Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

“Mm-hmm.”

  Nulu put her hand on the top of his head and aimed it downward. “You didn’t even say good evening to her when she left. Did you notice her at all?”

  “She smelled like lilacs.”

  “Well, that’s something, I suppose. Maybe you can bring that up at breakfast in a couple of days. In the meanwhile, let’s go put a dent in old PalmerLee’s alcohol stores.”

  “Now you’re talking.” Grimbledung looked around. “Hey, where’d that Dwarfess go?”

  “She left, you silly Gnome. All you’d do is grope her or stare at the moon. There’s not much a gal can do with that, you know.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “Never mind. Let’s go catch up with Drimblerod at the Mora Tau and see who’s who in the zoo.”

  The pair turned and walked towards the Mora Tau Bar and BAR. Twice Grimbledung stopped to look up at the moon.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Changes in Attitude, Changes in, well... Grimbledung

  Grimbledung and Nulu walked onto the covered porch of the bar. Drimblerod was sitting on a bench waiting. “Where’ve you to been?” He already had a drink. Half of which was gone.

  “Where have we been? Where have I been, I should say. You two loons are an hour late. As usual.”

  Drimblerod smiled. “If you...” He shook his head. “Never mind; I don’t really have any sort of excuse.” He toasted her with his glass. “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine. You wanna sit outside?” Nulu asked. “It’s a nice night.” She pointed at the full moon. “Full moon and all.”

  Drimblerod’s eyes got large. “Oh boy. No, maybe we should go inside.”

  “Why’s that?”

  Grimbledung glanced over his shoulder at the moon.

  “Tell you when we’ve got a minute.” He took Grimbledung by the shoulder and maneuvered him to the door. He and Klank (and Maca) had been hoping to keep Grimbledung’s affliction a secret until they could get it cured, or know that they couldn’t. With a full moon out, that plan was looking like it wouldn’t work. “Inside, maybe.”

  The trio entered the bar. It was - as usual- crowded. “You wanna stay up here or go downstairs?” Grimbledung asked.

  “I dunno. Where’s Palmerlee? He’s always good for a story.”

  Grimbledung looked over towards the bar. There was a large Human tending it. A very large Human. “Hey, Tarbender. You know where Palmerlee is?”

  Tarbender looked up from where he was wiping down the bar, and over at Grimbledung for a long moment. “Yep.” He went back to wiping down the bar.

  “Great. Say. You know where your neck is? You seem to have left it someplace.” Grimbledung stuck out his tongue at the muscled Human. “That Human has no neck, Drim!” He nudged his partner, “Wanna stay here and bug him?”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “No, I’d rather not get thrown out by him again. Way out, if I recall correctly. Let’s go downstairs.”

  “Wait; again?” Nulu asked.

  Grimbledung shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

  “Again?” Tried Nulu. Again.

  The trio walked down the spiral staircase that led to the bowels of the bar. As usual, Grimbledung paused to look at the paintings that were hung along the staircase. “I wonder who all these people are,” he said absently as he went. “Some look famous even.” When he reached the bottom he looked around the room. Like the room above it, it was crowded, with only one or two empty tables. “Wanna sit at a table, Drim?”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “They wobble too much. Let’s sit at the bar.” Palmerlee had the tables and chairs made light and weak on purpose. Even the tankards were extra-thin to prevent them from becoming lethal weapons in the all-too-regular brawls that occurred. “Besides, look who’s at the bar.”

  Palmer Lee was tending bar along with a barmaid. Palmerlee was also large, but not as large as his employee one floor up. His skin was tanned and wrinkled from decades at sea. A captain’s hat was cocked to one side on his head as he was leaned over, telling one of countless stories to a patron.

  “Neat! Let’s see what story he’s telling tonight!”

  Nulu grabbed Grimbledung’s sleeve as he started to move away. “There’s Halflings at the bar, Grim.”

  Grimbledung looked at the bar. Seated at one end were four Halflings. They had pulled their stools close together and seemed to be engaged in a secret conversation. “They’re on the far end and they don’t look like soldiers. We’ll sit on the Palmer Lee end.”

  “I don’t know...”

  “Relax Nulu; there’s lots of Halflings in the lands.”

  Drimblerod raised an eyebrow at his partner. “Look who’s the voice of reason all of a sudden.”

  “It’ll be fine. Trust me!” Grimbledung shuffled over to the bar and climbed up onto a stool, Drimblerod right behind. Nulu taking up the rear.

  “Don’t interrupt him this time,” warned Drimblerod, “I hate it when I miss the end of a story.”

  “Maybe they just end abruptly,” offered Grimbledung.

  “No. No they don’t.” He elbowed his partner, “So behave yourself.”

  “Everything’s fine! I feel fine. My head feels fine. Everything is fine,” assured Grimbledung. “I haven’t felt this clear headed in a century. Never better.”

  “How are you gentlemen and lady this evening?” Asked the Barmaid

  “Well, I have this crick in my neck...” began Grimbledung.

  “He’s fine,” interrupted Drimblerod. “We all are.”

  “We’d like a couple of ales,” said Grimbledung. He held up four fingers. He added with a wink: “If you please.”

  Drimblerod sighed. He held up three fingers and gestured to the three of them.

  Nulu held up her hands and motioned that she wanted a troll-sized mug.

  The Barmaid nodded. “And all the orders are in. Coming right up.”

  Grimbledung scratched his neck absently. “It hot in here?” He asked no one in particular.

  Nulu leaned on the bar instead of sitting on one of the stools. She had been downstairs on many occasions and knew better than to trust any of the furniture. “So... How often do you two get thrown out of here?”

  “What, every time?”

  “Yeah, Grim. How many times have you been thrown out of here?” Nulu asked again.

  “Every. Time.”

  Nulu shook her head. “Well, let’s make tonight a first, please.”

  The Barmaid returned with two normal sized mugs and a third that was easily three times as big.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That’s a stein, Grim.”

  “It comes in steins?” He looked down at his drink, dejected. “That’s the kind of thing you tell a Gnome.”

  “Well, look at it this way, by the time you got to the bottom of it, it would be warm. This way, you can order your drinks nice and cold every time.”

  Grimbledung thought for a moment. Taking several sips from his mug as he did. “I guess that sounds reasonable.” Still, he eyed Nulu’s massive stein. “I guess.”

  The trio drank by the bar, listened to PalmerLee tell his stories of high adventure on the raging seas, and commented when appropriate. After several rounds, Grimbledung hopped off his stool. “I think I gotta go get rid of some ale. Drim?”

  Drimblerod looked from his partner to Nulu and back. “I’ll wait here with Nulu to hold our spot, then when you get back, we’ll go. It’s getting crowded down here you know.”

  Grimbledung nodded. “Good thinking! I’ll be right back then.” He turned and shuffled to the stairs, taking them two at a time as he went. As usual however, he stopped midway to look at the pictures that ran up and down the stairs.

  “I’m afraid to even ask.”

  Drimblerod finished his drink. “Well, remember when you were out with Grimbledung at the tree with Rat and Klank?”

  “Yeah, the tree full of Pixies. I remember that all too well.”

  “Well, when Grimbledung ran off in that storm,
he came straight to town.”

  “I know all that.” Nulu took a drink. “You should stop stalling. That Gnome’ll be back soon.” She put down her stein. “Out with it.”

  Drimblerod sighed. “Well, he came straight to town and ran into Akita and Maca out in the street.” He looked at the stairs. The coast was still clear. “He attacked Maca and Akita had to get him off her.”

  “I think there’s something going on between those two.”

  Drimblerod nodded. “Oh, definitely. And probably because of that, Akita went a little overboard in getting him off.”

  “Overboard?”

  “He bit him on the neck killing him.”

  “He died again? That Gnome spends as much time in the hereafter as he does anyplace else.”

  “Well, Maca is some sort of Elf Witch and she brought him back. The good part was that she was able to cure his Pixie madness. But...”

  “Oh no. You’re not saying.”

  “Yes.” Drimblerod nodded. “He’s a WereGnome now. Until Maca can figure out a way to cure him without killing him for good.”

  Nulu looked to the stairs. “I don’t know if that’s better or worse.” A thought came to her. “Wait. He’s a Lycan and you brought him out on a full moon?”

  Drimblerod shrugged. “Well, he’s not a full blown Lycan because Akita is kind of a subdued one so we don’t think there’s any danger of him just changing out of the blue.”

  “Still.”

  “Well, that’s why we’ve been keeping an eye on him. So far he hasn’t had any sort of... outbreak.”

  Nulu shook her head. “That Gnome.”

  “Yeah. That about sums it up.” Drimblerod glanced at the stairs. “Here he comes. Act natural.”

  Nulu smiled. As Grimbledung walked up she said “And that’s when I learned I wasn’t lactose intolerant.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing, Grim. We were just chatting.”

  “OK.” Grimbledung scratched at his neck again. “I’ll order another round while you two make a run for it.”

  Nulu nodded. “That sounds like a good plan. Are you going to be all right here by yourself?” Nulu looked at the crowded bar. Any one of these patrons could easily set off Grimbledung’s Pixie... She stopped herself. That’s not a problem anymore. “OK, Grim. We’ll be right back. Three drinks.” She held up three fingers.

  Grimbledung held up three fingers as well. “Got it.” He kept his three fingers raised so he wouldn’t forget. He waved them at the Barmaid. “This many.” He winked. “If you please.”

  The Barmaid rolled her eyes at him then nodded. If nothing else, she knew that the Gnomes were good tippers. Unstable, prone to starting brawls, and tended to grope the Doxies, but when all was said and done, they tipped well. It was more than she could say about a lot of other patrons who also started brawls and groped at random.

  Nulu shook her head. “Come on Drim. Let’s get out and back quick like.”

  Grimbledung hopped back onto his stool. “This is great!”

  “Right this way, Nulu,” Drimblerod led the way to the stairs. Thanks to a long discussion with Mon and Ton, Drimblerod had picked up a few pointers on politeness. Apparently, females went first, unless stairs were involved; then it was the male’s duty to go first. Who would have known? These and other helpful tips (such as belching at the table = bad. Compliments for the tasty cooking = good) Drimblerod had stored away, in case, as Nulu had said earlier, he did come across a respectable female he wanted to enter into an exclusive relationship with.

  “Right behind you,” said Nulu.

  The pair moved to the stairs and disappeared from sight.

  Grimbledung bounced in his stool as the Barmaid returned with the three drinks. “Here you go, Mister Gnome.”

  “Grimbledung”

  “I’m a Barmaid,” the female reminded him. “Barmaid.”

  Grimbledung nodded. “I know. I was just being sociable is all.”

  The Barmaid nodded. “Mary”

  “Thanks, Mary. It’s just that until recently, I had these sounds in my head that made me do really crazy things and now they’re gone.” He scratched the back of his neck. “So it’s nice that I can just say hello to someone without... you know.”

  Mary shrugged. She didn’t know, and really didn’t want to know. But, if it helped raise the tips even higher, she would, as all Barmaids (and servers) everywhere, pretend to care completely about any and all problems a customer mentioned. “Well, that’s really good to hear,” she lied. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  Grimbledung looked around. “Say, Mary...”

  Here it comes. The proposition.

  “What would it take to get you to serve me a drink in one of these things?” He pointed at Nulu’s stein.

  Oh, that’s all? “Well, we reserve those for our larger customers. She paused as she considered how to phrase her next sentence. “And, to be honest, Grimbledung, patrons who aren’t known for smashing their mugs on other patron’s heads.”

  Grimbledung nodded. “I understand, Mary. But, like I said; I’m better now.” He smiled at the woman. “I’m on my bestest behavior.” He perked up. “Plus we’ve got Nulu to keep things in line. Nothing says stay in line a large Trolless, right?”

  Mary considered that. She let out a long sigh. “Well, I suppose so. Tell you what, Grimbledung. You take this one.” She slid Nulu’s drink across to him. “And I’ll pour her a fresh one.”

  “What about this other one?” Grimbledung pointed at his now unaffiliated mug.

  “I’ll drink that in honor of your getting better.”

  Grimbledung clapped. “A toast!” He hefted the stein. It took both hands for him to do so.

  Mary laughed. “All right. A toast.” She lifted the mug.

  “To me not having Pixie Madness anymore.” He tried hefting the stein higher but ended up sloshing out some of the ale. “Woops! Ale foul!” He lowered the stein, balancing the nearer edge on the bar as he sipped the drink.

  Mary raised the mug higher and then took a drink herself. “To your health. Mental health, that is.”

  The Halflings at the end of the bar all laughed.

  Grimbledung took another long drink. “Ahh, that hits the spot.”

  “Just take it easy. That’s three of your regular drinks.” Warned Mary as she moved off, mug in hand, to tend to other customers.

  “How’s about a toast to that Gnome for not being Pixie stupid?” A Halfling raised his glass.

  “That sounds good. Now if we can just cure him of his bigger problem” said the other.

  “What’s that?” Said a third as he raised his glass.

  The fourth just smiled, enjoying the insults as they flew.

  “Being Gnome-stupid, of course!” Guffawed the first as they all clinked their glasses.

  Grimbledung looked over at the trio. He pulled on his collar. “It getting hotter in here?”

  “Not, it’s just getting stupider in here.” Another round of laughter and toasting made its way around the Halflings.

  Grimbledung took a deep breath. Then another. It didn’t help. “You know, just a month ago, I’d have been all over you for that.” He took another drink. “Not today.”

  “Well, I’m not your type so I’m glad you’re not all over me!” Laughed a Halfling.

  Grimbledung’s back started to itch. He reached back and tried to scratch it, but couldn’t reach.

  “He’s having a fit!”

  Grimbledung let go of his stein. “Why don’t you just go someplace else.”

  “Why don’t you go hump a stump?”

  Grimbledung got off his stool. The itching in his back made its way down to his legs. He squirmed at the uncomfortable feeling.

  “Oooh! Give us a dance, Gnome!” One of the Halflings tossed a copper coin at Grimbledung. It hit him in the chest and clattered to the floor.

  Grimbledung looked to the stairs. Where are those two? “Grrrr!” He said out loud.

 
; “Oh, and he’s well-spoken too. Dance for us well-spoken Gnome!”

  GRRRR!” Growled Grimbledung, “You’d better leave! You’re making me angry! You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!” He clambered up on the barstool glowering down.

  “I don’t think I’d like you when you’re not angry.”

  Mary moved back to the Gnome. Quickly. “Grimbledung, what’s going on?”

  “GRRRRR!” Said Grimbledung as he clambered down from his bar stool. “Put away the breakables!” He said to Mary.

  “This is a bar, everything is breakable.”

  Grimbledung growled again. He tugged at his shirt. “Is it getting hotter in here?”

  “We’ve been through this already,” said one of the Halflings to the chuckles of his friends. “No. It’s getting stupider in here.”

  “GRRRR!” Said Grimbledung as he clenched and flexed his hands. “Stinkin’ Halfling!”

  “I think it’s time you four left,” said Mary.

  One of the Halflings shook his head. “I’ve had enough.” He reached into his belt pouch and produced five coppers- effectively no tip at all. He tossed them to the barmaid. “Here you go. Get yourself a drink for having to deal with this loon.”

  Grimbledung panted as a tendril of drool leaked out of his mouth.

  “That’s just gross,” said the Halfling. The quartet got off their barstools.

  “Yeah,” agreed the Mary, “stop doing that. You’re going to spook the other customers.”

  Grimbledung panted. “Ahhhh OOOOOoooo!” He shouted at the ceiling. Most of the patrons turned to look.

  The Halflings moved to Grimbledung, “You’re a complete...” began one of the Halflings.

  Grimbledung’s eye color swirled as they became all black and two of his teeth seemed to grown twice their size as he looked on. They now stuck down past his lower lip and ended in sharp points. “Grrrrr!” He said as his tongue hung out.

  “Lord High Priest! Let’s get out of here!” He grabbed his partners by the shoulders and pulled them to the stairs.

  They had to wait as Nulu (going first of course) and Drimblerod made their way down. After they had passed, they clambered up the stairs as fast as they could.

  “Uh oh. Grim, you okay ?” Drimblerod called.