Then a girls’ night out put all his resolve to the test. Cass had mentioned that she was going out on Friday night and so Jack and Ellie were on their own for supper. But when she came downstairs, fresh from the shower, her handbag slung over her shoulder and her car keys in her hand, what had seemed just difficult was suddenly practically impossible.
‘Where are you off to?’ He tried to keep the question casual but he heard a note of possessiveness in his voice. He was going to have to practise that and do better when Ellie was old enough to pick up her car keys and go out for the night.
‘One of the wine bars in town. The one in Abbey Street.’
He knew the one. Quiet and comfortable, a good place to talk and a nice bar menu.
‘Great. Well...’ He suppressed the temptation to ask her what time she’d be home.
She glanced into the mirror in the hall, running her fingers through the burnished copper of her hair. The arrangement seemed somehow softer, brushed to lie heavy on her brow, and Jack could see sparkles of twisted silver hanging from her ears. Her lips were... Jack wasn’t sure what shade of red that was. Delicious Red, maybe. Kissable Red.
‘You look pretty.’ Ellie supplied the words that he couldn’t. She looked gorgeous. Boots, a black suede skirt and a sheer top with a sleeveless slip underneath, which allowed a tantalising glimpse of the curve of her shoulders and the shape of her arms.
‘Thank you, sweetie.’
‘I want a handbag like yours.’
‘You like it?’ Cass flushed a little at the compliment and Jack almost fainted. Was she actually trying to make him dizzy or did she really not know just how amazing she looked?
‘I like the dangles...’ Ellie ran up to her, tugging at the long fringe that hung from the sides of her bag. Jack imagined that when she walked it mimicked some of the graceful sway of her hips.
‘Let Cass go, sweetie.’ Ellie was about to throw her arms around Cass and the thought of rumpling such perfection was unbearable. ‘She’ll be late.’
‘Bye, Ellie.’ She bent down and gave the little girl a hug, somehow managing to keep her make-up intact and her hair just so. ‘See you in the morning.’
‘Yeah. Have a good evening.’ Jack wondered whether he was going to wait up for her, and decided that if he did so it would be from the safety of his bedroom. Probably with most of the furniture piled up against the door, to at least provide some pause for thought before he marched out to ask her what kind of time she called this and then dragged her into his arms.
‘Thanks.’ She grabbed her coat, giving a little wave and a bright grin, and Ellie followed her to the front door, which gave Jack the chance to watch Cass walk down the front path and appreciate the fluid movement of her body.
Then she got into her car, a bright pearl shining in a sea of blue paint, mud and rust spots. Jack watched her draw away and turned, taking Ellie back inside. The house seemed suddenly very quiet.
* * *
He’d listened to the silence in the living room and then gone to bed early, just to see whether the silence in his bedroom might feel less grating. Finally, at eight minutes past one, Jack had heard the front door close quietly and then the pad of stockinged feet on the stairs.
The soft sound of her bedroom door closing allowed him to track her progress. Jack tried not to imagine her throwing her bag on the bed. Taking off her jewellery and slipping the sheer top from her shoulders. He turned over in bed and resolutely shut his eyes.
The silence seemed less a sign that something was missing and more an indication that all was well. Jack drifted off to sleep, but even then his unconscious mind was unable to filter Cass out of his dreams.
* * *
It seemed that Jack’s unerring radar for detecting any signs of movement on Ellie’s part had failed him once again. Cass, on the other hand, seemed to be picking up that instinct. Despite a late night, she woke early, to the sound of Ellie singing to herself in her bedroom.
She turned over in bed, trying to pretend she hadn’t heard. Jack would be up soon and it was his job to look after his daughter. The singing continued, and she found herself out of bed, struggling into her dressing gown, before she had a chance to think about it any further.
‘Go back to bed, sweetie...’
Ellie’s answering smile indicated that she would do no such thing. She reached her arms up for a good-morning hug, and Cass gave in to the inevitable.
Toast and some juice were followed by coffee for herself and a glass of frothed milk for Ellie. The little girl sat at the kitchen table, carefully mimicking Cass’s actions, sipping her milk slowly as if she too felt the caffeine bringing her round after a late night.
‘Morning.’ Jack was still bleary-eyed, his hair wet from the shower. Suddenly Cass was wide awake.
He looked good enough to eat. His washed-out jeans low on his hips, a dark shirt which seemed to have one of the buttons at the top missing, the extra inch or so of open neckline seeming to draw her gaze. Beautiful. From the top of his head to the tips of his sneakers.
Stop, it’s not like that. I don’t even fancy him. The lies she’d managed to half believe last night were coming back to slap her in the face this morning. And the questions from her friends about who she was staying with and what he was like had suggested possibilities that she’d been doing her best to ignore.
He bent to kiss Ellie and then turned his gaze on to her. ‘Did you have a good evening?’
‘Yes, thanks. Seems like an age since I’ve been out.’
He walked over to the kitchen sink, pouring himself a glass of water and downing it in one go. Cass got to her feet.
‘I’d better get going. There’s bunting to be hung.’ She was trying not to notice what she fancied might be the remains of the look she’d seen in his eyes when she’d left the house last night.
‘What time does it start, again?’
‘Two o’clock.’ Cass gave Jack a wide berth, making sure she didn’t accidentally brush against him as she walked out of the kitchen, heading for the shower.
* * *
The fire station was decorated with flags and bunting, standing to attention in the stiff breeze, and the two fire engines on the forecourt shone in the sun. Cass looked up at the sky.
‘Think it’ll rain?’
Mike, another of the firefighters, glanced at the clouds.
‘If it does, then it’ll add some authenticity to the demonstration.’ He chuckled. ‘After the last month, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get a ladder up unless it’s raining.’
‘Me too.’ Cass tipped her helmet on to the back of her head. ‘Shame we don’t have bigger puddles out back. We could have done rope and water rescue as part of the demonstration.’
‘Don’t push it, Cass. Have you seen the roof of the office?’
‘No?’ She looked across at the prefabricated office, on the far side of the yard.
‘Enough water on that flat roof to bath a donkey. I’m surprised it hasn’t leaked yet.’
‘Suppose we could always take a shot at waterfall rescue.’ Cass grinned.
‘Is that in the manual? Come on, I bet you know what page.’
‘Everything’s in the manual. And I wouldn’t tell you what page it was on even if I knew; you’d just call me a swot.’
‘You’re a swot. Everybody knows that.’ Mike watched the stream of cars turning into the car park. ‘Here they come. Prepare for terror like you’ve never known before.’
* * *
Cass looked for Jack in the sea of heads and saw him with Ellie, who was dressed in red wellingtons and a matching waterproof coat. They were being guided across the yard with the first of the visitors and into the garage, where Mike was overseeing the most important part of the afternoon. The demonstration and being able to see a fire engine up close wa
s the fun bit, but there was a serious message to get across as well.
Everything was distilled down into easy steps that a child might remember if faced with a fire or flood. Cass leaned against the front of the tender, listening to the kids’ voices chanting along with Mike’s. Don’t hide. A child’s first instinct, to hide away in the face of danger, was every firefighter’s worst nightmare.
No nightmares today, though. Cass watched as the station commander’s wife made a blood-curdling job of yelling for help from the roof of the garage, and four firefighters raced across the yard with a ladder. She was rescued with the minimum of indignity, as befitted her status, and to general applause. Then some of the smaller kids were lifted up on to a lower platform, where they were held safely by one of the crew until a shorter ladder was run across the yard to perform similar, if less hair-raising, rescues.
In between talking to the first of the groups which clustered around her and showing them around the fire engine, Cass saw Ellie on the platform.
‘Help! Fire!’ she called across the yard at the top of her voice. The firefighter squatting down next to her said a few words and then grinned as she waved her arms energetically above her head. ‘Help! Fire!’
Ellie was duly rescued, received a round of applause and ran back to Jack. He hoisted her up on his shoulders and started to walk towards Cass, coming to a halt behind the family who had just approached her.
She bent towards the two little boys, seeing only Jack. Tall and relaxed, smiling at her.
‘What...’ She cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the lump that seemed to have formed. She’d already done this half a dozen times but she was suddenly acutely aware of being watched. And acutely mindful of the gentle dark eyes that were doing the watching.
‘What have you learned today?’ She waited for the boys’ answers and then began to show them the fire engine, making a conscious effort not to rush them through. Finally they accepted the colouring sheets and badges that she handed them, along with the fire safety information for their parents, and walked away talking excitedly.
‘Nice badges.’ His lips were curved in a quiet smile. That smile of his should be X-rated.
‘Sorry. Only for the under tens.’ She dragged her gaze away from his and felt in her pocket. ‘Which one would you like, Ellie? I’ve got a pink one here.’
Ellie nodded vigorously and Cass reached up, slipping the badge into her coat pocket. Her arm brushed against Jack’s and she pulled it away.
‘Would you like to come and see the fire engine, Ellie?’
‘You missed a bit.’ He lifted Ellie off his shoulders, setting her down on the ground, and leaned towards Cass, mouthing the words to her. What about the message?
‘Ah. Yes.’ This would be a great deal easier if he wasn’t so distracting. Was it really legal to be so downright sexy, in public and in the presence of children?
‘Ellie, what do you do if there’s a fire?’ She repeated the words numbly, wondering exactly why it was that suddenly all she could think about was Jack’s touch. If she knew the answer, then that would at least be a first step to doing something about it.
‘Don’t hide.’
‘Good. Well done.’
Jack nodded. ‘And what else?’ Cass frowned at him. He was pinching her lines now.
‘You shout Fire! or Help!’ Ellie decided to enlarge on the instructions. ‘As loud as you can. And you could wave if you liked.’
‘Yes. Waving’s good too. You have to make sure that someone sees you and knows you’re there.’
‘Would you like to see the fire engine, Ellie?’ Jack smiled down at his daughter.
‘Do you mind? This is all very carefully worked out; I can’t have parents stealing my lines.’ Cass glared at him and he shot back a mouthwatering look, half-humour, half-remorse, and wholly delicious.
‘Sorry. Carry on, I’ll just watch.’
‘Thank you.’ Cass caught Ellie’s hand, walking her over to the vehicle.
* * *
Jack watched as Cass showed Ellie the fire engine. Then stepped forward when Cass climbed up into the driver’s seat, to hand Ellie up to sit with her.
She seemed to light up around children. She was a little awkward with them, in the way that he’d been before he’d had his own child, but she obviously loved their company. Why she’d made the decision to concentrate solely on her career, a marriage to her job which couldn’t give her what she so clearly wanted, was just another of the imponderables about Cass.
Jack waited, handing up his phone for a few pictures of Ellie at the driver’s wheel and then taking it back for a couple of Ellie waving out of the window at him. Then one of Cass and Ellie, hugged up tight together.
Then Ellie got down, accepting the colouring sheets and running back to him, waving the fire safety instructions that Cass had given her. There was nothing in there he didn’t know and practise already; Jack had seen too many burns victims to be anything other than rigorous about fire safety in his own home. But it would be a good exercise to read them through with Ellie, and for them to go round and double-check together.
The next group of children was heading towards them and it was time for him to move on now. He’d hoped that the feeling of tearing himself away from Cass each time they parted might lose its sting, but it never seemed to.
‘We’re...um...we’re all going for a drink afterwards. Friends and families—we’re going to a place just out of town with a kids’ playroom. If you and Ellie...’ She left the sentence unfinished.
‘Thanks, but Ellie’s been invited to tea with one of her friends. I’m going to take the opportunity to pop in and see Mimi.’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Next time, maybe...’ This was crazy. Even here, now, he couldn’t quite let go. Not while there was still some glimmer in her eyes which told him that Cass had been thinking about how close they’d come to being lovers.
‘Yeah. See you later, then.’ One short moment of connection, in which Jack fancied that they both shared an understanding of how hard this was. Then he took Ellie’s hand, listening to her excited chatter as he walked away.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CASS SAW JACK’S car ahead of hers on the main road and flashed her headlights as he turned into the road that led to his house. His hazard lights winked on and then off again, and his car came to a halt outside the driveway. Cass drew level with him, winding down the window as he leaned across.
‘You’re early...’
‘Yeah.’ Cass had nursed a glass of orange juice for half an hour, then decided to go home. And then she’d driven back here. She wasn’t quite sure when she’d started thinking of Jack’s house as home, but she supposed it must have something to do with looking forward to being there every evening.
She leaned round and saw that the child’s seat in the back of Jack’s car was empty. ‘Where’s Ellie?’
‘Her friend’s mum asked if she’d like to stay for a sleepover. And when I went in to see Mimi she just about managed a hello and then fell asleep.’
‘Ah. So you’ve been deserted.’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah. No one seems to want me tonight.’
Not true. And from the look on his face he knew it. She should go. Pretend she’d forgotten her purse and had just popped back from the pub to collect it. Then come back later, when Jack was asleep and the coast was clear.
‘Ladies first...’ He gestured towards the driveway.
‘No, you go.’ Probably best to leave a getaway option, just in case. Cass watched as he turned into the hardstanding in front of the house. When she followed suit, she took the turn a little too wide and a bit too fast and jammed her foot on the brake, feeling her front bumper touch something as she came to a halt.
She was shaking as she climbed out of the car, leaving the
headlights on so that she could see whether there was any damage to the back of Jack’s. A piece of mud had fallen from the front of hers and on to his back bumper and she brushed it away.
‘It’s okay... I hardly touched you.’
‘Yeah? Too bad.’ He was facing her, not even glancing at the back of his car. ‘Do you want to give it another try?’
‘I wouldn’t want to dent your bodywork.’ Suddenly this wasn’t about cars. Cass turned away from him with an effort, reaching for the switch on the dashboard to kill her headlights. When she looked up again he was gone, the front door open and the light in the hall beckoning her.
He was standing in the hallway, leaning against the sturdy newel post at the bottom of the stairs. Waiting for her. Cass stepped inside, letting the door drift to behind her, and Jack smiled.
‘So... You think you can put a dent in my bodywork, do you?’
The house was quiet. No need to keep their voices down either, because Ellie wasn’t asleep upstairs. Jack seemed to fill the space completely.
‘I can’t say. Not without a more thorough examination.’ She wanted to touch him so badly. Blind to anything else but Jack, because there was nothing else.
‘You can be as thorough as you like. Since we have a little unexpected time on our hands...’ His eyes held all the promise of everything they might just dare to do.
Jack walked towards her. Cass dropped her handbag, hearing her car keys spill out on to the floor as she pulled him close.
The kiss left them both breathless. No amount of air would be enough right now. No amount of that delicious feeling when his fingers brushed her face.
‘Jack...’ There was nothing left to say. They’d tried to keep their hands off each other and they’d failed. But at least they’d both failed together, and they both knew the terms of their failure.
‘I can’t do it, Cass... Can’t pretend I don’t want you.’
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