I don't know.
So ask her.
I left the table and climbed up the stairs. She had knocked over the lamp that sat atop of the table by the couch, at the top of the stairs. I got to the top of stairs and picked the lamp up, setting it back on its table. She loved that lamp, she must be pissed.
Her door was shut and I approached it quietly. I could hear her choked sobbing from behind the door.
I fucked up…
A wave of emotion washed over me, I hated seeing her so upset, especially at me. I loved her more than anything, I needed to fix this.
I turned the doorknob and opened the door….
…Blood painted the walls, no corner of the room was spared at least one drop. Streaks of it crawled up from the head board of her bed towards the ceiling…
She was curled up holding her knees to her chest, crying. I sat on the edge of her bed and put my hand on her leg.
“I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it.”
She batted my hand off her leg and buried her face into the pillows.
“Babe, can we please talk?”
“I'm leaving in a month for Stanford.”
A month?
“A month?”
She just sobbed harder.
“You could have mentioned this to me sometime sooner!” I could hear the anger in my voice rising, “were you ever planning on telling me?”
I stood from the bed and began pacing the room.
“Yes!” She screamed back, “I didn't know how. You would have tried to convince me not to go but I need to get out and get away from here. Away from my dad,” she spat out in between sobs, “and away from you!”
“Away from me? What the fuck did I do to you?”
I balled my fists up, and hot tears welled up in my eyes.
“You're fucking suffocating me! You want to spend every second with me. Christ, you barely even have a job and even then I can't get away from you because you're always texting me or calling me or showing up. I need out of here!”
So this is how she really feels.
Yeah but for how long?
“How long have you felt like this huh? You could have fucking SAID something about it!”
My nails were digging into my palms.
“Get out of my house!” She yelled, throwing pillows at me.
You need some answers.
“No! What the—” the tears streaked my face, “What the fuck? Why are you doing this, why didn't you just say something? We could have talked about it!”
“It’s just you… I felt bad. What do you want me to say? Just get out!”
She's ripping you to pieces.
“I love you... I fucking love you and I thought you loved me and now this? Not even a warning? You couldn’t even give me— Couldn’t give us a chance to work this out? You just want to leave instead?”
I couldn’t control the anger but I didn’t want to. How could I not have seen this coming?
“I don’t want to work things out! It’s you who’s the problem! You’re a fucking control freak, like you fucking own me or something. There’s nothing to work out between us because I don’t want things to work out between us.”
There wasn’t a single trace of sympathy left in her voice. The veil of the act she must have been putting on for the last several months had finally been lifted. This was her. I had just been too stupid and blind to realize it.
“You fucking bitch... You’re ripping my fucking heart out.”
“I wasn’t planning on this... But fine.”
She sprung out of her bed, a knife in hand and buried the blade into my chest. I felt it slice through skin and muscle and lodge in between my ribs. Warm blood stained my shirt and I stumbled.
I kept my balance against the wall and staggered to the bed. She moved as I moved, keeping her distance, her face devoid of any discernible emotion. I dragged myself onto the bed, my vision was getting blurry and I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling.
You're losing control.
Her face moved into my field of vision but I could barely make it out. Her hair smelled of vanilla.
You've lost it.
She pulled the knife from my chest and held it to her face, looking at it for a moment before setting it gently on the nightstand. My vision blacked out and my breathing slowed. The last thing I felt was her fingers running through my hair.
Chapter 12
Her hair smelled of vanilla and I felt her fingers running through my hair. I opened my eyes and saw her looking down on me with a smile.
“How long have I been out?”
“About an hour or so. You were out like a log,” she replied. The dim light glowed off her naked body, highlighting each curving contour of flawless skin. She was a goddess.
“You need to get up though, my dad will be here for dinner soon.”
I rubbed my eyes, stealing a last glance at her body as she got dressed. She saw me looking and turned her back to me with a coy smile while she put her bra back on.
“Come on you, get dressed!”
“Dinner is ready!”
Oh thank God. The sound of her voice made me feel better instantly. I can't stand awkward situations.
I followed Mr. Green to the other side of the house to the dining room, and sat at the seat closest to the wall. I caught her eye again as she came into the room with a big plate of roast beef in one hand and roasted potatoes in the other.
We both smiled at the same time and I mouthed “thank you” to her.
Mr. Green sat down directly across from me. Great. I already knew he wasn't impressed at all with me.
Just be yourself. He's going to try and push your buttons. Don't let him.
Mr. Green cleared his throat.
“So what do you think of my daughter going away to law school?”
Going away for law school?
Don't let him push your buttons.
“Um, actually I didn't know,” I looked at her from across the table, “You’re going away for law school?”
“We'll talk about it later OK babe?”
Stay calm, just eat your meal. Talk about it later.
“Alright, sure hun.”
I saw Mr. Green smirking at me as he took a big swig of his wine. I looked back to my roast beef and mechanically raised the fork from my plate to my mouth for the remainder of the meal, just waiting for the dinner to end.
He seems awfully satisfied about this.
He doesn't like me.
Obviously. But he seems a little too happy about causing a problem. He knew she was going away. Why'd he bring it up?
Maybe he didn't know that I didn't know?
With a smirk like that?
I looked back up. The smirk was still there.
Didn't she warn you that he would do something like this?
Mr. Green wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin. As he picked up his plate he said something about dinner being good, walked into the kitchen, and set his dish in the sink.
I made eye contact with her. Her deep brown eyes were darker, heavier than usual.
“Well I guess I should get on my way home. Thanks for dinner honey, it was delicious.”
He kissed her on her forehead and held out his hand for me to shake.
I took it and gripped, “Nice to meet you Mr. Green,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Call me Charles.”
He smiled, and I could have sworn he winked at me as he opened the door and left.
It stayed quiet for a couple minutes after Charles left. She didn’t want to talk and I didn’t want to push her. We simply sat on her couch, trying to watch some TV show, but the tension was suffocating.
What did she mean she was going away? For how long?
Ask her.
“So you're going away?”
There was a dull flatness to my voice.
She turned the TV off, and paused for a moment before speaking.
“I applied to Stanford awhile back and I
got accepted. And I've been giving it a lot of thought and I want to do it.”
She did all of this without telling you?
“You did all of that without saying anything about it to me?”
I felt my pulse quickening.
“I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. I didn't even think I'd get accepted!”
There's that tone I loved.
She had to have known that she got in a while ago. Her dad already knew for Christ's sake and they speak how often? Once every so many months?
“Well you obviously knew about it way before tonight, you're fucking dad knew already. And by the way, he's a prick.”
You're losing it.
“And another thing,” I continued, “I hate it when you try to dance around things and not give me a real answer because you think I won’t like it or whatever. Why the hell didn't you say anything about this to me?”
And you slipped...
She was pissed now. She shoved me and threw the remote at me and I could see the venom in her eyes.
“You know what? Fuck you! You think you're easy to deal with? Like you tell me everything that’s going on with you at the exact moment it happens? Fuck you, I don't want to hear that shit!”
The blood pounded through my head so hard it made my vision pulse with every heart beat and there was very little thought process in what happened next.
Cut her ear to ear.
Slice her open so she can never hurt me again.
Slice her open.
Yes…
Chapter 13
After I got home and parked the car, I got out and opened the passenger side door. I unbuckled her body and put one arm around her back, the other under her knees and hoisted her out. It took some effort, but I managed to carry her up the driveway to my house. Her head lolled from side to side, the gash grinning from ear to ear looked like it was trying to gargle out some sort of last plea for help with every step I took.
I got to the door and realized I couldn’t open the door whilst carrying her.
So I dropped her.
She landed in a wet heap at my feet, her head twisted at an impossible angle, barely hanging on by the little skin and muscle that was left intact.
I pulled my keys out from my pocket and turned the lock.
Click!
I loved that sound.
I stooped and grabbed her by her ankle and dragged her inside. Her shirt rolled up her stomach, exposing her midsection, as I dragged her down the hallway towards my room. Her neck left trails of blood that shone in the moonlight. I would have to clean later.
I propped her against the bed and pulled her up from under her arm pits onto the mattress. Her head rolled to the left and I thought I could see her windpipe. I ran my finger through her hair and down her cheek, leaving a streak of crimson.
I needed a shower, I was drenched in blood. I went into the bathroom and turned the water on. It would take a minute or two to warm up so I went back and sat on the edge of my bed.
I just looked at her lying there. She was so beautiful, a goddess. The flesh on her leg was still warm, but just barely. Her skin is so soft. I wonder how she gets it that smooth. What razors did she use to shave, what creams and how much, how often?
The water was ready, I could see it steaming up the bathroom. I gave her one last glance and got in the shower. There's nothing quite like a hot shower to erase the bad memories of the day. I felt the tension leaving my muscles and watched the blood spiral down the drain. I scrubbed and scrubbed until I couldn’t see red in the water anymore. I wanted to stay in just little bit longer though and let the water run over me.
My skin was turning pink from the heat so I turned the faucet off and dried myself on a towel tossing it in the corner—I would pick it up later—and opened the door to my room. She was still lying on my bed, right where I left her. My naked body chilled instantly after stepping out of the hot shower, it was freezing in my room. I went to my dresser and grabbed a clean shirt out of the middle drawer, boxers and socks from the drawer beneath, and to my closet to get a pair of pants.
I sat back on the edge of the bed next to her again and pulled on my boxers and socks. The boxers had little hearts on them. I think she gave them to me as a present or something, I couldn't remember. I put the pants on, zipped the zipper, buttoned the buttons and tugged the shirt over my head. It was a plain, navy-blue one.
“Don’t you go leaving me now. I'll be right back babe.”
I bent down and kissed her on the forehead. Her glazed eyes stared blankly off into infinity. I loved them, so deep and warm. I walked out of my room and closed the door behind me.
I left my house, locked the door—
Click!
—and went back to my car. I would have to wash the blood off the porch and the driveway. Not like the neighbors would notice, I don't interact with them much anyways. I got in the car and started it up.
I only had one stop to make.
I got back to my house in about twenty minutes. I popped my trunk and grabbed the chains I had just bought. Big thick chain. A bull couldn't break through the stuff, the guy at the hardware store told me so himself. It was heavy and made a lot of noise as I half carried it, half dragged it to my door. I should have remembered to leave the door unlocked. I fumbled around, trying to keep a grip on the chains and still get the key into the lock. It took a few tries and made a lot of noise, but I did it. I did a quick scan up and down my street, I had made an awful lot of noise but I didn't see anyone watching.
I got inside, closed the door with my foot and finally got to use both my arms to carry the chains, my one arm was getting tired. A smile crept up on me as I opened my bedroom door, I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw what I bought her.
I went through the door and was about to call out her name when I noticed she wasn't on the bed anymore. The chains almost dropped out of my hands when I caught movement from the corner of my eye.
She was staggering against the wall across from me, leaning her head and shoulder against it as she stumbled back and forth. She kept her head down with her hair covering her face, her limp arms flopped around with each unsteady step. Every once in a while she would convulse a little and jerk her arm up, scritching and scratching at the wall.
Still a goddess.
I set the chains down and walked slowly towards her as she headed the opposite direction.
I held out my arm and set my hand on her shoulder and she stopped. She turned around, slowly lifting her head up, eyes out of focus, still staring into infinity. Her head fell backwards, opening the wound in her throat completely. Fresh blood bubbled out of her slit neck as she tried to speak. She raised her hand up and I followed the direction of her pointed finger. It was towards the door.
“See, now that's exactly the reason I had to go and get these.”
I picked up the chain off the ground and began binding her with it, draping it over her shoulder and circling her with one end in my hand. Her head lolled back and forth as I jerked the chain tighter and tighter, looping and weaving it about into a knot that a rat's nest would be proud of. I stood back and admired my work. She wasn't going anywhere.
Chapter 14
She looked so beautiful lying on my bed, barely able to move under the weight of the chains. She gave up struggling quite some time ago, but every now and then she let out a wet gurgle. For the most part though, she just lay there. Beautiful.
A goddess.
I didn't even care that she was getting blood all over the sheets. I would wash them later.
I noticed that my hands were smeared with blood again so I gave her a kiss on the forehead and got up to wash my hands.
The water felt good against the cold of the house. Blood ran down my fingers, turning an almost orange in the water. I really would have to fix my thermostat, there’s just no way that it’s 75 degrees in here. I splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I leaned in to get a look at my
eyes but they seemed… Different.
My reflection backed away from me and wagged its finger at me.
“What did I tell you?” he asked.
He reached through the mirror and grabbed me by my shirt, yanking me forward through the mirror. I anticipated pain, but the mirror rippled like liquid and felt cold and wet against my skin. I landed on my hands and knees, blinded by an intense white light.
I shook my head and blinked, trying to get my eyes back in focus. The Voice paced around with his head in his hand before finally stooping down to me.
“What did I tell you? I said not to let your emotions get the best of you.”
It took me a second to register what he had said. I was back in the white room. The walls were shifting and seemed even more unstable than they were before.
“Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. You need to get your shit together and figure out why we're in here and you better do it quick too.”
“Why do I need to do it quick?” I asked.
“Well, with the shit you've been seeing and doing in your memories, I don't really think you want to spend a whole lot of time in there.”
“What the hell was that? What was I doing?”
“Honestly, I have no idea what you were doing. You got distracted and let yourself wander. Why you were doing that… Fucked if I know.”
I sat myself up against the wall. It seemed to give a little as I leaned back against it. I noticed for the first time that a coffee table and couch were now in the room. They looked identical to the table and couch in my living room. The Voice In My Head sat down on the couch, propped his feet up on the table and crossed his arms.
“We can guess one thing based off your memory. Charles doesn't like you. Not one bit. He clearly doesn't like the fact you're with his daughter and it sure seemed like he mentioned her moving away just to piss you off. And it worked too.”
“So what does that mean?”
“It means you need to dig some more for memories of this guy. There had to have been other times when he was around you two, or maybe even just you. Or maybe times when she told you about him or something.”
“So you think Charles has something to do with this?” I said, gesturing at the room.
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