by R E Gauthier
Feeling self-conscious she ducked her head. She smiled but looked down at the floor instead of directly into those intense eyes.
“Well you don’t look so bad yourself.” She said trying to sound teasing but her heart wasn’t quite in it. Race was no longer a shy, brooding girl but a very provocative woman who looked like she had grown use to getting what she wanted. I’m no expert but she’s looking at me like she wants me.
“I thought we could go for a bite to eat and then have a few drinks and catch up, but we could always stay in and eat here and drinks in your room after we catch up.” Race said as she drew her into a strong embrace. A warm breath tickled her ear.
“I have missed you, she whispered.
Those words and the soft breath against overly sensitive skin made her shiver. She tried to scramble to answer.
“Ummm maybe we should go out for some food and a drink first?” Kelsey said hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. I’m so out of my depth with a woman like Race Norwood.
Race held Kelsey at arm’s length and chuckled.
“If I didn’t know better I would say you haven’t changed a bit, you are still the tease you were all those years ago. But I can wait to find that out. Let’s go.” She took Kelsey’s hand in hers and propelled them out the hotel front doors.
***
After a short drive in Race’s sports car they arrived at a diner on North Charles Street.
“I hope you don’t mind this place, it isn’t fancy but the food is always great and it’s open late.”
She saw a different Race, not cocky and self-assured but more like the girl she once knew. She smiled and squeezed Race’s arm to reassure her.
“This is fine, I’m not into fancy and besides it kind of reminds me of the places my dad use to take us when we were kids. Do they make ice cream floats?”
“Do they? Oh my god they make the BEST floats I have ever had.” Race said with a goofy smile that made her laugh out loud.
They sat at a booth across from each other and the place really did remind her of the places her father took her and her brothers every Sunday. As tradition they would find a diner on their way back from going on a road trip every Sunday. She liked the drive because everyone had been too preoccupied to notice her staring out the window at the passing scenery. In the diner she had to talk and it had been hard for her. Sitting across from Race she thought of things to say but Race had her talking about everything and she had no problem carrying on her side of the conversation.
They spent a few hours talking about old times and what they both had been up to over the last seventeen years. Fascinated by the stories Race told her about her basic training and her three tours to the Middle East, Kelsey found herself relaxing. Race listened to her tell her stories of the cases she had been on and for the first time ever she felt like someone genuinely cared about what she had to say. Except Miranda, her mind corrected.
Several times over the night her mind saw Miranda’s face in front of her instead of Race’s. She shook her head to rid her thoughts of the woman but every time she thought she enjoyed Race’s company her mind brought up the author. Despite the intrusions on her time with Race she still didn’t want the night to end. It had been a very long time that she went out with someone and talked and didn’t think about her job and a case.
Race looked worried and she got anxious.
“Well I think we should head out. You look tired or distracted, not sure but maybe you’d like to go back to your hotel or… maybe mine?”
Not knowing what to say to that, she didn’t want the night to end yet but she didn’t want to face what Race may want to do in a hotel room.
“Do you know of a place around here where I can show off my pool skills? I haven’t done that in awhile. How about it Race, do you fancy getting your butt kicked?” It had been several years since she had lived in the city but even then she very rarely went out and had fun. When she did it had been on a dare.
“Well there is a place close by, close enough for us to walk actually. But I wouldn’t be so sure you will kick my butt. I played a lot of pool in my day.” Race said with a wink as she motioned their server over to the table.
“I can pay my half,” she said when Race took out her wallet to pay for their meal.
“No my treat, I asked you out so I pay.” Race smiled and winked at the server as she gave her a generous tip.
She had never been out on a date in her life. Was this what this was? Race had opened doors for her, stayed standing until she had sat and now paid for their meal.
“Okay but pool and drinks are my treat. Unless I beat you badly and then loser pays.” Kelsey said chuckling when Race raised an eyebrow and shook her head.
“Well I can think of a more interesting wager. How about winner gets whatever she wants and loser must agree.” Race said smiling brilliantly.
At once her enjoyment turned to apprehension again; one moment her companion seemed relaxed and funny, the next she was intense and almost predatory. Right now she didn’t think she wanted to play with the woman in front of her. Her silence must have spoke volumes because Race shook her head and said something under her breath before she spoke again.
“I’m sorry Kelsey if I made you feel uncomfortable just now, I can be such an idiot at times. I can take you back to your hotel, if that is what you would rather do,” Race said smiling easily.
The Race looking at her didn’t have the predatory look that scared her; instead the playful, fun Race smiled looking so much the girl from years ago.
“Well let’s see how things go hotshot because I don’t think you’ll be happy when I whip your ass at pool.” She said hoping she looked more relaxed.
“Okay but don’t be too cocky there MacGregor. A couple games of pool and then we’ll head back here to the car and I’ll drive you back to the hotel.” Race’s face animated with her eyes twinkling. “Besides you have a big FBI case to go to in the morning and I don’t want to be responsible for making you lose your man.”
Kelsey felt her earlier anxiousness fade and in its wake anticipation took over, but it was a good kind of anticipation.
The cool night and the people on the street added to the friendly atmosphere between the two women as they walked down the streets. They talked about how the city had been changing a lot lately and before they knew it they were at their destination.
Arriving at a place called the Grand Central Club a place where Kelsey had heard of but never been to, the sounds of music and people talking filled her ears. She thought she remembered Nikki telling her she had been there a few times. When they walked in she remembered why her best friend had been here, the Grand Central Club was a Gay and Lesbian nightclub and lounge. She saw a number of same-sex couples sitting at tables, dancing or standing kissing in darkly lit corners. She tried not to stare but she had never been to a place like this before so seeing the open displays of affection and desire fascinated her.
Race looked at her with a peculiar look on her face like someone who had just figured something out in their head.
“You have never been to a gay bar before. I just assumed I mean you kissed me all those years ago. I thought...shit now it is making sense.” Race shook her head and then frowned deeply
Kelsey didn’t want the night to end like this and she certainly didn’t want to explain to Race how she didn’t know what she was or is or how she felt. Too confused to go into it now, she decided to waylay Race’s concern.
“Look can we play a game of pool and have a drink? I am having a really good time and I don’t want this to end. Can we leave the heavy talk and explanations for another time?” She knew if she went back to her hotel suite she’d just be plagued with memories of Miranda and how the author broke her heart.
“Kels maybe it’ll be better to do this another time...I mean...”
Race didn’t look all that convinced and still looked like she wanted to leave so Kelsey took her hand and led her towards the bar, walking
backwards.
“My treat and I still have to prove to you that I can whoop your arse at pool.” She hoped the pleading with her eyes and voice would work and a brilliant smile told her it had.
“Okay. How can I say no to you?” Race said as she lifted her hand to her face and quickly kissed Kelsey’s knuckles.
Her belly did a little flip-flop and her heart skipped a beat. The touch of those lips on her fingers sent a shockwave through her. Memories of another kiss long ago came to mind, and her heart beat faster. This time she didn’t feel the apprehension because Race had lost that predatory look. Wanting to explore those butterflies in her stomach and find out what could happen between she and Race had her anticipating the rest of the night. She wanted to tonight to be about getting to know Race better and forgetting all about another woman who wanted nothing to do with her. Pushing all other thoughts out of her mind, she followed Race upstairs to the lounge to play pool.
Two hours and several games later, Kelsey enjoyed Race’s company and laughed more than she had in a very long time. Tonight she felt younger and freer to just be Kelsey not Agent or daughter or granddaughter or even best friend. She didn’t want the night to end so when Race said they should head back to her car, she hurried to make another suggestion.
“We can park your car near my hotel and walk along the waterfront, unless you would rather head back to your hotel.” She hoped that Race wanted to keep the night from ending as well.
Race’s facial expressions were hard to read but she did see a playful gleam that told her that Race hadn’t become bored yet.
“How about we leave my car here and we walk back to your hotel?
“Okay let’s go but I have to go to the washroom first,” Kelsey said feeling excited by the prospect of spending more time with this Race.
“Well since I lost the majority of the games, I’ll go settle our tab for tonight.”
Walking hand in hand down the streets, they talked like old friends who had been separated by years. The comfortable way they were with one another only dulled the awareness of her thoughts in her mind. As they grew near the hotel she felt loneliness settle in, now she had to go to her hotel suite and sleep alone. Her fear of being alone made her braver than she really felt; she drew Race into her arms for a hug but kissed her fiercely instead. Another kiss haunted her mind and body as the woman in her arms transformed and her body reacted to the feel of a smaller frame. A moan echoed in her head and the kiss deepened. As soon as the large hand slid down her back to bring her firmly against a hard body, she stiffened. This isn’t Miranda. She pulled away and looked into a pair of confused dark brown eyes.
“I...I’m sorry Race I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t even know why I did it.” What had just happened? One moment she had been lonely and the next she grabbed Race. It made no sense, she had a few drinks but not enough to make her dizzy or confused but she was both.
“Hey no apologies needed. A kiss like that will fodder many a fantasy and even if you don’t know what you’re doing. You can kiss me like that any day.”
She had been rocked to the core by the sheer hunger she had felt but she knew the hunger wasn’t for the tall beautiful woman in front of her but a certain petite, elusive author upstairs. Even now her body strummed with arousal to feel her body against her own again.
“I had a great time and would love to go out with again but Race I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m so confused right now.”
“Like I said no apologies are necessary, I’m not looking for a long term relationship or serious anything. I won’t say I’m not disappointed that you don’t want to take that kiss upstairs because I would love to. If you want to use me for your experimentation I’ll happily be your lab-rat.”
Feeling her face heat, she recognized the now familiar feeling of blushing. She didn’t want to experiment with Race she told herself. Oh really, what had tonight been then? She knew her answer and the conclusion of that experiment. I am a lesbian. She looked deep into the beautiful eyes in front of her. How easy it would be to love a woman like Race. But right now I cannot think about anyone but Miranda Gauthier.
“That wouldn’t be fair to ask of you but I’ll keep it in mind,” she said before she could stop herself. Maybe I just need more time with Race.
“You do that, could you get away again tomorrow night?”
“I can’t make any promises but call me tomorrow afternoon if I don’t call you first and check with me then.”
“I’ll do that, maybe we could try dancing?”
“Well I have to confess I have never danced before.” Kelsey thought about being close to Race as they danced and it both frightened and excited her. Maybe a night out really close to Race and her body would make her forget Miranda.
“I will have fun teaching you,” Race winked before she turned and left.
She stood watching Race leave and wondered if she should have taken Race’s offer to be her lab-rat tonight. Forgetting Miranda would be easier tonight if she didn’t lie alone in her king-sized bed just a dozen feet away from where the petite woman slept. I’m not looking forward to the torture of those dreams tonight.
***
She couldn’t believe what she saw; Kate stared at her pleading and she just sat there unmoving. I can’t move, I just can’t or she will get me too. I need to stay quiet. She’s laughing and saying something to Kate. What is she saying? That smile and that face she looks familiar.
Please forgive me Kate, I can’t help you now.
She woke up covered in sweat and her heart racing, no recollection of what had happened. Did I have another night terror? She lay on the cold floor of the bathroom in her hotel room. How did I get here?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Wednesday September 7
“One cannot plan a life, because one day that plan will change.”
Miranda woke up with a horrible headache and tired despite the fact she had gone to bed early the night before. She had dreams that were muddled and fuzzy but one feeling permeated them all; despair. She felt the sinking, black feeling oozing up from the memory of seeing the beautiful agent Kelsey MacGregor kissing an equally beautiful mysterious woman early that morning in the hotel lobby.
Miranda had tried to relax to get rid of the horrendous headache she had since after the incident in Agent MacGregor’s room. She had slept fitfully for several hours and at two in the morning she decided she needed to get up and walk around so as not to go crazy in bed. She had just walked off the elevator and into the lobby when she saw the tall, dark agent come through the door with another dark woman whose face had been slightly obscured by Kelsey’s head. What she saw then had rocked her to the core. She saw Kelsey turn and take the other woman into her arms and kiss her passionately, the way she had been dreaming and thinking about kissing the agent ever since their morning encounter in her bed.
Sitting up in bed; her head pounded relentlessly and her stomach felt queasy. She started to remember a dream she had reliving that kiss between Kelsey and the mystery woman. Then she saw a woman with a knife and a sickening smile, that woman turned into the same woman that she saw being kissed by Agent MacGregor. Could it be?
A couple hours later, Miranda dressed after her usual morning routine. Nothing had helped her feel better; yoga, the long shower or breakfast in her room. She called Doc and asked him to meet with her in her room. She needed to talk to him about the dream and about what could be a memory.
Carried away by her thoughts she started when she heard knocking on her room door. She opened it to find Doc talking on his phone and he gestured he would be with her momentarily. When he finished his conversation he entered her room and returned the smile Miranda had on her face.
“Good Morning Miranda, why did you want to meet me here instead of waiting to talk to me during our session in Mack…I mean Agent MacGregor’s room?”
“Well that is what I need to talk to you about, I had a dream or a memory...I’m not sure which. I also wanted to say
that I think I don’t want to include Agent MacGregor in my sessions any longer.”
Doc raised an eyebrow and looked at her with concern.
“Okay Miranda you have every right to not want someone in on your sessions but can I ask why you have decided you don’t want Agent MacGregor there?”
“Well it has to do with something personal and how it made me feel and also the dream or memory I have had.”
“Tell me about the dream. Why do you think it maybe a memory?”
“Okay first I need to tell you that since our session yesterday my headaches have worsened again and when I tried to use the meditation and relaxation techniques I just felt so tired. I went to bed early last night, just exhausted by it all.”
“That is to be expected. With the stress of the trying to remember your body has been flooded with extra cortisol that causes your other hormones to be out of sync, your immune system isn’t use to so much release of adrenalin and cortisol. I am sorry about making it sound so clinical but really your brain has been working very hard to protect you from the memories of the night Kate died and it is exhausting to keep doing so.”
Doc tapped the recording tab on his Smartphone and asked Miranda to tell him what was going on with her.
“I just had a dream earlier this morning that makes me question if it’s just a dream that my mind wants to work out feelings or it’s an actual memory.” She looked down at his phone.
“Sit down and tell me about it. You don’t mind if I record it on my phone do you?”
“I don’t mind but please don’t let anyone listen to it unless you think it has to do with solving the case.”
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.
“You have my oath as a doctor. I will not disclose what you tell me unless it pertains to the case.” He reached out and gently squeezed Miranda’s clenched hands.
She sat and steeled herself for retelling Doc the dream she remembered upon waking that morning.
“Well I said I had been restless and agitated yesterday and I carried that into my head trying to fall asleep. I woke up needing to get up and go for a walk so I dressed into my sweats and went down to the lobby to go for a quick walk outside. I know I’m not supposed to but I figured no one would see me at two in the morning. When I arrived in the lobby, I saw Kelsey...I mean SSA MacGregor enter through the front doors with another woman and then well it’s not important what happened but it affected me more than I’d like to say. She didn’t see me and went back to her room; well I assumed she did because I slipped out the side exit and went for my walk. On my walk I met a woman out walking also, we got to talking and we walked together for quite a while. Afterwards I came back here and went back to sleep.”