‘Tonight you don’t have to.’
He pulled the zip of her jacket open. No hesitation, but no rush either. She could feel his hunger as he kissed her.
His gaze never left hers as he reached behind her, pushing the front door fully closed. Cass heard the lock engage with a satisfying click and a little thrill of excitement ran through her veins. Locked in with Jack, and a whole house as their playground for the night.
He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, backing her into the sitting room and then settling her against him. ‘Alone...’
Cass sighed. ‘At last.’
* * *
Nothing short of an earthquake could stop them now. Cass could rescue him if the fire of their lovemaking got out of control, and he’d resuscitate her if she happened to pass out. They’d save each other from an impossibly long night spent alone.
Jack smothered the impulse to lead her straight upstairs and get them both out of their clothes as quickly as possible. The ultimate luxury had just dropped unexpectedly into their laps and they had time. Enough time to show her that it wasn’t just sex he wanted, but a seduction.
‘Light the fire.’ Her lips curved. She knew just what he wanted. The thought of their limbs entwined in the firelight made him tremble but somehow the match sparked first time and he dropped it on to the kindling, which flared suddenly, licking around the coals stacked above it.
Each time he kissed her it felt new, different, like a first kiss. Jack helped her out of her coat and took his off, slinging them both on to an armchair.
‘You are the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen. When I first opened my eyes and saw you, I thought that the heavens had opened up and you’d flown down to save me.’
She tapped her finger on his chest in laughing reproof. ‘You should see someone about that. Want me to call an ambulance?’
‘I think I’m beyond help.’ He caressed the side of her face. ‘My very own personal goddess...’
Cass giggled. ‘Your personal goddess? How possessive is that?’
He leaned in, whispering against her neck. ‘Got a problem with it?’
‘No, I don’t think so. But if I’m a goddess, then perhaps you should kneel.’
The way she bought into his fantasies was the ultimate thrill. ‘I can do that.’
‘Naked...’
‘I can do that too.’ He nipped at her ear and she shivered, her thrill of pleasure echoing in his own chest. ‘Keep that thought for later, eh?’
‘Why? Going anywhere?’
‘No. But we need to talk about...to agree on...some means of contraception.’ The words sounded unexpectedly hard and unromantic, but that couldn’t be helped. The wild, reckless days when It’s all dealt with was enough to reassure him were gone. He’d changed. Even though neither of them wanted a permanent relationship, he could still care about her and while she was with him he’d keep her safe.
She flushed. Something seemed to stop her in her tracks. ‘We do?’
‘We can’t just leave things to chance, Cass. That’s a stupid risk.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting that... But... Can’t you just...do something?’
He wasn’t exactly sure what she meant. But a prickle of alarm was working its way round the back of Jack’s neck.
‘It’s a choice we need to make together, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, of course... It’s just... But...’ She seemed suddenly desperate. As if he’d just suggested something impossible. ‘Whatever, Jack.’
He wasn’t prepared for the sudden confusion which ate away at his desire and for the wounded look in Cass’s eyes. She seemed determined not to talk about it and the thought occurred to Jack that she was hiding something. If she wanted him to trust her, that wasn’t the way to do it.
‘I don’t understand, Cass. Help me out...’ One last plea, in the hope that maybe she would open up. But she seemed to be shrinking away from him with every passing moment.
‘Fine. Have it your way.’ He turned suddenly, choked by the sour dregs of desire. Walking from the room, he heard the door slam behind him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CASS DROPPED TO her knees, staring into the fire, hugging her arms across her stomach. She hadn’t meant to react like that. Why hadn’t she just smiled and forced herself to have that conversation. It wasn’t as if Jack had suggested anything outrageous. Of course they needed protection.
But to her ears, speaking about it so bluntly had sounded like a contract, some kind of business proposal. And all of the agony of the past, all her feelings of failure, had come flooding back. Even talking about protection, or the lack of it, brought back memories of the bitterness that had pervaded her old relationship. Memories of the months that she hadn’t fallen pregnant ever since they had decided to do away with contraception and try for a baby. Thinking about the possibilities and consequences of sex each and every time. Making it a transaction instead of something sweet.
There had been no interruptions, nothing else to blame, and still they’d fallen at the first hurdle. A kiss, a touch, and then they’d torn themselves apart. They couldn’t even manage a one-night stand.
There was no way she could stay here now. She was going to have to suffer the humiliation of turning up on a friend’s doorstep and begging a bed for the night. She’d heard Jack go upstairs and the house was silent now. Cass opened the door, tiptoeing up the stairs. If she could leave without having to face him again and see that coldness in his eyes, all the better.
She quickly stuffed her clothes into her bag. Her toiletries were in the bathroom but getting them seemed like too much of a risk, and she could replace them. Zipping her jacket up, she picked up her bag and opened the bedroom door.
All clear. Wherever Jack was, he wasn’t going to stop her. It was almost a disappointment, but then what would she do if he did try? Neither of them had said anything too hurtful yet, and it was best she got out of here before they had that opportunity.
She walked quietly downstairs. The hall light had been switched off and she put her bag down, scanning the floor for her car keys.
‘Looking for something?’ She looked up and saw Jack in the sitting room doorway.
‘Car keys.’ Keep it short and relatively sweet. Maybe he wouldn’t see that she had been crying.
He held something up and Cass saw her key fob dangling from his fingers. She stretched her hand towards it and he snatched his arm away, tucking the keys into his pocket.
Cass swallowed hard. The urge to charge at him, knock him off his feet and grab her keys wasn’t productive. Anyway, it probably wouldn’t work. ‘Can I have my car keys? Please.’
‘Yeah. In a minute.’ He turned and walked into the sitting room. It seemed she had a choice. Either thumb a lift or break into her own car and hotwire it.
Or she could follow Jack. She’d have to be insane to do that now. It was no particular comfort to know that she could remind herself afterwards that she’d known this was a bad idea and she’d done it anyway.
He was sitting in one of the armchairs, his dark eyes following her every move. Jack waved her towards the sofa and like an automaton, programmed to respond to his every command, she sat down.
‘I overreacted, Cass. I’m sorry.’
‘That’s okay. My car keys...’
‘In a minute. Hear me out first.’
‘It doesn’t really matter, Jack.’
‘It does to me. Look, it never much occurred to me to ask what went wrong with any of my relationships. It didn’t matter—they were never going to last and it was better just to paper over the cracks and part friends. I made that mistake with Sal too, and now I’ll never really know what was going on in her head when she left Ellie with me.’
‘This has got nothing to do with you and Sal. You can’t use me to put th
e past right.’
‘No. But I can learn from my mistakes.’
Cass sighed. ‘Look, the best thing we can do now is to forget about tonight and decide to go our separate ways. As friends...’
‘And friends don’t talk to each other?’ He let the thought sink in for a moment. ‘I know I was blunt, and I apologise for that. But I was just terrified of leaving anything to chance, giving history a chance to repeat itself. Surely you can understand that?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘You want to say anything?’
‘I... No.’
He got suddenly to his feet, frustration leaking from every gesture. Cass thought he was going to throw her keys at her and storm out again, but he grabbed her arms, pulling her to her feet.
‘Damn, Cass.’ He was clearly in the grip of some powerful emotion that he was struggling to control. ‘We were going to sleep together. Is it so difficult to trust me?’
‘That’s just what I wanted to do, Jack. Trust you and sleep with you. Not have to go through some kind of soulless agreement. I’ve got enough memories of that to last a lifetime.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jack was clearly not about to give up.
‘I tried for a baby with my ex. Didn’t happen.’ The coldness she heard in her voice was her only defence. ‘He left me, and I don’t much blame him. All the charts and the dates, working out when we were supposed to have sex... It turned into a chore and I just used to close my eyes and get it over with. And then, afterwards, when I didn’t...’ She paused. ‘Well, when you stopped things and starting talking about...what we needed to do, it brought back bad memories. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want it to be like that with you.’
For a moment Jack seemed paralysed, shock registering on his face. Then he pulled her into a tight hug. ‘I’m so sorry, Cass.’
‘Don’t be.’ She held herself stiff and unyielding in his arms.
‘You want to argue about that as well?’
Suddenly all the fight went out of her. He must have felt it because he sat her back down on the sofa, his arms still around her.
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Whatever you like.’ It didn’t much matter now.
‘Did you go to the doctor?’
‘Yes. He couldn’t find anything wrong with either of us. But there was something—we tried for nearly two years, and it must have been my fault because Paul... He left me because he’d made another woman pregnant.’
He wiped his hand across his face, uttering a soft curse. ‘Cass, I’m so sorry that happened to you. But there’s no blame attached to this. And sometimes the cause is to do with both partners...’
‘Don’t try to make me feel better, Jack. Paul has a child. It must be me.’
‘Not necessarily. It could have been a combination of factors, some to do with you and some with him. Didn’t the doctor explain all this?’
‘He gave me some leaflets but I was so stressed out about it all...’ The words had seemed to mock her, performing a danse macabre on the paper.
‘And you didn’t ask for help, either?’
‘No. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone.’ The secret had driven a wedge between Cass and the people she was closest to. ‘You know what some people in the village say about Miss Palmer? They say “Poor Miss Palmer” because she never had children.’
‘Really? I’m not sure that’s something it would ever occur to me to say. Miss Palmer’s a force to be reckoned with.’
‘I think so too. I want to be like her...’
‘The best at your job? Terrifying? I think you’ve got that taped...’ Jack chuckled as she elbowed him in the ribs, and somehow Cass found herself smiling. The secret was out but it hadn’t turned on her like some wild beast. Jack had kept her safe.
* * *
He had trusted her. He had believed in her. It had given him the strength to be sure that there must be a reason for Cass’s attitude, and when she’d shared her fears with him he’d understood that reason. The suffocating weight of his own childhood and his concerns for Ellie had seemed to lift, as if naming their fears could somehow allow them to put them aside for a while.
‘Do you think... That I could go back and start again?’
‘Right to the beginning?’ Jack had often wondered the same himself. What it would be like if he could rewind and do it all again, knowing what he knew now. ‘I don’t think that’s possible.’
‘Just a week or so.’
That was a bit more attainable. ‘Can we leave the part where I’m almost drowned out?’
‘Yeah. No getting wet.’
‘And I doubt that Ben’s all that ready for a repeat of the mud incident either.’
Cass laughed. ‘No. I don’t imagine he is.’
Jack pulled her close, and when she tipped her face up towards him he dropped a kiss on to her cheek. ‘Here?’
‘That would be a really good place to start.’ He felt her lips move against his skin and suddenly he was right back in the place he’d been an hour ago. With a second chance.
‘You keep your eyes open when you’re with me, though. I promise you that I’ll take care of you and keep us both safe, but you have to let me know that it’s me you see. Nothing else.’
‘I see you, Jack. Not enough of you at the moment...’ She tugged at his sweater and he chuckled.
‘Hold that thought. I’ll be back in a minute. Less, if at all possible.’
‘I’ll be waiting.’
* * *
Jack fetched a quilt from the cupboard upstairs to spread out in front of the fire, concealing the condoms in its folds.
She sat, watching his every move, the flickering light playing across her smile. When she stood, reaching for him, Jack shook his head and pulled his sweater off.
‘Not yet. There’s something I want to do for you...’
Her gaze didn’t leave his face as he pulled off his clothes. Then he fell to one knee in front of her.
He wasn’t prepared for this. Jack had worked hard enough to be confident about his body, but the effect of kneeling before her, naked as the day he was born and offering himself to Cass, was extraordinary. When her smile told him that she liked what she saw, he felt his limbs begin to tremble. She ran one finger over his deltoid muscle and Jack felt his shoulders flex in response.
‘Look carefully.’ Her gaze was running across his skin like electricity and he didn’t want this to end any time soon.
She shot him a smile, targeting his chest next, and then his abs. Then she moved behind him and Jack caught his breath as he felt her warm hands on his back. Cass leaned over, bending to brush her lips against his ear and he groaned.
‘Very nice. Exceptional, in fact.’
His heart thumped in his chest as she circled him again, stopping to face him. He caught her hand, kissing her fingers. ‘All at your service.’
‘That I like. Very much.’
‘I’ll take good care of you, Cass.’ He wanted her to know that. Wanted beyond anything for her to believe it.
‘I know.’ She pulled her sweater over her head and Jack instinctively dropped his gaze to the ground. He’d never much thought about the seductive quality of listening to a woman undress, but this was beyond anything he could have dreamed. The soft scrape of material against skin. When he heard her unzip her jeans, his head began to swim and he gasped for breath.
‘Jack...’ Her fingers stroked his jaw and he raised his head. The picture of Cass, standing in front of him, naked, proud and strong, her red hair gleaming in the firelight, burned itself into his consciousness like a brand. Jack knew he would never forget this moment.
* * *
He was beautiful. Shadows contoured the honed muscles of his shoulders, slipping downwards towards slim hips and
strong thighs. Like a fine sculpture of a man, every inch of which had been fashioned by a master craftsman, in perfect form and proportion.
A man less confident about his body might have objected to this. But Jack’s strength allowed them to go places she’d never been before. Allowed them to act out the fantasy without the possibility of bruising his ego.
He wasn’t just some abstract being, though. This gorgeous body would be nothing without Jack’s warm eyes. The tenderness of his touch as he reached out, sliding his fingers along her curves.
‘You are exquisite.’ His hands moved to her waist and he drew her in, kissing her hip. Cass’s legs began to shake and then gave way altogether, and his grip tightened, holding her as she fell to her knees. Then he pulled her against him in a movement of unashamed power.
Her gaze met his and he kissed her. The ache of wanting him so much was almost unbearable now and she clung to his neck as he picked her up, a tangle of trembling limbs, and laid her down in front of the fire.
Settling himself over her, one arm curled around her back, the other hand moving towards her breast. A bright shiver of anticipation and suddenly Jack stilled, his fingers just a moment away from her skin. Before he’d even touched her nipple it was tight and hard.
Just a breath, a brush of his lips, and then he turned his face up to her. ‘Crazy for me?’
‘You know I am, Jack.’
‘Yeah. I’m crazy for you too, princess.’ His hand trailed down, caressing, learning her body. Each time she caught her breath his fingers responded, lingering a little until he tore a cry from her lips. Caught in his gaze, she could hide nothing from him.
* * *
Jack didn’t know how much more of this he could stand. He felt as if he was melting. So very hard, and so very soft, both at the same time.
She tightened the muscles which cradled him inside her and he gasped.
‘You like that...?’
‘Yes would be an understatement. Do it again.’
‘Your wish...’ She did it again, grinning as he cried out. ‘Is my command.’
‘And yours...’ He cupped her breast, stroking the nipple with his thumb, and felt her jolt against him. ‘Is mine.’
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