “Close, but I only ran one mile because I hate running. There’s aspirin and a cup of orange juice on the table next to you. If you don’t like that, I also have water and Gatorade.”

  Caroline rubbed her eyes before looking at Emma. Her lashes stuck together from the mascara she wore the night before. “I’m not hungover.” She pulled the covers up to her chin. The way Emma was smiling down at her with such softness made Caroline uncomfortable.

  “I never said you were, but I was under the impression you don’t drink often, so I grabbed a few necessities from the shop downstairs. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and I’ll order you breakfast? Veggie omelet, buttered toast, and fresh fruit? Oh, and coffee. Of course.”

  Caroline felt like her mind was running two steps behind, and she couldn’t shake the confusion. She remembered everything from last night, but she still couldn’t explain why Emma was taking care of her. She looked down at herself and cringed at the black tank she wore the night before. “I’m a mess,” she said, groaning.

  “Why do you think I told you to get in the shower?”

  Caroline glared at Emma and pointed to herself. “You never saw this.”

  “Nope.” Emma held her hands up defensively, but her smirk never faltered. “I also never took a picture of you with drool on your face.”

  Caroline wiped her cheeks and chin roughly. “You didn’t. Did you? I swear to God if you did…”

  “I didn’t. You do really need to get up, though. I have a day planned, and you’re making us late.”

  Caroline yawned, choosing to ignore Emma’s giggles. “Right. Did you decide what we’re doing?”

  “I did. Dress like you’re going for a workout but wear a bathing suit.”

  Caroline grunted as she stood up. She stretched her arms above her head and twisted her back. Her spine popped twice. “Don’t make me exercise,” she said pleadingly.

  “Sounds to me like you need to move that body.” Emma looked Caroline up and down. “But don’t worry, it’ll be fun. I promise. Now, go shower and I’ll order.”

  After showering and eating, Caroline felt a bit more confident in tackling the day, even if Emma refused to tell her where they were walking to. The sun was bright and hot, the Florida weather was humid as usual, but no one seemed to care. The beaches were crowded, and couples strolled hand in hand along the curvy walkways. Caroline smiled at the memory of Emma holding her hand the night before. For once, a pleasant feeling outweighed her discomfort. She cast a sideways glance at Emma’s hand as they walked. She could, theoretically, hold it if she wanted to. She could just reach over and take Emma’s hand easily. So very easily.

  “Here we are,” Emma said with a grand sweep of her arm. They were in front of a bicycle rental stand. “You do know how to ride, right?”

  “Of course I know how to ride a bike.”

  Emma shrugged. “My first girlfriend didn’t know how, and she was twenty when we dated.”

  Caroline imagined a younger Emma, someone with even fewer inhibitions, riding her bike on a sunny day alongside a girl equally beautiful. All Caroline had were memories of her mother yelling for her to come in and watch her brother when he was having a bad day, when she’d spend sunny days in a hospital sitting across from the man who used to be her best friend. But she had memories of the good days, too, when they’d laugh and scheme in the backyard together.

  “Caroline?”

  Caroline stared at Emma with burning, dry eyes. She’d yet to blink.

  “We’re up.” Emma pointed her thumb to the counter. “Are you okay?” She took Caroline’s hand gently.

  Caroline felt warmth in her touch, and the jolt was strong enough to remind her of the good in life. She didn’t always have to feel guilty when she thought of Kyle.

  “I’m fine. I’m good,” Caroline said quickly, squeezing Emma’s hand. She let go and stepped up to the counter. The young man working was handsome, tan, and looked completely bored. “Two bikes, please.” She started to search for cash in her small wristlet purse. Emma covered her hands.

  “Don’t even think about it.” Emma turned her attention to the booth attendant. “Two bikes for the full day.”

  “You’ll only need one.”

  Emma looked at him in confusion. “There’s two of us, and we’d both like a bike. To ride.”

  He pointed to the large, red sign behind him that said they had tandem bicycles only.

  “Oh,” Emma said.

  “Huh.” Caroline pushed her sunglasses up her nose and tried to take a look down the beach. Surely another stand would rent them bicycles.

  “We’ll take one,” Emma said, slapping her money on the counter.

  Caroline stepped up to Emma and whispered, “I said I can ride a bike. I meant that as a solo activity.”

  Emma grinned at Caroline. “I guess it’ll be a new experience for both of us.”

  Caroline clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. She shook her head as she thought of all the horrific outcomes on a tandem bike, but the image of Emma’s damn smile canceled out her nerves. How did Emma hold so much power already?

  Caroline sighed. “Fine. But if I get hurt—”

  “You won’t get hurt. I won’t let it happen.” As if she could control gravity.

  The attendant wheeled out a red bicycle without saying a word. Caroline gripped the handlebars on the back while Emma threw her leg over the front seat.

  “Are you sure you should be riding a bike wearing a long sundress? Isn’t that a hazard?”

  Emma laughed. “I grew up riding cruisers all summer. This is an easy fix,” she said, gathering the flowy cotton material. She gathered up and up until the skirt was around her waist and knotted it. Her backside, clad only in a yellow bikini bottom, was on full display for Caroline.

  “Glad that worked out.” Caroline cleared her throat and averted her eyes. “Which way should we go?”

  Emma pointed toward the path in front of them. “Let’s head that way first, and when we come to the end, let’s sit on the beach for a bit. It’s too nice today to keep avoiding the beach.”

  “I don’t avoid—oh my God!” Caroline screeched as Emma started to pedal forward unexpectedly. The bicycle wobbled, and Caroline planted her feet firmly on the concrete path. She didn’t appreciate Emma’s laughter.

  “I was just checking to make sure it works.”

  Caroline shoved at Emma’s shoulder. “You’re not funny.”

  “Are you ready this time?” Emma shot a glance over her shoulder. The blue of her eyes matched the ocean in the distance.

  “Yes. Jerk.”

  They moved forward again, more smoothly than before, but couldn’t make it more than thirty feet before stopping because someone was leaning too much to one side. Neither would take responsibility for leaning but both agreed to focus more on balance. Third time was a charm, and they managed to pedal together and resisted leaning.

  Caroline smiled into the breeze, which smelled faintly of Emma’s lavender scent and sunshine. She listened as the gulls in
the sky cawed, and the ocean crashed along the shore. She felt content.

  “We’re coming to the end of the trail,” Emma said over her shoulder.

  Together they veered to the side. Caroline let Emma control the brakes as she readied her feet for landing. The dismount was less than graceful, but Caroline couldn’t care less because she was happy. Her smile came easily as she plopped into a beach chair hiding in the shade of an umbrella.

  “What can I do to entice you away from the chair and closer to the water?”

  Caroline looked at Emma, whose dress was still tied around her waist, and a small voice in the back of her mind mentioned more than a few things that could entice her. None of them were appropriate. “Offer me some SPF seventy,” she said, trying to kill the less-clean thoughts. Her lack of intimacy and recent touching must’ve been messing with her head.

  Emma rifled through the small cinch sack she brought along. She held up a blue bottle. “I have thirty, will that do?”

  “I don’t like sitting on the sand.”

  “The resort offers very large blankets and towels for their guests to lie on. You’ll never know there’s sand beneath you.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “Fine. You’ll know there’s sand, but you won’t hate it. Come on.” Emma crooked her index finger at Caroline.

  She had ridden a tandem bike already, why not go hang out on the sand? “Give me the sunscreen first.” Caroline rolled her eyes when Emma hopped in elated triumph. She stood and looked around. A sudden rush of self-consciousness hit her. Wearing her black one-piece bathing suit shouldn’t be a big deal, but Caroline hesitated to remove her loose tank and cropped yoga pants.

  “Would you like me to turn around?”

  “No,” Caroline said hesitantly. “But don’t watch.” She felt satisfied when Emma looked up at the sky. She slowly removed her tank first, and then her pants. She felt naked. The deep cut of the scoop neckline showed more cleavage than she was comfortable with, and her entire back was exposed. She could even feel the bottom creep farther and farther up her ass cheeks. “Okay. Go grab a blanket and towel, and I’ll follow you to a spot on the beach.”

  Emma glanced between Caroline and the towel stand. She gave a thumbs-up before dashing away. It took her less than five minutes to get what they needed. She called out to Caroline. “I found us a good spot.” She laid the blanket down and rolled the towels to serve as pillows.

  Caroline would’ve commented on how soft the sand was or how remarkably blue the ocean seemed, but the moment she reached the blanket, Emma pulled her dress off, tossed it to the side, and ran directly into the water. She watched in amusement as Emma splashed and dove in the surf. She’d surface from time to time and wave at Caroline.

  Caroline knew Emma could feel her watching, and she didn’t care. She had resigned herself to enjoying this act. Maybe playing the part of girlfriend would help fill a void that had been hindering her happiness for months. And there was no commitment. She watched unabashedly as Emma came jogging back toward her. Yellow was definitely a good color on her, and Caroline’s favorite.

  “The water is so warm,” Emma said, twisting her hair and wringing the water from it. She lay down on the blanket next to Caroline. “Did you put on your sunscreen?”

  “Oh, no.” Caroline had been too distracted by Emma, but she’d never admit that.

  “Do you need help?” Emma wiggled her eyebrows.

  “No, thank you, I got it.” Caroline started to slather herself with lotion, taking great care of the tops of her feet and her ears. Too many bad sunburns in the past had taught her well. But she couldn’t reach her back. She groaned. “Will you help me?” she said, barely above a whisper.

  “What?”

  “I need help.”

  Emma sat up and grabbed the bottle from Caroline. She didn’t say a word, just went to work like anyone else would when asked for such a simple favor. Her hands felt warm as she skimmed the plane of Caroline’s back.

  Against her willpower, Caroline arched her back. Emma’s touch was unrelenting as she ran the smooth lotion between Caroline’s shoulder blades and worked her muscles firmly. Caroline wasn’t prepared for a massage, but that wasn’t going to stop her from enjoying it. Just as quickly as the innocent game began, it ended. Emma snapped the top to the lotion closed and lay on her stomach. Caroline stared on, her attention shifting from the surprising wetness between her legs to the soft outer curve of Emma’s breast where it pressed into the sand.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, yeah, yes.” Caroline winced at her own inarticulate response.

  “What happened last night?”

  Caroline was surprised. She faced Emma, whose cheek was squished against the towel she used as a pillow. “Will was buying drinks and I was trying to relax.”

  “Not with the drinking. I mean, I guess that was part of it, too. But the whole night seemed weird and then when we got back to our room, everything seemed normal until you fell asleep. Rather abruptly, I might add.” Emma opened one eye to peek at Caroline and flash her a smirk.

  “That’s not unusual for me. I either toss and turn or pass right out. There’s no in between.”

  “And then the thing with Sydney…”

  “What thing with Sydney?” Caroline asked, even though she saw the two of them getting chummy on the dance floor.

  Emma turned over and shielded her eyes from the sun with her hand to look at Caroline intensely. “You had nothing to do with it?”

  “What exactly are you implying?”

  Emma sat quietly for a few moments before responding evenly. “I was afraid you were testing me, that you set the whole thing up to make sure I was being professional.”

  Caroline bit the inside of her cheek to remain calm. “I did not set you up,” she said between clenched teeth. She wanted to get up, put her clothes on, and flee. But the walk back was long, and the only bike they had was for two people. “What exactly happened with Sydney?”

  “I think we should keep our distance from them. Sydney and Will.”

  “What happened?”

  Emma exhaled slowly. “She invited me back to their room, with or without Will. Dammit. I should’ve known better. He was too touchy and friendly when they first arrived, and then they separated us. They’re swingers.”

  Caroline felt the jealousy bubble up and control her next words. “Swingers that wanted you. Not me.” She was appalled by how pathetic she sounded. “So, what did Sydney say to you?”

  “She invited me back to their room. When I said no, she said the invitation was open for the week. I’m sure Will was working on you.”

  “He wasn’t, and I’m surprised you said no.”

  “Are you?” Emma held Caroline’s gaze. A Frisbee landed beside them and sprayed sand on Caroline. “Come on, let’s go before you get more sand on you,” Emma said. She started to gather their things when Caroline reached out and took her hand.

  “We just got here. I have to admit, this is pretty nice.”

  “It is.” Emma grabbed her phone from her bag and snapped a few photos of the ocean and suddenly turned to Caroline. “Smile,” she said loudly with a wide smile.

  “Don’t.” Caroline covered her face.

  “Too late.” Emma lay on her back, flush against Caroline’s side. Every point of contact was hot. “Let’s get one together.” Emma held her phone above them and their faces took up the full screen.

  Caroline scrutinized her appearance; her hair was tangled and her lipstick uneven. But before she could protest, Emma started taking picture after picture, making different faces each time. After five consecutive photos of Caroline looking like she had no idea what was happening, she finally got into it and smiled, then puckered for the camera, and Emma snapped the final picture as they were both laughing.

  When they both calmed down to a quiet fit of giggles, Caroline turned her head to look at Emma. “Please don’t post any of those pictures with me.�
� At Emma’s frown, Caroline added, “I’m not on social media much, and I just don’t like my life or my face being put out there. But I would like you to send them to me.”

  After a long, pregnant pause, Emma nodded and said, “I can do that.” Emma stayed silent for a moment before turning toward Caroline and speaking again. “I’m sorry I thought you would set me up.”

  Caroline turned her head, and their faces were so close, their noses nearly touched. “I’m sorry I ever gave you a reason to think I’m the type of person who would.” Caroline would have given her last dollar to know what Emma was thinking at that moment.

  “You also made me think you weren’t the type of person to frolic in waves, but now I’m beginning to think you are.”

  “I am not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “No.”

  “Caroline?”

  “Yes?”

  “Will you play in the ocean with me?” Emma looked at her with large, puppy-dog eyes that hit her like a punch to the gut.

  Caroline smiled. “Just the waves. The ocean scares me.”

  Emma jumped up and extended her hand for Caroline. “The waves are the best part anyway,” she said excitedly. She helped Caroline up and led her to the ocean by the hand.

  They splashed each other, laughed wildly and jumped around. In that time, Caroline had forgotten about the insecurities around her swimwear. She forgot about the previous night and the silly hint of rejection she felt at not being invited into Will and Sydney’s bedroom. As she let loose with Emma, Caroline had even started to forget about her job. And that was a very scary first.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Favorite meal as a kid?” Caroline shouted from the bathroom as she applied her lipstick.

  “I used to go apeshit whenever we’d order Chinese. My parents are terrible cooks, so at least I knew I was getting good food then.”

  Caroline laughed. “Favorite band?”