No Safe Secret

by Fern Michaels

  In fact, she hadn’t known that, not until tonight’s episode. Apparently she had been walking around with blinders on. “Go on,” she encouraged.

  “You remember Charlotte’s cousin, Lucinda?”

  Molly nodded. “Wasn’t she here last year for Christmas break? Seems like I remember her being here with Charlotte.”

  “Yeah, she was, but she wasn’t here just to hang with me and Char.” Kristen had started calling Charlotte “Char” way back in elementary school, and the nickname had stuck. “She really wanted to see Holden. They were at Harvard together.”

  Molly had no clue where this was going, but she knew her daughter well enough to let her tell the story in her own way. Kristen could be very wordy at times when she wasn’t prepared.

  “I didn’t know that,” she said, hoping it would encourage her to get to the point. If Holden was involved, she knew that it couldn’t be good.

  Kristen took a deep breath. “Lucinda’s best friend”—she paused—“her friend Emily, said Holden attacked her.”

  It took a few seconds for Molly to absorb her words. When she did, an ice-cold fear twisted in the pit of her stomach. She remained silent, trying to gather her thoughts, yet all she could think of was what had happened to her all those years ago. On prom night. And now this. Surely, this Emily was mistaken?

  “Mother, aren’t you going to say anything?” she said more loudly.

  Molly sat up in bed, pulled her knees to her chest, and rested her head on top of them. She swallowed, but her mouth was as dry as desert dust. Flashes of that night played out like a movie reel. The dress. Her car. The rape. The accident. After all this time, what if she’d killed her twin or one of his friends? She could be a murderer and not even know. And now her stepson was being accused of the lowest crime in the world.

  “Mom!” Kristen said, this time not bothering to whisper.

  Jolted out of her nightmarish thoughts, Molly spoke. “Shhh, I don’t want to wake your father.” There would be hell to pay. “I’m sorry. Tell me again. What happened?” She spoke in short, choppy sentences.

  “It’s nauseating, Mom, really. I don’t like to think about it, but you know, I’m going to Europe and all. I just want to, you know, tell someone, just in case.” She was hesitant as though she were afraid to speak.

  “Kristen, whatever you tell me will remain between the two of us. You can trust me,” she said, hoping to loosen her tongue a bit. Kristen was extremely loyal to those she cared about. It was more than obvious that Holden was not in that category.

  “Lucinda wanted to confront Holden about it, but he’d left. I don’t remember where he went, but she wasn’t here for the tea and cookies. She was totally pissed about what Holden had done to Emily.

  “Sorry, but that’s the only way to describe it. I don’t know what she’d planned to do, just that she was mad. So she says Emily and Holden were both at Racer’s, you know, the club?”

  She nodded. Molly had never been there but knew it was quite popular with the college crowd.

  “Holden has a nasty rep, truly. No one likes him. I’m almost ashamed—no, I am ashamed—that he’s my brother. I’m just thankful he’s just my half brother. Anyway, he’s got this rep with the girls, you know? Not a good one, either. He’s a real male chauvinist pig.”

  Like father, like son, Molly wanted to add, but held her tongue. Kristen did not need to hear her say such a thing about Kristen’s father.

  “He has this weird sense of entitlement with girls. Holden thinks all women want him, and that no means yes.” Kristen stopped. “You know about that, right?”

  She shook her head. “If you’re talking about sex, of course I know.” Very well.

  “So Emily meets Holden at the club, they hang out for a bit. Lucinda said he bought several drinks for Emily—three or four, she wasn’t sure, because they were there having fun, and she figured Emily was an adult and she didn’t need to look out for her. She said that a couple hours later, when it was time to leave, she started searching for Emily and couldn’t find her. She looked in the restroom, asked the bartender if he’d seen her leave, and no one had any clue where she’d gone. Lucinda told us she’d been a little drunk but sobered up when she realized that Emily was missing. They’d taken Emily’s car, so she figured she was outside in the parking lot waiting for her. Lucinda saw her car, and when she tried to open the doors, they were all locked. She thought maybe Emily had gone home with someone, but she told us that Emily always tells her if she’s gonna hook up.”

  “Go on,” Molly said, though she knew where the story was heading.

  “So she hears this sound and realizes it is coming from the trunk, and she freaks out. She tries to get in the car, runs around again to make sure all four doors are locked, and when she realizes that it is Emily she hears in the trunk, she calls the cops, and they call the fire department. They were able to unlock the trunk. Lucinda said Emily was totally nude, her clothes nowhere to be found. The cops tried to write up a report. Lucinda said no, this was a college prank, told them she was sorry for the call, blah, blah, blah. When Emily was sober or whatever, you know, when she wasn’t stoned from the dope, she told Lucinda that she’d been roofied by Holden and he raped her.”

  Kristen hesitated, then went on. “Mom, he needs to go to jail for what he did to Emily.”

  Molly was stunned. She took a deep breath, then another. “Who else knows about this?”

  “I don’t know, but there’s more,” Kristen said. “I guess Emily is pretty tame, if you know what I mean? Later, she told Lucinda that she was pregnant, and that the baby was Holden’s.”

  “Dear God! What . . . where is the baby?” Shocked by the news, Molly broke out in a sweat, and her hands were shaking so badly that she tucked them beneath her so Kristen couldn’t see how upset she was.

  “That’s just it, there is no baby. Lucinda said that Emily had a miscarriage.”

  “Did she report this to the authorities?”

  “I don’t think so. They would’ve questioned Holden, and with his big mouth, the entire city of Goldenhills would’ve known by now.”

  She was right about that. Holden did like to boast. Just like his father. It was one of the reasons he’d invited his doctor pals over for dinner last evening. If he had an operation big enough to attract investors, it would make him feel worthy and important. He once told her the only reason he wanted to become a doctor was to impress people. Doctors were highly respected.

  He’d also explained to her that being a dentist was, hands down, the part of the medical profession where money could be made without the hassle of being on call and opening the door to lawsuits. Dentists were a much better breed, he’d said.

  She might have thought so at one time, but not anymore. Tanner was so self-centered. She’d spent the better part of her life with a man she barely knew. And raised his sons. But, of course, there was Kristen. When had her marriage turned so sour?

  “Is Emily all right?” Molly knew firsthand how one vile act could change a person for the rest of her life. Emily would never be all right.

  “According to Lucinda, she’s okay, but Lucinda told Charlotte that Emily wasn’t the same person since the attack. She said the only time she left her apartment was to go to work. She said she refuses to go out socially anymore. I think Holden’s dangerous, and he should be punished for what he did to Emily. Guys who force themselves on women make me sick.”

  Had she come full circle? Is this what that phrase meant? She didn’t know, but she knew that now wasn’t the time to try to figure out idioms.

  How she wished she could speak as frankly as her daughter just had. Had she been able to, her life might have taken a different course. But it was what it was, and she could only go forward. She needed to think. Maybe she could tag along with Kristen and Charlotte, act as a chaperone. She’d keep her distance, and it would give her time to think and plan.

  “Don’t you think Dad needs to know about this?”

  H
ell no! she wanted to shout, but didn’t. “Not now. I need time to digest this. It’s tragic, to say the very least. Possibly I could pay for counseling for her. Has anyone reached out to help her?”

  “You don’t get it, Mom. She can’t prove anything. It’s her word against Holden’s, and where Holden is involved, Dad’s involved. So basically, she is screwed. Dad’s solution would be to pay her off.”

  “As much as I hate to, I agree with you. Your dad isn’t very forgiving. Holden and Graham are his trophy sons. You know how he is with them.”

  “Yeah, and it disgusts me. I’m glad he doesn’t treat me like a twelve-year-old mentally challenged kid, the way he does them. Of course, I don’t act like those two. They’re bullies, and I’ll be glad when I leave for college.”

  Molly’s heart broke a little more with Kristen’s words. She wanted Kristen to see the world, but she also wanted to keep her close by. She wanted to keep her safe, and she wanted to keep her secrets safe.

  “I think you should tell Charlotte to try to convince the girls to report this to the police. I don’t know how it works”—and by all rights I should—“ but it’s the right thing to do. Maybe they could remain anonymous.

  “I hate the thought of your leaving, you know that?” She offered up a halfhearted smile. Molly secretly hoped Kristen would invite her to tag along.

  “I know, but I promise to Skype every day, just like we discussed,” Kristen said. “It’s only eight weeks, Mom. You could spend the time in the kitchen with Sally. I’ll need lots of goodie boxes once I’m at Vanderbilt.”

  Kristen wanted to be a doctor and had been accepted at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee, her first choice. Molly was so proud of her. However, she hated the thought of her daughter being so far away. She could’ve gone to Harvard but was adamant when choosing colleges her junior year. She didn’t want to attend college in Massachusetts. She’d received several small scholarships, and Tanner had volunteered to foot the bill, the same as he had for Holden and Graham. Molly felt sure Kristen would use her degree. She wanted to study pediatrics. She was so proud, yet sad, too. Again, Molly’s life was changing. She would go with the flow, but she, too, was about to make a major life change.

  “Charlotte’s meeting us at the airport. Promise you won’t tell her you know about Emily?”

  “I wish they would go to the police, but for now I’ll respect their privacy.” And Molly wondered if she would ever be able to look Holden in the eye again. Just thinking of what he was accused of made her sick. Knowing how it felt to be a victim made her even angrier. She wouldn’t speak of this now, but in the future, she would do her best to see that Emily reported the rape. If she didn’t, it would haunt her for the rest of her life. She knew this from personal experience. And she wanted to see Holden in jail, where he belonged.

  “Thanks, Mom. I knew I could trust you.”

  “I’m reluctant, but I’ll keep it between us for now, though I wish they would report this to the authorities. What if it happens to another girl? I don’t think I can look at Holden now.” She shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth.

  “Graham isn’t much better. I don’t think he’s attacked any girls, but he’s got a bad rep, too. His temper. He’s been in a lot of bar fights. I don’t know how those two keep all this crap from Dad, or you. They give me the creeps,” Kristen said.

  What to do? Molly lay next to her daughter, her mind running in circles. Should she confront Tanner? Or Holden? Maybe if they thought she knew, Holden would be a bit more careful? Graham, too?

  No, she answered her own questions. If Tanner knew, and if he knew that Kristen had told her, Kristen would pay the price. Knowing Tanner as she did, he would most likely refuse to pay for her college education. No, she had to keep this secret safe. As safe as the secret she’d carried with her for just over twenty-one years. No secret was safe forever, though she’d been more than fortunate to keep her past in the past. Even now, even with the Internet, her secret remained hers.

  As tempting as it was to log onto the Internet and search, she’d never Googled her former name because not knowing what had actually happened on that dark road all those years ago is what kept her from losing her mind. Besides, Tanner had a habit of checking her Internet history. She couldn’t risk his finding out who she had been. There would be too many questions.

  And if he were to discover the truth, her life as she now knew it would be over. Which wasn’t a bad thing when she thought about it, but she had Kristen to consider.

  When she married Tanner, she vowed she would never look back, that she would always look to the future. Now she wasn’t so sure about that decision. One day at a time was her mantra.

  She took another deep breath. “I’m sorry you feel that way about your brothers. It shouldn’t be that way, really. They need help, the kind that I can’t give them. I’ve tried to talk to your dad about their behavior, and he just gets angry. I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but I’ve tried to understand them, too, and I can’t. I guess blood is thicker than water in this case.”

  “It is for me, and I don’t care. They’re assholes, Mom,” Kristen said. “I know you hate cursing, but they would make a saint turn evil.”

  There was nothing more to say. Molly and Kristen now both carried the burden of Holden’s crime.

  “I think we need to focus on your trip,” Molly said, forcing herself to smile. “You’re all set to go?” she asked.

  “Yes. There wasn’t much to pack since we’ll be wearing biking shorts most of the time. I can’t wait to see Europe.” Kristen’s enthusiasm was music to Molly’s ears. She wanted this trip to be special for her, something she could look back on in the years to come.

  Seeing the time, Molly forced herself from the bed. “You’re going to have a blast, I just know it. Now, if I’m taking you to the airport, I need to shower and dress.” She dreaded returning to her room. Tanner would be up by now, and hopefully last night’s incident—she couldn’t come up with a better word—would already be forgotten. He’d have a hangover, but she could deal with that. She really didn’t have much choice.

  “Okay, I’ll be down as soon as I shower,” Kristen said, then continued. “Mom, are you going to be okay when I leave?”

  Was she?

  “Of course I will, I’m a big girl,” she said, then wrapped her arms around her daughter. If only she could keep her close and protect her from the evils of the world, all that she’d suffered would’ve been worthwhile.

  Chapter Eleven

  Traffic exiting Logan International Airport was horrendous this early in the morning. Molly’s eyes were red-rimmed, her vision still a bit blurry from crying. She had sworn that she wasn’t going to cry when she dropped Kristen off, but she did. Kristen cried, too, but hers were happy, excited tears. Molly would be on pins and needles waiting for her daughter’s call as soon as they landed in Paris. It was a long flight, and she knew she’d have to keep herself busy all day in order to maintain her sanity.

  Fortunately, when she’d returned to her bedroom earlier to shower and dress, Tanner was nowhere to be found. When she saw that his car was gone, she’d breathed a sigh of relief. Then she remembered that Holden and Graham were still upstairs, asleep in their rooms. She wasn’t sure what her reaction would be when she came face-to-face with Holden, but it was inevitable, so she decided she would act normal, as though she had no clue about his attack on Emily last year.

  It would be hard, but she’d been through this kind of situation before. Sweep it under the rug, close the door, don’t acknowledge what’s right in front of her face, deny, deny, deny. She could do this. She’d had a lifetime of practice.

  A horn blared, and she glanced in her rearview mirror. “Sorry,” she said out loud.

  She’d swerved over into the right lane, cutting off another driver. He must’ve been in her blind spot. She gave a slight apologetic wave as she took the Goldenhills exit. Molly hated driving on the interstate, but she’d w
anted to see Kristen off to the airport. The next two months were going to be the longest of her life.

  Twenty minutes later, she was pulling into her driveway. She didn’t bother parking the Mercedes in the garage. With Sally off for the next few days, Molly feared she would be bored to death, but as Kristen suggested, she was going to need a lot of goodie boxes. She could start preparing today, and a possible trip to the market might be in order. She’d freeze whatever she made and ship it to Tennessee when Kristen was settled in her dorm.

  She entered the house through the side door that led to the kitchen. Not sure what to expect, she quietly dropped her purse on the counter. She scanned the kitchen, searching for signs that either Tanner or the twins had been here, and saw nothing. The coffeemaker was freshly washed from last night. The dessert plates she’d promised Sally she would wash were still stacked neatly in the dish drainer. Other than the plates, all traces of last night’s dinner were gone. She checked the formal dining room. It, too, was as she’d left it before Tanner’s tirade last night. She saw that the bar was immaculate, no empty glasses or liquor bottles lying around, nothing to indicate she’d neglected her household duties. She peered into the formal living room, and all was as it should be. Funny, she had no memory of cleaning up, though given what she’d been through last night, household chores hadn’t been uppermost in her mind.

  Seeing nothing that indicated they’d had a fairly large dinner party, she returned to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice. She would stay busy, just as Kristen suggested. Tanner would come home tonight and act as if nothing had happened. She’d play the game, at least until Kristen returned. She wasn’t sure how she would be able to remain civil to Holden, but she would figure out how to play that game, too. She did have quite the résumé when it came to avoidance behavior.

  Before she dwelt too much on the horridness of his crime, she went to the pantry to search for baking ingredients. She’d make a few loaves of banana-nut bread. It froze well, and she’d play nice and ask Tanner if he wanted to take some to the office. He would, but he’d never share with his employees. He was becoming more and more selfish as the years passed. She took out a five-pound bag of flour, a canister of sugar, and a bag of walnuts. She then removed a large mixing bowl from the cupboard, preheated the oven, and took four loaf pans from a drawer and sprayed them liberally with cooking spray. For the next half hour, she dumped flour, sugar, butter, and overripe bananas in her giant mixing bowl. She filled each loaf pan with batter, then carefully placed the four pans on a large baking sheet, put the bread inside the oven, and set the timer for one hour.