by R E Gauthier
Miranda had been staring at the agent imploring her to look up at her and when she finally did she couldn’t help but smile. Her body hummed with memories of their time in her bed and she knew they needed to talk about it soon. She wondered about what she had remembered but neither agent said a word about it.
“Doc if you don’t have anything further, I’d like to talk to Agent MacGregor alone if I may?”
“Ummm...well I need to discuss important matters with Doc, maybe I can talk with you later Miss Gauthier.” Kelsey clearly avoided looking in her direction again.
“Well it is almost lunchtime so maybe we can meet afterwards. I’ll leave you two alone. Text me when you have decided on a time for the briefing.” Doc said turning and walked out before waiting for a confirmation.
“Kelsey please can we talk? I think we should discuss what happened this morning in my bed.” Miranda said trying to make eye contact with her. Glad that Doc had understood her pleading looks for him to leave them alone. He’s more astute than people give him credit for.
“First off I have to say I am sorry again for what happened this morning. I cannot believe that I let that happened, it was totally unprofessional and god I took advantage of your vulnerable state.” Kelsey looked so guilty.
Miranda felt her heart break a little when she saw the humiliated look in the agent’s eyes. This woman was not use to having anyone see her sensitive side and what they had shared had been a very intimately private moment. She thought it would be best to assuage Kelsey’s guilt and put the blame where it really belonged, on herself.
“First off let me make this perfectly clear, it was not all your fault. I was there too and if anyone is to blame it was me for not stopping it when I woke up.” Miranda reached out and took the agent’s hands in her own before continuing. “I’m sorry I put you in that position, it’s the dream I had. You were only reading my thoughts and emotions again. You have my headaches too don’t you?”
“Yes I have been having your headaches every time we’ve been together; I’ve even had them when I talked with you on the phone. But this morning it was different the dream was mine I’m sure of it.”
“How can you be so sure?” She asked the agent who looked confused.
“Because this morning I saw your face for the first time,” Kelsey said with certainty as she stared into her eyes.
“What do you mean ‘the first time’?”
“I’ve been having dreams of a petite woman the last week and half or so since I was given the case files. I never knew who she was until last night; it’s been you all this time. You have been reaching out to me in my dreams.”
“Whoa okay reading my thoughts is one thing but you’re dreaming about me too?”
“Sorry I know I should have talked to Nanna, she would understand this more but I have had a dream about you trying to tell me something. Last night when I held you in my arms, I dreamed about you but this time you just told me that I finally found you.”
Miranda listened to those words and they echoed in her head reminiscent of the words she heard Kelsey say in her dream a couple nights ago. No, this can’t happen, not now.
“Listen Kelsey what you’re experiencing is some sort of sharing my fantasies or something like that. You’re not really dreaming about me. I have dreams and fantasies about my characters I write about. It’s a way I get my mind wrapped around the scenes in my book.”
“No I don’t think so, it’s you I see but didn’t know it then but I do now. The thing is I think I might be having feelings for you. Confusing feelings but still they’re real.”
“I know and those are my fault too. I should have stayed at Nanna’s place and talked to you after that kiss. It was a mistake and should never have happened. I am not in a good place right now and have no business leading you on or letting you think anything will happen between us.”
“I understand,” the agent said looking crestfallen.
Her heart felt like it broke in two hearing those two words spoken by Agent Macgregor. I’m sorry but it has to be this way.
Kelsey didn’t have the time to say anything as Miranda dropped her hands and ran from the room, leaving her staring at the closed door. I should have kept my big mouth shut. She berated herself for saying anything about her feelings. Until today she had never felt so overwhelmed by emotions.
She continued to rant and belittle herself in self pity until her phone rang.
“Yeah,” she barked into the phone.
“Ahhh...is that you Mo Chridhe?” Nanna asked.
Hearing her grandmother’s soft voice she grimaced.
“Nanna I’m so sorry, I was just having a bad moment and I shouldn’t have answered my phone that way. Please forgive me.” Her voice was still raw with her earlier emotions.
“Kelsey what is wrong. You sound very upset. It is not Miranda is it?”
“Nanna, why would you ask about Miranda?”
“Because I had a vision this afternoon about her and you were trying to get to her but couldn’t. Then when I tried to call her and you, I only got your voicemails.”
“Nanna, everyone is fine, I was just talking to Miranda and her phone is likely just turned off, as was mine until moments ago. Please don’t worry about your vision.” She couldn’t tell her grandmother that her vision had most likely been her seeing the author’s buried memories or even her night terror last night. It’s best she didn’t know how important a witness Miranda Gauthier was to this case.
“Mo Chridhe I cannot ignore my visions especially when they are telling me someone I care about is in some sort of peril and I care about Miranda and feel she might be in danger.”
“I care about her too Nanna. I care about her too much, she wanted to add. I won’t let anything bad happen to her, I promise.” She said this knowing that she couldn’t take it back once she had, just like when she told Miranda about her feelings.
“I know you do my love, she cares about you as well. I could see it while you two were here. I also wanted to tell you she sent me a big basket of gardening supplies today. She sent a note saying how sorry she had been not saying a proper goodbye and promised again she’ll drop in to visit on her way back to her cabin after you’re finished with her. How long will you need her to stay?”
“Nanna, Miranda doesn’t care for me the way you think I can assure you and as far as I know it may take a while longer before she can leave. I cannot go into it with you.”
“Mo Chridhe she does care and if you give her a chance you’ll see.”
“No Nanna I don’t think you understand it’s not that easy.”
“Kelsey it is exactly the same way no matter who it is. Love is love no matter if it’s between two men, two women or a man and a woman.”
“Nanna I don’t even...”
You don’t have to tell me anything I know and I have known for many years you were not like other girls or women. I sensed your confusion and knew you had to work it out yourself. Whatever you do, don’t let your head talk your heart out of what it wants this time.”
“Please Nanna but you don’t...”
“But I do and give yourself a chance, you deserve to be happy. I shouldn’t keep you any longer, you’re busy with work. But do take care I feel that much will happen soon and you have to be ready.” Nanna said ominously.
She hoped Nanna was talking about the case finally being solved. I’ll be ready.
“I will be careful and I love you Nanna.” Kelsey said trying to allay her grandmother’s fears.
“I love you and remember ‘Thoir gradh dhan bheadtha agad fhein.’ She said in her native Gaelic tongue which translated loosely to ‘Love your life.’
Silence dragged out for a moment or two and then Kelsey told Nanna about her dreams without going into the embarrassing details. Nana told her that her dreams wouldn’t always be visions but foreboding of what may happen or possible outcomes when one makes a choice. Had she dreamed about Miranda because she fixated on her while reading th
e case files? She couldn’t ask Nanny about it without telling her about the context and content of her dreams… she had spoken only about generalities.
“My sweet child I’m so proud of you finally embracing your gift. Let it evolve slowing and don’t rush it, it takes years to fully realize your potential. I’m an old lady so my brain doesn’t work like it once did.”
“But Nanna, you’re sharp as a tack.”
“Once that was true but I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to stay in a full vision now, they can be exhausting just like reading; you should try not doing it too much.”
She explained to Kelsey how to block out thoughts and feelings by quieting her mind. I’ll need to try that tomorrow when I’m with Miranda to block out those headaches. Nanna said she really must go; it was time for her to leave for her bridge group. She said her goodbyes and then looked down at the silent phone. She knows I am gay. How could she know? I don’t even know? Then she knew what she had to do, she texted the number Race had left for her that she would love to go out with her. I need a distraction. She also needed to know one way or the other if she was gay or not.
Great what time?
She replied with how’s 6?
Tell me where and I’ll be there.
She texted the address for the hotel and then slipped the phone back into her pocket. Smiling, she went in search of Nikki to plan a meeting with Doc and Rachel they had to plan how to move forward with Miranda Gauthier as their lead witness in this case.
***
Miranda ran from the agent’s room to her own and then called her best friend. “Jess I need you, can you come and stay with me while I am still being questioned? She quickly responded to her friend’s hello.
“Miranda, wait what is wrong? I spoke to Agent Hyland yesterday and she told me that you were okay.”
“You spoke to...? Why did you speak to her?
“She called me to ask me if you had ever had a fainting spell before. I told her you hadn’t. You haven’t had you?”
“No I have never had something like that happen, only those infernal headaches I told you about and the nightmares.”
“Well then what’s so urgent that you need me there?”
“Well I fainted because it would seem I might be a witness, they think I saw Kate being killed; I need you here to talk to and hold my hand but most of all I need my best friend to keep me sane.” Miranda barely held back a sob.
“Aww, Randi you must really be upset. Wait...what do you mean a witness...you saw it happen...how?”
“I don’t know I don’t remember anything that night after I left the restaurant and before I arrived at the Holiday Inn when I called you.”
“So these FBI Agents say that you were there? Do you need a lawyer? Are they railroading you?”
“No they don’t think I did it they think I saw who did. But everything is unraveling and I just need someone here with me.”
“I’m in New York but I can be there tomorrow morning. Will that be soon enough?”
“Well now would be better but I’ll have to make do with tomorrow.”
“So what are they doing about you and not remembering?”
“Well it seems as though I have repressed memories or something like that. Something about traumatic stress syndrome and Doc is helping me try to remember that night.”
Doc, so he’s a doctor, at least you’re seeing a doctor. Has he given you anything for the headaches?”
“Doc isn’t that kind of doctor he’s a Behavioral Psychologist working with the FBI.”
“Randi maybe you should go see a REAL doctor for this.”
“Jess you know I hate doctors and besides it’s only a headache. Doc says the headaches are normal in people who are blocking out memories.”
“But you could have had a head injury maybe that it why you haven’t been able to remember that night. You could have fallen that night and now the brain injury has caused these headaches and memory loss.”
“Please Jess you worry too much,” she tried to calm her best friend.
“And you don’t worry enough, when I get there I’m going to insist you go to see someone and have your head examined.”
She chuckled.
“I need my head examined but not because I had a bump that night. I just need you here with me to keep me sane.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
***
The rest of the afternoon passed by quickly once they had met and discussed Nikki finding six possible girls who had reasons to have unresolved feelings of hate for the three women victims and a possible fourth. The next possible target had been found travelling somewhere in Northeast Asia. Doc had decided that he wanted to wait till Miranda could handle viewing any photos. He explained that at this point it may prejudice her memories looking at the photos. He wanted her to actually see a face in her subconscious walk-through of the scene before they asked her to look at photos of the girls although they only had updated photos of five of them, the other girl; Cassandra Redmond, seemed to have vanished. Nothing more current than a juvenile court photo from nineteen years ago could be found. Nikki had been searching old court papers and documentation that would point to the girl changing her name, but to no avail. She had had a troubled childhood so Nikki speculated that the teen may have gone missing and died.
The crime scene analysis of the urine stain had been returned and they did a comparison with a DNA sample the sent in of Miranda. They had a ninety-five percent match that the urine found in the closet had been Miranda’s. The technician said that it would have been one hundred percent but the stain had degraded too much for a full DNA code to be extracted.
Kelsey and Doc had fielded questions about Miranda Gauthier’s hypnosis session. Rachel had been hurt that they had kept the author’s whereabouts quiet but they explained it had been to keep her fragile psyche safe from the media and keep her from having any contact with too much information of the murders so they could assure her memories were her own and not something she had heard or read. Doc explained to them that many a witnesses memories could easily be tainted when trying to recover repressed memories and then they would not be admissible in a court of law. Miranda’s testimony might be the only thing that could help convict a suspect once they had her if they couldn’t get a confession or find any other collaborating evidence. Up until now they found only some forensic evidence of a possible murder weapon and circumstantial evidence of a possible motive that may reveal a possible suspect, but it all hinged on what the author could remember of the night Kate Montgomery was killed.
***
Drying herself off from her shower and thinking about the night ahead of her, Kelsey knew seeing Race Norwood after all these years had her jittery. She recalled the last time she had seen Race and felt her body grow warm. They were under the bleachers at the baseball field at Three River Youth Center and Race had been teasing her about her not having a boyfriend. You don’t have a boyfriend so does that mean you like girls? Race asked with a smug look on her face. She felt embarrassed to say she hadn’t been interested in anyone before but she did think she liked Race. Before she could think about it she did what she saw other girls do when they liked someone. She kissed Race. At first she kissed her shyly and she didn’t know how to do it, but then Race opened her lips and her tongue touch Kelsey’s lips the kiss deepened. She opened her mouth and felt Race’s tongue enter it, it felt good but it also scared her. Race knew what to do, kissing girls and doing other stuff. She didn’t and she still didn’t.
Her lapse into the past abruptly ended when her phone rang. She looked around and found it on her bed and answered it with a rather husky “Hello.”
“Wow do you always answer your phone like that?” A breathless Miranda Gauthier asked.
Looking at her phone, she wondered why the author was calling her now.
“No I don’t usually answer the phone like that, I’m just thinking abou
t something and I...”
Miranda spoke before she could finish.
“About that, I’m wondering if we could have dinner tonight and talk about...well this morning. I feel we left it rather...Well I don’t want any hurt feelings or misunderstandings between us.”
Kelsey frowned, she had got the message just fine earlier today and she didn’t want to revisit those feelings.
“Miranda I don’t have any unfinished issue with what happened this morning I can assure you. I think you made your point loud and clear. I should have been more professional and said nothing to you about my feelings. I won’t make that mistake again. I have to go and get ready for a date.”
Silence and then the author whispered, “Sorry I bothered you. I’ll let you go and get ready.
She should have felt relieved that Miranda had ended the call so she could finish getting ready for her night out with Race but instead she only felt empty. Why did I tell her I’m going out on a date? Shaking her head she finished getting ready and tried to forget about the author and her feelings for her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“You don’t find yourself in life; you create yourself when you live.”
Waiting in the hotel lobby, Kelsey watched a tall dark-haired woman dressed in snug-fitting, faded jeans and an even snugger fitting black tank top walk in through the revolving doors. When the dark brown eyes fell on her, she knew right away she looked into the eyes of Race Norwood. A smile spread across the intense but beautiful face as Race walked towards her. She stood and tried to meet her halfway but she found her legs were reluctant to move. The look she saw in those dark eyes made her feel an unease she had never felt before. Apprehension crept up her neck and she had a strong urge to run away. This is a bad idea.
“My, my Kelsey but how you have turned into one gorgeous woman.” Race said raking her eyes over Kelsey’s body. “I’m sorry I had to change the time; I couldn’t get here as soon as I had planned.”