Better Deeds Than Words (Words#2)

by Georgina Guthrie

  I could hear the smile in his voice as he used my own argument against me. Damn.

  “Does this have anything to do with next Friday?” I asked.

  “Maybe.”

  “You’re not going to tell me anything, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  I huffed in exasperation.

  “In fact, I have to go, love,” he said. “I’ve got to stop and grab some gas.”

  “Not even a tiny hint?”

  “You’re going to love it. That’s all you need to know. You might even love it more than you love me.”

  “Not possible.”

  “Good answer, poppet,” he replied.

  That evening, with my interview at the English office behind me, I finally allowed myself to believe that Daniel and I might actually make it to the end of the semester without being discovered. We’d made a pact to be extra cautious, resolving not to see each other until the exam was over, despite the misery the decision inflicted on both of us.

  Without Professor Brown’s classes to look forward to, which had afforded me the chance to gaze at Daniel from across the room, the next week would be a difficult one. I would simply have to dedicate myself to the task of studying with a vengeance. I got to work drawing up a detailed study schedule, using the comfort of a rigid routine to keep me anchored.

  The sound of Joanna crashing through the door with an armful of bags interrupted my studying. I wandered into her room and leaned against the wall.

  “There’s my long-lost roommate. I was starting to forget what you looked like,” I said, watching as she unzipped all of her bags on the bed.

  “Hi,” she said, smiling at me over her shoulder. “Still the same old me.”

  “Is everything okay with you and Stephen?”

  “We’re fine,” she assured me. “We need some space during exams, that’s all. I’m glad I kept my room here. This is one of those times when having a place to escape to is a real blessing.”

  “Well, that makes me feel special,” I teased.

  “Cripes, I didn’t mean it that way,” she said, putting her hands over her mouth in horror.

  I waved off her concern, helping her put away a pile of T-shirts and jeans. “Don’t worry about it, Jo. I’m glad you’re happy. I don’t mind playing second fiddle to true love.”

  “I think it is true love, Aub. We’re making all these plans. It’s pretty amazing.”

  She filled me in on their decision to go overseas for a year after graduation to teach ESL in Taiwan and come home to start their life together debt-free. While Stephen was heading back home after exams to stay with his family until convocation, Jo planned to stay in Toronto until they left so she could take an adult education course. They had all their ducks in a row. Exciting stuff.

  Unfortunately, their plans only served to remind me how fuzzy my own future was. I resolutely pushed my concerns to the back of my mind. I didn’t have time to worry about that now. I had to study for my Friday exam.

  I returned to my room where I spent a good couple of hours sorting through my notes, highlighting exam outlines and trying to get a sense of how much work lay ahead of me. By eleven o’clock, I was wiped. I got ready for bed and then sat at my desk, intending to send Daniel a good-night email.

  I waited for my laptop to power up and flipped through the pile of envelopes on my desk. How wonderful to have Daniel’s lovely cards to look forward to every day.

  “I’d say a penny for your thoughts, but I’d actually pay a shit ton more to know what’s going through your mind right now.”

  Matt was standing in my open doorway, watching me moon over the envelopes in my hand.

  “Hey, cowboy,” I said, gesturing for him to come in.

  He walked up behind me and rubbed my shoulders.

  “How’s studying?” he asked.

  “My brain is mush. I’ve lost all ability to think.” I rolled my shoulders. “That feels good. I had no idea how sore I was until you started doing that.”

  He laughed before patting my back.

  “What’s this all about?” he asked, gesturing to my hands.

  I smiled secretively. “They’re from Daniel.”

  “Well, I figured as much.” He snorted. “Doesn’t he believe in emails? Texting?”

  “For your information, I won’t get to see him until next week. There’s a card here for me to open each day between now and next Thursday. Something to look forward to.”

  “Man, why do I feel like I should be taking notes?” he said.

  I laughed.

  “Have you told Jo about Daniel yet?”

  “She hasn’t exactly been around long enough for a heart to heart. I’ll let you know when I’ve told her everything, okay?”

  “Fair enough.” He watched me for a moment as I looked down at the unopened cards. “You miss him, eh?”

  I nodded. “Part of me wants to open them all right now.” I wasn’t joking. It was all I could do not to tear through them like a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

  “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

  “It’s tempting.” I picked absently at the seal of tomorrow’s envelope.

  “You let me know if you’re having a weak moment, and I’ll talk you off the ledge.” He ruffled my hair and crossed the room, closing my door quietly behind him. How did I get so lucky? Great friends and an incredible boyfriend. I snapped my laptop closed and grabbed my phone instead, quickly typing out a good-night text to Daniel.

  Hey, handsome!

  I wanted to say again how glad I am

  that everything seems to be okay.

  If I thought something we’d done

  (or worse, something I had done)

  would lead to heartache for you…

  I couldn’t forgive myself.

  Sleep well. I love you so much.

  Almost forgot--how’d things go in Orillia?

  Details please! -Poppet

  A few moments later, my phone buzzed.

  I’m relieved too, believe me.

  Please know this--the only thing you could do

  to cause me heartache is to leave me.

  As for my trip to Orillia…you’ll see soon enough.

  Goodnight, sweet Aubrey. I love you too. -D

  Was he crazy? I couldn’t even take the idea of me leaving him seriously. And I couldn’t leave it alone.

  Leave you?

  Ha! Rest assured I did not wait all this time

  to have some hot shmexy times with you,

  just to walk away before getting any action! ;)

  Goodnight. -A

  I flopped back on the bed and had just managed to get comfortable when my phone rang. I smiled as I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Miss Price, what am I going to do with you?”

  “Who is this?” I asked coyly.

  “Only the man who’s counting the hours until he can be with you—so he can touch you, kiss you, taste you, love you—spend the night with you in his arms.”

  I squirmed under the covers. “Mmm, yes, I do have a vague memory of this man.”

  “Only a vague memory? What does he have to do to jog this memory of yours?”

  I pulled the blanket up under my chin. “Gosh, I don’t know. If I could kiss him, I’m sure it would all come back to me…”

  I heard him breathe deeply. “He wants to kiss you, too. Desperately.”

  “Daniel, I miss you so much. I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “We agreed this was the best decision. If we stay apart, there’s no way we can screw anything up. We’re so close now, love.”

  “I know. It’s just hard.” I rolled over onto my side. “Are you really counting the hours?”

  “Maybe.”

  “How many?”

  “I think it’s something like two hundred.”

  “Two hundred?”

  “One day we’ll look back on this and laugh.” He sighed.

  He was right, but somehow knowing I’
d be laughing next week didn’t make me miss him any less.

  Chapter 23

  Dressing Old Words New

  O, know, sweet love, I always write of you,

  And you and love are still my argument;

  So all my best is dressing old words new…

  (Sonnet 76)

  DURING MY TIME APART from Daniel, the first thing I did every morning was clamber out of bed to grab the day’s envelope, then eagerly crawl back into bed to open it and pour over the contents.

  The cards got sweeter every day. The pictures on the front gradually moved away from Professor Brown’s classroom to include Daniel’s parents’ house, our table at the Gardiner Museum, and the arch under the Vic Gatehouse. The words he included inside each card were just as thoughtful, liberally sprinkled with romantic poetry and personal messages of adoration.

  We talked on the phone every day and sent each other plenty of emails and texts, but it was the cards that made each day special. I lined them up on my bookshelf, returning to them frequently to re-read his lovely words.

  When I woke up on Sunday morning, it was already light in my room. I peeked over at my alarm clock, refusing to move the rest of my body unless it was past ten o’clock. Ten seventeen. Nice. I’d slept like the dead.

  I yawned and stretched, frowning at the dull beating in my temples—most likely my monthly PMS headache. In the bathroom, I popped a couple of Tylenol and returned to my desk, excited to open Sunday’s card. I was just about to tear the envelope open when a voice at my ear almost made me leap out of my skin.

  “Aubrey, can I borrow a highlighter?”

  “Jesus, Jo, you scared the shit out of me. Don’t creep up on me like that.”

  “I wasn’t creeping, I was walking.” Jo gestured to the card in my hand, scanning the other cards lined up on my bookshelf. “What’s this all about?”

  “It’s, um, nothing really. Well, that’s not true.” I shook my head. “It’s a long story.”

  “Okay,” she said. She looked at me for a few seconds, and after perhaps deciding I wasn’t going to say more, she turned to walk out of the room.

  “Hey, Jo, wait. I need to tell you something.”

  She examined my face. “Is everything all right? You seem out of sorts.”

  “I’m okay, really. Come here for a sec.”

  I pulled the bedspread over my pillow, and we both sat cross-legged on my bed. I grabbed the framed picture of Daniel at Oxford off my nightstand and handed it to her. She blushed furiously.

  “I saw this yesterday when I was stealing a few sheets of computer paper. I wondered when you’d tell me about him. He’s absolutely gorgeous. Who is he?”

  I bit my lip and smiled. “Daniel,” I said. “That’s Daniel. My boyfriend.”

  Daniel. My boyfriend! The words sounded foreign coming out of my mouth. Had I actually not said them out loud until now?

  “Holy moly! How do you have this incredibly good-looking boyfriend and I don’t know about it? What the heck?”

  “Like I said, it’s a long story.”

  “In that case, let me get comfortable.”

  She flopped back on the bed with a contented sigh and looked up at me expectantly. I laughed and proceeded to tell her the story of the handsome TA, his adoring student, and the terribly ill-advised relationship they’d embarked upon in February. Her eyes widened at various points in the narrative, and I let her grab my hand at the particularly harrowing parts.

  “And so now we’re just…waiting,” I said. “The exam is on Thursday, and on Friday we’ll finally be able to be together. I was just about to open today’s card.”

  Joanna stared at me in wonder for a moment. “Goodness, why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I don’t know. You always do the right thing. I didn’t want you to judge me—to think I’m a bad person. And to be fair, Jo, you haven’t been around much.”

  “Aubrey, I’ve basically been living in sin with my boyfriend for three months. My parents are paying for my apartment here, and I’m hardly ever in it. I’m not a saint. Do I really come across as that judgmental?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. To be honest, I had to respect Daniel’s feelings, too. The more people who knew, the more dangerous it would be for us—for him.”

  “I suppose so. Gosh, I’ve been so out of the loop. I wish I’d known. I would have been there for you. How awful not to have been able to talk to anyone.”

  “I did tell Matt. I had to. It was impossible to keep it from him, being around him all the time.” I watched as she registered the fact that Matt had known while she hadn’t. “You didn’t know it at the time, Jo, but you were here for me. Remember the week I was upset about an argument with a friend? The friend was Daniel. We’d had a bad fight. You were here, and you did comfort me. You did my hair for the Kap party, remember?”

  She smiled sadly. “Of course. I’ve never seen you so upset. It sounds like the last couple of months have been horrible.”

  “He’s wonderful, and we’ve had some lovely moments, but they’ve been rare. When you really want to be with someone and you’re made to feel like everything about your relationship is wrong? Well, it’s been shitty. Hell, it still is! We’re going to have to be discreet for a little longer. To let the dust settle, you know?”

  “So, you really like him, huh?”

  “You have no idea. I’m totally in love with him. He’s fantastic—too good to be true sometimes.” I put his picture back on my nightstand. “I’m glad you know. I’m happy you’re back, too.” I reached for her hand. “I’ve missed having you around. You make really good coffee.”

  Jo knew me well enough to interpret my bravado as an admission of how much she meant to me. She squeezed my hand, and out of nowhere, I started to cry.

  She sat up and rubbed my back gently. “Oh my goodness, Aubrey. Look at you. I’ve upset you.”

  “No, it’s not you, really. I think it’s PMS.” I reached for a tissue and blew my nose. “Well, I guess it’s not just PMS. I miss him. It’s hard being apart.”

  “When was the last time you saw him?”

  “Last Monday.”

  “Holy crow! So, these cards he’s given you to open—it’s like having a little piece of him with you every day.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, look on the bright side. It’s Sunday. You’ll see him soon.”

  “I know.” I nodded, flicking at the envelope’s seal.

  What I was actually thinking was, Soon just isn’t soon enough.

  “I’ll leave you to open that.” Jo pushed herself off the bed and snagged a pink highlighter from my desk. “And any time you want to talk, I’m here, okay?”

  I nodded and waited for her to close the door behind her before tearing the envelope open. On the front there was a picture of the bookcases in the Hart House Library and inside another one of Daniel’s lovely messages.

  I know you remember our first exchange in the library as vividly as I do. I made it clear that day how much I wanted you, and now I’m counting the moments until we melt together as one. In a few short days, my body will be yours. My heart and soul already are. ~D

  On Monday, my routine was turned upside down. My shift at the registrar’s office was relegated to the afternoon because of my morning exam. This meant working two hours longer than I was used to, but I didn’t care. I was positively giddy as I went through my day.

  By the time I headed home from my exam at ten forty the next morning, I was beyond giddy. Just knowing that Daniel and I would have only two days to get through once I put the large red X on my calendar Tuesday night had me—well, I was at a loss for a suitable adjective.

  I breathed deeply as I walked, rolling my shoulders and neck to work out the kinks that had settled into my muscles after sitting in the same position for two hours. I went through my bag and retrieved the card I’d opened that morning. A picture of the corner table we’d shared at the Four Seasons hotel was attached to the front.
I smiled as I re-read Daniel’s message.

  Time can’t go quickly enough. I look forward to seeing you, being with you, talking with you, touching you. All of this-and more-in two days. Yours, in every way, ~D

  I’d already tried unsuccessfully to call him as I’d left my exam room, but I took out my phone to try again. Once more he didn’t answer. I’d emailed him before leaving for the exam to tell him I’d be calling around this time, but he hadn’t answered my email either. I left another message. He was probably taking a long shower…

  While I was trying to be rational, not being able to speak to him was making me antsy. Our evening conversation had been so brief on Monday—I’d been distracted by my impending French exam—and now I felt this incredible distance between us, a sense of detachment which was neither my fault nor his, but unpleasant all the same.

  When I reached the Vic quad ten minutes later and again had no luck reaching Daniel, I began to get concerned. This wasn’t like him. Rather than letting my imagination get carried away as I’d so often done in the past, I decided to give Penny a call to see if she knew where he was. It would be nice to talk to her and hear about her trip anyway. I dialed as I walked and took a seat on the empty bench in front of the Pratt Library.

  “Hello?”

  “Penny, hi, it’s me, Aubrey.”

  “Oh my goodness, what a surprise! How are you, dolly?”

  “I’m okay. How are you? How was your trip?”

  “Oh, it was brilliant. I’m so glad I went. I missed Brad dreadfully, of course, but it was lovely to see my family and friends. And the wedding plans are ticking over perfectly. It was fantastic. I hear you’re swamped with all of your finals?”

  “Yes, it’s a busy time. I’m staying afloat, though. Say, Penny, have you spoken to Daniel this morning? I can’t get hold of him.”

  “I haven’t spoken to him, no. We all had a bit of a booze-up last night and were up late.”

  “Ah, that makes sense, then. Did he seem okay last night? We spoke when I got home around five fifteen after my shift at the registrar’s office, but then I didn’t hear from him again except for a quick good-night text around ten.”