Virtue & Vanity

by Astrid Jane Ray

“What makes you think that you have the right—” Sebastian raged at his father, but was interrupted by Theodore’s condescending laughter.

  “What? You didn’t think I knew you’re singing the goddamned serenades instead of fucking her like you’re supposed to?” Theodore raged and then his voice became strangely calm and serious. “This marriage is going to end one way or another. I would hate to hear that your pretty wife suddenly disappeared.”

  I shuddered as silence filled the room and left me in a dark space that was filled with the threat of real danger. I heard a loud punch on the table and froze.

  “Touch her and I swear it will be the last thing you do. You can threaten me all you like, but I’m not giving up on her!” Sebastian said relentlessly and then yelled. “Get out! Get out both of you!”

  The real panic took hold of me as I wondered about the other person in that office and I knew that Anne’s warning was real but before I got a chance to leave, Sebastian violently pushed his father out of his office and I found myself face to face with the devil.

  I saw his bruised cheek and realized Sebastian had hit him. He brushed his fingers against his bleeding lip and looked up at me with consuming contempt.

  “You!” he said through gritted teeth. “You witch! You might have guilt-tripped him into your filthy web of lies but you and your whore of a mother will not win this game! Over my dead body!”

  Theodore made a step towards me, but Sebastian protectively stepped in and scowled at Theodore in an infuriating tone. In that moment, my eyes darted back towards the door and I saw my mother, staring at me with an ice cold expression on her face. Our eyes met and she slowly raised her arms, only to reveal a gun in her hands. I wanted to scream, but I was paralyzed. All I could do was watch as she slowly turned around and pointed the gun, aiming straight to my heart.

  I winced, gathering the courage to react. “S- Sebastian,” I spoke softly at first and then screamed in panic as her fingers touched the trigger. “Sebastian!”

  Just when she was about to pull the trigger, Sebastian reacted without thinking and pushed me away from my mother’s reach. I screamed when I heard the explosion of the shot and all I could do was observe as the bullet ripped through Sebastian’s chest and he fell to the ground.

  When she realized what she had done, my mother ran towards the door like she was carried by fire and Theodore just stood there in shock before he started running, probably to ask for help, but I wasn’t sure or patient enough to take that chance.

  I knelt next to Sebastian, still shaking from shock. “I’ll call an ambulance. Please... Please, hold on.” He wanted to say something, but I stopped him. “Sebastian.” I forced a smile on my face and held back tears. “You’ll be fine.”

  I turned to leave, but he held my wrist. “D-Don’t g-go,” he pleaded and the fear I saw in his beautiful eyes destroyed the last traces of my restraint and heavy tears emerged in my eyes. His shaky hand reached towards me and caressed my wet cheek. “S- Stay.”

  With caution, I embraced him and offered him all the comfort of the world. There was blood everywhere and it hurt me so much to see him in this immense pain. Looking at me with eyes wide open, he started shaking with more force and I panicked when I saw that his face was as white as a sheet.

  “Sebastian, please.” I cried inconsolably, sobbing and gently rocking him in my arms. “Please don’t fall asleep. I’m begging you... You have to fight... You have to fight for us... For me. “I kissed his forehead and his trembling, cold lips. It was more than I could handle, but I kept staring at his eyes which held onto me like I was their last hope. “I love you. You can’t leave me.” I kissed him again. “I can’t live without a heart. I can’t live without a soul. You took them both,” I repeated his words, fearing that it was too late.

  He smiled and took hold of my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I l-love you, Isabelle. Forever.” He said as the light in his gaze slowly faded away and the moment he uttered those words, he stilled in my arms.

  Disbelief and unbearable pain tore through my chest as I knelt on the cold floor, holding onto Sebastian’s lifeless body, caressing and kissing his motionless face.

  “No!” I shrieked in pain. “Sebastian, please don’t. Please no! Sebastian!” I started shaking him and calling his name, hoping he would wake up. “Sebastian! Sebastian, please...”

  It didn’t help. He remained silent and cold. My loud screams broke through the silence of the dark hallway as I tried to grasp the fact that he was gone.

  Memories stormed my mind together with the bitter flow of unsettling tears and I was reminded of a man who used to wipe those tears away, healing my broken heart; erasing the pain and replacing all of my misery with hope. To think that I would never see him again caused my heart to crumble and I became painfully aware that there was no point in living without him. The pain was too strong but I had no intention to fight it. I let go. Falling deeper into a daze, I was fading, slowly transcending into the light.

  And then... I saw his face. His beautiful bronze skin was bathed in the sunlight and we were back on that meadow from my dream. He smiled at me and I was sad because I knew he was just an apparition that was bound to disappear.

  “Shh. Don’t cry.” The green eyes of an angel returned to haunt me as a sweet torture. “You’re safe. I’m here. I’m right here, my dear,” he whispered and wiped away the tear that froze on my cheek.

  I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to open my eyes because I knew that his face would fade away. Regardless of my never-ending pleas, he wouldn’t respect my wish—he wouldn’t let me stay.

  “Isabelle, you have to open your eyes now.” I started crying and he shook his head. “No... No... Listen to me, love. I promise... I promise it will be alright.”

  The light voice, filled with encouragement eventually convinced me to return to the frightening reality. As the painful river of tears spilled down my cheeks, I continued daydreaming with my eyes tightly shut and I wasn’t ready to open them yet because I knew that the angel with bright green eyes lied to me.

  “Open your eyes, Isabelle. Please.” The voice of the green-eyed angel continued haunting me. “It’s okay. I’m here,” he repeated. “It’s just a bad dream. Wake up, love.”

  As if I was drowning in deep, cold water and emerged to the surface at the very last moment, I took in a long, deep breath and opened my eyes only to see him peacefully lying next to me. While I observed the glow that seemed to have returned in his shiny eyes, panting and shaking from the terrible pain that still reigned my system, I realized I didn’t know what was real anymore. When I looked around, it dawned on me that we were in our bedroom as if nothing had happened. But it was so real. It happened. I tried to speak, but my throat was so dry from all the screaming and I felt so hot.

  “Shh, easy, easy.” He soothed me and I still gaped at him as if I were staring at a ghost.

  With disarming tenderness, he wrapped his arms around me and I felt the painful lump in my throat melt under his warmth, causing the sting of tears in my eyes as I came to terms with the fact that it had all been a terrible nightmare. I cried my eyes out because the pain and the fear still felt very real but I couldn’t stop rejoicing at the fact that he was alive. He’s here. He’s safe and sound. It’s not too late.

  His eyes studied my face for a long time before he said anything. “Why tears, Isabelle?” he asked and I just gazed at him while the rain of tears kept flowing, leaving me unable to speak, unable to explain how I felt.

  Without delay, he offered me immediate and unconditional solace, tightening his embrace around me, repeating that everything would be okay and caressing my tired body, willing me to submit to the comfort of his touch. After a while, when he sensed that I relaxed in his arms, he tilted up my chin and confronted me with his soothing gaze. “Do you want to talk about your dream?” he asked in a gentle and tentative voice, sighing when I shook my head again. It was just too painful for me to tell him.

  He looked away for a
moment and then returned his eyes on mine. “Did I hurt you that badly?” he asked in a broken whisper and I looked at him in confusion before finally realizing what he meant, but I didn’t get a chance to say anything. “Please,” he whispered. “Tell me what I did to you in your dream so that I can take it away.” He brushed his fingers along my cheek and kissed the corner of my eye that was still wet from tears. “I can make it better, Isabelle. I promise. You just have to tell me.”

  Regret swept over me when I saw how much pain the thought that I dreamt of that night had caused him. I never talked to him about my nightmares, but this was different.

  “You didn’t hurt me, Sebastian,” I said with a weak smile.

  “Don’t lie to me. I heard you screaming my name. I heard you say—” He swallowed and closed his eyes. “You were yelling ‘please no’,” he said in a small, ashamed voice.

  “Sebastian,” I started, gathering the courage to speak, but he took it the wrong way again.

  “Don’t you know that I would never hurt you? Not like before, Isabelle.” He seemed to have been so shaken by the very thought that I might still be afraid of him. “Never again.” He opened his eyes and looked at me like he was in pain. “I would rather die than deliberately cause you pain.”

  I swallowed when I heard him say that. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I whispered and then admitted the truth. “That’s not what I dreamt about.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me like he still didn’t trust me. “What did you dream about then?” he asked with caution.

  “I dreamt that... that I was standing in front of your office. You were fighting with your f-father... my mother was there too.” I choked on a lump of sadness caused by the reminiscence of that scary dream.

  “Shh,” Sebastian tried to soothe me. “It’s alright, sweet. Nobody can hurt you. Your mother can’t get to you now.”

  I looked at him sadly. “You don’t understand... Your father saw me and called me a witch, demanding that we get a divorce.” My voice cracked and Sebastian swore silently, tightening his grip around me.

  “Isabelle,” he said in a mild voice as I pushed myself to speak further.

  “Then I saw my mother.” I swallowed. “I looked and I saw her standing there with a gun.” The feeling of desperation and nausea returned to my system and all I could feel were his gentle hands that tried to soothe me as I sobbed into his chest.

  “It’s okay. It was just a dream,” he whispered endlessly and when I gathered the courage to look at him, I was welcomed by his warm and captivating emerald gaze.

  I took a deep breath to put myself together. “She killed you, Sebastian.” Despite my efforts my voice cracked. “She wanted to shoot me, but you pushed me away and she...”

  He smirked, caressing my hot cheek and I stared at him in disbelief. “It looks to me like I’m the hero who saved my damsel in distress.” He winked at me, doing his best to cheer me up, but I was so shaken that I couldn’t laugh even if I wanted to.

  “It’s not funny,” I said in a light voice. “Aren’t you at least upset by the fact that you died?”

  The moment I asked the question, I realized how ridiculous I was being. Sebastian started laughing so hard that his face reddened a bit.

  When the laughter subsided he tried to restore his serious expression, but miserably failed since he still stared at me with teasing amusement. “I am terribly upset, sweet. I won’t rest until the justice is served. Weren’t there any dream police that arrested the perpetrator?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t dreamt long enough.” I was still quite serious.

  He shook his head, that delicious smirk wouldn’t leave his lips. “I was joking. Why are you still so upset?”

  I blushed. “I just... I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Shh.” He started rocking me in his arms for the longest time without saying a word. “You’re not going to lose me, Isabelle.” He laid small kisses on my hot forehead and repeated the words I needed to hear. “I promise that you’re not going to lose me. As a matter of fact, I think you might have a problem. You’re stuck with me for eternity.” His voice was filled with relief and happiness. “Now, since I technically saved your life, I think I deserve a little reward from my princess,” he teased me.

  He positioned his lips only a fracture of an inch from mine, letting me know exactly what kind of a reward he expected.

  Finally, I managed to relax a little and smile. “It was just a dream, so technically—” I started speaking but he silenced me with a long kiss.

  I closed my eyes, letting myself go and enjoying the connection like never before. I thought I had lost him and even though none of it had been real, I had learned a valuable lesson. Instead of taking what we had for granted, I needed to settle into each moment and enjoy it to the fullest. As the fire of the kiss subsided, he caressed my face, whispering small reassurances and laying small kisses on the residues of tears on my face. I kept my eyes closed, focusing on his touch and the silky softness of his voice.

  He brought his lips to my ear and I could sense he was smiling. “Technically, princess, I love you more than words can express and I would take a bullet for you any day,” he said in a firm whisper and squeezed my hand. I winced to chase away the images from the nightmare and his grip on my hand tightened as he began soothing me again. “Don’t worry, love. Nobody can hurt us. Nothing can destroy what we have.” He chuckled lightly. “They can try, but they will fail.”

  Guided by his convincing words, I opened my eyes and took in the beautiful features of his face, wondering if his skin was as soft as it seemed. Suddenly, I longed to touch him, to feel that he was real under my fingers so I cautiously leaned my hand on his face and his lips curved into a light smile as I caressed his cheeks and ran my fingers through his thick, black hair. Instinctively, our bodies came closer and Sebastian closed his eyes and started breathing deeply as my hands slid down his muscled arms, his smooth, bronze that felt so warm, soft, and inviting. For the first time, I explored his body with the desire to get to know it. I brushed my fingers along his knuckles and then, shyly, rested my hand against his hot chest.

  His mesmerizing eyes snapped open and illuminated me with their brightness. Feeling slightly embarrassed, I smiled and looked away as my hand started touching him in a circular motion; discovering all the muscles that graced his handsome body. He kissed my forehead and tilted up my chin, leveling our eyes again.

  “I know this is mean, but I hope you have a bad dream every night if it makes you act this way.” He brushed his lips against mine and I tried to look down again but he wouldn’t let me. “No.” He held his hand on my face. “No shame, Isabelle.” I gasped as his hand slid down, brushing against the edge of my breast, marking a path down my abdomen until it gently rested on my hip. “There is nothing dishonest or immoral in the way you make me feel. This…” He caressed my cheek, confronting me with the brightest shade of piercing emerald green. “Nothing in this world is more right than this, love.” he whispered and kissed me again.

  A smile danced on his face and although completely uncertain about what I was doing, I felt encouraged enough to continue touching him. As I guided my touch lower, I felt his skin tense under my fingers. I paused when I reached his lower abdomen and I could tell he was holding back from something. When I moved my fingers, his smile widened and he took a deep breath. Curious about his reaction, I continued brushing my fingers against his firm skin and he took me by complete surprise when he started laughing, at first suppressed and then with full force. I had just found his weak spot.

  “You’re ticklish?!” I whispered excitedly and continued with the sweet torture.

  Instead of replying, he just continued laughing and trying to take hold of my hands in order to restrain me but I didn’t give in that easily. Our little battle continued, until he decided to take over control and before I knew it he pulled me in a tight embrace, turning me on my back until he was victoriously lying on top of me and I stilled under
neath him.

  He gazed at me almost like he discovered something new. “Not so brave now, are you?” he asked in a playful voice and I shook my head, smiling at him. He chuckled and slowly lowered his head until his nose touched mine and a pleasant shiver caused by the feeling of this closeness rushed through me. “You started a war, love.” I could feel the breeze of his captivating breath that filled me with excitement.

  “Did I?” I said in the smallest whisper.

  “Oh, you most certainly did because now,” he smirked, enjoying this little game and keeping me in suspense, “I want to find out where you’re ticklish.”

  Before I got the slightest chance to process his words, he started touching the side of my belly and I started laughing like crazy, trying to escape his decisive touch, but when I realized he had no intention of letting that happen, I started pleading with him.

  “Okay, okay.” I couldn’t even speak from laughter. “Please no more. Stop! Sebastian!” I shrieked and he finally stopped when I called out his name.

  Trapped in each other’s embrace, we shared one of those special moments I wanted to entirely pour myself in. His lips trembled above mine and I observed as his eyes filled with something powerful and intense. There was a lightning in his eyes and thunder in my heart. The tension neither of us could fight was rising with each passing second. Then, just as his lips brushed against mine in a prelude of another kiss, he let out a harsh breath and whispered a phrase which left me bare and defenseless. “I love you, Isabelle.” With those words, his soft lips brushed against mine with fragile tenderness, worshipping me in a way I could not comprehend. After a while, he started deepening the kiss until my senses were taken over by the taste of mint and something sweet that pulled me closer to him, trapping me in the strangest delirium and a mental frenzy. He continued kissing me hungrily, invitingly, almost desperately—like he needed me. When the storm of his kiss subsided, I kept my eyes closed as his lips once again trembled against mine and I heard it again. A soft, aching and disarming I love you.