by Carré White
“I could ask her if we can have some.”
“I’ve already had dinner, but I could always eat more.”
“Of course, you could,” I laughed. “Oh, but I shouldn’t laugh. Today was horrible.”
“I’m trying to put it behind me.”
“You can do that?”
“I’ve seen so much of it. We can’t mourn proper out here. Every day is a new challenge. Gotta keep movin’ on.”
“You’ve been on the road for so long. How do you stand it?”
“It’s rough, but it’s only half the year. The other half I’m in either Chicago or Missouri preparing for the march west. I’ve worked some on the steamers, but the pay isn’t good.”
I held onto Laura, letting her stand on my thighs. She seemed perfectly happy in our company. “Would you want to be a farmer?”
“I guess.”
“What are you skilled at?”
“We probably should have had this discussion before we got married.”
“Nothing’s been done proper.”
“No, it hasn’t.”
His look was meaningful, and it dawned on me that he would be deprived of my company tonight, as Laura would be with us. “I hadn’t considered the sleeping arrangements.”
He sighed. “It’s all right. I’m…mostly a patient man.”
“I’m sorry, Sam.”
“There’s no need. We’ve got our whole lives to be naked together.” He grinned.
“Oh, my.”
“Let’s get back to farming. I’ve considered it. I like the idea of being my own man, of owning some land. I wonder if there’re any grants left?”
“My sister’s husband might know about that. There are so many miners coming to the mountains. I don’t see why there wouldn’t be any grants. She said they needed farmers badly. There’s almost no local produce, other than what people are growing. They have to bring it in over land.”
“I’ll think on it. I got some money saved. I just wasn’t motivated to settle down before.” His look held a wealth of meaning. “Now I suddenly have a wife. I can’t be a wagon master with a family. It wouldn’t be fair to you or any children we might have.”
“Do you want to mine? It’s hard work.”
“No, I don’t care to sit in a river sifting for gold.”
“They’re digging deeper in the mountains now, from what I hear.”
“We could go to Chicago as well. I could work in the city.”
“That’s far away from my family.”
“It is.”
“Do you want to be close to your family?”
“It’s not as important to me. I’ll see them now and again, but it’s more important for women, I guess.”
It was a pleasure to know that he was so amiable about this topic. He was willing to live with me wherever I chose. I would try to be more open-minded also. “Maybe we’ll live in more than one place. We could do Denver City for a bit and maybe settle somewhere else.”
“I think it’s good to keep options open. I’ve seen quite a bit of the west. California has potential. It’s a different way of life out there, but it’s not bad. I had half a mind to settle on the coast, but I was struggling with what I would do for a livin’.”
“We can think about it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I should walk for a bit. Maybe she’ll sleep then.”
“I’ll see about the food. You need to eat something more than rice and beans.”
“I will.”
After Laura had been put to bed, we sat by the fire, while the violinist played, although the tune was sad. There had been a funeral today, and the atmosphere around camp was morose, as people were forced to reflect on their own mortality. Several settlers with cholera had recovered, but it was imperative to catch it early on. The salt and sugar cure needed to be given at the onset of symptoms. Waiting for hours was dangerous.
I snuggled into Samuel, while Laura slept with a blanket around her in a corner of the tent. He kissed my forehead, murmuring, “Good night, darlin’.”
“Good night, husband.”
“Hum…”
Laura fussing woke us in the middle of the night, although the pacifier was helpful. I’d never had to deal with a crying baby, especially after having been roused from a sound sleep. Samuel took her at one point, leaving the tent to let her fall asleep in his arms. When she finally settled down, she slept between us, her little hands curled into loose fists. In the morning, movement woke me, and I glanced at Laura, finding her wide-awake. She cooed, flailing her arms and legs, eager to start the day.
“You’re a silly girl.” I touched her tummy, which made her giggle. “You kept us up all night.”
“That she did.” Samuel yawned, stretching. Then he picked her up, holding her above him, which she enjoyed enthusiastically, screeching even louder. “You’re a handful.” He lifted and lowered her, repeating this over and over, while Laura shrieked her approval.
“You’ve got her all wound up now.”
“She’s wide awake.”
“The whole camp can hear that.”
“The heck with ‘em.”
“I need to use the privy. I’ll be back.”
“Then you can change her diaper. It smells funny.”
I groaned. “Oh, gosh, darnit.”
“Ah, the joys of motherhood.”
My morning was filled with tasks I had never had to perform before: cleaning diapers, washing a baby, and finding the wet nurse. I barely had enough time to eat myself. Once we were on the road, I ate breakfast seated on the wagon, while Samuel held the reins. Laura napped on a blanket behind us. The first order of business was crossing the river, which was always hazardous, but, this time, we rolled through only a foot of water at the most, the wheels maneuvering easily. The grade became steeper by lunchtime, the animals having to pull us through a series of foothills, the terrain having become rocky. We were now in the high plains, the climb grueling.
After stopping for lunch, we continued, the wagons creaking and groaning their way through greater inclines. The oxen worked tirelessly, plodding on, even though it must have been exhausting for them. I walked for a bit, holding Laura in my arms. Samuel was in the saddle later in the afternoon, and he had taken Laura, positioning her before him. She loved being on the horse. Not one word of complaint came from her lips at this prospect. I grinned when I saw them, not quite believing that the man who I had met all those weeks ago, the rough and tumble wagon master, would be trotting around with a baby in his lap.
By nightfall, we continued on, as there were lights in the distance, which shone like a beacon. Fort Laramie stood nearly a mile off, and we pressed on hoping to make camp outside its fortified walls. In the shape of a large rectangle, the high-walls hid whatever buildings were within, and we wouldn’t be able to shop for provisions until morning, as they had closed the fort down, although several soldiers came out to greet us.
The campsite was situated upon a large grazing area, the animals able to eat their fill, while we set up tents and made cooking fires. I changed Laura’s diapers and placed her on a blanket. Her body squirmed enthusiastically, while she cooed. I’d have to find Jane to feed her soon, as she hadn’t had milk in more than two hours. By the time Samuel returned, he brought several potatoes, holding them out to me, which was a delightful surprise.
“We should boil them.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He reached for Laura. “You want me to take her to Jane?”
“Would you, please?”
“Sure.”
When he returned, supper was boiling, including chunks of buffalo meat. We would have a delicious stew. I made biscuits, preparing the Dutch oven. After we had eaten, I glanced at Samuel.
“When do we get Laura?”
“Not until morning.”
“What?”
“Jane said she would watch her tonight.” His look was meaningful.
“Oh, my.”
“We’ll finally be
able to…”
“I know.” The thought of such intimacies had my stomach flipping over with a case of the butterflies. I was nervous now, self-conscious, knowing that he stared at me, while I washed the dishes.
“Do you want to…be with me, Paulina?”
“Of course I do.” I glanced over my shoulder. “You should get the tent ready. You haven’t put it together yet.”
He sprang to his feet. “I’m on it.”
I giggled, while scrubbing the bottom of the pan. “Well, I’m about to find out what it’s all about now, I guess,” I murmured to myself.
Chapter Thirteen
Once things were put away, I crawled into the tent, quickly removing the dress and underthings, impatient to be ready for Samuel. Whatever embarrassment or nervous inclination I might have felt earlier had dissipated. We would finally be able to be alone without sickness or babies coming between us.
“It’s quiet tonight.” He appeared in the doorway, throwing back the tarp. “People were able to buy some supplies before they closed the trading post. Fortunately, there’s no whiskey. I know the miners are heartily disappointed.”
“I can’t wait to shop for things.”
“Are you comfortable? Should I get another bedroll?”
“No, I’m fine.” I had removed everything but the shift.
“I’ll turn down the lamp.” Darkness descended upon us.
I snuggled under the blankets waiting for him.
“I’m taking everything off, just to warn you.”
“I…guess I should do the same.” Grasping the material of the garment, I worked it over my head. “Is the flap closed?”
“Yes, ma’am. If anybody tries to get in here, I’ll shoot ‘em.”
“Just give me the head’s up before you fire. I don’t want my eardrums to pop.”
He reached for me under the blanket. It was strange feeling someone’s hands on my person. “Oh.”
“You’re so soft.”
“You’re so hairy.”
“I’m sorry about that,” he chortled. “God made us…er…different.”
“You could say that again.” There was something stiff pressing to my belly, leaving a wet spot. “I’m thinking that’s…oh, my goodness.” I touched him, slightly alarmed by the shape and size of things. “I…oh!”
“I’ll go gentle with you, but we haven’t even scratched the surface yet, sweetheart. I plan to kiss you for starters. Then I’m going to explore every inch of soft curves and nooks and crannies, while whispering sweet nothings in your ear. When you’re gasping with pleasure and beggin’ me to take you, then I’ll tease you for a spell more before giving you this here…ahem…present.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “You better live up to all of those promises, Samuel Wayne Tucker.”
“What are you going to do to me?”
“I have something similar in mind.” My hand rested on his chest, feeling his heart beating beneath my fingers. “I hope maybe…you’ll use your mouth too.”
“Is that so?”
“I’d imagine it would…feel good.”
He turned with me in his arms. I was suddenly beneath him. “I think it’s time to quit talkin’ and start doin’. You’ve given me some wicked ideas, wife.”
I threaded my fingers through his hair. “Yes, please. You may start whenever you’re ready.”
He barked with laughter. “What did I get myself into?”
My legs went around his midsection. “We’re about to find out.”
An hour later, I lay in Samuel’s arms, a smile on my face, although I was sore. We listened to people talking, and a baby cried in the distance. I couldn’t help wondering if it was Laura.
“How are you?”
I yawned. “I’m fine.”
“You were…really nice.”
“That’s good to know. Have you ever been with a woman who wasn’t?”
“I can’t talk about that.”
I lifted up on an elbow, staring at him, although he was in shadow. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
“You’ve been doing this since you were twenty.”
“Sleeping with women? No. I started…earlier than that.”
“That’s not what I meant. The wagon master job.”
“Oh, that. Yes. I’ve been at it since I was twenty. I was horrible the first year. I’ve improved, thank God.”
“How many women have you been with?”
He groaned. “I’m not sayin’. What went before shouldn’t matter.”
“What if I hadn’t of been a virgin?”
“But you were.”
“What if I’d been with a man before?”
“I would be wondering about that.”
“Would you have married me?”
He drew me to him. “Look, folks think differently out here. They’re not up tight like back east. Plenty of women lose husbands. Then they’re forced to work in parlour houses and such to make a livin’. Plenty of those girls have gotten married and had families.”
“I see.”
“Lots of widows have done the same.”
“I take it you’ve been to a few of these parlour houses?”
“Only on nickel night,” he laughed.
“What’s nickel night?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“What is it?”
“It’s the cheap night. You might get a kiss and a grope, if you’re lucky. I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
“You’ve done that?”
“Honey, I was a single man until a day ago.”
“I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it close to your chest.”
“What?”
“My sister knows the madam for Denver City. They’ve had tea together!”
“Honest to God?”
“Yes. It’s a long story, but she met her. She actually goes to church.”
“I might like this sister of yours.”
“It’s not like that. She doesn’t socialize with her. It’s a fascinating story. That woman makes a fortune every night.”
“No doubt. Those prices are over my budget.”
“But not on nickel night.”
“No,” he laughed. “I mostly take a good look around on nickel night. When I see how many ladies are missin’ their teeth, I count my lucky stars I didn’t pay for that.”
“My sister says they’re really beautiful, and they wear make up and dye their hair.”
“I imagine they do.”
“Is money the only reason you won’t go to those places?”
“I’m a cheap bastard. There are better things I can do with all that money. I don’t gamble either. I’m lousy at it.”
I snuggled into him, enjoying the intimacy. “I really like what we did earlier. It was so nice.”
“I’m glad. You were surprisingly responsive.”
“What does that mean?”
“You enjoyed everything I did to you.”
“Don’t all women like that…sort of thing?”
“Not all. I’ve bedded some limp fish. I probably shouldn’t talk about this either.”
He’d piqued my curiosity again. “Limp fish?”
“Never mind.”
Leaning over him, I let my hair fall to his chest. “I have something I want to do.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“What you did to me earlier. I might…try it on you.”
“I am in no position to stop you.”
“No,” I giggled. “You aren’t.”
“Kiss me first, sweetheart.”
“I will.”
We hardly slept at all that night, enjoying the newfound intimacy that was our right, as man and wife. In the early hours of morning, people began to stir, the sounds drifting our way. The whinny of horses accompanied the clanging of pots and pans. I was eager to explore the fort, wanting to have a look inside the trading post. After washing with tepid water, I dressed,
collecting my hair into tight bun. Samuel had gotten up before me, needing to check on those who were ill. There hadn’t been any new cases of cholera, and we hoped the nearby river wouldn’t bring more.
I found Laura with Jane. “Thank you for watching her.”
“She really needs to learn how to sleep through the night. I’ve got some ideas I can tell you about. There are a couple of tricks to getting them down for good.”
“I’d love to hear it.”
“I’ll stop by later after we’re on the road. We’re leaving within the hour.”
“So soon?”
“Yes, I’m not happy either, but what can we do?”
“Hey, little one.” I glanced at Laura who seemed quite happy this morning; her expression was bright. “She’s so cheerful. She doesn’t seem to miss her mother at all.”
“They’re too young to know about that.”
“I’m sure she recognized her mother.”
“Possibly, but she’s awfully young. Did you ever find an address for Oregon?”
“Not yet. I haven’t had a lot of time to search.”
Samuel approached. “You should go shop.” He held out his arms. “Gimme the little one.”
“All right.”
“You got money?”
“A little.”
“How much?”
“I have about…” I lowered my voice, not wanting Jane to overhear. “A hundred and twenty on me, but I didn’t want to spend it all today.”
“That’s more than I thought.”
“My parents gave me money before I left.”
He pulled me to the side. “I’ve been saving for years. I’ve got almost a thousand, but it’s for buying property.”
“My goodness.”
“You should grab what you need.”
He looked entirely at ease holding a baby, his hat shading his eyes. Laura had clutched his shirt, her hand curled into a fist around the material. A thin stream of drool was in the corner of her chin.
“I hope they have canned goods. I need something that will last longer.”
“Then get a wiggle on, cause we’re packing up soon.”
“I’ll be back.” I marveled at how easy he was to get along with. I hadn’t yet seen his temper, but I knew no man was perfect, even my father was known to blow his stack a time or two.
Once I’d purchased as much as ten dollars would allow, I hurried to the wagon, finding Laura on a blanket inside. Samuel had yoked the oxen to the harness, as he stood nearby speaking to Abner.