Depths

by C. S. Burkhart

  But I knew I couldn't stay long. I had to meet her at two o' clock and it was after one when I had gotten in. Dismally, I turned the knob off and stepped out. The bathroom was filled with steam and it made the air thick. I grabbed my towel and dried myself off. It really wasn't that fluffy of a towel, I was going to have to get a new one. Say what you want, but fluffy towels after a hot shower are one of life’s true treasures.

  Boxers on, socks on, pull up pants, pull down shirt and I'm dressed. I sat on top of the toilet seat lid, I could at least savor the atmosphere of my safe place for a little while longer. After a minute or two, I stood up and went to the mirror, to brush my tangled hair down, and reached over to wipe the steam off.

  Clink!

  I had knocked my toothbrush into the sink. I looked down, picked it up and put it back in its place and tilted my head back up to the mirror and saw my deformed, distorted face looking back me. My hair had fallen out in clumps, my nose hooked downwards and bulged out, my forehead was twice as wide as it normally is, cheek bones jutting out like ledges, my right eye which was now a deep dark brown instead of blue and sat about two inches lower than my left on my face.

  I stumbled backwards and looked again. My normal face stared back at me. Confusion, anger and fear painted it.

  “Fuck!”

  I brushed my hair down hurriedly and left.

  The light switch. Forgot to turn the light switch off. I went back in and flicked it down.

  Click!

  I turned my back to leave again and had the inescapable feeling of being watched. It’s impossible to mistake it. I stood motionless, sensing the disturbance in the air. Something was moving… Behind me.

  Don’t look don’t look don’t look…

  I don’t know how I knew, but I knew it. My reflection was still in the mirror, watching me. That movement I felt was his breathing.

  No. That doesn’t happen in real life. Stop.

  I shook the thought off and grabbed my wait... Where are my keys? Not this again... I glanced at the clock, 1:46 P.M. I needed to be on my way. I don’t like to be late.

  Not on my desk, not on my bed, and it didn't look like they were on the floor... Coffee table! I darted out of my room and went straight to the coffee table, snatched the keys in mid run and circled back around and out the front door. A little voice in my head spoke up as I was walking out.

  Bad idea mate.

  What do you mean?

  Just that. This is a bad idea. Tell her you can't make it.

  I need to see her though, she'll know what I should do. She always does.

  It’s a BAD idea. Just stop. Please stop. You don't want her wrapped up in all of this do you?

  She won't be. I promise.

  I was going to finally see her again. How long had it been? I couldn't remember. Way too long. Way too long... She could help me though. If anyone could, it was her. She was always one step ahead of me in knowing myself. She was the only thing I really truly trusted anymore, and I could finally see her now.

  Chapter 10

  I was half way there before I realized I had forgotten to lock the door. So I turned back, dug for the key, turn to the right, deadbolt slams home. Great, can’t be too careful considering the circumstances right? Satisfied, I went back to my car and got in. I started the engine and headed back out down Memoir Drive. She only lived a couple miles from me so it wouldn’t take me long to get there.

  I knew how our conversation would start but what would happen afterward? I needed her help and trusted her more than anything, but how do I explain what's happening? That I was having dreams and hallucinating, dying on a regular basis, never knowing what’s real and what’s not... How do you explain insanity?

  She was already worried, hell, if not calling her for a while was cause for concern then this was cause for 24-hour surveillance. I drove along down Memoir Drive and turned left at the light onto Paramount Place and just drove. The sky was blue and it was the perfect temperature. 75 degrees. Not too hot and not too cold. It was a nice day. A much needed boost to my spirits.

  The light changed red at the intersection and I stopped behind a metallic green minivan. It had a bumper sticker on it that read “Coexist”. Each letter used a different religious symbol to make the letter. Cute. I didn't really believe in anything. I had never wondered what happens when we die, I figured we just died. But if that were the case, there would be no more thought, no more conscious or subconscious thinking. How do you think about what it would be like to not think?

  The driver behind me was honking his horn angrily. The minivan was gone and the light was green. I must have drifted off. Feeling rushed by the guy behind me, I pressed hard on the gas pedal and sped off.

  I continued down Paramount until I turned onto Sunny Way. Weird street name. It was canopied on both sides by weeping willow trees and there was hardly any sun to be seen. I wove down the winding street, finally parking against the curb outside her house. 24976 Sunny Way. No matter how fuzzy my memory had gotten, I would always remember that address.

  Ignition off. Quiet. I always felt unsettled on this street. Maybe it was the willows with their leafy bows turned downwards and the shadows they cast. Maybe it was the utter silence, not a single person was on this street. No kids on bikes or drawing with chalk, no fathers playing catch with their sons. Completely deserted. I never liked being outside on this street for very long.

  I stepped out of my car, the breeze passed over my ears and through my hair and sent a chill down my back. I shuddered. Maybe it was from nervousness to see her, maybe it was the unsettled feeling, I don't know. I locked the car and walked the pathway to her house.

  She had done well with herself, studying criminal law in college with a minor in human psychology sure paid off. As much as I enjoyed her company, I always thought she was studying and analyzing me, which I'm sure she was. Pointing out my obvious bullshit aside, she was always able to find the deeper meaning in my words. She was good at it too. It could be her profession, it could be our history but whatever it was, she was good at it.

  I was nervous, and I have no problem admitting that. She could be a little intimidating and it was awkward considering the reason we were meeting in the first place.

  Just be yourself!

  I hated that expression, “Just be yourself.” How stupid of a saying is that? Who is myself? What does that mean? And yet a peppy voice in my head kept repeating the saying over and over.

  Knock knock!

  Just be yourself!

  Shut up.

  I didn't hear her coming. So I knocked again. Still nothing.

  Hmm.

  Just be yourself!

  I gripped the door knob, perhaps it was open? I twisted the knob and the door opened up. She had left the window in the front of the house open and the breeze made the floral-patterned curtains billow and whip around.

  From the entryway I went to the living room on the left. The coffee table had some magazines and a coffee mug that was almost empty. Everything on the sofa looked organized just like always. Pillows propped up, cushions completely tucked in. The living room was connected to the kitchen straight ahead and to the right was the staircase to the second floor with the dining room to the right of that. I checked out the rest of the first floor and I had to admire the place—hardwood floors, flat-screen TV mounted on the wall, an overstuffed couch that looked like it’d be amazing to sit on. Tasteful art in simple but elegant frames decorated the walls and a lovely china cabinet in the living room that complemented the floor.

  She had rented the place out when she went to school but asides from some of the upgraded furniture and knick knacks, it was exactly the same as I remembered.

  “Hello?”

  Just be yourself!

  No response. I started towards the staircase and climbed up the hardwood steps. My shoes made a clunking sound that I rather enjoyed, echoing off the walls pleasantly.

  When I got to the landing just before the second set of stairs i
s when I noticed that her lamp was knocked over. It was a simple brass lamp that had belonged to her grandmother. It normally sat on the little table to the right of the sofa which was immediately to the left when you hit the second floor, but now it was knocked over at the top of the staircase along with the table it sat on. The shade was knocked off and the bulb was broken, littering the top few steps with glass.

  I stood there on the landing and I felt my stomach knotting up. Something had happened.

  Chapter 11

  Movement.

  Twitching.

  Shadows darting in and out of sight. Circling and taunting me. I was becoming increasingly jumpy from the movement. Everything seemed like it was moving in this fucking house. My house. It was like ants crawling on my skin. When I wasn't seeing things, I felt like I was. I knew they were there even if I didn't know where and I was growing weary of their games. I just wanted to wake up from this and snap back to reality. It seemed like months had passed and yet there was no snap. No jolting awake, no reprieve.

  The clock read 1:16 P.M. And yet there was no sun in the sky outside. I peeked through the blinds in my living room and there wasn’t a single trace of light. It wasn't even dark, there was just nothing there. Nothing at all. The sky, the neighborhood, even the walls on the outside of my house were just gone. Nothing existed outside of the walls in which I was confined.

  A rattling sound caught my attention, I could feel my ears straining towards the direction of the noise from behind my left shoulder. There it was! I grinned in delight, finally catching the unseen thing that was constantly running about my house. Always moving just barely within my peripherals, making its damn rattling sound—like chain link fence being hit with a shovel—and never allowing me any rest. I finally had you, you son of a bitch!

  My pulse quickened and I turned around on my heels, dashing off after it down the halls. The hallways had multiplied since I took up residency here, this had to have been the third one I had discovered inside my house in such a short period of time. And to think I had never noticed them before... How peculiar.

  But no matter. I would finally be able to catch it. The dimly lit hallway wound and snaked its way throughout my house and I could never keep the thing in my sight for too long. It ran like a human would—for the most part at least—although it used its hands to run every now and then.

  The damn light… I had been trying to find the source of the light in this hallway for hours but I was never able to get to it. It pulsated, waxing and waning in short intervals and I longed to see its source. I imagined feeling the warmth upon my skin. God how I missed warmth... The damn thermometer was completely unresponsive. Just give it a little tap, one more tap.

  Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap!!!!!!!!

  Fucking thing just wouldn't work! Tap tap tap! Hello?! Ripping it off the wall didn't help either. Not when a few minutes later a new one had replaced it. 75 degrees it said. It always said 75 degrees. If it was 75 fucking degrees I wouldn't be seeing my own breath!

  So of course I ripped that one from the wall as well, but to no avail. It just kept coming back! It was just there to mock my struggles and tell me the temperature I should be feeling, but wasn't.

  Fucker.

  Limbs scampered along down the hall. Whatever it was it was, was fast. But I would catch it soon.

  Clink clink clink!

  The chains trailing behind it smacked the walls, finally explaining the noises I had been hearing.

  I was closing in. Almost there... Just a little more reach... And....

  Got it!

  I jerked back with all my strength and planted my heels into the floor.

  A choked gasp escaped it and the chain went slack, causing me to lose balance and fall flat on my back.

  The hallway curved sharply left and I couldn’t see around it so I had no idea what it was doing. Still stunned, I began crawling in its direction. After about five crawl-steps I could see its feet from around the bend. Human feet. That was a relief at least. Toes curling and uncurling almost in sync with the pulsing light. Long slender legs grew from its feet as I continued around the hall. They were pale, not like someone who hadn't gotten a tan but a sick pale. Like someone's face right before they vomited.

  I finally had you.

  No more would you scamper about and torment me. No more would your chains smack my walls as you scampered, keeping any wink of sleep from my eyes. You were mine now.

  I noticed it was a woman's figure now. The slender legs ended in a shapely ass, covered only by a pair of white cotton panties. Her body contoured along the bend from the hallway. Chains indeed bound her and she was slowing down, taking ragged breaths. I moved ever so slowly not wanting to startle and panic whoever or whatever it was. But when I saw the face I—

  —Stood rooted to the landing on the staircase, unsure of whether I should proceed. The knocked over lamp was a bad omen. A definite tell-tale sign that something was wrong. Very wrong.

  I told you not to go...

  And you gave me no reason! I retorted back to myself.

  I looked down at the steps in front of me and back up the stairs. She might be hurt, I had to see for myself.

  One foot in front of the other, one step at a time I made my way up the stairs.

  Our breathing was heavy. Limbs wrapped around each other, I couldn't keep track of whose was whose. She grasped my face and pulled me to her mouth, forcing my willing lips to meet her own. She pulled at me so hard that it hurt, her teeth sunk and dug into my lips. The room was hot like the night before, thick with the scent of sweat and sex. I could spend the rest of my life in this moment. Her legs rose up, wrapped and constricted around me, pulling me deeper and deeper.

  She shoved her hand into my shoulder and flipped me onto my back—all the while keeping me inside of her—and in one fluid motion straddled me, thrusting her hips back and forth.

  She threw her head back, grabbing my hands and leading them to her breasts. A sigh of ecstasy flowed from my lips to her ears. Encouraged by my pleasure, she moved faster. I was about to burst, I pulled out and rolled out from under her, those chocolate eyes peering into mine.

  “Get back in,” she said with a coy grin.

  I didn't hesitate. I pushed back inside of her slowly and gently. Her eyes closed and she moved her hands up from her hips, squeezing her breasts.

  With dread in the pit of my stomach I set my foot at the top of the staircase and with a final glance at the lamp, I knew I should turn back. I wasn't going to want to see whatever it was that awaited me.

  She was near climax, moaning at the verge of orgasm. She clawed at the sheets, mouth parting ever so slightly. I plunged into her harder and her cries of pleasure let me know she appreciated it.

  There was one light on, coming from the master bedroom. Her bedroom. The door was parted, allowing a thin ray of light to fall upon the floor. Shadows moved across the ray and I could hear noise, like the bed was rocking back and forth.

  Harder and harder I thrust myself into her, tilting my head without any conscious thought and…

  Motion.

  What was that? The door was parted. In the thin crack I could make out a silhouette growing in size as it approached the door.

  I was almost at the door when I had the thought to grab something, any type of sharp or blunt object. Something to defend myself with. Something had happened at her and whatever did it is still here. I looked around but there was nothing to use.

  I slowed down and studied the silhouette, its frame increasing in size, slowly creeping closer to the door.

  “What is it? Why did you stop?”

  The closer I got to the door, the stronger the smell got. The smell of sweat. And sex. And something else... I couldn't quite place it.

  Wait a second...

  Stale and metallic. Blood. That was the scent of blood.

  The door burst open. What the hell was he doing here?!

  I kicked the door
open and reeled backwards.

  There he stood, fists clenched.

  Myself. Doppelgänger.

  There I stood, fists clenched. Still inside of her, I looked back at me in shock as I looked back at me, my own shock reflected on his face. My face.

  Blood painted the walls, no corner of the room was spared at least one drop. Streaks of it crawled up from the head board of her bed in ever more elaborate patterns. Sheets, saturated and soaking with crimson. Pretty patterns on the floor, painted in a frenzy. Her face peeked up from behind his shoulders, completely blank. He laid on top of her, ravaging her lifeless body before tensing up, then relaxing, paying no attention to me. I didn’t need an explanation to know what he just finished doing. When he shifted I could see a wide slit on her neck, opening and closing every time he thrust in and out of her.

  “Wanna join? She's still warm...” He said in a slow drawl.

  I lunged forward without any thought but he pulled out a knife that was buried in her chest and swung it around in one swipe, catching me right in the neck. I grabbed at my throat feeling the blood oozing out from in between my fingers. He hooked the blade into my shoulder and used it to toss me onto the bed beside her, all the while continuing to fuck her. As I continued to fuck her.

  “I told you it was a bad idea. I told you to stop. I told you to tell her you couldn't make it and what did you do huh?” I asked myself looking down at me.

  “Fuck you!” I screamed back, or at least tried to, only it came out as a wet gurgle instead. Her blank lifeless face rolled towards me. Eyes and mouth open, staring off into infinity. As my life leaked from my body, I too stared off into infinity.