“I could take them down temporarily if they bother you,” he said in a gentle voice and I exhaled in surprise. He would do that for me?
“No,” I said with haste. “No, they don’t bother me.”
His lips twitched into a sad smile. I could tell he was thinking about his grandfather. “Let’s go upstairs; I want to show you something.”
Next thing I knew, he led me towards the stairs. As we walked along the wall, I noticed an old painting of a man that had the same green eyes like Sebastian. Without giving it much thought, I glanced towards the small tile that stood under the painting and saw the name that sent chills down my spine. Collin Everett. Sebastian’s great grandfather—the man who’d sealed my destiny years ago with his insensible request that forced his heirs to marry the girls from Rosemont. I froze and my palm started sweating in Sebastian’s hand as the realization hit me. Like a sharp needle, the existence of that threatening contract broke the cloud I was floating on and the unsettling panic ruled my mind again. Sebastian looked at the painting and then back at me, his gaze revealing he knew what I was thinking about. I looked away from his scrutinizing eyes, trying to keep the urge to breathe in a bag at bay.
“Hey.” He pulled me closer and inspected my face. “Are you alright?”
I nodded but my body started quivering, and I felt guilty and ashamed.
He sighed. “No, you’re not alright.” He looked at me with a mixture of compassion and worry. “You’re trembling. What is the matter?” When his whisper traveled to me, I quickly shook my head, trying to suppress the blush on my face as he turned more serious.
“N-nothing. I... I was surprised. I’m fine now.” I was such a fool. I never knew when to keep my mouth shut. The stuttering revealed that I was everything but okay.
“Sweet Isabelle.” He let go of my hand and continued gazing at me, still with that gentle spark, accentuated by something mysterious that made the entire world around him disappear in an instant. “As long as I’m here, there is nothing to fear. No contract will determinate our fate or affect the way I feel.” He tilted up my chin, making it impossible for me to escape the spell of his piercing stare. “Forget about the will. Forget about my family.”
“Sebastian we can’t...” I said with consuming worry and his thumb brushed against my lips, forcing me to keep the words of condemnation to myself.
“Forget about it all.” He caught a strand of my hair between his fingers and leaned so close to me, causing me to gasp as a powerful shiver streamed through every fiber of my being. “Let it go and relax.” He kissed the bridge of my nose and whispered. “Leave the worrying to me.” I felt his lips brush against my ear and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. “I won’t let them hurt you.”
He moved away from me and I took in a deep breath, but I was still shivering. Our eyes locked together intensely, connected with some invisible string. Then I saw it. The light; the soothing green light that emerged from the thick, black mist and illuminated me. And just like that, my body stopped shaking and my breathing returned to normal. At first, I just looked at him with my eyes wide open, hardly blinking. I knew there was trouble ahead. I knew there was danger. I was aware of all those things, but I was struck by his sincerity and I held onto it. He cared. He wouldn’t betray me. Led by my new discovery, I had made a decision in a split second and instantly performed the action. I rested my palm in his and squeezed it tightly. The message was clear—I trust you.
***
After putting my mind at ease, Sebastian gave me some time to relax and get some rest. The room he accommodated me in felt so foreign and I couldn’t brush off the feeling that I was intruding on someone’s personal space. For some reason, the old furniture which was immaculate yet branded with some strange out-date scent gave me the chills. I felt relieved when he knocked on my door and suggested we take a walk around the estate.
The beauty of that place couldn’t be put into words and I understood why Sebastian spent his moments of serenity there. We were walking through the small narrow path which led us deeper into the beautiful woods that was a part of the estate. He held my hand and told me a couple of funny stories about his childhood adventures on his grandfather’s estate. He told me that he had a lot of fun playing with Helen and that they had teased Dianne a lot because she hated the estate. I really enjoyed his company and at moments he seemed to be so excited, like he was back to being that little boy who used to climb trees and explore the nature of this mysterious estate years ago. In an inexplicable way, I was both content and excited that he provided me with a sneak peak of that part of his life. When we reached the beautiful stream, we walked to the small stone beach and enjoyed the tranquility that surrounded us. Listening to the soothing sound of the water and the chirping of the birds, we simply sat next to each other. He wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. Enjoying the absolute peace that reigned around me, I kept my eyes closed, focusing on the precious beauty of the moment. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, meeting Sebastian’s shiny green ones. There was so much warmth and emotion radiating from his persistent and unmoving stare. More than ever, at that moment I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted that gentle fairytale moment. I wanted him to be my Prince Charming. His eyes told me that he wanted that too, but still he pulled away from me, creating some distance between us and letting that moment slip away into the infinity of time. The man who had broken me and showed me that I was nothing to him, was now treating me with extreme care, like I was his most valuable, fragile possession and strange as it may seem, for once in my life I felt precious.
“What about your childhood? Are there any interesting stories you’d care to share with me?” he spoke softly, disrupting my deep thoughts.
“There’s really not much to tell. My childhood wasn’t as exciting as yours. Because we were poor, we never went on family vacations and my mother was too strict to let us explore Rosemont and make friends when we were kids. But still, Ashley and I had a lot of fun playing. We used to drive our mother crazy.” I laughed, remembering how much fun I had with my sister.
“Do you miss Ashley?”
“I do,” I looked into the transparent clear water, “I miss her every day.” I smiled sadly.
“She can come to visit whenever you want. Your family is always welcome. You know that, right?”
“I’d choose my words more carefully if I were you. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to make a person like my mother feel too welcome in your house,” I said quietly.
“Our house,” he corrected. “Was she that bad?”
“She just wasn’t very... caring, I guess. She was never the motherly type.”
“What about your father? He seemed quite standoffish when he led you towards the altar.”
He’d noticed that?
“That was my uncle. My father died when I was little.” He gaped at me with a question mark over his head. “He was an alcoholic. Liver cirrhosis took him away,” I said with a lump in my throat.
“I’m sorry,” he paused and then looked at me as realization swept over him. “Is that why you avoid alcohol?”
“Yeah,” I admitted, feeling the murky clouds of the past settled above me.
Suddenly, I was struck by the memory of Sebastian’s commanding voice that had made me drink a glass full of whiskey, and tears surfaced in my eyes. I wanted to brush it off and make the flashbacks go away, but I couldn’t get a hold of myself. The last thing I wanted to do was to cry but I just couldn’t help it. I tried to look away but he knew. He knew what was on my mind and a tortured expression covered up his face as tears spilled from my eyes and he cursed almost inaudibly and then pulled me into his arms. I crumbled against him when he hugged me tightly and laid my head on his chest.
“Shh. Please don’t. Don’t cry.” he said in a soothing voice. “How can I take it away, princess? Tell me what to do.”
Princess? That gentle term of endearment was enough to make my heart ache. I wanted to say so much. I w
anted to lean closer to him and whisper the words that were stuck in my throat. 'I don’t want all this guilt and insecurity between us. I’m sad because we couldn’t have a nice start. I’m sorry because I can’t let go of the past when you’re trying so hard to push us forward. I forgive you, but I still need time to forget’. Instead of that, as the memories kept barging in, pushing me further over the edge, I asked for the only thing I needed at that moment.
“Just hold me, please.”
And he did. He pressed me tightly against his chest and continued caressing me. It felt as though his hands were everywhere around me, causing the tingling sensations in the hidden depths of my very being. I closed my eyes as we were bathed in silence; the only sounds around us were the streaming of the restless water and the fast beating of his heart. He placed his hand in the palm of my hand entwining our fingers, and I felt like for the first time we were connected on a deeper, more meaningful level. Even though there was so much pain that was building the hard concrete walls between us, at that moment, we shared the feeling of peace and the sense of belonging to each other. With fragile tenderness, he placed my hand onto his beating heart and kissed the top of my head.
“It’s you, Isabelle. Only you can make my heart beat out of my chest,” he whispered in a voice filled with powerful emotion, and as I felt the rhythm of his heart on the palm of my hand, my own heart started beating in accord.
It felt like a wave of rushing water swept over me and made me feel something I’d never felt before. A ray of sun hit my face and I took in a deep breath allowing myself to be taken away by the heat of the moment. Deep down, I knew that it would never be like this again. What I felt was a once in a life time thing, sacred and special. We remained laying in each other’s arms peacefully until the sun was ready to set. Together, we watched as the firing ball faded away from the sky, bathing us in the darkness until its light was replaced by the glowing brightness of the full moon. As we were illuminated by the moonlight, we stared at each other, feeling the drawing force. His fingers traced the soft skin of my cheek and he seemed to have broken down under the pressure.
“I want to stay away, but I can’t,” he said in a soft voice and his lips grazed against mine.
My eyes snapped open and locked with his gaze in intensity. We were breathing in the same rhythm, our bodies wanting more. Of their own accord, my lips parted, trembling against his; pleading him to deepen the kiss. The green eyes that used to terrify me, sparkled with light and warmth that now gave me solace and hope. Visibly fighting the strong sensations, he took in a heavy breath and moved away from me. He smiled while I looked at him in confusion.
“I’m still not worthy of you, angel,” he whispered. “But one day I will be. And when that day comes, I’ll give you the moon and the stars together with my heart.” He kissed the back of my hand and squeezed it between his hands.
I couldn’t fight the emotion anymore and I looked at him with tears in my eyes.
“Sebastian, I forgive you. I forgive you and whatever it is I... I feel it too.” I touched his face when he started wiping away my tears. “Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t. They’re not those kinds of tears.”
He gazed at me as realization built in his eyes and he came closer to me again, leaning his forehead on mine. We were at a loss of words, carried away with each other. Slowly, he pulled me tighter and tighter in his embrace like he never wanted to let go and when he looked at me again, I noticed the sparkling glow of tears in his eyes. It hurt me to see him in pain and I reached over to wipe away the dampness that was about to spill on his cheeks, but his hand stopped me.
“No, Isabelle. They’re not those kinds of tears.” He smiled as they spilled from his eyes and I knew that he lied to me because there was a mixture of emotions in his stare, the strongest of which was pain.
So, I wiped them away anyway and I kissed his forehead, just like he had kissed mine. I gave him my comfort and with it, I irrevocably handed him a piece of my heart which fell into a bigger puzzle I had yet to piece together. I fell asleep on his chest and for the first time I cared. I cared about him. And I wasn’t scared or confused. It felt right. It felt safe.
I drifted away into sleep with a light smile on my face and after some time, I was awoken by a soft breath blowing on my face. I opened my eyes and saw Sebastian looking down at me with a tender light gleaming from his stare.
“It’s getting late. We should head back.”
I nodded reluctantly and he helped me get up on my feet. We walked to the house in silence, but there was nothing unpleasant about it. It didn’t matter because no words could describe the feelings inside us. I needed time to think and process. Both of us needed time to let the experience of the day sink in. As we walked up the squeaky stairs, we only glanced at each other before our ways parted and we headed to our rooms.
“Good night, princess,” he whispered after me, probably thinking that I wouldn’t hear him.
I stopped walking. Princess. Something warmed around my heart when I heard him say that again and I felt beautiful, flustered, like I belonged. That rush that took hold of me earlier returned and my heart skipped a beat. With reluctant slowness, I turned around and we faced each other in semi-darkness. This unknown force was pulling us together so strongly that we didn’t even blink as we stared. It was hard to deal with the flood of emotions. It was hard to breathe.
“Good night, Sebastian,” I barely managed to say and hurried towards my room while Sebastian remained frozen in place, staring after me.
I closed the door of the room and tried to get my breathing back to normal. I had to calm down because I couldn’t let things escalate between us. I felt it with everything in me, but I needed more time. I wasn’t ready. Was I? I tried to rationalize everything that was going through my mind and brush it off by diminishing its significance, but the result of my effort was achieving exactly the opposite. The more I fought, the more I felt and yearned. I was like Eve, desiring the forbidden fruit, even though, now more than ever, I was fully aware of its probable danger.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sleeping was a hard, almost impossible mission that night. Apart from Sebastian’s image that suddenly wouldn’t stop dancing in front of my eyes, the murky atmosphere of the room I was settled in gave me the creeps. Although I tried to make myself feel comfortable, I just couldn’t. I was even afraid to turn off the lights. It was ridiculous. After a while, I managed to go to sleep, but I ended up having a scary dream about seeing a ghost of that man from the painting and I woke up in sweat because it was so hot that the oxygen was simply unavailable to breathe. The mixture of fear of staying in that room after my scary dream and the fact that I was almost suffocating from the lack of air encouraged me to go outside. That way, I could get some fresh air and try to settle my thoughts at the same time.
The extent of my ridiculous and childish behavior, triggered by my irrational fears of the house, became even more obvious when I stepped into the dark hallway and heard the cracking sound of the old wooden floor. The scream that left my throat lasted only a second and I was almost certain that Sebastian would rush out of his room any moment, but after the echo of my voice subsided, silence reigned the house again and I was relieved that he didn’t wake up. In the slowest pace I could produce, I descended the stairs, trying my best not to make a sound, but getting to the ground floor quietly was a hopeless task. A victorious smile appeared on my face when I got to the terrace and there was no sign of Sebastian. Still, even though I longed for the moment of uninterrupted loneliness, the silliest part was that I kind of secretly hoped I actually would wake him up. What the hell was wrong with me?
The mild summer breeze grazed my skin and I breathed deeply, taking the fresh, uncorrupted taste of air inside my lungs. My eyes darted towards the bright sky where I’d seen the moon hugged by hundreds, if not thousands of stars. Standing under that live magical exposition made me feel at ease. It seemed like I was staring at the night sky forever, counting the st
ars and guessing different shapes they formed. It was something I used to do a lot when I was a little girl. I would sneak out in the night, when everybody was asleep and I would just stare at the beauty of the night, dreaming of doing something big and meaningful when I grew up. Sadness settled in me when I remembered my dreams and hopes as a child. None of them came true. At that moment, when I was feeling a bit depressed, I noticed a glimmering light descending from the sky. A falling star. I closed my eyes, remembering how I had once seen a falling star when I was a little girl. The excitement I felt back then replayed in my memory and I thought about the wish I had made. I remembered the exact same words of a little girl in Rosemont who had dreamed of finding happiness. Dear star, I’m sorry you have to die, but before you do, please grant me one wish. I read a story about a prince and princess and I liked it a lot. Please give me my Prince Charming when I grow up. I promise I don’t need a white horse... or a castle... Just make my wish come true. Suddenly, I was startled by arms that gently hugged me around my waist and I winced from shock.
“Make a wish, princess.” Sebastian’s soft whisper brought about the immediate peace inside me.
My eyes snapped open and I exhaled in surprise, unable to speak. This couldn’t have just happen, could it?
“And? Did you make your wish?” he whispered even softer in my ear and it caused me to breathe in small pants.
As I slowly shook my head, fearing that uttering a single sound would uncover my state of mind, Sebastian smiled against the nape of my neck and it did something to me. It made me feel... happy?
Reluctantly, he released me from his embrace and came to stand next to me, leaning on the small iron fence. His eyes closed for a brief moment, and once he opened them the moonlight brightened their green depths, uncovering the miraculous peace that started radiating from his gaze. Looking at him was intense, almost unbearable. I was like Icarus, getting too close to the sun, knowing that it would burn me. To save myself from drowning in my own uneasiness, I did the only thing I could; I looked away from him and focused on the night sky once again.
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