IF I FAIL: A Jake Carrington Mystery

by Marian Lanouette

  “I’ll have to get back to you,” she answered nastily.

  “You do that.” Mia dismissed her. She sat looking out her window, feeling like she’d not accomplished anything in her job, or in her life; annoyed at the urge to cry.

  Something registered in her brain—she recognized the person in the red car parked next to hers as the Wagner woman from Jake’s house the other morning, the one stalking Jake. Positive, Mia started shaking. Her eidetic memory never let her down. She’d only seen the car once… She dialed Jake’s cell number, got him on the first ring.

  “You’re not cancelling are you?” he asked.

  “No. Jake, this is important. I think the Wagner woman’s in my parking lot here at school, in Hartford. What should I do?” Frantic, she paced her office.

  “Call the police and explain you’re dating a cop. Let them know about the restraining order on her. I hope she hasn’t turned her attention to you. No, never mind, I’ll call a friend of mine at the Hartford Police. I’ll get him right out there. Stay in your office. His name is Sergeant Moniham. Call me when he gets there. Mia, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault, Jake.” She hung up, without a good bye.

  *

  It took Sergeant Moniham and his partner Detective Perez five minutes to get there. Sergeant Moniham knocked on Mia’s door.

  “Mia Andrews?”

  “Sergeant Moniham?”

  “Yes.” He walked over to Mia’s windowand stared down at the lot. “Which car is it?”

  Mia joined him, looking down into the parking lot—gone, the car was no longer in the lot. “The blue car’s mine. The empty spot to the right is where she was parked.” Shaking, she pushed a hand through her hair.

  “A red Honda with a young woman driving pulled out when we were pulling in. What color car does the Wagner woman drive?” Moniham asked.

  “It’s a red Honda.” Mia sat down. Moniham came over to her desk, pulled a chair around, and sat beside her, taking her hand in his.

  “Miss Andrews…”

  “It’s Mia.”

  “Okay, Mia, most stalkers don’t do anything. It’s just a form of intimidation to scare someone. They’re cowards. I’m going to advise you to put a restraining order out on her. Register a formal complaint. This way she has to stay away from you, not only when you’re with Jake, but when you’re alone also.”

  “This is ridiculous, Sergeant…”

  “It’s Mike, Mia. I know it’s ridiculous, so let’s go with the old saying, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Jake’s probably on his way to Hartford right now, he’s so worried about you. Let’s just call him. Tell him everything’s okay.”

  “Okay, Mike. What happens if I see her on the highway on my way home?”

  “She probably saw us pull in. Could she see you at the window?”

  “I figure the answer is yes, if I could see her in her car.”

  “Okay. Do you want the restraining order delivered to her home or work?”

  “Definitely at her work,” Mia stressed.

  “I can follow you home, if you like?” Mike’s partner stayed silent, staring out the window. It unnerved Mia.

  “No, thanks. I’m going to Jake’s house after work. I think I should be fine.”

  “Okay, here’s my cell phone number for when you’re in Hartford. Don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

  “Thanks, you’ve been so kind, Mike.”

  “It’s nothing. Jake and I go way back. Nobody stalks a cop’s family.”

  She didn’t correct him. She didn’t know what Jake told him about them. She didn’t care as long as she received protection from a nut like Wagner. She’d planned to change at work. After the cops left, she decided to change at Jake’s house.

  She needed to do some serious thinking on her way there. The day couldn’t end soon enough for her.

  *

  Jake got Mia’s phone call right after he and Louie left Pilarki’s house. Fit to be tied, he strung together a pretty good array of curses.

  “Hey Jake, slow down, Mike will take care of her.”

  “The crazy bitch decided to stalk Mia instead of me. You know Mia’s coming over tonight so we can talk. To see if she wants to pursue a future with a cop. What do you think she’s thinking now?” he said, temper rising out of his frustration.

  “I don’t know what she’s thinking, Jake. Neither do you. You’ll have to wait until she gets there to find out. If you want, I’ll drive,” Louie slipped in.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “Well, I’m not. I think the old woman has brown stains in her pants. That’ll teach her to try to cross the street.”

  “Funny, Louie.” Though Jake didn’t laugh.

  “What else is bothering you, Jake?”

  “Everything. I feel we’re so close on the Wagner case, on the edge of that one piece of evidence that might swing us toward a suspect. We have to be missing something big. The Adams kids ripped my heart out yesterday. Now the trouble with Mia…it’s piling up on me. I really like her, Louie. I mean, like I never liked anyone else. God damn it, it seems doomed from the beginning, because of Chloe. Damn crazy bitch.”

  Jake normally didn’t give up so easily. Louie didn’t answer right away. Frustrated by Jake’s reaction, Louie searched for the right words while they drove most of the way in silence.

  A block before they got to the station, Louie said, “Jake, think about what I’m going to say. If you’re right for each other, then it’ll work out, no matter what. You can’t control the actions of others. If Mia doesn’t understand or won’t accept it, then she’s looking for an excuse not to be with you. No matter who you meet, she’d always be concerned you’re a cop, if she cares for you. Sophia still wonders if she made the right choice every time she hears a report of a cop being shot. The cases are the cases. We always, well mostly, solve all our cases. You’re the one who told me patience is a virtue. It’s time to take your own advice. Keep working methodically. Eventually we’ll get there.”

  “Wow, Louie, I didn’t know you could speak in such long sentences. I’m impressed. No, seriously, thanks. Chloe gets me so angry…if anything ever happened to Mia, because of someone I dated, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, Louie.”

  “Jake, nothing’s going to happen, just chill out. You’re smart enough to know it wouldn’t be your fault if it did.”

  Jake pulled into the garage at the station. Louie started to get out of the car. Jake reached over, put a hand on his arm. “Thanks.”

  *

  Upset over the incident with Chloe, Mia cancelled her other appointments. Calling personnel, she took personal time, leaving right before lunch. She also made an appointment to discuss how her job had changed. After doing it for five years, Mia realized it led away from her life goals. She called Jake, informing him she’d left early. He told her he’d be there when she arrived. She liked how he rearranged his schedule, taking the threat seriously. Plus, she needed to be honest with herself—she couldn’t wait to see him. Though nothing would be resolved, she still got excited at the thought of him.

  *

  “Jake, the Wagner girl’s sitting outside the school. Did Mia leave?”

  “Yeah, Mike. She left at lunchtime.” Thankful Mia left early, Jake let out a sigh. He owed Mike a bottle of good Scotch.

  “Good. I’ll talk to you soon, Jake.”

  Arriving home a few minutes early, Jake stood by the window, watching for Mia’s car. He spotted it the minute she turned onto his street. His heart skipped in his chest. Pressing the remote, he opened the extra bay for her to pull in. He stood at the top of the stairs waiting for her, immediately taking her into his arms when she reached the door. He didn’t kiss her. He held onto her tightly. She held him back. The afternoon’s incident had frightened them both. Jake looked down into her pale face, taking her chin in his hand. “How are you?”

  “I’m a little shaken. No, I’m a lot shaken. I’m going to lie down for a few minutes in the spare
room, if you don’t mind.”

  The stress written all over her face angered Jake. I swear to God if Chloe stood in front of me this minute, I’d kill her. “Okay. Do you want some tea or brandy? Or something stronger?”

  “No, I just need to lie down for a few minutes.”

  Jake watched her walk down the hall to the spare bedroom. He checked on her a half hour later when she didn’t come out of the room. She’d fallen asleep. Two hours later he heard the shower, waited for her to join him in the kitchen.

  Once again, he was at a loss on how to handle the situation—he waited her out. He purposely appeared casual, leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking his coffee when she came into the kitchen. Though his body still vibrated with the anger, he wouldn’t let her see the helplessness he felt. His anger wouldn’t help her right now—she needed comfort, he thought.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he said, letting the silence fill the air, waiting for her to speak.

  “It’s too early for dinner, do you want to go outside?” she asked.

  “Sure, do you want some coffee?” He didn’t go to her; they both just stood there.

  “No, I’d like a glass of white wine.” she said awkwardly.

  Jake thought they were acting like strangers, each feeling the other out, the day’s stress getting to both of them. He decided that wouldn’t do. He walked across the kitchen and kissed her gently. When she responded, he took the kiss deeper, more passionate. He pulled back, looking down into her eyes, gently running his fingers over her face, tracing her eyes, her nose, her lips. Treasuring her, soothing not only her but himself as his fear subsided. He hated the terror he saw on her face when she first arrived. He could kill Chloe for that alone.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you, Mia. I promise.”

  “I know, Jake. Let’s go outside. We have a lot to talk about. Don’t forget my wine.”

  *

  She hesitated, not wanting to go out by herself. It pissed her off how this Chloe person could scare her like this. A woman she didn’t even know. Mia pushed her fear away and walked outside, instead of waiting for Jake.

  Handing her a glass of wine when he came out, he placed some cheese and crackers on the table by her side. She gave him the once-over, liking what she saw. He wore a pair of cut-off jean shorts, paired with a black tee. She didn’t know how he could walk outside barefooted. She felt warm and edgy every time she saw him. Her blood coursed hotly through her veins. She couldn’t believe they’d met less than a week ago. Why him, she thought? She met so many men in her life; no one, including her former fiancé, turned her inside out like Jake did.

  “This is awkward. I don’t know where to start, to be honest, Mia, I’ve never had anyone stalk me or my date before.” He paused, trying to find the words.

  She cut him off. “I understand, Jake. What we need to talk about isn’t only Chloe. We need to discuss us. Who we are…where we’re going. There’s definitely chemistry going on with us. We both feel it. Not just the physical chemistry, something deeper also. So before we hurt each other, we need to fully understand what each of us wants going forward.”

  “Wow, Mia. I thought couples didn’t have this conversation until they’ve dated for at least ninety days.” He tried humor. “You know what they say…the first ninety days you’re in lust, after that it’s love.”

  “See, Jake? You use humor when you’re cornered. I’m totally in lust with you, but I think we owe it to ourselves to find out if there’s more. Unless, of course, it’s just sex; if that’s the case, let’s just do it.”

  “Let’s do it? What, are you trying to scare me?” He looked bewildered.

  “Most men would jump at the chance to just do it, not you.” She looked at him over her wine glass, watching him. “Why?”

  “Why? You baffle me, Mia. I don’t know how to answer you.”

  “Baffle, huh! Well, I can say the same. I’ll ask another question. Why do you think it’s so intense with us on such short acquaintance?”

  “Do you always analyze everything?”

  “I guess I do. It’s probably why I’m a psychologist. I need to know.”

  “I can only give you this answer. I feel when people are destined to be together they meet one way or another. The instant chemical or physical reaction they feel is what lets them know they belong together. No, before you interrupt, sometimes it’s only for a short period. Or sometimes, if you’re lucky, it’s for a lifetime. I do know if you don’t take the chance and run with it, you lose all ground. You’ll miss out on what could be the most gratifying experience of your life.”

  She looked directly into his eyes. “And if you lose?” she questioned.

  “You lose. Think of it like an adventure. You gain knowledge, experience emotions you couldn’t possibly understand by just reading about them.” He smiled at her.

  “You’re pretty deep there, Jake. What about the other factors which will no doubt interfere with the experience?”

  “It’s called life, Mia. You deal with it or you turn away. What’s your choice?”

  “Before I answer, we need to discuss this Wagner woman. What happened Monday morning and what happened again today. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Also, Monday night, I waited two hours for you…then poof, you’re gone. I understand it’s your job, but we need to discuss those kinds of issues to.”

  She understood the last part—the reasons both of them were stalling, talking about life in general. The real issues on the table which needed to be discussed were the stalking, and whether Mia really wanted to commit to a cop. Reading frustration on his face, she waited silently while he contemplated his response.

  “Mia, never in my life, have I felt as strongly about a woman as I do about you. I’m a cop. I’ll probably always be a cop. I don’t know anything else, nor do I want to. Now that I’m a lieutenant, my responsibilities are greater than before—I need to work the streets. I don’t want to only sit at a desk nine to five. In fact, I requested to be on the streets. Most lieutenants stay at their desks, overseeing their departments and men. The majority of them grow old and fat… If I get burned out, then I’ll work the desk or retire. If you’re afraid you won’t be first in my life, you’re wrong. I know sometimes it’ll feel like I’m ignoring you—it’s just the job. The hours, along with the stress, are tremendous, not only for the cop but for his family too. Cops make lousy partners. I know you’re aware divorce rates are high among law enforcement personnel. I see it can work. Look at Louie and Sophia. It takes a lot of effort on each individual’s part, along with their willingness to succeed.” He stopped, giving her a chance to jump in, voice her opinion but the silence dragged on. Jake thought he’d lost her by the faraway look in her eyes, until she spoke.

  “Jake, I’m very spoiled, even self-centered. I always got whatever I wanted, never questioned my demands on other people. As I got older, I realized it’s not how the world is for everyone else. I started to look inside myself. I made decisions I thought were best, so I could survive. You don’t know anything about me. Where I come from. Who I really am. Who my family is.

  “I moved to Connecticut so nobody would know me. I wanted a fresh start. I’m stubborn. This isn’t easy, laying myself open to you. I don’t want to…I can’t lay everything on the table today. Nor do I want you to investigate who I am before we see how we really feel about each other. You’ve been so open to me, I feel you deserve this much of an explanation. When the time comes, I’ll give you my entire history. You can decide then if you still want to be with me.” She let out a long sigh.

  Stress didn’t dull her beauty; her lips twitched, showing how hard she tried to control her emotions. Jake pushed his chair closer to hers. He grabbed her hands, raising them to his lips. He leaned his forehead to hers, taking a moment.

  “I love who you are. I don’t need to know who your family is, or what you did before us; here and now. I don’t care who you dated or who you slept with because I’m not going
to tell you who I’ve slept with either. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me and I’ll still be here. There’s only one thing I need to ask. Are you in trouble or running from the law?”

  He stared as she laughed, knowing she couldn’t control herself. Jake shook his head. Finally, she said, “You’re right. Always the cop.”

  “I don’t see what’s so funny.” Though he was glad to hear her laughter.

  “Being a criminal would kill the start of us?” she asked, still laughing.

  “To be honest, I don’t know.” He looked at her like she’d lost her mind, waiting for her to get a grip.

  “Jake, I’m not a criminal, I can promise you that. I might have a few outstanding parking tickets, nothing major.” She grabbed for his hands and took them in hers, raising them to her lips in a gesture of love.

  He relaxed. “Are you hungry? I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

  “Yeah, I could eat. Do you have plans for Saturday night?”

  “No.”

  “Would you like to come to my house for dinner and dessert?” she asked coyly, lowering her lashes.

  “Boy would I, and…we don’t need food,” he answered, smiling.

  “Yes, we do.”

  Jake served burgers with a side salad. After dinner, Mia helped him clean up, leaving after the chores were done. Both were happy with the way the evening turned out. He anticipated dinner on Saturday. Especially dessert.

  Chapter Fifteen

  On Friday morning Jake was updating his notes, preparing his reports for the captain, including the latest episode with Chloe, when Louie walked into his office, whistling. “What’s up, Louie?”

  “All manner of things, my boy, all manner of things, But I digress. I reviewed Meryl Drake’s first interview again, compared it to ours. I think we should bring her in right away. I didn’t like her tone when she answered some of those questions. Her attitude changed when she spoke of Chloe. It’s weird. It changed again when she spoke about Shanna. Her voice caressed the name, though it got real hard when Kraus asked if they fought. I think she’s involved, if not the actual murderer. She really hates Chloe. I get the impression she’d like to see her go down for this.”