BRICK (Lords of Carnage MC)

by Daphne Loveling

  “I was wondering whether you were free later.”

  She half-sobs, half-laughs, and shakes her head.

  “What?” I frown, confused.

  “You’ve never actually asked me to do anything before. You’ve always just told me.”

  I can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah. Well, I guess I’m turning over a new leaf.”

  For some reason, saying that makes Sydney’s face darken. “Why are you here, Gavin?”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “What about?” Now that her initial surprise is subsiding, I can tell she’s not going to make this easy for me.

  “Not here.” I lift my chin toward my bike, which is parked a few spaces down. “Come with me.”

  “Gavin,” she sighs, looking impossibly sad. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

  “Sydney.” My voice comes out half-broken, cracked and raw. “Please.”

  She pauses, and lifts her beautiful face to mine.

  “Where do you want to take me?” she whispers.

  “To the lake,” I tell her. “I need to apologize, Sydney. But I don’t want to do it here.” I step forward and cup her chin in my hand. “I need to tell you some things. Please, give me a chance.”

  She flinches at my touch but doesn’t move away immediately. She doesn’t speak, either, and I can see on her face the fight that’s taking place inside her.

  “I’ll drive myself there,” she finally murmurs.

  “When?” I’m almost weak with relief that she didn’t say no. As long as she comes, that’s all that matters.

  “Now, if you want,” she shrugs. “I’m done here for the day.”

  “You remember the way?” I ask her. She gives me a brief nod. I watch her as she turns and goes back inside the Golden Cup, and heads out back to her car. I know she said she remembers how to get to my place, but I’m afraid she’ll change her mind halfway there, so I wait for her car to pull out onto the street and follow her out to my place.

  When we get there, she climbs out of her car and wordlessly joins me on the front walk. I open the door for her and let her inside. She walks to the middle of the front room and stops, glancing around briefly.

  “You put in new flooring,” she remarks.

  “Yeah. And that’s about it since the last time you were here. I stopped work on the house.”

  “Why?” Her brow furrows.

  “Well,” I begin, “That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about.”

  I offer her something to drink. She declines.

  “There’s still not a lot of places to sit in here,” I admit. “But we could go out back.”

  Sydney gives me a slight nod and follows me outside to the deck. We sit down on the couch facing the lake, just like we did the first time I brought her here. She crosses her legs primly, and folds her hands in her lap. It’s clearly a protective gesture, whether she’s conscious of it or not. It’s practically killing me not to touch her but it’s obvious she doesn’t want me to, so I make myself hold off for now.

  Sydney doesn’t speak at all; she just looks out at the water. I can tell she’s waiting for me to start explaining myself. And she’s right. It’s time I tell her why I brought her out here.

  “Sydney,” I begin, savoring her name on my lips. I haven’t allowed myself to say it since the day I broke things off with her. “I was pretty fucking angry with you, after what happened with Devon.” I draw in a deep breath. “I know you tried to text me, and I just couldn’t deal with talking to you. I wanted to make a clean break.

  “Gunner knew a little of what happened. He told me I was being a fucking idiot when I said you and I were through. Somehow, without me telling him, he knew I was the one who ended it. He told me I was making a huge mistake. Gunner’s known me a long time, and he knows I haven’t had a lot of reason to believe relationships are meant to last. Oh, not from personal experience, exactly,” I say, meeting her curious glance. “Just from seeing people betray each other, and lie to each other.” I look out at the water. “I always told myself I wasn’t going to fall into the trap of fooling myself like that. I thought I was happier alone. I didn’t see the point in ruining the decent life I’d built for myself. I bought this house so I could live out my days here. My patch of land. Mine alone. That was enough.”

  I shift my body in her direction. My eyes lock on hers.

  “And then I met you.”

  I reach out and take her hand. For a second, I think she’s going to pull away, but she doesn’t.

  “I don’t know how you got under my skin, Sydney. But I think I was a goner from the first time I ever walked into your shop. I’d never fallen for anyone before. I didn’t even really notice it happening.” I chuckle low in my throat. “One day, I woke up with you here, in my bed. I’d never brought anyone here before. And I realized I was in love with you.”

  Sydney’s eyes fill with tears. Her lower lip quivers. I’m dying to pull her into my arms, to kiss that lip until it stops trembling, but I know it’s not time yet. I still have to tell her the rest.

  “I don’t know how to act, Sydney,” I continue gruffly. “I was out of my depth. I’d spent most of my life believing love is a fucking lie people tell themselves, and here I was head over heels crazy about you. I guess deep down, my subconscious was still looking for a way out. Looking for a way to prove that I was right all along. That love was a fairy tale for stupid people. And so, one day, I came to the coffee shop to surprise you at closing time. The front door was already locked, and I looked inside to see if you were there. And what I saw was, you kissing some guy in the hallway.”

  “You saw that?” Sydney gasps. “But it wasn’t…”

  “I know, baby,” I say, interrupting her. “Obviously, I know now it wasn’t what it looked like. Though at that moment I thought you were playing me for a fool. I was fucking furious. I started to drive away, but then luckily I figured out something didn’t add up.” I take a deep breath and let it out. Confession time. “When I installed those cameras in the shop, I hooked the feed to my phone, so I could keep an eye on you just in case.” Sydney’s eyes widen, a mixture of shock and dawning anger. “I know I should have told you that. I’m damn glad I did it, as it turns out, because that’s how I saw what was really going on with Devon. But I lied to you. A lie of omission.” I shake my head, with a snort of laughter. “I lied to you. To protect you. And I broke up with you, for lying to me. Basically, I’m a jackass.”

  That gets a tremulous laugh from Sydney. “Well,” she murmurs. “You do have a point there.”

  “I know, babe. And I’m sorry. For lying to you, but also for how I acted, through the whole damn thing. I almost missed the opportunity to save you because I didn’t trust you. I saw you and Devon and thought the worst,” I tell her. “I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt, even though everything I know about you should have told me to trust you. So, maybe you were right not to trust me with your whole story. Because look what I did the first time I saw something that I didn’t understand. I immediately believed what I wanted to believe.” I reach out and take her other hand in mine. “But I realize now that to protect you, I have to trust you. And to love you, I have to trust you. And I do, Sydney. I do trust you. Or at least, I want to. And I realize that’s on me.”

  “Gavin,” she whispers. The tears she’s been holding back finally spill over. I let go of one of her hands, then reach up and wipe her eyes with my thumb. She leans her face into my palm, kissing it. A deep shiver runs through me at her touch.

  “So, there’s more I need to say,” I tell her. This part scares me a little bit, and I almost don’t say it. But it’s the truth, and it’s why I brought her here in the first place. And I’m done holding myself back where Sydney is concerned. I’m going for broke, and if it doesn’t work out, so be it.

  “After things ended between us, I threw myself into redoing the floors here at the house. I decided to spend every spare moment working on the renovations, to ta
ke my mind off you. The thing is,” I continue, “since I was doing the work myself, I had a hell of a lot of hours alone, with nothing but my thoughts to torture me.” In spite of myself, I smirk. “That bastard Gunner’s words kept coming back to me, ringing in my head with every pound of the hammer. Enough that I started doubting myself. And rethinking how I’d handled… well, pretty much everything.

  “By the time I got done with the floor, I decided to take a break before I started the next project. I told myself that I was just losing steam and needed to give myself a breather. But that wasn’t the reason.

  “The reason was because even though I wasn’t able to admit it to myself yet, this house didn’t seem the same anymore.” I reach up and softly stroke a wave of Sydney’s hair. “I could still remember you here. Here on the back deck, looking at the lake. Sleeping in my bed, the red waves of your hair tumbling over the pillow. Sitting at that shitty card table with me having breakfast, dressed in nothing but one of my shirts.”

  My eyes lock on hers. This is it.

  “Eventually I realized it. The house didn’t feel right without you in it. And I couldn’t do any more work on it until I knew whether you would be here to share it with me.”

  Sydney’s been looking at me this whole time. When I say these last words, it takes her a moment to register what I’m saying. When she finally does, she blinks once and lets out a little squeak of surprise.

  “Gavin!” she breathes. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

  “Not right away. Not if you don’t want to,” I say slowly. “But yeah. I’d like you to, as soon as you’re comfortable with it.” I glance back toward the house. “And in the meantime, I don’t want to do anything more to it without your say so. It’s going to be your house, too, so you should have it the way you like.”

  “Oh, my God.” She looks slightly shell-shocked. “Okay, this is not how I expected this conversation to go.”

  “Babe,” I rumble, pulling her into my arms. She doesn’t resist, and my heart practically leaps out of my chest. “I don’t have a lot of faith in a lot of things. But if there’s anything the last few months have taught me, it’s that I have faith in this. In you. And I’m done wasting my time living a life without you in it.” I wait a beat. “If that’s okay with you, that is.”

  Sydney bursts into laughter, so hard she snorts a little. It’s the cutest damn thing I’ve ever heard. “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get used to the Gavin who actually asks my permission before deciding things,” she sighs, leaning back against my chest.

  “Well, to be honest, I’m not sure I’d really take no for an answer,” I tell her. “But hey, at least I’m trying, right?”

  She sits up for a second, and turns to face me. Her eyes are glistening again, but this time I can tell the tears are happy ones.

  “I love you, Gavin Malone,” she breathes.

  “I love you, Sydney Banner.”

  I kiss her long, and deep, and somehow we end up back in the house, on my shitty mattress on the living room floor. We make love slowly, taking our time, and with every kiss and stroke that takes her closer to the edge I tell her exactly how much I love her. I show her When I finally slide inside her I have to close my eyes for a second, it feels so good. Our bodies take over, everything falling away except the two of us. We come together, the two of us calling out to each other, and it’s fucking amazing. Better than it’s ever been.

  And somehow, I trust — I know — it will just keep getting better.

  Epilogue

  SYDNEY

  Six months later

  “Hey, hot stuff! We’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up. Hawk closed the garage early for a reason, you know!”

  “I know, I know. Just give me a couple more minutes,” Gavin mutters, peering into the engine of what he tells me is a 1963 Corvette.

  “I brought you a change of clothes,” I tell him. “I’ll hang them in the bathroom for you.”

  “Thanks, babe. You’re the best.”

  Glancing at my phone to check the time, I wander over to the main office to wait for him to finish. We’re the only ones here, since Hawk closed the shop at noon today. It’s a big day for him and his little family. Today’s the day Sam and Hawk officially adopt little Connor. They’ve been waiting for this for a while and jumped through countless hoops. They even went to the courthouse a few months ago and got married, so there’d be absolutely no issues with having Connor become their son.

  “Neither one of us really cares about a piece of paper,” Sam told me at the time. “We know we’re together forever, and that’s all that matters. But we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Connor is ours, and I have to admit that it’s best for his adoptive parents to be married. He’s had so much instability in his young life. He deserves to know that his family is solid, and permanent.”

  I hear the hood of the Corvette slam shut, and a few minutes later Gavin comes into the office, all cleaned up and wearing jeans and a crisp dark blue button-down shirt that I ironed for him this morning.

  “Damn,” I murmur as he puts his arms around me. “It’s a good thing you’re mine, because if you weren’t I’d have to put the moves on you.”

  Gavin’s rumbling laughter envelops me like a warm cocoon. “Flatterer. You’re just trying to get in my pants.”

  “True story,” I admit.

  “Lucky for you, flattery will get you everywhere,” he growls as his mouth comes down on mine. Our tongues dance, and Gavin’s hands reach down to cup my ass and pull my hips closer to his. Through the fabric of his jeans, I feel the hard insistence of his cock, and moan softly into his mouth as I angle myself to meet it. Oh, God… It’s so good, like it always is. My arms reach up to wind around his neck, and Gavin lifts me until I’m resting hard against his cock, my legs around his waist.

  “Okay,” I gasp, tearing my mouth from his. “We have to stop now, or we’ll end up having sex on Hawk’s desk.”

  “That’s the whole point,” he murmurs against the pulse point of my throat.

  “Gavin,” I whimper. “We can’t be late for this. It’s important to Hawk and Samantha.”

  With a groan of disappointment, he lowers me and sets me down. “You pick the worst times to be rational, babe.”

  Gavin locks up the shop and we head out to my car, which we’re taking because I’m wearing a dress and heels. Gavin drives us to the courthouse, and by the time we get there, most of Sam and Hawk’s people are already assembled outside the hearing room. Almost all the Lords of Carnage are there, dressed more soberly than I’ve ever seen any of them. Several old ladies and children are there, too. Sam looks radiant and happy as she holds little Connor in her arms. He’s been dressed in the most adorable little suit for the occasion, and he’s holding onto his stuffed doggy, Woof.

  When it’s time, we all file into the hearing room and take our seats. Sam, Hawk, Connor, and their attorney sit down at the table facing the judge’s bench. Sam leans over to say something to Hawk, and he puts his arm around her and kisses her softly on the forehead. It’s so sweet I get a little teary at the sight, and when I sniffle softly, Gavin looks over at me and lovingly takes my hand.

  The judge enters the room a few minutes later, and she looks momentarily a little startled at how many people are in the room to witness Connor’s adoption. “Well,” she remarks as she takes her seat. “It looks as though this family has a lot of support and love around them. That’s an awfully good sign. I’m glad to see it.”

  The actual adoption goes off without a hitch. The judge reviews the paperwork, and asks both Samantha and Hawk to introduce themselves and testify as to why this adoption should take place. Samantha’s voice quavers with emotion a little bit as she gives her testimony, and I don’t blame her. I’m struggling to hold back tears the whole time. But it’s Hawk’s testimony that sends me over the edge.

  “Your honor,” he says after he’s stated his name. “Connor is the sweetest, most loving little boy in t
he world. He deserves the absolute best parents there are. I’m a simple man, and I don’t claim to be perfect. But I love this little boy with all my heart. I will do my best every single day of my life to make sure he knows he’s loved and cherished by his mom and dad. And any weaknesses or shortcomings I might have, any mistakes I might ever make, my wife Samantha will make up for them, because she’s the best mother I have ever seen.”

  Before I can stop it, a small sob escapes from my throat. The tears I’ve been fighting back fall down my cheeks, and I rummage in my bag for a tissue. Next to me, Gavin laughs softly and puts a tender arm around my shoulders.

  At the end of the hearing, the judge signs the decree of adoption. The little family gets their picture taken with the judge. Sam and Hawk get copies of the paperwork to take home with them. And then, just like that, it’s done. Connor is now Connor McCullough, the son of Hawk and Samantha McCullough.

  “Congratulations, Sam and Hawk!” I cry in a wobbly voice when we’re all back out in the lobby, surrounding the new family. “And Connor, too!”

  “Thank you!” little Connor says. “I’m adopted now!”

  “Yes you are, little guy,” Hawk rumbles. Even his voice is a little gruff with emotion.

  “Sam,” says Jenna, cutting through the crowd. “We’re going to go back to your place to get things ready for the party. Do you need me to pick up anything last-minute on the way?”

  “No, I think we have everything there already,” Sam answers. “Oh, but could you let Woof out in the back yard when you get there? I’m hoping he’ll burn off some energy before the people come.”

  Woof, the real-life version of Connor’s stuffed doggy, is a shepherd mix that came from Geno’s dog Molly’s litter. Sam and Hawk got Woof for Connor not long after he came to live with them, and the two of them are inseparable.

  “Will do. Congratulations, mama,” Jenna says, squeezing Sam’s shoulder.