“Too late, princess,” he said playfully, causing my eyes to give him their full attention once again. “I already stole your wish.”
I gaped at him, eyes wide open, unable to breathe again. “What did you wish for?”
He shook his head. “If I tell you, it won’t come true. And the only thing that matters to me right now is to turn that wish into reality.”
I smiled. He was being so silly. “That’s some real businessman talk right there. I wonder what your associates would say if they heard you now,” I teased him and he chuckled, but soon his smile was replaced by a serious expression.
“I don’t care what they would say. The only opinion I value is yours, Isabelle. I’ll say whatever it takes to draw a smile on that lovely face.” There was harsh honesty ringing from his voice; the undeniable truth that, once again, left me speechless.
Make him cherish you. Helen’s almost forgotten words sprang to my mind again.
“I’m sorry if I woke you up. I tried to be quiet, but it was impossible.” I was in a desperate need to change the subject.
“I was already awake.” His expression turned hundred shades lighter. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Neither could I,” I said in one breath, once again caught into the web tangled by the mesmerized beauty of his eyes.
“Bad dream?” He asked in a silent, almost humble voice like he already knew the answer to his question.
I nodded, regretting it when I saw a layer of guilt settle all over his features. It was so obvious that he was being vulnerable in front of me, uncovering himself and his flaws. Never did I ever think that I would see the day when I would witness what I was just witnessing. Somehow, the tables had turned and now I was the one comforting him. He had given me the power to become stronger, but the sacrifice for it was his own weakness.
“Sebastian...” I started, but my cheeks blushed knowing what I would say. Still, even though I felt uneasy, I knew I had to say it. “I haven’t dreamt about... about that night. As a matter of fact, I haven’t dreamt about it in a while.”
He looked at me with light relief and some of the tension left his system. He hugged me gently, paying attention that his arms only brushed against my body, not pressing into me.
“I don’t ever want you to dream about it again,” he said brokenly.
“I won’t,” I said with a pinch of uncertainty, smiling and he returned my smile, laying a tender kiss on my temple.
He took a step back and gazed at my widened eyes. His pupils dilated under the moonlight and lit up with a spark of fire that burned its way to my fragile heart.
“I promise there will be no more nightmares, Isabelle. I won’t betray your trust. One day...” He looked at me tenderly. “One day I’m going to show you how it’s supposed to be.”
In an instant, his words left me paralyzed. I truly forgave him for what he had done to me, but the thought of us being intimate continued to make me uneasy. It was a step I still wasn’t ready to take.
“That’s what you wished for, isn’t it?” I asked in a small voice and looked at him with regret, wishing that it would have been easier for me to cross the boundaries that still kept me away from him. His remitting silence was all the answer I needed. “Sebastian... I’m sorry but I still...” I fought not to break down. “I still can’t,” I said in one harsh breath.
He caressed my cheek, bringing some calm to the storm in my mind. “It’s okay, Isabelle. I don’t expect you to.” He tilted up my chin. “Don’t say you’re sorry. We’ll take it slow. Baby steps slow,” he whispered, sending electric shivers down my skin from head to toe.
Everything he said sounded so beautiful. I could almost reach it, but the very idea of being naked in front of him, let alone sleeping with him, still scared me. No matter how much I wished for it, I still wasn’t ready.
“I wish ...” I started saying in a tortured voice.
“Shh,” he silenced my troubled rumbling. “Everything will fall into place. We will be happy.”
“How can you be so sure?” I asked in a whisper, patiently waiting for his reply, but he didn’t say anything, he just smiled and looked towards the sky.
My eyes followed his and as we both observed the same fraction of the glitter in the dark, the image of the falling star returned to my mind. If I could have one wish, I knew what it would be. All those years had passed by since I was a little girl, but I still yearned for the same. Glancing towards Sebastian who suddenly held his deep emerald gaze on my face, I wondered if we could be happy with all the obstacles that stood on our way and made everything so hard. If he was my Prince Charming, the man I was supposed to end up with, wasn’t it supposed to be easier than this? I knew the answer to my question because I’d learned it the hard way. There are different kinds of love and not every one of them is a fairytale.
“You know, when I was a little boy,” he started telling another one of his childhood stories and it disrupted the thoughts that kept barging into my head, “I used to sneak out at night to look at the stars.” My heart started beating loudly when I heard him say that. “I wondered if anyone else was secretly awake, staring at the night sky and I tried to imagine how it looked like from that person’s view.” I gasped in shock. I did that too. “Once, I saw a falling star. The same like the one tonight.” I swallowed loudly. “And I wondered if that other person could see it as well. Then I thought about the possibility that we made a wish at the same time and I asked myself if both of them would come true.” His eyes sparked with glowing clarity. “Mine did.” He smiled. “Do you want to know what I wished for?”
I nodded my head, looking at him expectantly.
“I wished for an angel.” His whisper broke the sound barrier between us and I shivered from the vibration of his soft voice. “For so long, I waited for someone to break the darkness around me and then you appeared in my life.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. After a long break, he spoke again. “God has given me an angel and I shattered her to pieces,” he said in a tormented voice and opened his eyes, slowly taking in the contours of my face. “How could I have believed you were after the dark when you brought so much light into my life?”
That last sentence caused me to try to see things from his point of view and somehow I understood what had driven him to hurt me. Wrong perceptions can lead a man astray, but acting under the influence of hurt and rage can only produce more pain. And I wanted the pain to stop.
“Sebastian, please.” I looked at him, pleading. “Stop torturing yourself.” I said in a quiet voice.
A light wind blew a few locks of hair on my face and he removed them with a soft caress, letting his fingers slide down to my shoulder where he kept his stare.
“You’re too kind, Isabelle. I don’t deserve you,” he said brokenly. “But I’m too selfish to let you go.”
Touched by his admission, I brushed my hand along his cheek and waited for him to look at me. When his eyes sprang to mine in an instant, I got carried away by the reflection of the moonlight in them. “Hold me, then. Don’t let me go.” I spoke in a mild voice and instantly felt his arms wrap around me.
He pulled me into a soothing embrace and we didn’t speak anymore. We just lay under the illuminating wonder that twinkled around the moon and stared at it in awe like we were two lost pieces of the same puzzle that were finally joined together.
As the wind became stronger and my body trembled from the cold, Sebastian hugged me tighter and kept me warm with his own body. The tender memory of his gesture was already engraved in my mind and I wanted for the warmth he provided to never end. However, my wish was declined when he moved away from me.
“It’s getting cold. We should go inside,” he said softly.
With everything in me, I wanted to prolong our time, but I knew he was right so I just nodded and followed his lead inside the house. My eyes darted towards the big pianoforte in the living space area and before my brain even got the chance to process what I was about to say, I said it.
“Will you play for me, Sebastian?” I blurted out, admiring the beautiful instrument in front of us.
He looked at me like he was about to dismiss my request because he thought I needed to go to sleep, but I interrupted him before he got a chance to say anything.
“Please.” I gave him a pleading look. “I don’t want to go to sleep. That room scares me. It gives me nightmares,” I admitted, openly acting like a child.
Sebastian smirked and shook his head, considering my proposition. “What am I going to do with you, Isabelle?” He laughed for a while and then suddenly turned serious. “I’ll play for you, princess.” His tender gaze settled on my eyes. “But you should know that I don’t play for free,” he said in a playful voice.
“No?” I breathed.
“No.” He shook his head. “My performances are really special and extremely expensive.” Something lit up in his eyes and I gulped from the unknown excitement that rushed through me.
“It’s a shame then, because I can’t afford them,” I said quietly and he smiled.
“Oh, but you can.” He came closer. “You have a very valuable currency I happen to gladly accept.”
“W-Which currency?” I asked in a confused voice and Sebastian snickered.
He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. “My angel has a dirty mind. Must you always doubt me?” A deep shade of red settled on my cheeks and Sebastian brushed his knuckles against one of them and lifted up my chin. “What I want is far more innocent and not at all scary.” His soft voice warmed me and I felt like my knees were getting weak. “Just a smile, Isabelle. All I ask for is to see you smile.” Encouraged by his inviting voice, a weak smile appeared on my lips and he smiled back at me before walking towards the piano.
I inhaled a chunk of stale air, fighting the fever that spread over my body before joining him. I sat on one of the chairs near the piano and observed as he settled his graceful long fingers on the keys. He lifted up his face, confronting me with his interrogating gaze.
“Any special requests?” he asked, smiling at me.
“I... I think I want you to surprise me,” I requested with a warm expression on my face.
“Challenge accepted,” he said and returned his attention to the keys of the piano.
My eyes were frozen on his fingers, waiting in anticipation for him to start playing. After a few moments, the wonderful sound of the piano broke the deadly silence that ruled the house. It felt as though all the shadows that frightened me were chased away by the magical music that filled the room. Sebastian was completely wrapped up in his own world, pouring himself into the music he was creating. Closing my eyes, I drifted into my own world as well. Entranced by the magical sound of the music, I traveled into my happy place, filled with beautiful roses, the soothing sound of the water and the feeling of serenity. As I was doing that, I created a comfortable connection with the person who was taking me there—the only person who had the ability to make me feel better, regardless of the bitter past and the uncertain present. As the fascinating sound of the music subsided, I slowly opened my eyes and saw him gaping at me.
“That was beautiful.” I smiled widely, paying for his performance in the desired currency.
“Nothing is more beautiful than the look in your eyes right now.” I blushed at his comment and bit my lower lip to stop myself from giggling like a little girl. My reactions to him were driving me crazy.
“What...” My voice caught on so I had to clear my throat before continuing. “What is the name of the composition?”
“Nocturne—the music of the night,” he whispered. “It’s my favorite and one of the rare ones I know by heart.”
I observed him in wonder. “When did you learn to play?”
He looked at me with nostalgia in his eyes. “When I was little, my mother insisted on piano lessons. It was the drill. I used to hate it, but now I’m glad my parents made me do it.”
Hearing him say that made me think of my own parents. They never insisted on developing our talents. As a matter of fact, it had been the last thing on their minds.
“It’s fascinating. I always wanted to learn, but never got a chance to do it,” I said with apparent regret.
“Well, today is your lucky day, princess. Come, sit next to me.” He tucked the empty space on the large piano chair he was sitting on.
Hesitating, I blinked a few times before accepting his offer and sitting next to him. He smiled at me and gently laid my hand on the piano keys before covering my fingers with his own. The current brought about by his innocent touch flowed through me again and I felt like my body was being taken over by the force I couldn’t control.
“What are we going to play?” I asked to keep my mind from thinking about his touch.
He smiled. “Hmm... I think I want you to surprise me.”
“Challenge accepted,” I breathed.
His skillful hand started guiding my fingers through the piano keys and suddenly we were playing the familiar melody. I started laughing because I felt so happy that we were doing this together.
He leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. “What is this beautiful melody you are playing?”
I chuckled and whispered in an almost inaudible voice. “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”
At that moment, my mind filled with fresh memories of the night sky, the falling stars and the beautiful, loving sound of the music that warmed up my heart.
He looked at me softly, with pure affection gleaming from his bright eyes and I melted into the sensation. Our lips were so dangerously close, almost touching, and we took a breath at the same time. Sebastian was filled with painful restraint and so was I. I could tell he would push me away because he was about to lose control but instead of letting him do that, I leaned even closer so that our noses were touching and I parted my lips, drawing in another breath and causing Sebastian to swallow loudly and exhale almost like he was in pain.
“You are worthy. You are worthy of me, Sebastian,” I whispered and as sudden realization surged through him, his lips landed on mine in an instant and he kissed me gently, catching my upper lip with his lips, savoring the feeling for a few moments before he moved away without deepening the kiss.
My whole body trembled from the impact of his warm lips. I was falling...
Chapter Thirty-Five
The aroma of fresh coffee that spread around the house woke me up and my eyes snapped open, taking in the space around me. That room still scared me senseless, but the warm memories from the previous night made me feel at ease. I remembered the stars, Sebastian’s story, the captivating sound of the piano, his soft touch and—his lips on mine. The very thought of our short kiss made me shiver and I knew that things wouldn’t be the same between us anymore. To a certain point, it felt awkward to face him after everything that happened. I kept wondering how I would react if he decided to kiss me again. Little by little, I began accepting the fact that he was my husband because his nice gestures provided me with the peace I’d hungered for so long, and I truly believed there had been nothing wrong with our kiss.
In the last couple of months, we had experienced such a drastic change that influenced the very nature of our marriage, and while I was happy we were making progress, I was defeated by the unnerving awareness that we were getting closer to that one big step. And the very idea of being intimate with Sebastian still mortified me. I was so happy with the way things were between us and I was afraid that intimacy could somehow ruin it all. Still, despite Sebastian’s admirable patience and understanding, I knew we couldn’t live like this forever. Even though his compassionate demeanor made it clear that I was the one who held the power to make the decision about the moment we would start living like a real married couple, I was aware that soon I would be running out of excuses and the thought made me nervous. Something was changing within me, and the speed in which Sebastian managed to erase the terror I felt towards him and work his way around my cautiously guarded walls, fascinated and scared
me.
The storm of gloomy thoughts was disrupted by that scent of coffee that kept tempting my senses and I decided to finally give in and follow its inviting aroma. As I descended the stairs and walked through the big hallway where the portraits of Sebastian’s ancestors were placed, I willed myself to remain walking straight because I didn’t need the stress only one glance at Collin Everett could produce. But as usual, my curiosity surpassed the warnings of common sense and before I could stop myself, I looked towards his portrait only to end up gazing at the empty spot on the wall. The painting had been removed and I knew Sebastian was the one who took it down. Another gesture, another stitch gone.
Blinking a few times, I walked towards the conjoined kitchen and dining room area and the sight in front of me was astonishing. Sebastian was standing in front of a fully set breakfast table. Other than the time when he’d made me a cup of tea, I had never seen him go anywhere near the kitchen, and somehow I had always believed he was too vain to do these things by himself. Come to think of it, I had never seen him pour a cup of coffee, let alone make one by himself. It was hard to hide my surprise.
“I thought you might be hungry when you woke up,” he said softly, letting me know he noticed my confusion, and my eyes darted towards the tray that was placed on the table.
There were two cups of coffee and a plate filled with pancakes. Sebastian could make pancakes? My initial surprise by his cooking abilities which were apparently, to my disgrace, by far better than mine, was disrupted when I looked at him and slowly took in his appearance. Just like that evening when he took me to the movies, he wore a pair of jeans and a dark blue T-Shirt. He had probably taken a shower in the early morning because his hair was still wet and some of the damp strands fell over his light and freshly-shaved face. The moment I looked into his green eyes that radiated some kind of a newfound peace within him, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was staring at the most beautiful man on the face of the earth. The less I feared him, the more I began to realize that I wasn’t completely immune to his breathtaking beauty.
Virtue & Vanity Page 32