by R E Gauthier
She felt rather than saw the people pass her as they exited the room; her eyes were open but unseeing. Movement and breathing beside her told her she wasn’t alone.
“Mack...? You look like you’re about to jump out of your skin.” Nikki said reaching up to squeeze her friend’s arm. Is everything alright? We didn’t have time to talk about last night, how is she?” Nikki whispered softly into her ear.
“What are you two whispering about? You two have been acting like you did back at the academy, always having a scheme up your sleeves.” Rachel asked chuckling.
Kelsey felt her control slip away and she shot Rachel a thunderous look before she could contain her anger. The look of horror on her best friend’s face and Rachel’s sharp intake of breath told her she had gone too far.
“Sorry Rachel I’d rather not talk about that right now, I really do need to have a change of scenery. Nikki do you have an address for the adoptive parents of Cassandra Redmond? I think you and I should go talk to them and see what we can shake out of them out about her disappearance.”
Nikki shot a sympathetic look at Rachel and then back to Mack.
“Sure Mack I have their address and planned to get their statement with the local police department. But if you want to go we’ll have a two hour drive there and back.”
“Great then I’ll meet you at my rental in the parking garage in ten. Rachel, can you please notify the rest of the taskforce members that they are on their own today?” Not waiting for a reply she left and didn’t look back.
“Listen Rachel I cannot go into everything right now but I can say that she’s not herself and she’s not as focused as we are used to seeing her,” Nikki said shaking her head.
“Well go catch up with her; she needs your friendship right now. And Nikki, please take care of her will you? If what you are saying is true, that she’s not herself, she’s going to need someone to have her back.”
“I will take care of her as much as she’ll let me, but as you know she’s not one to take help when she doesn’t want it.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Embrace the mess you made of things and made you who you are.”
Driving out of the city; Kelsey didn’t even know where they were headed. She just felt like she needed to get as far away from Baltimore as possible. She had almost forgotten that she had a passenger until Nikki cleared her throat.
“You may want to know where we are going so you can make your next exit,” Nikki said while laying a comforting hand on her rigid arm.
“Sorry Nikki, I just...where are we going?”
“We’re heading to Princeton, New Jersey; where Durham and Carla Redmond have been living for the past dozen years or so.”
Making the right corrections in lanes she then sighed heavily and knew she needed to get some things off her chest. Talking with Nikki had helped yesterday and everyone kept saying you need someone to talk things through with.
“So...last night I messed everything up?”
“What did you mess up last night? You weren’t able to tell me what happened last night after Jess and I left, what happened?”
“Well after you left Doc told me that Miranda most likely had a traumatic break and her not talking was in fact a catatonic state and she could be remembering something.”
“Did she? Did she remember something about that night?”
“No. Well I don’t think she did, that’s where I messed everything up.”
“Mack, start with the beginning how did you mess everything up?” Nikki asked putting a hand on her thigh.
“Yesterday I told you that I had been out with a friend I hadn’t seen in years and kissed her, right?”
“Yeah and you and Miranda had some sort of dream orgasm.”
Kelsey had to smile at her best friend’s description; yeah some dream orgasm. Wishing it were that simple she tried to think of how to tell Nikki the rest of her messed up self-discoveries without going into too much detail.
“You saw the woman I was out with last night at the club right?”
“How could I forget, she was something quite spectacular. I see you were trying to forget Miranda again.”
“Yeah well that was Race, the one I told you about seventeen years ago and the one I kissed two nights ago.”
“I figured that was Race, I have to hand it to you Mack, you sure do have varied tastes, or were you just trying to get your mind off of Miranda. No two women could be more different from each other.”
“Nikki. I need you to focus here; I’m saying I messed everything up. I royally fffed up everything, the case, any chance of having any relationship with Miranda or Race,” she said banging the steering wheel and cursed when a car cut her off at their next lane exchange on I95.
“How did you mess everything up?”
“Well it began the moment I saw Miranda and couldn’t think about anyone but her, after I kissed and felt her in my arms. Then last night I tried to distract myself with Race again and it worked, I hadn’t thought about her all night, the alcohol, the dancing our kissing everything perfect until I felt a sharp stab of pain in my heart.”
“A stabbing pain in the heart, what are we talking about here, Mack?”
Knowing she had just revealed more than she had planned, she tried to cover her blunder.
“I mean I felt pain figuratively, and found Miranda watching me with Race. I saw her face go white and ashen and faint. When Race asked me how I knew Miranda I lied.”
“That’s when Jess and I came over.”
“Yeah and then I left Race without a word and haven’t returned her calls or texts.”
“Okay so I see how you messed things up with Race but I’m sure you can smooth it over with her...”
“But the thing is I don’t want to, I mean I can explain it to her why I couldn’t tell her who Miranda is but when I tell her I used her to distract myself, she won’t understand. Frankly I’m glad I didn’t go further with Race like I had planned, it would only have messed things up more.”
“Okay so you messed it up with Race but don’t care...so what happened last night with Miranda why is everything with her messed up? I thought after the other day you had closed that book.”
“I made love to her...we made love.”
Nikki’s gasp made her pause but then she continued when Nikki remained silent. “Everything just happened so fast; one moment I’m comforted her and the next she...she touched me. I’ve been trying to keep my distance and keep it professional. She was so vulnerable that I just wanted to protect her. I touched her too and that’s how it started.” She took a few breaths and then continued. “See what I mean about it’s all messed up?”
Nikki blew out a long breath and then took a deep one before she spoke.
“Okay...wow, are you certain you really made love and it wasn’t some dream?”
“Nikki...”she whined. “It was real we were awake, she spoke to me...pleaded with me.” Emotions choking her throat, she now wished she hadn’t said anything, this was so hard to talk about. “Nikki she asked me to touch her, told me she wanted it but then this morning...” She couldn’t get the words out around a sob threatening to bubble up.
“Oh wow, Mack I think we should pull over at the next rest stop so we can talk more about this while you’re not driving.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
“When you think it’s over it’s just the beginning.”
They had turned off I95 and went towards the signs directing them to a restaurant and gas station three miles off of the interstate. Nikki had stayed quiet and tried to figure out what she would say to Mack when they stopped. She knew from their talk yesterday her best friend had been having a rough go of it but after what she had just learned she knew Mack needed her more than she had first thought she did. She wanted desperately to reassure her that everything she had experienced is normal and that she hadn’t done anything wrong. The problem with that was that Mack knew having relations with a witness would and could co
mpromise their case. The fact that her best friend was going through this now and it was all new made it harder to deal with. She would have to tread lightly so she didn’t hurt Mack’s tender feelings.
The short drive off of the highway and the silence had helped calm her down and push the emotions back where they belonged inside. They entered the small roadside diner and sat in a booth.
“Nikki I think maybe I should try to keep my mind on the case and forget about all this nonsense about my feelings about Miranda and Race.”
“Well... hold on, first off I have to tell you that what you’re feeling is normal. My first time had me in knots, I loved her so much. You’re just feeling everything so acutely right now. Heightened emotions and the newness of the ability to love and be loved when you must have thought all these years it had been impossible, has got to send you into a tailspin. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“Then why do I feel like everything is so messed up? Miranda left me a note this morning saying we shouldn’t have done what we did. She apologized for letting it happen. Said we could be friends but nothing more. I can’t be just her friend now, not after what happened last night.” She said as their server came with glasses of water and their menus.
Thanking the young girl for the menus and telling her the water would be fine for drinks, Nikki looked at her and took a deep breath.
“She said she’s not in a good place Mack, she’s working through some tough shit right now, she broke up with her selfish girlfriend one night and then last week discovered that her ex-girlfriend died at the hands of serial murderer and she may have seen the killer’s face and blocked it all out. She has a right to think her life isn’t a good place to start a relationship with you.”
“I know Nikki,” she said as she took a sip of her ice water and closed her eyes. “Last night I don’t know how it happened but it did we both were aroused she said she wanted it and I did too. Then this morning it hurt to read her words I should have gone and talked to her. This morning has been so difficult to be even near her because I feel like I’m in a vacuum with only her, my nerves are just jumping, I needed to get away from her but didn’t want to, does that make sense?” She asked.
“Yes it does, but Mack it sounds like maybe she’s just as confused as you are...”
“So you don’t think I’m messed up, that I messed everything up?”
“No I think you’re trying to figure things out while trying to solve this difficult case. You have feelings for a woman who sounds like she has the same feelings for you but can’t act on those feelings like she wants to right now. I think Mack you need to just focus on this case and once it’s solved see where these feelings you have for one another takes you.”
“I’ve been trying to, believe me but at every turn another temptation, another way to distract me and another way for me to make the same mistake again.” She thought of how her resolve to stay away from Miranda had fled as soon as she was in close proximity to the woman. I have no willpower around her. It’s like when she’s near I’m not myself.
“Then staying away from her right now is best, we’ll go question the Redmonds and get their story, see if we can find out what happened to Cassandra Redmond and then go from there. Let Doc deal with our witness and helping her recover her memories and you do what you do best; find that one clue that will solve this case.”
“Thanks Nikki, again I am glad I talked about this with you.”
“Keeping it locked up inside isn’t healthy but right now it’s not the best time to be dealing with this. Sorry you’re having such a hard go of it right now. Talk about bad timing.”
“Don’t I know it, it’s not like I planned it this way, I’d much rather not be having this life crisis while trying to solve the most important case of my life. My Nanna used to say this proverb about life and not being able to plan it, I cannot remember it exactly but basically it means don’t plan something you may not want and don’t want something you cannot plan for.” She shook her head because she wasn’t sure why she had remembered that saying now but it seemed to fit.
“What is that you want and can’t plan for? Or what is that you have planned for that you don’t want?”
“Two very philosophical questions I don’t think I have the answers for right now.”
“So what do you want right now?”
“I want lunch and then to solve this case,” she said emphatically. I WANT to be NOT feeling all these emotions.
“Okay then, these we CAN plan for and accomplish. The rest can wait.”
Chuckling she shook her head and realized that her best friend had never spoke truer words. When Nikki put it that way she came to her own conclusion: I’m a better FBI agent when I keep my emotions bottled up inside.
“Yes the rest can wait,” like it has been all these years. She signaled the waitress over to take their orders. One thing at time, I can only deal with one thing at a time.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Don’t lose sight of what you cannot see but look for what you don’t know.”
They reached the Redmond’s home in record time after their lunch and heart-to-heart talk. The questioning had been frustrating for Kelsey because she sensed that the couple had deliberately hid things from them. Durham was an overbearing man who talked over his wife, interrupted several times and corrected unnecessarily. Carla Redmond quietly answered questions directed at her but never made eye contact, a clear sign she wasn’t being completely honest.
She cornered Carla Redmond alone while Nikki had Mr. Redmond find some documents and asked her how she could just cut off the little girl she had loved all those years. She finally got out of the mother that it had been her husband who had convinced her she had to forget about trying to rehabilitate the liar that Cassandra had become. Remembering how the woman had broken down and confessed that they had helped Cassandra pay to have her name changed Kelsey swore. She had even sounded remorseful.
“She had pleaded that we at least give her a means to erase all those painful years and start a new life for herself. So I convinced my husband to give her money to hire a man to get her a brand new identity and we had her arrest and sentence records expunged. We never thought anyone would find out about it and find us.” Carla Redmond had been sure that they had done everything to make sure no one knew the whole story. Kelsey told her the FBI could find clues that no one else could. For the first time since the case had begun she felt vindicated for all the work they did, she had known the Redmonds were hiding something and now that they knew the truth they had a major clue to solving this case. Carla Redmond told her that they needed to talk to Calvin Gillis as he was the man they paid to get a new identity for Cassie. The woman even had the nerve to ask her to call her once she had found Cassandra because she worried about her every day. Kelsey had laughed in her face and told her she should have worried when they let her be raped by her uncle and then let her be sentenced for his murder.
Sitting in the rental car and watching Nikki drive to the New Jersey State Prison to question Calvin Gillis about giving Cassandra Redmond a new identity, Kelsey felt the excitement of the chase. They found a paper trail from the Redmonds to Calvin who is serving a 25 year sentence in prison for fraud and felony identity theft. She couldn’t wait to get her hands on him and find out what he knew about the woman he gave a new identity to.
Nikki hadn’t mentioned what they had talked about earlier at the diner and she inwardly thanked her best friend for knowing she needed to deal with her feelings on her own. She called Doc and asked how Miranda’s memory session had gone and he had said that he was just about to call her and tell her that the author had a breakthrough and saw a blonde woman with blue eyes, standing over Kate. The picture she held in her hands depicted a young Cassandra Redmond and she had blonde hair and blue eyes. He also told her he’d told Miranda to relax and gave her the rest of the day off, he worried she looked stressed and tired and didn’t want to overtax her mind. Kelsey swore inwardly th
en because she knew why the author appeared tired, they hadn’t got much sleep last night. When she told Nikki about this new development, she had been just as excited and she had. They knew they were getting close to catching.
They arrived at the prison and went through the proper channels to get a room to question Mr. Gillis. Nikki talked with the warden when the man was led into the room with Kelsey. She told the guard he could wait outside the room. He had looked like he wanted to explain protocol when she shoved him out and slammed the door.
“Do you recognize this girl?” She shoved the picture in his face.
“I don’t think so,” Calvin Gillis said quietly.
“Did I ask you to think? I want you to look at this picture and tell me if you have seen her before. I can jog your memory; about twenty years ago you sold her a new identity. Her parents paid you one hundred thousand dollars to give her that identity and you don’t remember?” She felt her patience slipping and she banged the table beside his cuffed hands.
“Well I remember a girl but she didn’t look like that, she had black hair and brown eyes when I met her.”
“Don’t play games with me. She’s blonde and has blue eyes; we saw her in other photos as well.”
“I’m not playing with you; the girl, I sold the new identity to had long black hair and had brown eyes. Maybe she’s wearing contacts and had dyed her hair when I saw her I don’t know but she didn’t have blonde hair or blue eyes. That’s all I know,” he mumbled.
Nikki walked in to hear him mumbling about not remembering the name he had sold her.
“What the hell Mack. You went ahead and questioned him on your own. There is a disgruntled CO outside that says you got violent with him.” She said trying not to laugh because her partner almost looked surprised, she played her part perfectly.