The Heart That Wins (Regency Spies Book 3)

by April Munday

  Sophia smiled.

  “You are so beautiful.”

  His eyes lowered to her lips and she waited for the kiss, but none came. He did not even smile at her.

  “Come and eat something,” she said.

  There were cold meat and pies in the sitting-room.

  “Everything is in disorder,” she explained. “There are soldiers in the drawing-room and tomorrow we will put some more in the library.”

  “I passed wounded men lying in the streets.”

  “I know. Brussels can’t cope with them all.”

  Sophia was unhappy about it, but these were the men who had managed to get themselves to Brussels. Edmund and Mary had decided they would help the worst of the wounded, those who would die if not attended to now. They had sent food to as many of the men on the streets as they could. This was work much better suited to Edmund than spying.

  John ate and Sophia left him to his thoughts. When he refused a second glass of port, she stood.

  “Come, your bath will be ready.”

  “Goodnight, then, Sophia.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’ve seen to the needs of strangers today, now I want to look after you.”

  “Sophia, that’s not...” His brow furrowed. “You have bathed strangers?”

  “It was the only way to discover the extent of their injuries. Mary and I undressed and bathed them and Edmund stitched and bound them.”

  John nodded. Sophia had not really expected an argument from him; he would surely understand and approve the necessity of it.

  She took his hand and led him to the stairs.

  “Still, you can’t...”

  “Yes, I can. You’d probably fall asleep in the bath and drown.”

  John nodded slowly. “One of the wounded...?”

  “I left him for a moment to find something to dry him with. When I returned he was sliding down into the water.”

  “I’m not going to do that.”

  “No, you’re not, since I’ll be there watching you.”

  “I’ve survived alone after all my other battles.”

  “I know you’re thinking of my reputation, but who will know? Who will you tell?” She blushed at the thought and he touched her face briefly and gently. “I promised once never to allow myself to get into a compromising position with a man again.”

  “Again?”

  All colour left John’s face. Sophia had known she must tell him this.

  “I... I threw myself at Edmund.”

  Quite literally, for she had thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him.

  “Oh.”

  In the long silence that followed, Sophia led him into his bedroom and closed the door. “You and Edmund,” he prompted.

  “It was the night of his dinner,” she whispered. “The one he gave for that woman. After you had all left. He made it quite clear that he felt nothing for me other than friendship. I was devastated.”

  There was no need to say anything more. John had proposed the next day. Wounded both by Edmund’s refusal and John’s assumptions, she had turned him down without considering the pain she was causing her friend.

  He placed his hand on her arm. It was little enough, but it comforted her.

  “I was stupid,” she said. “Let me help you.”

  Turning to face him, she unbuttoned his jacket. He did not resist. The jacket was stiff with mud, but she managed to get it off without hurting his arm. Then she made him sit so that she could remove his boots and stockings. Her hands were filthy by the time she had accomplished this. His shirt was easier, despite his damaged arm, and when she slipped it over his head she saw the scar on his chest.

  “Vittoria,” he said, as she traced it lightly with a finger.

  Now that she had touched him, she had to kiss him. He sighed, but made no protest. His skin was warm and she laid her palms on his chest.

  “Did you kiss all your patients today?”

  His voice was husky, as if he had a summer cold.

  “Only the handsome ones.”

  She kissed his chest again and began to work on his breeches. It had taken her a while earlier today to work out how to undo and remove them. It had made the soldier concerned laugh, despite the pain of his wounds, and he had batted her hands away and shown her what to do. Now she was an expert and John soon stood naked before her. She looked at him carefully, so that he would know she was looking.

  “You’re good at undressing a man,” he said.

  “I intend to get better. Get into the bath and I’ll wash you.”

  “I can do it myself.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t say you’d rather do it yourself.”

  She smiled at him, hoping he could not see how scared she was.

  “Please get into the bath before you fall down.”

  “I’m not that far gone,” he said. “I could stand here all night.”

  “As could I.”

  She kissed him again.

  “And would you do that all night?”

  “And more.”

  She placed her hands on his waist and kissed his stomach.

  “I think that’s enough, or I might not be able to forego the pleasure of your kisses.”

  “You shall always have my kisses. They’re yours to have.”

  “They should not be.”

  She placed a finger on his lips, then her own lips took its place.

  “They are and shall be forever yours.”

  “I cannot...” He took a deep breath. “Lead me to the bath.”

  He settled himself in the hot water and Sophia washed him, careful with her touch, for her aim was not to excite him, but to help him to rest. He watched her face throughout, saying nothing. His face showed no reaction to her touch.

  Afterwards, when she was drying him, he spoke again.

  “This is what I dreamed of all the time I was fighting, that you would be waiting for me after a battle to tend to me, to bathe me and to sleep in my arms.”

  Sophia paused and looked up at him. Tiredness and the warmth of the bath had done their work and he was half asleep.

  “Then you shall have your wish,” she whispered and took him to the bed.

  He pulled back the covers, then took her into his arms and kissed her. There was nothing hesitant or uncertain about it. He kissed her as if he owned her and Sophia surrendered herself to him. He was no longer half asleep and she was very aware of his naked body pressed against her.

  “Will you still come to bed with me?” he asked when he was done.

  Sophia was shaking and barely able to stand.

  “Yes,” she said.

  “You should not.”

  She silenced his objections with another kiss, more desperate than the last.

  He knelt before her and removed her slippers, holding her legs and ankle as if they were the most fragile things he had ever touched.

  John kissed her again, then started to remove her gown, kissing her skin as it was revealed. It was quite the most wonderful experience she had ever had. His lips were soft and gentle. It took longer for him to undress her than it had for her to undress him and he muttered under his breath as his tired fingers fumbled with her laces and pins. Then she, too, was naked, but he barely glanced at her before he pulled her against him and kissed her. Nothing had prepared her for this intimacy. John wrapped his arms around her more tightly. She was glad for the support when he finally released her mouth.

  His lips returned to her body and she wound her fingers in his hair.

  “I can stop,” he whispered, but Sophia was not sure he could. She certainly did not want him to stop.

  “Don’t.”

  Sophia took his mouth and his hands touched her where his lips had been. All Sophia could think was that this should never end. Hoping that she could please him in turn, she gave her hands free reign to explore his body. A groan told her when she reached the right place and she focused her attention there.

  John lifted her and placed her in
the bed.

  Belatedly she remembered, “Your arm.”

  “Don’t worry.”

  His voice was breathless and raw. Sophia opened her eyes and looked up into his.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “And I you.”

  After that, Sophia had few conscious thoughts as her body responded to his. Contrary to his boast, he proved unable to control himself. His face registered her pain as he pushed into her, but he did not stop. Somehow Sophia managed to change position so that the pain lessened, but it was still there, even as she began to find some pleasure in his movement. Finally there was a moment when she was no longer herself, but more fully herself than she had ever been, because she and John were one. Then they lay panting side by side. When she could direct her body again she reached out for John’s hand and took it. He squeezed it.

  “You must come closer,” he said, with a yawn, “I can hardly move.”

  She moved closer and, placing her head upon his shoulder, she draped an arm over his chest. He caught her hand in his and held it over his heart. He was asleep before she had kissed him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  John woke and knew complete joy. It took him a moment to realise that he was alone, but he knew he had not dreamt it; Sophia had slept here with him. She had cared for him as if he was not the biggest fool there had ever been and he was a better man for it. She loved him and they had been united in their love. John stretched lazily and was reminded by a sharp pain in his arm that all was not well with his body. Even that did not matter. Sophia was alive and loved him and their lovemaking seemed to have pleased her as much as it pleased him.

  He rose and found his watch. It was not as late as he had thought and he might be in time for breakfast. He washed and dressed quickly.

  Mary was in the dining-room. She rose as he entered.

  “John!”

  She crossed the room to him and kissed his cheek.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said with a blush.

  “Don’t be. All is well with the world this morning.” He smiled. “Sophia?”

  Then John remembered.

  “Damn!”

  “Oh!”

  With a start he realised what he had said.

  “I beg your pardon, Mary. I’ve just realised... Foolish of me.”

  He remembered Sophia’s gentle kisses; the way she had undressed him without a single blush; her response when he had taken possession of her lips; the touch of her hand as she had washed him and finally her naked body beside his. How, then, had he forgotten to propose? He had allowed her to do these things, had, in fact, taken advantage of her. He had meant it to be the first thing he said when he saw her, but he had been tired and hungry. Then she had undressed him and all rational thought had fled from his mind. He should have been more in control, but he had seduced her and ruined her.

  “You look unwell. Please sit.”

  John obeyed, feeling more than a little sick. He had treated Sophia badly, incredibly badly.

  “Were you badly injured? Edmund said not, but...”

  He shook his head.

  “No, little more than a scratch.” Mary sat beside him, but was poised as if to rise again.

  “I’m perfectly well,” he said.

  Mary placed her hand on the shoulder of his good arm, but he really did not have time for her concerns.

  “Where’s Sophia?”

  “She went out early with Edmund to bring some more of the wounded back.”

  He lowered his head and groaned. What must Sophia be thinking of him this morning?

  “Are you sure you’re well?”

  Mary’s hand was still on his shoulder. He had not been brought up to be rude to his hostess, so he raised his head to look at her.

  “Quite sure. I’m just extremely stupid.”

  Mary just looked at him and John bit his lip.

  “I love Sophia more than life itself and I have always chosen the wrong time or the wrong way to tell her.”

  Mary looked slightly surprised at the change of subject, but followed him.

  “You have been careless of her.”

  “I took her love for granted, but she loves me anyway.”

  “She has grown into her love as you have yours.”

  An uncomfortable suspicion crossed his mind. Did Mary somehow know that Sophia had spent the night in his bed?

  “I wanted to hurt her once,” he said. “It’s incredible to me now that I refused to go back to her when she begged me to do so. I used Lizzie to excuse it to myself and to my mother.” He paused, seeing a way to avoid continuing a discussion that was painful to him and would distress Sophia if she knew about it. “Thank you again, for taking such good care of her.”

  “She loves the children. It is impossible not to return that love.”

  “You know her story?”

  “Only what your mother has chosen to tell. Lizzie has no past before the day she arrived at Lady Caroline’s door. The other servants know only what they see, that she has been greatly damaged. One of the first things one of the maids told me when I joined Edmund’s household was that no woman need ever feel anything other than complete security there. I’m only sorry that we couldn’t take more of your girls.”

  “There were a few other houses in London to which my mother entrusted them.”

  They sat in silence for a while and John became even more uncomfortable.

  “I am not like those men,” he protested suddenly.

  “In what way has your behaviour to Sophia been more honourable? You did not greet me this morning with the news that you are engaged.”

  She did know; she knew that he had betrayed her and Edmund’s trust under their own roof. She knew that he had ruined Sophia without a second’s thought,

  “No,” he agreed, “I did not. I told you that I am extremely stupid.”

  She nodded her agreement and John’s nausea increased. Did everyone know that he had ruined Sophia last night? Would her father find out? Would his? He would have put his head in his hands, but his arm hurt too much.

  “Now,” Mary stood with unaccustomed briskness, “there’s food for you.”

  John managed to stand before she got much further, but he felt dizzy and his stomach threatened once more to rebel.

  “After breakfast I have need of your services to take food to the wounded men in the streets, unless the army needs you today.”

  “No, it does not need me today.”

  Mary swept out of the room and John began to work out to how to propose to Sophia so that she would not think he was doing it just because he had ruined her.

  Sophia was glad to be sitting outside with Paul, rather than in the carriage with the wounded men. It had been bad enough yesterday, but these men had been left unattended for two days. The smell from the dead and dying was worse than it had been the day before. It had panicked the horses and Paul had struggled to control them. While Edmund and Paul had lifted the men into the carriage, she had taken food and water to other men lying nearby. With a now practised eye, she had passed over those who would be dead before the day was out. Once he had done what he could binding up the wounded, Edmund would stay to sit and pray with the dying. He wanted to do what he could for the men he had failed.

  The journey to the battlefield had been painful. Edmund had been waiting for her in the courtyard. He had been pacing.

  “You weren’t in your room,” he said.

  “No.”

  She had managed to wake in time, but had washed and dressed as best she could in John’s room. It had not occurred to her to return to her own room and call a maid to help. She had preferred to watch John sleep.

  “Is John going to marry you?”

  Marry? She could not remember him asking, but surely that had been his intention. He had even kissed her in front of Edmund. Surely he had known what he was doing. He had been tired, though, and last night he had been even more tired and she had been the one to undress him and kiss him. Sophia was hea
ted by her embarrassment. She had encouraged him to take her to his bed. Then she remembered the jewellery he had given her before the Richmonds’ ball. He had pressed her to accept it for the sake of their friendship, but what if he had intended it as a gift to his mistress? If so, she only had herself to blame, for she had offered herself to him and last night he had taken what she offered.

  “Sophia, will he marry you?”

  Edmund ground out the words in the same way she supposed he wanted to grind John beneath his boot.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  Edmund turned back towards the house.

  “Leave it for now, please.”

  She laid a restraining hand on his arm.

  “I’ll call him out if he won’t take you.”

  “Do you think I’d want him under those circumstances?”

  She felt weary. Love had finally ruined her. Edmund took another step towards the house.

  “And what of the men who will die if we don’t bring them back today? You can call him out when we return.”

  “This isn’t a matter for levity.”

  “Of course not,” she almost shouted, overcome by her anger. “John was exhausted. It was my fault.”

  “You might think it happened like that, but it didn’t.”

  “You will recall that I threw myself at you.”

  “And he should have resisted, as I did.”

  He shook her hand off, but made no further move towards the house.

  “I was so glad that he was still alive…”

  Unexpectedly Edmund blushed.

  “Very well. I shall challenge him when we return. I can’t fight him until his wound heals anyway.”

  Sophia doubted John would fight to defend his honour when he had behaved dishonourably. He would marry her and they would both know that he had not done so by choice.

  She had spent the journey out alternately worrying about the future and remembering last night.

  Sophia had found John’s body beautiful and not at all as she had expected it to be, despite having bathed so many men. His arms, chest and back were as tanned as his hands and face and she could not guess what the army might have asked him to do that required him to remove his jacket and shirt. Two of the toes on his right foot were the same length. The hair on his chest was sparse and wiry, but just as dark as the hair on his head. His buttocks were round and firm and had invited her to bite into the flesh as she would into a piece of fruit, a temptation she had resisted. Everything had been perfect... except... except he had said nothing of marriage. He had kissed her as if she was his for the taking and she had been.