by Cora Brent
I thought I could hear whispering, then Sam’s voice, halting and worried. “You like him a lot, don’t you Paige?”
“Yes.” I blushed, thinking about just how much I liked Derek. “I really like him a lot.”
Sam and Ric loved me like a sister. I knew that. And I understood why Derek’s name had set off some anxiety on their part. Anyone who just knew the basic facts about Derek might conclude that he didn’t sound like a prize. But the real Derek was different. I’d never felt as safe as I did when I slept in his arms. He’d been honest with me and I knew he had his demons. So did I. I just didn’t always admit to mine.
My friends decided to stop quizzing me about Derek, which was a relief. They switched to amusing spring break stories.
Apparently Ric had run into Travis, the basketball player she’d met at the party. Imagine her dismay when she discovered that his name wasn’t actually Travis after she’d already called him Travis about eight times. Ric was like that; she had no trouble memorizing entire medical textbooks with little effort yet couldn’t bother to retain the name of a hot guy. But all was well because it turned out the guy’s name was Eric and they decided Eric and Erica sounded like a match that was meant to be so they planned to hang out more when they got back to town.
Then Sam said a buddy of one of the guys on the houseboat passed out in her bed and she thought he had alcohol poisoning so she started checking his vitals to make sure he wasn’t dying. He woke up with a shriek, puked on her pillow, stripped his clothes off and jumped off the deck into the water. Since he couldn’t swim a few of the guys had to jump in to rescue him. He was okay when he returned to the houseboat, just a little dazed. And the next time he saw Sam he asked her to marry him. She said she’d think about it if he bought her a new pillow.
“Oh, I miss you guys,” I said, rolling over in my bed. Derek had left early to go to work but the faint smell of his aftershave still clung to the bedding.
“We miss you too,” said Sam. “We’ll be back on Friday. We’ll make plans for your birthday next week.”
I hadn’t once thought about my birthday. Twenty one. A milestone.
“Stay safe, Paigie,” Ric said before they hung up.
I didn’t know if she was telling me to avoid encountering any more convenience store madmen or if she was lecturing me on the benefits of safe sex.
I tossed my phone on the floor and lazily stretched. It was just past noon and I never hung out in bed this late but now I was thinking about Derek again. And sex. And having sex with Derek. So far I’d categorize my sexual experiences as acceptable. Benign. Tolerable. Sex didn’t bother me but I got off easier using my hand while thinking about my romance novel heroes than I did via some dude’s impatient fumbling so it just wasn’t a pastime I actively sought.
But last night with Derek…
A lick of erotic fire rolled through my belly and I groaned as all the images and feelings crowded my thoughts. So much kissing and touching and teasing and his mouth on my breasts and grinding on him until I had the best orgasm of my life and stroking his enormous hard dick until he came in my palm and then…
Falling asleep in his arms as he ran his fingers lightly over my skin.
I wanted more. I wanted to do it all with him. I could hardly think about anything else.
Since there was nothing practical about lying in bed and thinking about sex all day I eventually climbed out, ate some cereal and showered. While combing my hair in front of the mirror I noticed the faint red mark on my neck, courtesy of Derek’s insistent mouth. The sight of it got me all excited again and I dropped my towel, imagining my fingers belonged to him as I got myself off.
Sam and Ric were right. It turns out multiple orgasms really are energy boosters. I felt like a million bucks. I wasn’t thinking about Candy Man or wrestling with the shame of sticking my fingers down my throat. Instead I launched into a housekeeping frenzy and cleaned the house from top to bottom, which was quite a chore. Aunt Maddie had offered to hire someone for weekly cleaning but she did that with a plan to sell the place.
While I worked I kept music on with the volume turned way up. Pearl Jam. The same tape I’d been playing when Derek found me the other night in my mother’s old room. I was in the middle of belting out a very tone deaf version of Alive when my feather duster paused in the middle of gliding over the family photos on the living room wall. The lyrics died in my throat as I stared at a framed eight by ten of my mother’s sixteen-year-old face. There was already defiance in her brown eyes under a wild mop of dark blonde hair. This was taken the year before Sara stormed out of her parents’ house and she was exactly my age when she returned a few months before giving birth. She never said who my father was. I’m not sure she even knew.
My fingertips touched the photo, tracing the half smile on her lips, the nose that was the same as my nose. Although my grandparents had searched for their daughter they never had any luck. So much time had passed. If she was alive then she obviously didn’t want to be found. And if she wasn’t, well, did I really want to know?
“Not knowing is worse than anything.”
That’s what I’d told Derek but I wasn’t sure it was true. He’d encouraged me to try again. There had to be a way to find out what happened to her. She’d gone to Los Angeles and that’s where the trail ended. Now, all these years later, it could be a starting point.
The feather duster dropped from my hand. I no longer felt like cleaning. I was hungry. In the kitchen I dug a box of vanilla wafer cookies out of the pantry. The cookies were on the stale side but that didn’t matter. I was only going to eat one. Then I ate two. And after that twelve more, rapid fire, one after the other, washing it all down with two cans of warm soda. My stomach did not appreciate the reckless invasion and I stumbled to the bathroom. I knew how to feel better. It was easy. And I didn’t do this very often, not anymore, not several times a day like I used to back when I had a problem.
After I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth I felt some shame. And I was still hungry. I returned to the kitchen, fixed some toast with strawberry jelly and after I ate it in a leisurely fashion at the kitchen table I didn’t return to the bathroom.
By this time I had to start thinking about getting ready. Derek said he’d pick me up at six thirty and we could go out for a quick bite to eat before driving over to his brother’s baseball game. It was almost embarrassing, how excited I was to see him again. Since cleaning the house had made me feel all gross I showered again and changed to a breezy flowered sundress that I hadn’t worn since high school, pulling a cream colored cardigan over my shoulders in case there was a breeze at the game. In all honesty I probably looked like I was ready to sit in a church pew on Easter morning but it couldn’t be helped because I wanted to look nice and I only had a few dresses. The club sheath I’d purchased at the mall certainly wasn’t suitable for a baseball game with people I was trying to impress.
The doorbell rang promptly at six thirty and I ran down the stairs. Seeing the Gentry brothers standing on the other side of the door was like déjà vu.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in a playful way because those were my exact words the first time I’d opened the door for them.
Kellan nudged his brother. “I thought you said you were supposed to pick her up at six thirty?”
Derek ignored him. He was staring at me and when our eyes met I felt the same bolt of supercharged sexual electricity that I’d experienced last night.
He grinned as if he understood what I was thinking. “Come here,” he said and pulled me into his arms, lifting me off the ground and kissing me for so long and with such intensity I wondered if I’d be able to stand up when he was finished.
“Hey guys,” Kellan grumbled. “I’m still here you know.”
Derek kissed like nobody else. When he touched me I was lost, falling, consumed.
“Holy shit!” Kellan shouted. “It’s snowing!”
Derek broke the kiss and scowled at his brother. “W
hat the fuck?”
Kellan was gaping at the sky. “I swear I saw a few flakes.”
Derek shoved him aside and kept his arm around my waist as we walked to his car. Kellan had to follow or else get left behind.
“You look really pretty, Paige,” he said to my back.
I turned my head and smiled at him. “Thank you, Kellan.”
He grinned. “That hickey doesn’t go with your dress though.”
“Damn you, Kel,” Derek muttered.
But I laughed.
However I also pushed my hair over to the side to cover my neck. After all, we were going to be seeing Derek’s family at the game. Prominent hickeys might raise a few eyebrows.
The boys wanted me to pick a place to eat. We ended up getting burgers and fries at In N Out. Derek surprised me when he paid for my meal before I could get my wallet out. Then Kellan begged his brother to pay for his food as well so Derek rolled his eyes and complied.
“I’m low on cash because I’m between situations right now,” Kellan explained to me when we sat down.
“Stone and Conway would give you a job at the garage,” Derek pointed out.
Kellan stole some of Derek’s fries. “Hell no. Then I’ll smell as bad as you all the time.”
Derek kicked him underneath the table.
The Gentry brothers fascinated me. They were like a coarser, more violent version of Sam and Ric. Having a sibling must be a marvelous thing.
The food was eaten quickly because we had to get to the game. The high school varsity baseball county championship was being played at ASU’s stadium. On the drive over there Kellan offered me a quick rundown of his younger brother’s baseball career.
“Thomas played outfield since Little League and was a hell of a hitter on top of that but he trains with our cousin’s husband, who happens to be the illustrious Dalton Tremaine. Dalton urged him to see what he could do on the mound so he switched to pitching.”
I nodded, absorbing this information as one word stuck out. “Tremaine?” I echoed. “That name sounds familiar.”
“Dalton was a major league baseball player for a while and runs a local training center now.”
“I see,” I said. Even though I didn’t follow baseball it was possible I’d heard the name at some point and it had stayed in the back of my mind.
Derek was quiet, keeping his eyes on the road. I’d noticed that about him, that he grew very serious when he got behind the wheel. Understandable, considering what had happened two years ago.
When I asked Kellan how many members of the Gentry family would be at Thomas’s game he thought about it and said, “All of them, I think.” When we reached the bleacher section appropriated by the family I saw that he was right. The horde of aunts and uncles and cousins that had been briefly explained to me were all there. They clapped when they saw Derek, howling “There’s the Super Q Hero!” Derek fielded questions about his stitches and introduced me around. A few of his relatives gazed at me with frank curiosity. Derek’s Aunt Truly immediately left her seat and greeted me with a hug, her charming southern accent declaring how thrilled she was to see me again. We sat in the row just in front of Derek’s parents and just behind some cousins. Chase and Stephanie Gentry were visibly pleased by the sight of Derek’s arm around me and some of his cousins craned their necks to watch us. Kellan moved to go sit with the celebrated Dalton Tremaine and a heavily tattooed guy who’d been introduced as Curtis. They were married to Derek’s twin cousins, Cami and Cassie. The two of them didn’t look alike and I saw immediately Cami was the pregnant family member who’d been the topic of conversation the other night. Interestingly, they were the daughters of the owner of a well known tattoo parlor near the university. Their father Cord was sitting with his wife two rows up.
Cassie turned and smiled at us before nodding to Derek. “Did Cadence tell you her plans? That she’s going to accept a teaching position in Emblem after graduation?”
Derek was surprised. “No shit? I thought she was kidding.”
“Nope. Your dad tried to talk her into taking a job at his high school but you know my sister. Mind of her own.”
“Our family’s originally from Emblem,” Derek explained to me.
“I’ve heard of it,” I said, thinking I’d also heard nothing good about the town. “It’s, um…”
“Not the prettiest place on earth,” said Cami, Cassie’s pregnant sister. She appraised me quickly and then smiled. “Derek, it’s nice to see that you’re making new friends. She’s cute.”
Derek issued a low groan. “Sorry, my cousin’s a reporter so she’s always in everyone’s business.”
Cami smacked his leg. “Don’t be fresh. I used to change your diapers, junior.”
“Camille, why do you always insist on telling people you changed my diapers? You were only four when I was born.”
Cami clucked her tongue. “Yes, I’ve always been ahead of my time.”
“Speaking of time,” Derek said. “How long until you erupt?”
Cami glanced down at her swollen stomach. “Too long. I’ve got three more weeks until my last trimester.” She stood and put a hand to her back. “And since we’re on the subject of pregnancy, the joys of my condition are now demanding immediate access to plumbing.”
Dalton jumped up when he saw his wife was making her way to the bathroom but she waved him off and told him to stay put.
In a moment the players ran onto the field. I could easily spot Thomas. He was so tall and good looking he’d stand out anywhere, even among a bunch of kids dressed in the same uniform. The family cheered like maniacs when his name was announced and the people around us turned to stare. If I had to guess I would say the Gentry family could care less what they thought.
Kellan had wheedled a twenty-dollar bill out of his dad and then galloped off to the concession stands. I could see him over there talking to someone and I did a double take.
Todd Benedict had been a foolish three-month high school relationship. We met at a science competition between our schools. He was self absorbed and rude and told anyone who would listen that I was a batshit crazy stalker even though I’d ditched him when he ridiculed me for needing therapy. He wasn’t my fondest memory. I felt myself frowning as I watched him talking to Kellan, who looked annoyed as Todd stayed in his face.
Derek noticed my expression. “Something wrong?”
“I’m fine. I just have to use the rest room.” I squeezed his arm and then scurried away before he could ask me anything else.
The hamburger and fries I’d eaten seemed to be curdling inside my digestive tract, begging to evacuate. But when I reached the restroom it wasn’t empty. Cami stood at one of the sinks, washing her hands.
“Hey Paige,” she said and then shut the water off, examining me. “You look pale. Are you all right?”
I occupied the sink beside her and switched the cold water on. “I’m okay. I just shouldn’t eat so much fast food. It doesn’t agree with me.”
It felt like a lie. It was a lie. There was nothing wrong with the food. There was something wrong with the fact that I wanted to shut myself in one of the empty bathroom stalls and puke my dinner away.
No. Not doing this. Not here. Not now.
The urge would strike inconsistently. I could go a couple of weeks without doing it before giving in and no matter what it always came back. It occurred to me that this might be how Derek felt, wandering around a strange house at night in search of alcohol he couldn’t help wanting. It was a different type of craving, but a craving nonetheless.
Cami waited while I splashed some cold water on my face and then she handed me a paper towel to blot the water away.
“Any better?” she asked, her voice gentle.
I nodded. “Better.”
“I’ve got a bottle of chewable antacid in my purse if you want some.”
I accepted a couple of chalky tablets. While I chewed Cami continued to watch me. She seemed to be thinking about something. I waited to see
if she’d say it out loud.
“In our family word gets around quick,” Cami said. “I’d already heard Derek brought a girl to dinner the other night. So if you’re wondering why everyone’s openly checking you out tonight, it’s because he never does that.”
“Oh,” I said and pursed my lips together to avoid breaking into a goofy smile. I knew it was a stupid response but I felt a little giddy over the idea that Derek didn’t bring just anyone around to meet his family.
Cami saw that I was thrilled and was amused. “My cousin’s a special guy, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. He’s cool and he’s funny and he’s a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for. But I’m sure you’ve already figured that out.”
“Yes.” I had. I’d already figured all of that out and more. “Derek’s great.”
Cami’s mood changed. She leaned against the sink and briefly rubbed her belly, her green eyes shifting from amusement to sympathy. “I also heard the story about your mother. It’s not that we were all trying to gossip about you. Please don’t think that. Your story was just so sad and our family is no stranger to sadness.”
I nodded. “It’s okay.”
Cami stared at me for a second and then reached into her purse, withdrawing a card. “Here.” She pressed the thing into my hand. “My job comes with a lot of connections. If you ever want to try again to find out what happened to your mother I think I can help. If I can’t get anywhere I can at least point you in the direction of people who might have some ideas.”
The offer surprised me. For starters, I couldn’t believe I was such an important topic of conversation in the Gentry family. And secondly, it was extremely kind of Cami to volunteer her time. She had a busy job, a baby on the way and I was pretty much a stranger to her. It seemed everyone in Derek’s family was beyond wonderful.
I took the card. “Thank you, Cami. I might just take you up on that.”
She nodded. “I hope you do.” She flashed a friendly smile and started to leave the bathroom.