In Matt’s absence, I raided his movies. I settled on Shop Girl, which I watched while eating chips, drinking beer, and clutching my phone, hoping that at some point Daniel would buckle and text me or call. It took every ounce of self-control I could muster to leave the ball in his court.
As I drank my beer, I tortured myself with thoughts of Daniel’s delicious Guinness kisses. And speaking of torture, Shop Girl had not been a wise choice. By the time the final scene rolled around and Ray Porter’s voice-over described how he felt connected to Mirabelle even though they were separated by miles and time zones, my heart was throbbing painfully.
Daniel, wherever you are, please call…
Daniel did not call on Friday or even after I broke down on Saturday morning and left a message on his cell phone.
So much for my promise to his father. What had he said to Daniel? I don’t know what’s happened to your moral compass? Apparently mine had gone berserk too. But surely this was different? I wasn’t harassing him to say “Let’s go out” or “Can I come over?”
I just wanted to know that the man I was falling in love with was okay.
Matt finally came home late Saturday afternoon. After having slept elsewhere on Friday night, he walked through the door looking mighty pleased with himself, but his face fell as soon as he saw me flaked out on the couch watching infomercials. I’d been lying there for hours, still in my PJs, watching drivel and dozing occasionally.
“Aubrey, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going away? Jesus. You look like crap.”
“Thanks, Matt, I appreciate your comforting words.”
But he was right. I looked and felt like shit. He flopped on the couch beside me to listen as I explained what had happened, including my attempts to reach Daniel and my lack of success at getting hold of him. It was a relief to pour my heart out. After being the good friend and not telling Julie a word, I’d been on the verge of exploding from holding everything in.
“So, he had some sort of breathing attack, and they booted you out, and that’s the last you heard from him?”
“Pretty much.”
“That sucks. Now you’re wallowing in Magic Bullet infomercials?”
“Yep.”
“I don’t know, Aub, that’s Stage Two if I ever saw it. That’s way worse than Maury Povich.”
He smiled sadly at me. I shook my head, recalling how I’d tried to joke around with Matt after his break up with Sarah. Now that the shoe was on the other foot, I was kicking myself for being such a smartass.
“Do you want me to call him?” he offered. “If he’s screening calls, he won’t recognize my number. Maybe he’ll pick up. I can try to reason with him.”
I didn’t want to put Matt in an awkward position, but…
“It’s worth a try, I guess.”
He didn’t miss a beat, handing me his phone. “Dial.”
I punched in Daniel’s number and gave Matt the phone. He stood up and paced, waiting for an answer. Then he shook his head.
“Yeah, Daniel, it’s Matt. I’m here with Aubrey, and she’d—well, we actually, would appreciate it if you’d call to let her know what’s going on. I warned you not to screw her around again. Leaving her in the dark like this? Not cool. Call her as soon as possible. I mean it.” He hung up and tossed his phone on the table. “Sorry, Aub.”
“Thanks for trying.”
“Look, isn’t there someone else you could call? Julie’s dating his brother, right? Maybe they know what’s going on.”
I sighed. “Julie and Jeremy are in Windsor. They’re having this big meet-the-parents weekend. I don’t want to wreck her fun.”
Matt looked at me, perplexed. “Why do you always do that?”
“Do what?”
“Worry about everyone else. They’re your friends. They’ll understand. That’s what friends do for each other.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, imagining how things might unfold if I called Julie. Either Jeremy would get dragged into the middle of things, calling Daniel and trying to intervene on my behalf, or he’d find out that Daniel wasn’t well and feel guilty for being away for the weekend. Worse still, maybe he wouldn’t be able to reach his brother either and he’d drive home in a panic from Windsor—he was a nervous driver in the first place.
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m not calling Julie.”
Matt sighed. “You’re so fucking stubborn.”
“Daniel thinks so too.”
“For once we agree on something.” He paused for a second. “What about the English bombshell and Mr. Muscle? Can’t you call them?”
“I tried earlier. No answer.”
“Try again,” Matt said.
I got Penny’s voice mail after the fifth ring. I rolled my eyes at Matt. We weren’t having much luck.
“Hi, Penny, it’s Aubrey again. I’m sorry to be a pest, but I was wondering if you could give me a call back when you get a second. It’s kind of important. Thanks.”
I hung up and fell back onto the couch, sighing.
“Looks like you’ve done the best you can. Why don’t you have a hot shower? Try to unwind a bit.”
I allowed him to cajole me with the promise that he would make dinner while I got myself sorted out. After my shower, I dried off, bundled myself up in my robe, and stared at the lipstick-smudged tissues in the waste basket. It was Matt’s turn to talk. I called for him to come to the bathroom quickly.
“What is it?” he asked from the other side of the bathroom door.
I held up one of the long blond hairs and poked my hand through the door.
“My hair. I think it’s going gray from stress,” I said.
“That’s blond, not gray.”
I whipped the door open, looking at him suspiciously as I held the hair aloft. “Spill.”
He took the hair and dropped it in the garbage. “I’ll give you three guesses, and your first two don’t count,” he said.
“Sarah?”
“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, folks.”
Ha! I knew it!
“You want to talk about it?” I offered.
“Would you be mad if I said no?”
“Nope. Your call, dude. I don’t mean to pry. You know I want you to be happy, right?”
He took my hand. “I know. I just don’t want to jinx anything. I want you to be happy, too. I can’t believe this is happening with you and Daniel. Actually, I can believe it. I’ve had a bad feeling about this since the beginning, but it’s not my place to say, you know?”
“I know. Can I have a hug?”
“What kind of question is that?” He pulled me into a tight embrace, rubbing my back. “I’m glad you showered. You smelled kind of funky earlier.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered into his neck.
He laughed and stepped back. “Atta girl. Now get dressed. I’m in the middle of making you the most amazing mac and cheese. Best cure for heartache I can think of. Then you can spend all night watching infomercials. You should see if you can find one for a Tae-Bo DVD or something. You’re getting a little doughy.”
He playfully poked me in the belly and shook his head.
“One day we’ll both be happy at the same time, Aubs,” he said, heading off to the kitchen.
I tried to do homework Sunday morning, but it was an exercise in futility. I checked my email every two minutes for an answer to a message I’d sent Daniel. I’d tried to be straightforward, pleading for him to tell me he was okay so I could stop worrying. When my phone rang at noon, I almost put my back out leaping to reach for it.
Sadly, it wasn’t Daniel. But it was Penny, and I was almost as thrilled to hear from her.
“Aubrey, I’m so sorry, love. I’ve only just received your messages. Brad and I went out for the day yesterday, and I had my phone off. So, is Daniel with you? He was afraid to call me back after he heard my message this morning, wasn’t he? You’re still up at that bloody resort, aren’t you? I’ll never get this house painted.
First Jeremy leaves with Julie, and now Daniel’s gone and buggered off too.”
“Wait. You lost me—”
“You and Daniel. Aren’t you two still up in the Muskokees?”
“Muskokas. And, no, we’re not up there. We didn’t end up going. At least I didn’t go. If Daniel went, it wasn’t with me. So, you haven’t spoken to him at all this weekend?”
“No, that wanker. He was supposed to call me to tell me what time he was coming over today to paint. Why aren’t you with him? He was beyond excited about going up there with you. You didn’t have a fight, did you?”
“No, we didn’t have a fight. Not really. It’s kind of complicated.”
“I’m all ears, darling.”
I told her the whole story while she occasionally interjected an “Oh no” or sighed. Penny gasped when I told her we’d had dinner at Patty’s. Once the words started coming, I couldn’t seem to stop.
“I can’t believe he hasn’t called you, of all people,” I said, after explaining how Daniel had waved me out and David had sent me on my way. “He tells you everything. Now I’m more worried than ever. What if this breathing thing got worse after I left? What if he’s in the hospital or something?”
Jesus, why hadn’t I thought of that earlier? He was probably in the hospital! That’s why no one could reach him. But wouldn’t his parents call to let people know? The whole situation was beyond weird.
My questions were met with silence, and then Penny said, “Oh, sod it,” very matter-of-factly.
“What?”
“Well, it’s just—oh, bugger—”
“Wait, don’t tell me. You do know what’s going on, don’t you, and you can’t say? What—is this fence post? Not your place to tell? Goddamn this family and their frigging secrets. Fuck the fence post, Penny!”
“That’s inadvisable, love. You’ll get slivers in places you didn’t even know you had.”
“You know what I mean. I’m going out of my mind. If you know something, please tell me!”
She sighed and grumbled unintelligibly.
“Penny?”
“You know, he’s going to absolutely throttle me when he finds out I’ve told you this.”
“You’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry, really. Look, by the sounds of things, I’m sure he’s fine. David meant it when he said it would pass in twenty minutes or so.”
“It. What it? Tell me what it is!”
“Panic, darling. Anxiety. Daniel has a mild anxiety disorder. Well, he did. He’s been so much better lately. I’ve noticed a real change since I’ve been over here. I’ve only heard him complain a couple of times about it recently.”
“Anxiety disorder? How long has he had it?”
“It’s nothing to worry about, lovey. Sometimes he has these extreme reactions to stressful situations. Often, they happen out of the blue. Panic attacks aren’t life threatening, but they can be debilitating if you don’t deal with them early on. He’s been having them since that bitch at Oxford dragged his name through the mud.”
“Oh, Penny, why didn’t he tell me? I had no clue.”
“You know how proud he is. Plus, he’s probably terrified of scaring you away. He’s notorious for over thinking. I’m sure you’ve sussed that out as well.”
“So, he’s probably fine? He’s most likely not in the hospital?”
“I’d be very surprised to hear that he was in the hospital, yes, so there you are. One fence post knocked over. Done and dusted.”
This was a nice thought, but it wasn’t exactly true. If the fence post was truly knocked over, I’d know precisely where Daniel was and why he wasn’t answering any of my messages.
Chapter 11
To Be So Moral
’tis all men’s office to speak patience
To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
But no man’s virtue nor sufficiency
To be so moral when he shall endure
The like himself.
(Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, Scene 1)
I WALKED ACROSS THE QUAD on Monday morning, oddly full of dread and hope. Normally I’d have been thrilled about the sun’s efforts to melt the last stray patches of snow, but I couldn’t have cared less. Seeing Dean Grant was going to be uncomfortable. Seeing Daniel later—hopefully safe and fully recovered from his anxiety attack—would be the balm to ease the discomfort. Even if he didn’t want to talk to me, knowing he was okay was all I needed.
The office was dark when I arrived. There was a note from Gisele outlining what she’d accomplished on Friday; from what she’d written, I gathered Dean Grant hadn’t returned in the afternoon.
Preoccupied, I went on auto-pilot and worked my way through my morning’s tasks. I kept reflecting on my conversation with Penny. We’d actually talked for over half an hour as she’d tried to calm me down and put my mind at ease.
Shortly after nine thirty, my musings were interrupted by Dean Grant walking through the door, a bleary-eyed Daniel on his heels.
“Good morning, Aubrey,” Dean Grant said as he hung up his coat, his voice a touch more brusque than usual. He was wearing Dockers and a golf shirt. I couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t come to work in a suit.
Daniel hung back, one hand in his pocket and the other resting lightly on the counter. A thousand emotions passed across his face as he met my eyes.
“Hi.”
That was all he said.
How could one small syllable be imbued with so much feeling?
“How are you?” I asked. What an absurd question. I didn’t know what else to say. His father watched us from his office doorway.
“Better, I suppose.” He frowned and shook his head slightly as if calling himself out on the lie.
“Okay, come on in, you two,” his father said, holding the door to his office open.
Daniel stepped around the counter and stood with his father in the doorway. “Dad, I’m going to talk to Aubrey first. Alone. I think she deserves the courtesy of an explanation from me.”
Dean Grant seemed prepared to dig in his heels. His eyes bounced back and forth between us.
Please.
I willed him to agree with my eyes.
“Well—”
“I’m not asking permission,” Daniel clarified, his voice steely.
Wow. Was this the same Daniel who’d fallen apart here three days ago?
His father sighed. “All right, go in here.” He motioned to a small reading room. “I’ll be waiting in my office.”
Daniel nodded grimly. “This might take a while. We have a lot to talk about.”
I met Dean Grant’s eyes, and he gazed back at me contemplatively. God only knew what he must have been thinking. Daniel gestured for me to enter the small room ahead of him, and he followed, pushing the door closed quietly and turning the lock. I stood beside the small round table in the center of the room, tracing the wood grain pattern on the surface with my thumbnail.
“Are you really okay?” I whispered.
“No, not really.”
I stepped forward, my hands hanging uselessly at my sides. “I was so worried when I didn’t hear from you, and I didn’t know what was wrong or where you were—and now you come in here, looking like, God, I don’t know, like you haven’t slept in days…What’s going on? You could have at least answered one of my messages. I just wanted to know you were all right.”
He shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I had no control over what happened this weekend. I was beside myself worrying about you too, you have no idea…” He took a step forward, and I thought he was going to take me in his arms, but he didn’t. He walked around the table and stood by the window looking out at the quad. “I’ve been with you for two minutes, and already I want to do all the things my father said I shouldn’t do.” He peered over his shoulder at me, his eyes pained.
“I’m sorry. I guess we’re in the same boat. I promised your father I’d back off, and there I was, texting you, phoning you, emailin
g. Obviously that put you in an awkward position. Is that why you didn’t answer me? You promised your father you wouldn’t?”
He dropped into the chair on the other side of the table. “I promised my father no such thing. I didn’t get any messages. I’ve been up at our cottage all weekend. I didn’t have my phone, my laptop. Nothing. I had no way of contacting you, no way of leaving. We left there early this morning. I haven’t even been home yet.” He gestured to his scruffy clothes. “I insisted on coming here to see you first.”
“That’s why no one could get hold of you?”
He nodded. “After we left here on Friday, I was exhausted. I assumed they were taking me home. I closed my eyes in the car, and I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, we were in fucking Bracebridge. Can you believe that?”
“Oh my God. I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t. My dad said I needed to make a clean break for a couple of days to clear my head—get some distance and regain my perspective. I had no say in it, and I was livid. I asked if I could use his phone to call you, and he assured me he’d told you I’d be fine and that you needed some time to think, too. I promise you, Aubrey, it was never my intent to leave you hanging like that. It was an awful weekend. Tense doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
I sat down across from him. “They didn’t let anyone know where they were going?”
“Jeremy was away for the weekend. They didn’t think they needed to call him. And with Brad and Penny on their own, they assumed they’d be none the wiser. No need to worry them unnecessarily.”
I grimaced. “Well, I’m sorry, but they were worried by yesterday afternoon. I had to call Penny. She left you quite a few messages. I did as well. I think I started to sound a little hysterical by yesterday morning. There’s a message on your phone from Matt, too. He was worried about me.”
A gentle smile ghosted across his face, and he looked down at my hands. “Good old Matt.”
“He’s back together with his girlfriend, by the way. I thought you’d be happy to hear that.”
Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2) Page 11