Pawn (The Pawn Series Book 1)

by Robin Roseau

  That actually seemed to take Ralalta aback, as she grew quiet, and no one spoke for a minute or two. Perhaps I had made her angry and she was choosing her words. Or maybe she hadn't considered exactly that -- I was an adult and should be allowed to go where I wished.

  Finally I said, "Did anyone really think I was running away from my obligations?" I asked. "I only took two hundred crowns. How far would I get on that? If I were intending to leave permanently, I would have taken every crown I could lay my hands on. I didn't take Hamper but only Zana. And your watchdog tells me you've known where I was for most of the time, anyway." I paused. "I even wore this coat."

  "What does the coat have to do with it?"

  "I gave it to her for her birthday," Juleena said. "Were you really intending a message by it?"

  I didn't bother answering that. "I left most of my money, my second favorite horse, and a note. I even told you how long I thought I'd be gone. And I wore the coat. If you hadn't sent your watchdog, I'd have come back in a few more days."

  "You've never spoke like that about any of the guard before," Juleena said. "And certainly not Lieutenant Keelara."

  "None of them ever spanked me in open court before," I said, "and then joked about it afterwards. Or threatened to throw me over the back of my horse. Or threatened to drag me through the castle. Or, for that matter, acted like I was going to knife the queen."

  I partly turned my back on Keelara as two pair of eyes turned towards her. "Did she make threats?" Juleena asked quietly.

  "No," Keelara said. "But she's clearly as angry as I've ever seen her, and I didn't want her doing something stupid she couldn't undo."

  I didn't say a word to that, although I folded my arms tightly, intending to let my body language do some of my talking for me.

  Then Keelara continued. "I made a mess of things," she admitted. "Your Majesty-"

  "Quiet," commanded the queen. She paused. "Yes or no. Were you about to say anything that would make this situation less complicated?"

  Keelara didn't answer for a good ten or fifteen seconds, but finally answered, "No."

  "Then you were about to do something foolish like offer to resign. Yalla, is that what you want?"

  "It clearly doesn't matter what I want," I stated.

  "Answer my question."

  I turned to look at Keelara. She continued to look at the queen, so I studied her in profile. Finally I said, "I don't care what she does, but that doesn't mean I want her around me anymore."

  "This is a bigger mess than I realized," Ralalta said.

  "It wouldn't have been if she hadn't joked about the way she treated me and acted like she thought I was going to knife you."

  "Both of you be quiet," the queen ordered before Keelara could respond.

  I wasn't entirely quiet. I was breathing heavily, still nearly insane with anger -- and hurt, deeply, deeply hurt. And so I was quiet for a few moments, but then I said, "I thought it was different here. At least when I took a beating before, there was a real reason for it, even if they were far more often."

  "That's enough, Yalla."

  "Why am I here, Your Majesty? I'm a mistake. Your daughter made a huge mistake when she picked me, and everyone in the room knows it."

  "She didn't make a mistake," Ralalta said firmly. "And I told you to be quiet."

  "Have some of the tribes broken the treaty?" I asked. "Did you treat me that way as a warning of what would happen if they do it again? That's not going to stop them. It wouldn't have stopped my grandfather. It certainly isn't going to matter to any of the other clans."

  "Other clans?" Keelara asked.

  "I told you to be quiet!" the queen thundered at me.

  The room echoed with the noise. When it grew still, Juleena said, almost casually, "Well, I think now we know how Keelara made a hash of it, if she's got you screaming at her so quickly, Mother."

  The queen nodded, and I think it took effort to say calmly, "Just so. Lieutenant, what is being discussed is not for outside ears."

  "Of course, Your Majesty. Forget I asked."

  "Yalla, who else have you said something like that to?"

  I thought of continuing to annoy her, but something stopped me, and I said quietly, "No one."

  "Are you absolutely sure? No offhand remarks? No offhand remarks of how you used to be beat as a child?"

  "I'm sure."

  She looked at me for several long heartbeats. I stared at the floor, saying nothing further. Finally she said, "Lieutenant, you've already guessed most of it. We may as well have the rest out."

  "She's not a princess," said Keelara.

  "The Arrlottan don't have a word for that concept," I said. "Princess Juleena wasn't even able to explain it to me or explain what a queen was. The closest we have is a clan chief, but that was just my grandfather."

  "Clan chief. King. What's the difference?"

  "There are more people living in this palace than members in a clan," I said. "My grandfather was clan chief of twenty people, and my father was the younger brother. I'm nobody, Lieutenant. The princess couldn't have selected anyone less important to the Arrlotta than I am, although I don't know if it would have mattered. The other girls may have been more loved by their clans than I was, but that wouldn't have carried any water with any other clans."

  There was a pause before she asked, "And beatings?"

  "Such is the life of a girl of the Arrlotta," I said. "Do you think I could have silently taken what you gave me if I wasn't once accustomed to far worse?"

  "Nothing that was just said goes any further, Lieutenant," said the queen. "Am I clear?"

  "Of course, Your Majesty," Keelara said. She turned back to me, but I turned my back on her, folding my arms again.

  Yes, I definitely liked that posture. I should have thanked Juleena. Of course, I wasn't any less angry with her as I was with anyone else in the room.

  "Lady Yallameenara," Keelara said to my back.

  "Whatever you have to say, I'm not interested," I said. "You delivered me. Perhaps you should ask the queen if you may be excused, unless you feel I'm such a threat that the princess can't protect her mother from me."

  "Yalla, that's enough," said the queen sharply. She turned her gaze to Keelara. "Do you have more?"

  "Only my humble apologies, your majesty. I used entirely the wrong approach with her. I am deeply sorry."

  "Yes, well, I'm not sure what the right approach might have been."

  "How about asking?" I said hotly. "How about apologizing for baring my bottom to the entire court? How about apologizing for hitting me so hard I could barely sit a horse? Instead, she barked orders, made threats, and made jokes."

  "Lady Yalla-" Keelara began.

  "Stuff it," I said. "I told you. Not interested. The time for apologies are past, so unless you're going to again accuse me of being a traitor, just go away."

  "I didn't accuse you of being a traitor!"

  "Keelara," said Juleena quietly. "Mother?"

  "Lieutenant, you're done in. Thank you for your service today. If you need a day or two to recover-"

  "Is that an order, Your Majesty?"

  "Only an offer."

  "I'd rather do my duty, Your Majesty."

  "Very well. Dismissed, Lieutenant. But if your duties leave room to share a meal in the next day or two, it would be appreciated."

  She bowed to the queen and turned tail.

  "I want my knife!" I screamed. "She took the knife the princess gave me, and I want it back!"

  "That's enough out of you!" the queen yelled in return. "Lieutenant?"

  She didn't give me the knife. She crossed the room and handed it to Juleena and was out the door seconds later.

  "Well," Ralalta said after a moment or two. "Juleena, if she doesn't share that meal with me, handle it. She probably thinks her career is ruined." Then she turned back to me and pointed. "And when she comes to you with an apology, you will be gracious and accept it."

  I refolded my arms and looked down
at her in her chair. "We'll see."

  "No!" the queen said, banging her hand against the arm of her chair. It didn't carry the same sort of weight as if it were a table, but she made her point. "She is a good woman and exceedingly good at her job. This is the first time I've seen her make a mistake, which I don't yet fully understand."

  "Which means you blame me," I said.

  "I don't blame anyone," she replied. "But when she comes to you, you will accept her apology."

  "If not, are you going to have me beaten again?"

  The queen stared at me, blinking several times. It was clear she didn't know what to say.

  "Yalla," said Juleena gently. "When Keelara offers an apology, I hope you will sincerely give her a fair hearing and find it in your heart to accept."

  I looked past the queen at the princess. "Why was I hauled back here like an errant child? I understand no one really thinks I'm an adult, and all that was for show, but hauling me back like this certainly undid your big drama. Is it simply because I'm still a hostage?"

  "You're not a hostage," said the queen. "And it wasn't a big drama. You're ten and eight and officially an adult."

  "And unofficially?" I asked. "No one is treating me like an adult."

  "Mother," said Juleena. There was a pause, and then the queen nodded. Juleena raised her gaze back to me. "You were hauled back here because we were worried. Is that so hard to understand?"

  "I left a note!" I said. "Keelara said you found it. I said I'd be back. I hardly took anything. You didn't really think I was staying away forever or something, did you? Where would I have gone, anyway? Certainly not back to The Hippa. I wouldn't go back there for anything, but if I were, I'd have taken both horses, not just one."

  "You never answered Mother earlier," Juleena said, not answering my questions. "Why did you leave?"

  "Does it matter?"

  "Yes," said the queen. "It matters."

  "I was angry!" I said. "And hurt, and embarrassed. I used all my diplomacy on my birthday, and I didn't have any left. I didn't think I could pretend nothing had changed when everything had changed. I needed to go away for a while so I could pretend everything was fine."

  The queen looked stricken, but it was Juleena who asked, "What changed, Yalla?"

  "Everything! I thought it was different here. I don't know which of you it was, but one of you had me spanked in open court! And I don't even understand why. I've never been hit before without knowing why." And then I pointed my finger at Juleena. "And you promised me nothing like that would ever happen, but I think you ordered it. And I don't know why you wouldn't let anyone tell me the things any Framaran child of seven summers knows. And then there's this joke of people wanting to court me."

  "It's not a joke," the queen said.

  "Well, I think we all know they wouldn't want me if they knew I was no one. Andro doesn't know, but he told me he only put in that petition because his mother forced him to, and his mother thinks I'm some kind of princess. There's some other girl Andro wants, but his mother said 'no'."

  "You're not no one, Yalla," said the queen. "You are foster daughter to the queen of Framara."

  "How many of those petitions would be withdrawn if the people behind them knew the full truth, Your Majesty?"

  She didn't answer, but Juleena said, "Many. Maybe half."

  "Malta's?"

  "She knows," Juleena said. "She's known from the beginning."

  "So she put her offer in to save your reputation, Your Majesty? Because there is no way I'm marrying anyone who doesn't know the truth. I don't care what you order."

  "Yalla!" said Juleena firmly. "That statement borders on an intention of treason."

  "Great," I said. "Now you, too."

  "This time she's right," said the queen. "Yalla, the princess and I discussed that the day you arrived, and we agreed it would be reprehensible to allow a marriage under such a falsehood."

  "See? Even you agree I'm nobody."

  "You're my foster daughter!" the queen said loudly, thumping the arm of the chair again. "And even if you weren't, you are far from nobody, all in your own right."

  "I believe this is a side issue," Juleena said. "But is it settled?"

  I said nothing for a while but then nodded. "Fine." I still thought it was all ridiculous.

  "Good," said the princess. "Yalla, if you didn't think you were doing something wrong, why did you leave without actually telling someone? And why did you try to obscure your trail? Don't even try pretending you didn't. If you didn't think you were doing something wrong, you could have been open about it. If you'd been open about it, we might not have worried for the worst."

  "If I had asked, what would you have said?"

  "It might have depended on how you asked."

  "If I had asked politely?"

  She didn't answer, and finally I said, "Well then. Now I know my place. I remain a hostage. I was wrong about that part, too. I thought you'd given up on that. I don't even know what else I was wrong about. Well, I was wrong that I had friends-"

  "Yalla!" interrupted the queen.

  "No one told me a thing, Your Majesty. They all plotted. You all plotted behind my back, and I don't even know why. Every single person I know was involved. But friends don't plot behind the back of their friends. Or at least that's what I believed. I never had friends before coming here. I guess I didn't ever have them, or else I don't know what friendship really is."

  "Yalla," said Juleena.

  "Your Highness," I said, interrupting. "Right now I am not any more interested in what you have to say than I am in hearing from the lieutenant."

  The queen sighed. Juleena paused only a moment and then asked, "What are you most angry about?"

  I turned away from both of them. There was a fire, and I moved a little closer to it and accepted some of the warmth. Without turning to face them, "I don't know. Everyone was after me. No one said a word in advance. The spanking in court. And I'd been looking forward to the party for months, but do you know how hard it was to dance and pretend my feet weren't killing me?"

  I spun around. "Do you know how hard I worked leading up to that party? Do you know how much I was looking forward to it? And it's ruined. Now I'll always remember it as the day I was spanked in front of the entire court, my bottom waving in the air for everyone to see. I'll remember it as the day my friends turned on me, or the people I thought were my friends. I suppose becoming an adult means learning some hard truths, and I guess I learned a few of those."

  "Oh, Yalla," said the queen, but she had nothing else to say.

  "I got mine in the middle of the market," Juleena said gently.

  "Ah, so you were looking forward to pass it along?" I asked, not remotely mollified. "Why didn't you do it yourself? Wouldn't that have been even better?"

  Neither said anything immediately. I turned back to stare into the fire. After a minute or two I asked, "Am I going to be locked up somewhere now, or do I still have my old rooms?"

  "We're not through here," said the queen. "I have no intention of treating you like a prisoner."

  "You already have."

  "I gave you time to come home, Yalla."

  "You never said why you finally ordered Keelara to treat me like a prisoner."

  "Because, Yalla. I was afraid," said Ralalta.

  That stilled me, but slowly I asked, "Of what?"

  "I was afraid you weren't coming back."

  "So you admit I suddenly had cause," I said. "Or you would have taken my note at face value. I said I'd be back in a week or two, but you didn't believe me."

  "I didn't know what you were thinking. If I'd realized everything you've said tonight, I probably would have had her bring you back sooner. I was afraid, Yalla!"

  "I said I'd be back. Do I make a habit of lying?"

  "I was afraid."

  I thought about that for a minute. "Am I a prisoner?"

  "I would prefer you not take off like that again."

  "Do you intend to take steps
to make it impossible?"

  "No. I intend to badger you until you make a promise not to."

  I turned around. "What would you do if I asked to leave?"

  "And return to Garneer?"

  "Never," I said. "I have an idea of just how much money I have. I have enough to last a lifetime, if I don't live any more richly than I was once accustomed. If I asked permission to leave, would you release me?"

  "Please don't ask, Yalla."

  "I'm not asking. I am asking what you would do."

  "I would beg you to change your mind."

  "Would you use force to stop me, Your Majesty?"

  "If you were leaving due to a spat, I might delay you," she said.

  "And in the end."

  "I'd beg."

  "And then?"

  She closed her eyes. "Please don't ask me, Yalla."

  "I'm asking. Am I a prisoner or not?"

  She opened her eyes. "It's not that simple, Yalla."

  "Certainly it is."

  "Actually," said Juleena. "It's not."

  "Why not?"

  "Because I love you," said Ralalta.

  Cool Down

  Those words took at least a portion of my anger, but only a portion.

  "Am I a prisoner?"

  "Not exactly," said the queen. "But I consider you a Framaran citizen."

  "In spite of my background?"

  "Yes, in spite of your background. That makes you one of my subjects, and your place in my household makes you one of my dearest subjects and a member of my immediate family."

  "If you leave, you are vulnerable," Juleena said.

  "Are you afraid I'd be robbed."

  "No. I'm afraid someone will take you against your will."

  "Why? I'm nobody."

  "Did you hear what Mother just said?" Juleena said. "That's why. And maybe you weren't a princess of the Arrlotta, but Mother has declared you are Lady Yallameenara, her foster daughter, and that makes you somebody. Furthermore, it makes you someone loved by very important people, which means someone might try to use you to get to us. Or simply force you into an undesired marriage. Don't tell me you are ignorant of that threat."