Starting Over (New Beginnings #1)

by Gillian Joy

"Miss Tompson." The bouncer said acknowledging her.

  "Come on Ash, Connor’s going ballistic waiting for you."

  Ash turned back to the bouncer and shot him a "told you so" look. She managed to refrain from poking her tongue out at him. Just.

  "You know this woman Miss Tompson?"

  "Oh yeah, Connor’s climbing the walls as we speak. He's hanging out to fuck her backstage."

  "Ariane!" Ash shouted, embarrassed.

  The bouncer gave her a quick salute and went back to watching the crowd.

  "I can't believe you said that." Ash said as she passed Ariane. Then she turned back and did poke her tongue out at the bouncer even though his back was turned.

  Ariane laughed at her and escorted her back to the room Connor was pacing in.

  "Where were you? What took you so long?" He asked as soon as she entered the room.

  "I was trying to get past the burly bouncer guarding the door. Ariane rescued me."

  She turned to thank Ariane but she was already gone and the door clicked closed.

  "Oh who cares, you're here now." He said as he took two steps towards her and then backed her up against the wall. He placed one hand on either side of her head.

  "I seem to recall being in this position once before." He whispered. "Although you were yelling at me if I remember, but I was as worked up then as I am now." He leaned closer so his body was pressed up against hers. "I was desperate then to do this." He said, pulling her up against him. "And this," He leant in closer and brushed his lips softly across hers. "Oh Ash," He murmured around her lips. "The things you do to my body, my mind. It's insane what you do to me."

  "Connor, you were so damned hot up there. Let's go back to the motel."

  "You know, being up on stage, it's such a high, but being able to actually sing to you? It's left me on the highest high I've ever felt. I really want to strip you naked right this second."

  Ash sucked in a breath. "That last song, your new single. I've listened to it so many times over the radio while you've been gone. But to hear it like that, Connor, I don't have words."

  "I wrote it for you," He whispered into her ear, "after you left the lake house the first time we met. I penned the entire album that week, and it was all because of you. But that song specifically, it's your song Ash. Don't ever forget that." He kissed her again.

  "Let's go," He said as he reluctantly pulled away, "before I can't control myself any longer."

  ****

  On Saturday, Ash was exhausted following Connor around all day; from radio station to TV studio and back again. Being inside a TV studio was somewhat exciting. She'd never been inside one before and it was fun to sit quietly off set while they filmed the interview. Then she got to hear him sing the song again while he played it live in the studio. The entire world vanished while he sang, just to her. She was standing right behind the camera man, which meant he sang straight to the camera and the producer was clearly awestruck with what was being filmed.

  "He's amazing." She whispered to Ash, standing right beside her. "I think I'm in love."

  "You and me both," Ash replied with a smile.

  ****

  "You are coming again tonight, right?" Connor asked. They were sitting side by side in the back seat of the taxi, as close as the seat belts would allow.

  "Oh, I certainly hope so." Ash answered, smiling at his unintentional double entendre.

  Connor laughed and looked at her. "So, not, what I meant. But that is also part of the plan." He looked at his watch. "We have three hours till we have to leave for the gig; time for some quick loving and an even quicker bite to eat."

  "What if I don't want quick loving?"

  "We could always wait till after and make it slow loving."

  "Or we could indulge in both."

  "Sounds even better," He said, leaning closer and kissing her softly just below the ear.

  Dinner was a very quick bite from room service, they spent far too much time on the loving and it wasn't as quick as it should have been.

  "We can eat again when we get back after the gig. Or you can grab something at the pub if you prefer?"

  "I'm good." She answered, running her fingers up and down his arms.

  "If you don't stop that, we'll never get out of here. We've only got half an hour."

  "Well, best you be getting dressed then," She said. "I'm going to grab a quick shower."

  "Do you want to sit backstage tonight and watch, so you don't get caught by an overzealous bouncer?" Connor asked her as he helped set up the instruments on the stage.

  "I'd rather watch from out there, despite the crowds; I like to be able to see you the way they do, up there in front, enchanting everybody, enchanting me. You're amazing when you sing, well actually you’re amazing when you don't, but no, I'd rather be out there if I can."

  "Come on then, we'll talk to the bouncer at the door now, make sure he'll still be there after the show and that he knows he's to let you back in after."

  Again, Ash was mesmerised watching Connor up on stage, she understood why women all over the country were falling in love with him. He was hotness personified at the best of times, but up on stage, in his signature faded jeans and plain black tee, he took it to a whole new level. And she couldn't believe that he'd chosen her, over all the screaming fans literally throwing themselves at him, he'd chosen her. He wanted her. Why did he want her?

  She was broken, damaged beyond repair, and not even close to worthy of the man standing up there singing ‘She's Forever’ while he looked into her eyes from above. Tears coursed down her cheeks as he smiled at her before he thanked everybody and turned and left the stage. Then Ash turned and pushed her way through the crowds towards the exit. She had to get out of there. She had to get away from him. She was losing her self-esteem fast and she couldn't live like that again.

  ****

  When Ash still hadn't shown up ten minutes later Connor decided to go looking for her, he figured maybe they had changed bouncers at the door after all and she was once again stuck there begging to be let backstage, but when he got there it was still the same bouncer and he was adamant that she hadn't come near the backstage door since the concert. Although, he said, he had noticed her pushing her way towards the front doors; he'd assumed she'd had too much to drink and was in a hurry to get outside.

  Connor pushed his way through the crowd towards the front doors himself. He knew Ash wouldn't have drunk too much, he'd seen her at the end of the show and she definitely wasn't drunk then. He was worried about being stopped by someone who recognised him, but he was even more worried about why Ash had run after the show, and where she had run to. Fortunately, the pub was dark enough that nobody even noticed him as pushed his way towards the front doors, and as he exited out onto the sidewalk he saw her immediately, sitting on the edge of the gutter, her head in her hands.

  He didn't say anything as he sat down beside her. He just plopped down and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

  "What are you doing out here?" He asked eventually.

  Ash had stopped the tears and she simply shrugged in answer.

  "Ash, what's wrong? Why didn't you come back to me?"

  "I was feeling overwhelmed."

  "Overwhelmed?"

  "Okay, I was feeling inferior."

  "Inferior? What do you mean inferior?"

  "I was listening to you, watching you, admiring you. And I started to wonder why someone like you, would want anything to do with someone like me, when you could have your pick of any of the women in there." She said, gesturing back towards the doors of the pub.

  "Why would I want anyone in there, when I can have you?"

  "You don't know me Connor. You don't realise how petty, insecure and inferior I am."

  "You're right, I don't, but I do know how strong, and composed and assured you are. Ash, you are the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out. Well, except for maybe my mother."

  "Then why am I questioning, why you would even wa
nt me?"

  "Because some useless waste of air spent years trying to convince you of how worthless you are. And yet in only a few short years, you've fought your way back and shown everyone around you how strong you truly are."

  Ash looked at him and the tears started up again.

  Connor lifted her with him as he stood and led her back around the side of the pub to the back door they had entered through in the first place. He was worried someone would walk out of the doors and notice him sitting there, and then they'd be swamped.

  "Let's get our stuff and go and grab something to eat on the way back to the motel."

  Connor watched her quietly as she sipped on the coffee while they waited for their dessert pancakes to arrive. They'd stopped at the pancake parlour on the way back to the motel, and Connor was waiting for their pancakes to arrive before he tried to talk to her about what happened.

  "So you didn't like the concert tonight?"

  Ash shook her head as the waiter arrived with their orders and placed them on the table in front of them.

  "It was just as inspiring as the one last night, if not more so."

  "Then why did you run?"

  "Sometimes I struggle Connor, I know I'm broken, but I can't ever lose myself again."

  "I won't let you."

  "But you cause it; everything about you is so perfect. I can't help but feel my self-esteem slipping away when I'm around you."

  "No I'm not. It's you who's perfect; perfect for me."

  Ash shook her head.

  "Ash?" He reached across the table and took her hands in his. "I need you. I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but I can't do this without you. If you weren't in my life anymore I would be nothing more than a miserable shell, just surviving from day to day. Please don't do that to me, I'll prove to you how perfect you are, if you'll just let me Ash. Don't run just because you're scared."

  "Connor, I don't know."

  "Ash, you are the strongest person I have ever met and I promise I'll only help you get stronger."

  He really didn't care if he had to handle her with kid gloves. He didn't care if he had to tell her every day how much he loved her. He didn't care if he had to spend the rest of his life convincing her of how beautiful, how special and perfect she was. She was worth it.

  Connor spent the night worshipping every part of her body and showing her exactly how perfect she was, and in the morning he got up early for the last radio interview, and left her dozing in bed.

  He kissed her goodbye.

  "I'll be back soon, enjoy the sleep in, relax in the bath and we'll go out for lunch when I get back. I love you Ash."

  "Hmmm." She murmured in reply before rolling over and going back to sleep.

  ****

  "I'm sorry Connor," Ash said as they sat down to lunch. "About my actions at the concert last night. I didn't mean to freak out like that. I'm not really that person."

  "Don't worry about it Ash, as long as you promise not to run from me."

  She nodded.

  "If you don't want to come and see any more concerts, then that's fine too. So long as I can see you in private, that's all I care about."

  "That's all you care about?"

  "Well maybe not all, but it's certainly a good part of it."

  They had checked out of the motel together, Connors flight to Adelaide was scheduled to leave only half an hour after Ash's flight back to Melbourne so the label had picked up their luggage and arranged for it to be delivered direct to the airport, which meant that all they had to do was get there in time for the flights after they enjoyed a nice lunch together.

  "So what do you want to do after lunch, since we can't go back to the motel?"

  "You'd think they could have sprung for a late check out for you."

  Connor chuckled, "Yeah, you'd think."

  After lunch they took a cruise on the river before going for a wander through the Southbank parklands. It was a mild afternoon, but the sun was shining so neither of them felt particularly cold as they meandered through the beauty of the gardens.

  "Thank you Connor, for a beautiful weekend."

  "No Ash, thank you for coming all the way up here to keep me company for a few days."

  "You're back soon?"

  "Yeah, a week and a half in Adelaide, then I fly back to Melbourne, It'll be a full three weeks when I get back, but I can't wait to get home, we'll take the girls up to the lake for a few days when things quieten down a bit."

  "It'll be cold up there by then."

  "Yeah but the pools heated so the girls can still swim, and we can enjoy a nightcap beside the fireplace before we go to bed."

  "That would be nice." She conceded.

  Connor had hold of her hand and was gently rubbing his thumb across hers as they walked along.

  ****

  Connor secretly hoped Ash would drive out to the airport and pick him up when he flew back, but he didn't really think she would so he wasn't too disappointed when she didn't show. He was excited though when he walked back into his flat and she was sitting on his couch in nothing more than a short, sexy negligee. It was four in the afternoon and he'd been up since five that morning, but suddenly all feelings of exhaustion left his body as he looked over her half naked form. Damn she was beautiful, and she was all his.

  ****

  Chapter 18

  Marianne was sitting quietly at the kitchen table, enjoying the peacefulness of being alone while she sipped her cup of tea. Christian was away playing golf for the weekend, and although she missed him, she was enjoying her time on her own. Yet still, despite loving the peace, she was contemplating calling Ash to see if she wanted to drop the twins over for a little while, when she got back on Sunday afternoon. Some alone time with the girls this weekend would really cap off what was fast becoming one of the best weekends she'd had for a long time, and Christian wasn't due back until Monday. Maybe they could stay the night and she could drop them off at school on Monday for Ash. Marianne loved those little girls to death; they were her life, just like their father had been for so long. She had no idea what had gone wrong there, what had happened to change him so much from the carefree kid he had once been. She was about to pick up the phone to call when there was a sharp knock at the front door.

  Marianne grudgingly made her way to answer the door. She opened it up to see Mark standing on the front porch.

  "Hi Mother." He said coldly.

  Marianne's heart leapt at the thought that her son had come to visit her. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him. All correspondence between them had been via phone and banking transfers ever since he had walked out on Ash and the girls.

  She would have felt bad about the times she had called him begging for money to save their phone from being disconnected, or their gas from being cut off, but she only ever used the money she conned out of him to buy things for the girls. Things she knew young kids these days should have, just so they could fit in. Things she knew Ash could never afford. And she meant conned, because that's what it was. She didn't need the money for bills; she needed it to make up for her granddaughters having a useless lazy arse of a father. No she didn't feel bad about conning him at all. Why should she?

  Still, the glimmer of hope at seeing him standing at her front door, the door of the house he made sure they knew he detested because it was such a small insignificant building, was like a beacon in the dead of night for her. Despite everything that had happened, she still loved her son. She didn't understand him anymore but she still loved him.

  "Mark, hi. Come in." She said, a smile touching the corners of her lips. She moved to hug him but stopped herself when she noticed him step away.

  "No, it's all right. I don't need to come in. I just need to know where Ash is."

  "What?" Marianne was stunned, her hopes dashed. Of course he didn't care.

  "Where's Ash? I need her back."

  "Sorry, you what?"

  "Look Mother, this is really simple. Tell me wher
e Ash is living now, and I'll go and get her. All's good."

  "Mark, maybe you should come inside so we can discuss this."

  "I don't need to come inside, Mother, I need to know where my wife is." He wasn't quiet yelling, yet. But his voice was raised enough to cause Marianne concern.

  "Mark she's not your wife anymore, she's moved on."

  "The hell she's not. She'll always be mine and I need her back. Tell me where she is!" He demanded, slamming his hand against the door frame in anger.

  Ash had assured Marianne numerous times that Mark had never been physically violent towards her or the girls, and she had never seen any outward signs of physical abuse, even though she was well aware the mental abuse was severe. But seeing this angry outburst made were wonder again.

  "She's not here Mark. I think you should leave."

  "I'm not leaving until you tell me where my wife is."

  "She's not your wife Mark, you are divorced. Have been for almost a year..."

  "I'm not divorced. I never signed the papers."

  "You also didn't go to court. She did, and the judge ruled for the divorce."

  "No!"

  Marianne realised the conversation wasn't going anywhere, there was no way she was telling Mark where Ash was, and she didn't even want him inside her house anymore. She had no idea what had happened to him, but all she felt at the moment around him was fear.

  "The next time I see her Mark, I'll give her your number and ask her to call you."

  "No, you can call her now!"

  "No Mark! I can't call her now." Think quick Marianne, think quick. She thought.

  "She's away and has limited phone service."

  "Away? Where?"

  "I don't know exactly, somewhere up near Lake Eildon I think." Marianne wasn't lying anymore. Ash had gone away with Connor for the weekend with the girls to his holiday home up at Bonnie Doon. She wasn't actually due back until Sunday afternoon, but she had ample phone service though.

  Mark fidgeted on the front porch and Marianne could see the anger simmering below the surface,

  "She's back Monday, I'll call her then."

  "Just give me her number."

  No, no, no, no, no. Marianne thought.