by Carré White
“We’ve got a day’s worth of steep grades. It’s the slow crawl towards the mountains, but we won’t get to Independence Rock for another two weeks, maybe less.”
“Sounds like the worst is yet to come.”
“The prairies are long stretches of boredom, but the mountains are short bursts of stress. This is where we’ll lose wagons. They’ve taken a pounding coming so far, but they’ll be tested at elevation. The terrain is downright scary in places, with sheer drops and obstructed paths. I’ve had to clear trees and boulders at times. It’s cold as heck too. I hope people brought coats. We’re gonna need ‘em.”
“We head north at Fort Hall.”
“I’ll be going south then and west.”
“I appreciate your kindness where Paulina’s concerned. You’ve taken to her quite well. You’re good with the baby too.”
“It’s no hardship, I tell you. Paulina’s as sweet as can be. I couldn't have asked for a better wife.”
“We know her family. They’re good people. There are four sisters in all. They might come out west eventually. There will be plenty of incentive for the parents to follow then.”
“I like adventurous women.”
I approached them, having heard every word. “We’re strong-willed and stubborn too.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.” He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him for support.
“Are you ready to go?”
“I am.”
“Buy everything you needed?”
“I did.”
“Good.” He smacked my bottom. “Then it’s time to saddle up.”
The oxen and horses had been able to graze to their heart’s content on an abundance of grass, and, as we began to move, they were slow to start, needing extra prodding. The unsung heroes of the westward expansion were oxen, as they labored tirelessly for hours every day, pulling people and goods across vast stretches of wilderness. If it weren’t for these hardworking, gentle creatures, such feats would not have been possible.
Traveling with Samuel was a pleasure, because he was easy to talk to. He enjoyed having a laugh, and we even sang at times, especially with Laura, who sat on my lap after her nap. My husband was a proficient whistler as well, keeping a melody going for quite some time. He’d let another settler ride his horse, but, once we had stopped for lunch, he mounted the animal and rode beside us, while I held the reins, keeping the oxen in line. Then later in the day, he brought Laura with him, placing her between his thighs. She loved being on the horse, giggling and cooing, grabbing fistfuls of mane.
When we stopped for the night, I was able to bathe her in a stream, letting her sit in the shallow water and splash. I took that opportunity to scrub my face and arms, as it had been horribly dusty earlier. The trail had been well worn and loose dirt seemed to linger in the air, churned from hundreds of wagon wheels. Thus began days of heavy dust, most of the travelers having to wear bandanas around their faces. I had a small one for Laura as well, although she tried to remove it as soon as I tied it around her neck.
We'd begun rationing water, as several waterholes had been either dried up or contaminated. It was disheartening seeing the corpses of oxen, their bones protruding grotesquely while their bodies decomposed. There were other travelers along the path, and some were in shockingly small groups. There had been graves as well, marked by stones or crosses nailed together from the broken wood of crates.
Laura and I would not see Independence Rock, nor would the miners, who were bent on the Colorado Territory, although Congress had yet to officially declare it such. As each day went by, there were clouds in the distance that at first glance seemed to reveal nothing more than clouds, yet they continued to rise, as the elevation increased. These were in fact the formidable Rockies, which were more than a hundred miles away or so. At 14,000 feet in height, the sheer size was awe-inspiring.
An air of excitement went through the camp, the miners opening the last of their whiskey; some bottles had been hidden for this purpose. There would be a celebration tonight; the ladies had gathered to pool resources in order to cook a dinner that everyone could partake in. I wanted to join them in this happy mood, but I knew my days with Samuel were numbered, as we would be separated soon enough. The wagon train would break in half, with those following the Oregon Trail and the others turning south and then west to California. Samuel had been hired to see these settlers safely over dangerous mountains and deserts.
“Why the sad face?” asked Mary. “We’re celebrating tonight.”
Lanterns had been placed around where we would be eating; an enormous cooking fire blazed, filled with various Dutch ovens and cast iron skillets. Ladies worked to make the meal special, a variety of scents filling the air.
“It’s the beginning of the end.” I sat on a rock, holding Laura in my arms. She had fussed earlier, and I suspected it was because her teeth were coming in.
“Honey, that man loves you. He’ll come back for you.”
“It’s not safe.”
“He’s made the trip five times already. It’s old hat for him now.”
“Maybe his luck’s finally run out.”
“Don’t go thinking like that.”
“I might go with him.”
She glanced at me. “What? I thought you were heading for Denver City?”
I shrugged. “I…” Tears formed in my eyes, as the emotions I had been keeping at bay surfaced. “Oh, never mind.” I got to my feet, walking away, feeling as if the weight of the world sat on my shoulders.
Chapter Fourteen
After Laura had been fed, I put her down, positioning the blankets around her shoulders. Samuel and I were often able to sleep until five in the morning before she fussed. The pacifier helped greatly to that effect.
There was music and laughter tonight, even dancing, as the violinist and the fiddle player took turns entertaining the crowd. There were a few harmonicas as well. Mary and Abner opened a bottle of wine, handing me a glass, but I hardly felt like drinking, although it was delicious. I had been living mostly off of water and occasionally tea, when it was available. The coffee seemed to run out first, followed by spirits.
“There you are.” Samuel held a plate filled with chicken, steak, and a biscuit. “Did you eat?”
“I had some.”
“What’s wrong?”
“We’re going to be separated soon.”
“Aw, sweetheart.”
“Maybe I’ll go with you.”
He shook his head. “No, darlin’. You need to stay with your sister and get settled. Go find us a pretty piece of land, and I’ll give you my money. You can buy it.” He met my gaze. “But, take your sister’s husband with you. He’ll know if it’s fertile enough for planting.”
This was a surprise. “You want me to buy land?”
“Why not? You’re my wife. I’ll be gone for a couple of months. You can get us settled during that time. It’ll keep you so busy you won’t even miss me.” He grinned, but there was food between his teeth. “Hum…this is good. The gravy is excellent.”
My mind spun with a host of new ideas. He trusted me enough to give me his money, and he expected me to buy land on his behalf. I would seek Hannah’s husband’s council, of course, but the final decision was in my hands. It was an enormous responsibility and a daunting task.
“Now you look worried.”
“What if I buy a horrible piece of land that nothing grows on? Then you come back and all the money’s gone and you’ll be angry with me.”
“You won’t do that.”
“I have to talk to my sister.”
“Exactly. They’ve been there long enough. They know what’s what. Look for grants too. This will be our first test. I’m either gonna find out that my wife is as stupid as a plank or she’s a savvy business woman. I’m hoping for the latter. You have five years of savings in your pocket. My blood, sweat, and tears.”
“Oh, Samuel.” He continued to chew, eating heartily. “Are
you sure? I can wait at my sister’s until you return. Then you can find the property yourself.”
“I think that wastes time. The quicker we get settled, the better. Then I can start preparing the fields for the spring planting.”
What he said made sense, but he was placing an enormous amount of responsibility on me. I couldn’t let him down. “All right.” I would be incredibly busy over the next few months. Was I even capable of finding farmland? I’d never thought about such things before.
“You aught to go get some cornbread, darlin’. It should be done by now. Mrs. Garland has some.”
“Is that your roundabout way of saying you want me to bring a piece back for you?”
“Yes, please.” He grinned.
“I might as well get a plate for myself too, before it’s all gone.”
“You’d best hurry.”
I got to my feet, feeling better now after having spoken to Samuel. It was an entirely different feeling, knowing that I wouldn’t just be sitting idle in Colorado waiting for him to return. I had a great deal to think about, and a feeling of excitement prickled, along with an even deeper tenderness for my new husband. Most men would never trust their wives to such an extent. He didn’t even know me! This was a momentous decision. If I were able to obtain a grant, there would be enough money left over to build a house.
After dinner, Samuel took my hand, while music played and couples danced. “You look mighty pretty tonight.”
“No, I don’t. I’m in the same dress I’ve worn for weeks. I’m going to burn it once I get to Denver City.”
“I wasn’t talking about the dress.” He held me close, his arm around my back. “I married a beautiful woman.”
“Oh, Samuel.”
“She’s even prettier on the inside.”
“You’ve now seen me at my worst.” I’d had quite temper a few days ago, feeling as if I had reached the end of my rope. He’d let me cry on his shoulder, and I had felt better afterwards.
“This is a trial for everyone, honey. Being on the road for months at a time is beyond what most people can tolerate. I’ve seen women berate their husbands into turning around. After coming all this way, they made them go back. Can you imagine that?”
“I guess I wasn’t that bad then.”
“You’re not bad at all.”
I rested my forehead on his shoulder. “I hate that you’ll be gone. I won’t see you till fall.”
“That’ll be plenty of time for you to get us settled.”
“Then we have Laura. I wonder what’ll happen with her? I won’t be able to mail a letter again until Denver City. What if they take the baby?” I’d grown fond of Laura, feeling as if she were my own. It was entirely natural to balance her on my hip all day long. When I was without her, I felt like I had forgotten something.
“I don’t know. That won’t be resolved for some time. You mail that letter, and see what happens. If they want the baby, then they’ll have to come get her. Most people wouldn’t go through the trouble, I’m sorry to say. We might be stuck with her forever.”
I glanced at him, wondering if those words were spoken in jest or if he felt bitter about the issue. His eyes sparkled with mischief. “You don’t mind, if she stays with us?”
“Honey, I’m fully expecting Laura to be my daughter from here on out. She’s to the manner born. She loves that horse.”
“I’ve not heard that expression before. What does that mean?”
“She’s a natural.”
“Oh.”
“You got any other concerns?” He turned me with him, as we danced slowly, although the tempo had increased and couples stomped the ground, laughing and clapping.
“We should retire for the evening.” His intake of breath was audible. “I want to spend private time with my husband.”
“Now…there’s a celebration.”
Although Laura was in the tent with us, she was deep asleep, her arm over the cloth doll I had made her weeks ago. I undressed silently, as did Samuel, leaving our things in a corner. Once beneath the covers, I pressed myself against him, knowing how wonderful it felt being in his arms. We had only just begun to get to know one another in this manner, seeking and exploring those sensitive parts of ourselves, succumbing to bliss. When we joined, it was an experience unlike any other, his murmurings of appreciation spurring me on to give and take what I needed from him. It was never awkward or shameful in the least. I felt utterly at ease with him, trusting him completely, even when he wanted to try something different….and slightly adventurous under the covers.
Laura’s fussing woke me quite early, and I hastened to find my clothes, dressing as fast as possible. Sliding my feet into my boots, I made my way across the camp, passing smoking fires, and sleeping miners, who had drunk too much the night before. Tents were filled with snoring men. Jane was already awake, sitting by the fire with a baby in her arms.
“Good morning,” she said.
“Oh, if I could just sleep in once. It would be a dream.”
“That won’t be possible for a while.” She held out her arms. “I’ll take her.”
“What will I do after we split up? I’m heading for Denver City. You’re going to California. How will I feed her?”
“Adam and I have been discussing it. We’re thinkin’ about not going any further. We’re gonna settle in Denver City. I can’t cotton the idea of going over those mountains. I’ve had enough.”
“Really?”
“The only thing is, we don’t know anybody but you there. We’ve got no place to stay.”
“You can come to my sister’s with me. We’ll figure something out.”
She looked thoughtful. “If it don’t find work, we can go over the mountains next summer.”
It was a huge relief not having to worry about finding another wet nurse for Laura. “I’m so glad I won’t be traveling alone with all those miners. I’m so happy you’ll be with me.”
“Well, people gotta stick together out of necessity, I suppose. Nothin’s gone like I thought it would. I didn’t realize how tired I would be.”
“You’re feeding two babies.”
“That’s not a problem. I’ve got more than enough milk.”
“You’re not feeling feverish, are you?”
“No, not that. I’m just road weary. I never want to see another wagon again after this. Just the sound of a harness sets me on edge. I have nightmares about jangling harnesses.”
“I know what you mean.”
She yawned. “I gotta use the privy. Sure hope she eats quick.”
That reminded me of my own needs. “I’ll be right back. Then you can go. I’ll watch the babies.”
“Sounds good.”
We were trail bound more than an hour later, filing out of the camp, one by one, joining a long line of wagons. There was a good chance I would be saying goodbye to Samuel tomorrow morning, as we would continue towards Denver City, while the others went on another trail. I had been dreading this moment, but ever since our talk, I felt better, knowing that I had an important job to do while we were separated. I would take this responsibility seriously, my mind working over dozens of details, thinking about what type of house I wanted to build, the equipment I would need, and how I would apply for a land grant, or a settler possession of a particular tract of land, hopefully one close to my sister’s property.
These ideas seeded themselves in my consciousness, and, as we trudged across a winding path, the oxen working hard to pull our things at an incline, I gazed at the mountains in the distance, knowing that with each passing minute, I drew closer to my new home. By the time we made camp that night, we had reached the proverbial fork in the road. The time I had left with Samuel could be counted in hours, and each one was precious. After we had eaten dinner and Laura had been put down, we sat by the fire holding hands. The conversation had dwindled; our thoughts were bittersweet and regretful.
“Let’s hit the hay,” he murmured. “I want to be with you, Paulina.”
I shot to my feet. “Last one in the tent’s a rotten egg.” He chuckled, following me. I quickly divested myself of clothing, eyeing Laura, who was fast asleep. When I had tossed my boots aside, I slid under the covers. “It’s cooler here.”
“The elevation.” He joined me a moment later, and then I was in his arms. “Kiss me.”
“Hum…”
Our lips met, our tongues meeting gently, at first, and then with increasing urgency. My fingertips dug into his shoulders, while I threw a leg over his hip.
“I’m gonna miss this most of all.”
“Sleeping on the ground?”
“No, silly. You.”
“I knew that.”
“Stop teasing, and kiss me.”
“I can’t fathom sleeping without you now. I’m going to be so lonely.”
“I’ll be back for you; don’t worry.”
“But I do worry. It’s dangerous what you’re doing.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I won’t. I’ll be worried sick about you.”
“No, darlin’. You’ll be far too busy to be sick.”
His hands roamed over my curves, feeling me as if he was a blind man and I a braille map. When he drifted lower, I gasped, anticipation surging like the sweetest of wines, heady and intoxicating. I met his lips with my own, our tongues battling in easy, languid movements. When we were joined, I trembled against him, biting his neck, while scraping my nails across his lower back. He never failed to bring me over the edge, my body tingling, shuddering with release, while his heated breath was in my ear, his seed finding a home inside of me.
We lay together for quite some time, his arm across my belly. I touched his face, feeling a week’s worth of stubble. His profile was handsome, his jaw firm and cheeks high. I traced the line of his chin lower, down his throat, past his Adam’s apple, to the base of his neck. He grasped my hand, an arm going around me, and then I was pressed against him.
“I should probably say this out loud.”
“What?”