Virtue & Vanity

by Astrid Jane Ray

  I could tell he was smiling. “I didn’t know you had to pay for wishes.”

  “Well, you do. Don’t you want to make one, too?” I slowly turned to face him and I saw that he held that same distant expression like when he asked me to sign that document in the office.

  Suddenly, he swallowed; making a visible effort to ignore whatever it was that tortured him. “That depends. Can we use the same nickel?” He tried to joke but I could tell he wasn’t in the mood for fun at the moment.

  Neither was I. Still, I decided to play along. “Of course we can’t. That’s not how the wish system works.”

  “How does it work then?” His voice was almost brittle.

  “Everybody pays for their own wish,” I breathed.

  “Well, if that’s the case, I think I have a better idea about the means of payment we should use.” He took hold of my hand. “Close your eyes, Isabelle,” he whispered and I listened to him. “Now make your wish, sweet.” His voice was even softer. “And I’m going to make mine.”

  As we both stood there with eyes closed, making a wish at the same time, I wondered about what he wanted because I still wanted the same. I wished for him to never leave my side.

  Our eyes snapped open at the same time and I looked at him expectantly. “Ready?” he asked for a confirmation and I nodded, suddenly remembering that he mentioned something about using the appropriate means of payment. “I hope it comes true, love,” he said softly and squeezed my hand even tighter.

  To my absolute shock, Sebastian took the wedding ring off my finger and before I got a chance to react, he threw it in the fountain together with his own. For a moment, I just stood there with my lips parted, gaping at him in complete confusion.

  “Congratulations, Miss Walsh.” He fought to say the words and I still stared at him stupidly, wondering what kind of a mind game he was playing with me this time.

  “Sebastian, what have you done? I have absolutely no idea what yo—”

  “I’m talking about your birthday present,” he interrupted me and then took a deep breath, finally shedding some light onto the mystery. “Isabelle, I am giving you your freedom. The document I made you sign was the final conclusion of our divorce papers,” he muttered nervously, waiting for my reaction.

  I was paralyzed when I heard those words and after the initial shock worked its way out of my system, I started feeling something completely different - boiling anger.

  “Isabelle—” he started saying something but I cut him off with a big fat slap on his face.

  He covered his hand over his swollen cheek for a moment and then looked at me with a baffled expression on his face. “What was that for?” he asked like he really didn’t understand.

  “Are you kidding me?” I raised my voice and started walking away but he followed right after me. I stopped and turned towards him. “Sebastian, stay the hell away from me because I swear right now I could slap the life out of you!”

  It was the first time I talked to him like that and I really meant it. I couldn’t believe his audacity. There was so much frustration inside of me at that moment that I felt like I could seriously hurt him. On the other hand, the sudden smile on his face told me he didn’t take my tantrum or my threats seriously at all. He found it rather amusing. But I had no intention of staying for the show. I continued walking away from him as fast as I could.

  “Isabelle!” He kept calling my name and he wouldn’t stop following me. “For the love of God, please wait.” He was so strangely calm and it made me more upset.

  I ignored him, but he caught up with me and took hold of my elbow, preventing me from getting away. “Sebastian, let go of me!” I demanded, but of course he wouldn’t listen to me.

  I remembered the scene with Dianne. Where is a glass of wine when you need one?

  “You stubborn girl!” He said with playfulness, completely oblivious to the anger that seethed in my blood. “Why won’t you let me explain?”

  “What is there to explain?” I glared at him with sheer menace. “You’ve just divorced me without even telling me. Without even asking me. On my birthday!” I remembered the Rosemont rule, the contract and Colin Everett’s will. “How... How is that even possible?” I spoke incoherently and he just kept smiling. “What the hell is wrong with you, Sebastian?”

  “Isabelle, there is a reason why I’ve done this,” he started cautiously and when he noticed that I didn’t run away from him, he continued. “I just wanted—”

  “Roses for the beautiful lady?”

  The sound of a gruff voice interrupted him in the very crucial moment he was about to spill the truth and both Sebastian and I turned in the direction the voice came from and we saw an old man with a basket filled with bouquets of red roses. Talk about wrong timing.

  The man waited for our reply and finally both Sebastian and I spoke at the same time. “Yes, of course,” Sebastian said pleasantly while I almost screamed, “Absolutely not!”

  The man already held out the roses and stared at us, confused, while Sebastian sighed in apparent frustration.

  “Isabelle, don’t be a child. Just take the roses,” he said gently, but I sure as hell wasn’t accepting flowers from him that night.

  I glared at him. “I don’t want them. Besides, buying me flowers with thorns might not be the best idea right now if you care about your safety,” I added defiantly.

  “You’ve become dangerous,” he teased but I was in no mood for his sweet talk.

  “I don’t want the roses!” I repeated.

  “How much?” Sebastian ignored my refusal and decided to buy them anyway.

  “Oh no, you don’t have to pay. I wanted to give them for free.” The man looked at my hand, looking for a confirmation about the status of our relationship and when he noticed there wasn’t a ring on my finger, he continued. “Your girlfriend is very beautiful,” he told Sebastian and I almost burst into sarcastic laughter but managed to hold it back. “And you seem to need a bit of help right now,” he whispered the words that were meant for Sebastian’s ears only, but I had heard them.

  I touched the finger where the ring had been placed only minutes ago and suddenly I felt empty, alone and abandoned. The reality struck in, replacing the anger. I wasn’t Mrs. Everett anymore. I wasn’t his wife. Isn’t this exactly what you asked him for not that long ago? The little voice in my head tortured me. “Not now... Not anymore,” I mumbled to myself and started walking.

  “Is this some kind of a trick?” Sebastian interrogated the man and gave it up when he noticed I was walking away from him again in resign.

  “Here.” He gave him the money and took the bouquet of roses.

  The man protested but Sebastian asked him to take the money because he didn’t have the time for discussion. As he ran to catch up to me, I didn’t try to run away from him. I was tired and I just wanted the day to end.

  “Isabelle, wait!” he yelled and I stopped.

  By the time he reached me, I looked at him miserably, without any anger or resentment.

  He gazed at me, still unfazed by the reality. Maybe that was what he wanted all along as well. Freedom. Freedom from me. The thought was killing me inside and I swallowed in pain.

  “We have to talk. I want you to understand why,” he said calmly and I shook my head.

  “Please, just take me home,” I said and then remembered I wasn’t his wife anymore. “Or take me somewhere…” I exhaled and surrendered, falling right into his arms that soothed me with their magical power.

  I bet he expected me to cry. I wanted to. But there was no point in crying, was there?

  “Everything will be okay.” He kissed the top of my head. “Come, let’s take a walk.” I looked up at him, preparing to decline his offer, but he softly pressed his finger on my lips, silencing me. “Please,” he murmured.

  For a short while, we walked in complete silence and the tension was so great that it could have been cut with a knife. Sebastian still carried the bouquet in his hands without ma
king the smallest attempt of giving it to me. Maybe he was really afraid I would use it as a weapon. The thought came as a funny distraction and I even smiled for the shortest second but he noticed and it made him look at me with a sense of light relief. Finally, we ended up in a calm street where not so many people walked by and he ushered me towards a small bench.

  As we sat down, I felt the weight of the entire world pressing down on me, but he still appeared to be calm. The fact bothered me. It bothered me so much that I felt the sparkle of anger returning to my system. That was the reason why I turned my head away from him when he decided to hand me the roses almost like he was trying to make a peace treaty.

  He sighed, laying the bouquet back onto his lap.

  “Isabelle, I understand that you’re confused.” I gave him a look of fury. “And angry,” he concluded.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I was visibly upset.

  “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would react like this. I thought that it would be better to finalize all of the formalities before we had this conversation.”

  “Formalities?” I arched my eyebrows. “I... Sebastian I can’t believe you would do this after everything. I trusted you.” I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact we were actually divorced. “Why? Why would you do this?” I asked in resignation.

  He came closer and looked at me, his green eyes boring into mine. He shook his head. “Isabelle, I couldn’t stay married to you with the existence of that contract.” I gasped and he raised his voice, pleading me to give him a chance to explain. “Believe me, if there was any other way, I would have chosen it because taking the risk of losing you was the last thing I wanted to do, but it wasn’t fair to keep you in that prison anymore.”

  “I don’t understand you. I thought—”

  “Isabelle, would you really want to stay in that kind of a marriage for the rest of your life?” He caressed my cheek. I didn’t move away from him.

  “Of course I would. I...” I exhaled to ease the pain and looked at him with sincerity. “I love you, Sebastian. I—”

  “Isabelle, sooner or later that contract would become a menace. It would create fights and insecurities, leaving us trapped in a cycle because the only way out would be fulfilling those dreadful terms,” he said in a firm voice.

  I gazed at him for a long time, processing what he had told me and I knew he was right. Once again, he demonstrated the level of his maturity. Unlike him, I didn’t think about the complications we might have in the future. All I thought about was that we were happy right now and that it would be enough for the rest of our lives. He sensed I relaxed and he even pulled me into a light embrace while I mentally scowled at myself. My gaze traveled to the roses and he smirked, handing them over to me and this time I accepted them.

  “So,” I looked at him with fear in my eyes, “what happens next?”

  “It’s up to you to decide if you want to stay or go, but I would really like you to stay,” he accentuated the last words almost like it hurt him to say them.

  I looked at the bouquet in my lap and raised it to feel the soothing scent of my favorite flowers.

  “Why give me the choice if you don’t want me to leave?” I asked softly, talking more to myself, than him.

  He snorted and even though he was already threateningly close, he leaned even closer, consuming me with his presence. Our breaths collided, forming a hot mist in the cold autumn night and as if we couldn’t fight it, our lips glued to each other like magnets. In a moment of mental frenzy, it felt like I exploded into million little pieces and poured myself into him. And he accepted the gift, drinking, taking—devouring me.

  When he broke the kiss, we were both panting for air and I couldn’t stop shivering. “I love you, Isabelle,” he said in a shaky voice and gently cupped my face between his hands, forcing me to look solely at him. “And I want you to stay because I need you almost like I need the air to breathe. But I can’t expect you to stay because you have to, love. I want you to stay because you want to.”

  His words brought me to tears and I looked away from him because it shamed me to cry, but it was so hard to ignore all the emotions that barged in with the power of a tsunami. Searching for something that would help me calm down before I gave him a reply that was crystal clear because there was only once choice I could make, I leaned down to smell the beautiful roses and indeed, their scent had an immediate healing effect. For a few moments, I meticulously observed them and something inside the bouquet caught my eye. When I looked at Sebastian, revealing my curiosity, he smiled almost like he encouraged me to see what was hidden between the roses.

  I reached for the mysterious object, pulled it out and raised it towards the light of the street lamp. In surprise, I started breathing harshly as I realized I was holding a small box in my hand.

  “What is this?” I turned towards him, waiting for an explanation.

  A smile of genuine happiness widened on his face and those green eyes burned with affection. “I started to think you’d never find it,” he whispered and reached for the box in my hands.

  A heavy lump formed in my throat as tears reappeared in my eyes without any chances of holding them back and my legs turned to jelly when I realized what was about to happen.

  Sebastian stretched out his hand and I laid my palm into his, letting him pull me up on my feet. I felt utterly exposed in front of his vigilant gaze that held mine with powerful intensity.

  “I know—” he started, and then sighed as if he needed time to compose himself.

  If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn there was a flicker of fear in his eyes. He took a deep breath, announcing that he was about to speak again.

  “I know there was pain and I know that I hurt you,” he whispered and looked away for a moment like he was fighting something. When he looked back at me, his eyes reflected the crystal green light of painful regret. “No matter how much I try to make you forget, I’m well aware that some things might be unforgettable...and inexcusable. Which is why I probably don’t deserve the privilege to ask what I’m about to ask, but I think you realized by now that I’m a very selfish man.”

  A contour of a smile appeared on his face but it disappeared so fast as if it was carried by the speed of light.

  “Sebastian,” I muttered his name, extending my hand towards him and caressing his face.

  It pained me to see him in such a fragile state of mind and I was willing to do whatever it takes to offer him comfort, but I was carried by the power of emotions myself. As if he knew, he closed his eyes and reached for my hand which was frozen on his cheek. The beating of my heart picked up a fast rhythm as he laid a soft kiss on my knuckles and kept his stare on my hand.

  “I wish I could tell you that I’m willing to let you go, but I’m afraid that would be a lie,” he breathed and looked up, locking his gaze with mine. “If you’re prepared to ignore the laws of common sense one last time and put your trust in the flawed man who is willing to do whatever it takes to keep you by his side, I promise I will cherish that gift for the rest of my life.”

  He swallowed, taking a step towards me. In a light touch, he brushed his thumb along my lips and leaned over to steal a small kiss. As our lips trembled against each other, both of us closed our eyes and savored the moment of bliss. Instantly, I realized that he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t let go. Yes, there had been pain. A lot of pain. But there had also been so much beauty that emerged from the ashes of the hurt that created the initial bond between us. Essentially, the consequences of the tragedy that happened on that cold, dark night brought us together, and the only way we could survive was in each other’s arms. His eyelids lifted up, like curtains that uncovered the green light of his gaze which was fully focused on my expectant eyes.

  “I love you more than anything on this earth, Isabelle,” he whispered achingly. “And I am powerless in this matter because nothing will ever make these feelings go away.”

  The lump that squeezed my throat overpowe
red me at last and a tear escaped my eyes, rolling down my cheek. Smiling sadly, he wiped it away and squeezed my hand between his warm palms.

  “I love you too.” I breathed as he kissed the top of my hand once more.

  “No more tears, love,” he said decisively. “If you stay by my side, I promise you nothing but happiness, until we take our last breaths.”

  It started to rain and more than a few raindrops fell on the ground, soaping it with wetness but Sebastian didn’t mind. Like the Prince Charming I had always dreamt of meeting, he replayed the scene from my fantasy and got down on one knee, looking up at me with sheer affection gleaming from his deep emerald gaze.

  I tried not to look at the little box in his hand and pretend I was calm, but the nervous fidgeting of my fingers as well as the constant shifting of my eyes, gave me away.

  “Please, let me take care of you and continue making amends.” His words made me look straight into his eyes again. “Every day, every hour, every minute, I’ll show you all the ways in which you’ve captured my heart,” he said in a shaky, pleading voice and I couldn’t speak.

  One by one, tears left my eyes, forming a stream of immense blessedness when he opened the box, revealing a small ring that shone with the brightness of hope.

  “There is no greater honor than the honor of having you as my companion through all the good and the bad in this life.”

  My heart broke a little at the sight of this breathtaking, yet wounded man who spoke to me with so much beauty in his words. I knew that nobody would ever repeat them and even if they did, it wouldn’t be the same.

  “Will you marry me, Isabelle?”

  After uttering the question with silky softness that left me bewildered, his face held an expectant expression, almost like he didn’t dare to breathe. Sebastian. The Sebastian I loved. My Sebastian had just proposed. He’d proposed because he wanted to spend a lifetime with me. I gasped a smile, trying to grasp that this was reality. If it had been a dream, I knew that I never wanted to wake up from it.

  “I love you,” I whispered in a small, rushed voice, fighting the river of tears and hoping none of this had been a product of my vivid imagination. “Yes,” I raised my voice in excitement and then lowered it down. “Yes, I will marry you, Sebastian.”