The Highlander's Bride

by Amanda Forester

  She held on to him, pressing herself closer, reaching for something until heat and power and pleasure burst within her, pulsing through her. He cried out and they clung to each other as waves of pleasure crashed over her. The ship sank and rose again and slid down at such an odd angle that they both tumbled from the bed, a mass of blankets and arms and legs.

  “Are ye well?” asked Gavin.

  Colette laughed. She could not help herself. She had just experienced something for which she had no name, and she felt more alive than she ever had before, trapped on a ship that was almost assuredly going to go to the bottom of the ocean. Perhaps she had lost her senses, for all she could do was laugh.

  Gavin scooped her back onto the bed and straightened the tangled blankets as best he could so that they could cuddle close. He chuckled with her in a deep baritone sound, much like the roar of the wind and the rain.

  She did not think that she could possibly sleep in such a storm, but her eyelids grew heavy and she snuggled toward his warmth. Despite everything, she was filled with a sense of security and belonging. Whatever happened, they would meet it together.

  Twenty-nine

  The storm raged on forever. Colette gave up all hope of ever seeing land again, even as she found comfort in Gavin’s arms. It was impossible to tell how many days the storm raged or how long they were together in that small cabin, but she had given them up for lost entirely. They were truly married now, their vows well and truly consummated. Resigned to her fate, she experienced a strange sense of calm, knowing that they were together as they were meant to be.

  So it was a complete surprise when one morning she opened her eyes to sunlight streaming through the window so bright, she had to hold up a hand to protect her eyes from the glaring sun.

  “Gavin, wake up! The storm, it has passed. I believe we have survived.”

  “Are ye sure we have no’ passed over into heaven?” Gavin drew an arm around her and snuggled close to her. They had spent much of the past several days riding out the storm in bed. Other than tending to the needs of the baby, who thankfully had slept through much of the storm, they had not left the relative security of their bed. Standing was difficult and walking near impossible, so lying in bed was the only suitable answer, comforting each other as they might.

  Truth be told, they had comforted each other a lot. They had expected to arrive at the gates of heaven hand in hand.

  But if they were to live…

  “I am in earnest. The storm is gone and we are alive,” persisted Colette.

  Gavin raised his head to the window and squinted into the sunlight. At first, a smile brightened his face. He shifted his gaze to her and the smile faded, replaced by a crease appearing between his eyebrows. What were they going to do now?

  “I should go see the captain,” murmured Gavin. He pulled on his shirt and laid out his plaid, quickly belting it around his waist, throwing the end over one shoulder. Colette watched as he dressed but he did not meet her eyes. He threw her an awkward half smile before leaving the cabin, shutting the door behind him.

  As glad as Colette was to be alive, she recognized their survival was going to make things difficult. How was she going to become Laird Mackenzie’s wife when she was married to another? She sighed and drew her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs. Their marriage was very, very consummated. The strange sense of calm she had experienced in Gavin’s arms during the storm was shattered.

  Colette lay back down, covering her head with the blankets, not wanting to face the torrent of emotions that swirled around her. She could not give herself to another man—not now. It was impossible. Yet she knew what she was required to do. Laird Mackenzie had already sent warriors to France. How could she not honor the agreement now?

  She was drawn from her hiding place by the cries of Marie Frances, who, after surviving the storm, had decided she was hungry and loudly requested her breakfast. Colette dragged herself out of bed and tended to the baby’s needs, finding her something to eat.

  The baby laughed and cooed, as if all was right in her world. Colette smiled in return. They had lived. It was reason to smile. Colette dressed herself in a plain linen gown and draped a blue veil around her head. She smoothed her skirts and waited anxiously for Gavin to return. There was much to discuss.

  After some time, a knock came at the door. She wondered at why Gavin would feel the need to be so formal now as to knock after all they had shared together.

  “Enter,” called Colette.

  A man entered the cabin, but instead of Gavin, it was one of the sailors, holding a tray of something to eat. It was simple fair, biscuits and dried pork with a bottle of wine. “Here you are. Something to eat after the long storm.”

  “Thank you,” said Colette, realizing how hungry she actually was. “Will my husband be joining me this morning?”

  “No, madam. He ate with the captain.” The sailor turned and left the cabin.

  Gavin had eaten without her. She sat down hard on the bed and then jumped up again as if the memories of all that they shared had poisoned the very bed itself. The message was clear enough. It was over. All they had shared had only occurred when they were knocking on death’s door, but now that they’d lived, they must be apart.

  She steeled herself against any display of emotion. This is why her mother kept herself removed. A lump formed in her throat, but she swallowed it back down. She would not cry. He was right to stay away. This was how it must be. Somehow, she must toss aside all that she had experienced and return to the cold detachment that protected her from harm.

  A tear ran down her cheek. How could she forget everything, now that a whole new world had been opened to her? It was more than simply the physical comfort she had found in Gavin’s arms—it was so much more. In his arms, she had felt safe, protected…loved.

  Colette sat on the wooden chair and slumped down over the table. Realization hit her like a physical blow. Love—powerful, strange, dangerous. It could have no place in her life, and yet it had snuck in, taking up permanent residence in her heart.

  She loved Gavin Patrick.

  Colette stood quickly, putting a hand to the wall to regain her balance, and wiped the tears from her eyes. It would not do to succumb to the emotion that threatened to drown her more surely than the sea. She had to remain strong. And yet…

  She found herself on her knees, unsure how to proceed. Gavin had said she could speak to her maker in words not constructed by a priest. Perhaps it was time to try such a strange notion. “Lord, I may fool the world, but you see my heart. It is broken. I cannot see a way for me to remain with my husband, Gavin, though my heart longs to be his wife. Yet your will be done. Amen.”

  Colette stood and breathed deep. A new sense of peace came to her. She picked up the Book of Hours and read again the verses promising a future for her, a way through the unknown wilderness. She had no idea what to do, but she was content to let the matter reside in the hands of the Lord. Besides, she had business to attend to. Poor Pippa had no doubt fared ill during the storm. It was time to see if she had survived.

  * * *

  Gavin did not know what to think. He had never felt more alive than when he was with Colette—a bit ironic since they had both thought they were about to die, and yet with her by his side, he had the courage to face anything. Colette had been by his side, under him, on top of him—he put a hand to the wall to steady himself as the memories flashed through him.

  While he could not say he had never before known the intimacy of a woman, what he had shared with Colette went far beyond anything he had ever experienced or even imagined. They had clung to each other on the verge of destruction, and he had given himself in a way he never had before. They had consummated their marriage vows utterly and completely. He was her husband and she his wife. Surely, such a bond could never—should never be broken.

  He wandered out into t
he bright sunlight on the deck of the ship. Amazingly, the bright sun sparkled off the gray-blue ocean. The wind was brisk and the sail was full. The crew was whistling and singing as they worked. Despite a broken railing and some ripped rigging, the ship appeared to have weathered the storm without major damage.

  “Bless my soul, the Lord has saved us!” The captain sauntered up to him and gave him a wide smile and a sharp clap on the back. “I do not mind telling you, I never thought I’d see the sun again this side of heaven.”

  “It was quite a storm,” agreed Gavin. “Thought we were going down many a time.”

  “In all my years of sailing, I’ve never seen the wind and waves more determined to sink my ship. But come and join me to break our fast. Haven’t been able to eat properly for days.”

  “Forgive me, but I need to return to my wife.”

  “But how can this be? You spent days with her cooped up in a cabin. No, take it from a man who’s been married twenty years—give her some time to freshen herself. A man needs to know when he’s been too long at the hearth.”

  Since Gavin was already in a quandary as to what to say to Colette, he decided to follow the captain’s advice. Maybe the captain knew better than Gavin did in this matter. “Can we arrange to have some food brought in for her?”

  “But of course.” Captain Dupont roared with laughter. “One must keep the wife fed at all costs.”

  Gavin followed the captain as he led him belowdecks to the hold.

  The captain stopped and shook his head. “Had a table and benches here, but we tossed them over in the storm.” He looked away and added. “Much of your cargo went as well, I fear.”

  “Ye kept us alive, Captain Dupont, and for that we will forever be in yer debt.”

  “Like to say I saved you, but I confess it must have been the hand of God. Here now, let’s get some food and take it to the deck to eat in the sun.”

  Captain Dupont and Gavin carried biscuits, dried beef, and wine to the bow of the ship, where they leaned on the railing and ate their fill. Gavin ate greedily, not realizing how hungry he had been until he began to eat.

  “When do ye ken we will arrive? I fear I’ve lost track o’ time.”

  “Not too much longer now, a few days at most. We are sailing up the coast now. A miracle we were not blown off the edge of the world.” The captain smiled at him and Gavin did his best to return it. Two or three days. Soon they would reach their destination and then what? He was supposed to present Lady Marie Colette to the Mackenzie laird for marriage.

  Could he do it? Could he let Colette marry another? Could he let her go to the bed of another man? Gavin slammed his fist onto the railing. He would fight before he let his wife be handed over to another man. She was his, and he would never let her go!

  The captain stared at him with wide eyes, and Gavin realized he must appear quite odd. “Forgive me. I…I was thinking o’ something else.”

  The captain stared at him in a moment of confusion, then gave him an easy smile. “Of course, you must be tired from the storm. Too long indoors makes a man go mad. Stay here and get some fresh air to revive your soul.”

  “Aye. I dinna ken what I’m about this morn. Some air will do me good.”

  The captain left him, and Gavin stared out over the sparkling water. Please, Lord, let me keep her. Let me keep my wife. The waves danced in the sun before him, yet Gavin’s heart was filled with pain. He could not let her go. She was his wife.

  And he loved her.

  The realization cut through to his core, taking up permanent residence. Nothing he could do about it now. Colette would forever hold his heart. He turned to go speak with her only to see her striding up the deck toward him.

  “Pippa has been quite ill, but she has survived,” said Lady Marie Colette in a reserved tone.

  He stepped forward to embrace her but stopped short. Something in her eyes was different. Actually, in her expression was the same distance, the same cold reserve that had been there when they had first met. He gritted his teeth, pained to see the wall between them had been rebuilt so quickly.

  “I’m glad she is recovering.” Everything he wanted to say seemed barred to him. Did she wish to forget the past few days ever happened? Perhaps it would be best if they both forgot what happened in the storm.

  “Yes, she is quite relieved that the storm is past, but she is weak from her illness. Fortunately, she was able to eat this morning.” Colette was speaking to him in a formal manner, as if nothing untoward had transpired between them.

  “It must be relief to ye that yer maid is well. I hope she can return to her duties soon,” he responded to her in kind, though something died in his heart to remain so distant.

  “Yes, I would like her to stay in the room with me to ensure she recovers from her ordeal, by your leave of course.” Her eyes slid to the side, noting the crew members who were within earshot. He had no doubt she only added the last obligatory request to keep up appearances of the happily wedded couple. He was being dismissed. Something within his very soul splintered. It was painful—this loss was something he was never supposed to have.

  “As you wish.”

  She gave him a formal curtsy, turned, and returned to her cabin. Gavin turned to the railing and stared out at the horizon. The wind was brisk and brought tears to his eyes more than once. He rubbed his eyes with a fist. They were alive and that was all that truly mattered. Whatever happened in the cabin while they faced death, it was best to leave it where it was. He had agreed to see her safely to her affianced husband and he was honor bound to continue to perform his duty.

  He needed to let her go.

  Thirty

  Colette returned to her cabin and collapsed on her bed. She was exhausted from pretending her heart was not breaking. Tears sprung to her eyes and she let them fall. She took a shaky breath against the pain of loss. She felt like she had just begun to live, like a seed that had just pushed a tender green sprout up through the dirt, searching for the sun, only to be pulled out of the ground and thrown on the trash heap.

  “Are you unwell, m’lady?” asked Pippa, standing in the doorway. As soon as the waves calmed and she had a bit of food, Pippa had declared herself much improved.

  Colette hastily wiped away the tears. “I am quite well, thank you.”

  “You don’t look well.” Pippa stepped inside and shut the door behind her, sliding into a chair on legs still wobbly from her ordeal. “You’ve been crying,” she accused.

  “It is nothing. A little wind in my eyes.”

  Pippa raised an eyebrow. “It is a very windy cabin, no?”

  Colette sighed. Her new maid did not know how to take a hint about subjects that were not to be discussed. “Yes, quite,” she said dryly.

  Pippa frowned. “This is about Sir Gavin, isn’t it?”

  “Pippa, this is not a subject open to discussion.” Colette had tried subtle. Now it was time to be direct.

  “Why not?” asked Pippa, unable to be dissuaded.

  “Because it is none of your concern,” snapped Colette.

  Pippa’s eyes widened. “Forgive me, my lady. I was concerned for you is all.”

  “Yes, of course. Forgive me my sharp words. It has been a trying couple of days.” Actually it had been the best few days of her life. The trying part was now that they were over.

  “I thought I was going to die, lying there all alone,” said Pippa with a dramatic sigh.

  “Me too,” confessed Colette.

  “Was not Sir Gavin with you?” asked Pippa with innocent eyes.

  Colette took a breath. If Pippa were to say such thing to anyone once they arrived at Kintail, all would be lost. “I am intended to wed Mackenzie, the Baron of Kintail.”

  “But you married Sir Gavin, no?”

  “I have explained that to you. It was only a ruse to allow us to travel to Scotland.
When I arrive, my marriage to Sir Gavin will be annulled, for I have a marriage contract with the Baron of Kintail. We must pretend this never happened. It would be most awkward for you to mention that I was ever alone with Sir Gavin. Do you understand?”

  Pippa frowned at her. “But why would you want to marry someone else?”

  “I do not wish to. I must. My father has a contract with—”

  “So you have to marry someone just because your father says so?” Pippa was incredulous.

  “But of course.”

  “Why?” Pippa demanded. “Should you not be able to choose who you go to bed with?”

  “Pippa! You shall not speak to me in such a manner!” Anger surged through her, though Pippa was only a scapegoat. She was angry that she was required to sacrifice her freedom and even her own body, especially after experiencing the freedom she found in Gavin’s arms.

  Pippa was not easily cowed. She shook her head at Colette as if chastising a child. “It is all nonsense if you ask me. Anyone can see that you and Sir Gavin are meant to be together.”

  “I have a dreadful headache,” said Colette. It was the truth. And she could take no more of the conversation.

  Pippa took the baby and left the cabin without another word.

  * * *

  The next few days, Colette kept to herself, or at least she kept to the cabin. Pippa acted as her maid, though she never perfected the art of obsequiousness. She said what she thought and, though never intentionally disrespectful, showed deference to no one. She was a most unsuitable maid, but Colette found her demeanor refreshing. The one thing on which Colette had been adamant was that Sir Gavin was never to be mentioned.

  Of Gavin, she saw little. He ate his meals with the captain and slept either in the spare cabin or beneath the stars. They spoke but rarely and only of benign pleasantries. It was as if the connection between them had never existed. Colette began to wonder if she had dreamed it all in some storm-induced haze. And yet her heart knew the truth, and her heart was broken.